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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 15 of 15. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Poet on November 12, 2006, at 17:55:32
We were talking about a fight my husband and I had and T thought that maybe she could help my husband understand my moods and dislike for being touched. That it might help him to understand me the way she understands me.
The only time T has ever talked to my husband was when I was suicidal and I know this would not be call 911 on me, but it still feels like an invasion of my privacy.
Has anyone ever had a significant other or spouse meet your therapist for a session like mine suggested?
Poet
Posted by Lindenblüte on November 12, 2006, at 21:55:56
In reply to T suggested Husband come with me for a session, posted by Poet on November 12, 2006, at 17:55:32
> We were talking about a fight my husband and I had and T thought that maybe she could help my husband understand my moods and dislike for being touched. That it might help him to understand me the way she understands me.
Why YES, Poet. Just last week, in fact. We were talking about a fight my husband and I had and T thought that maybe she could help my husband understand my moods and dislike for having confrontational arguments. That it might help him to understand why such arguments are a reenactment of earlier trauma, and why they cause me so much distress.
funny you should mention it...
-Li
Posted by Dinah on November 13, 2006, at 8:55:29
In reply to T suggested Husband come with me for a session, posted by Poet on November 12, 2006, at 17:55:32
Yeah. Didn't work out so well.
It might have been fine if my therapist had done all the talking. But my husband saw it as the perfect opportunity to say what he thought, with a professional in the room.
Mind you, this was in the midst of my worst postpartum, and frank talk wasn't particularly helpful to me.
On the bright side, my therapist still remembers it ten years later, and quotes my husband and says he's never heard anything like it in his entire years of practice.
Not that it was especially mean or anything. Nothing like that. My husband is a really terrific guy. But when he finds himself around therapists or counselors of any sort, the most psychologically politically incorrect things seem to find their way out of his mouth.
But this is only one person's results, and others' results might vary.
Posted by pegasus on November 13, 2006, at 10:08:24
In reply to T suggested Husband come with me for a session, posted by Poet on November 12, 2006, at 17:55:32
Yes, and it was the single worst therapy session I've ever experienced. What I hated was that my therapist acted with my husband just like he acted with me. He made the same little jokey statements, and used the same techniques to make my H feel at ease. It made my T relationship feel so generic, when I'd thought it was rather special. Also, I felt ganged up on. I totally shut down, and consequently freaked out my husband, who had never seen me like that (generally I like to talk).
Later my DH went to see my therapist by himself a couple of times. That was much better from my perspective. Actually, it was lovely. I thought for a while that mayabe the two of them could work out my problems, and I could skip therapy going forward. ;) But, seriously, those sessions were helpful to my DH and myself.
peg
Posted by SatinDoll on November 14, 2006, at 18:12:32
In reply to Re: T suggested Husband come with me for a session, posted by pegasus on November 13, 2006, at 10:08:24
Well if my T wanted to do that, it would freak me out! My T is MY T , and it my DH needs a T, he can find his own, that is what I think. Anyways I feel it is more important to be able to communicate your feelings to your DH on your own, not by having the T talk to him. I just don't think my DH would want to hear what my T would say to him.
Posted by Poet on November 17, 2006, at 17:32:10
In reply to Re: T suggested Husband come with me for a session » Poet, posted by Lindenblüte on November 12, 2006, at 21:55:56
Hi Li,
Hmm, our T's must be on the same psychic wavelength. I have decided there is no way I am bringing my husband with me to a session. T says I'm projecting (again) and that my husband might not be as uncomfortable with the idea as I am. That he might not feel ganged up on like I would if he was in therapy and I went with him to a session.
I didn't tell my husband that my T suggested he come, so hopefully this issue is over...until the next fight.
Poet
Posted by Poet on November 17, 2006, at 17:34:23
In reply to Re: T suggested Husband come with me for a session, posted by Dinah on November 13, 2006, at 8:55:29
Hi Dinah,
Thanks for sharing your experience. I told my T no. I put myself in my husband's place (okay T called it projecting) and if I were going to a session with him and his therapist (if he had one) I would feel like I was going to be ambushed.
Poet
Posted by Poet on November 17, 2006, at 17:39:33
In reply to Re: T suggested Husband come with me for a session, posted by pegasus on November 13, 2006, at 10:08:24
Hi Pegasus,
Thanks for sharing your experience. I told my T no without telling my husband she suggested he come with me. I don't know if I'd even feel comfortable with him going to see her alone. The only time he's ever talked to her was when I was in a real bad state and I hated that they were talking behind my back. Even though I could hear what he was saying.
Hopefully this issue is dropped, until the next fight. Not that my husband and I fight LOL.
Poet
Posted by Poet on November 17, 2006, at 17:41:12
In reply to Re: T suggested Husband come with me for a session, posted by SatinDoll on November 14, 2006, at 18:12:32
Hi Satindoll,
I'm with you. I told my T no. I'm just not comfortable with the idea. My husband could use his own T, but try telling him that. I'm the crazy one, uh huh, sure only me?
Poet
Posted by Dinah on November 17, 2006, at 21:38:38
In reply to Re: T suggested Husband come with me for a session » SatinDoll, posted by Poet on November 17, 2006, at 17:41:12
My therapist says he rarely sees the craziest person in the family. :) They're the ones who think nothing's wrong.
Posted by Poet on November 18, 2006, at 11:02:02
In reply to Re: T suggested Husband come with me for a session » Poet, posted by Dinah on November 17, 2006, at 21:38:38
Hi Dinah,
Your T is right on the mark.
Poet
Posted by ClearSkies on November 25, 2006, at 12:47:21
In reply to T suggested Husband come with me for a session, posted by Poet on November 12, 2006, at 17:55:32
What have you decided to do, Poet? Bring him in, or not?
I brought my DH to an appointment at my therapist's request. I had expectations that TOTALLY did not get met! I was sure that all my husband's own problems and issues would be talked about, and it would turn into an enormous, and yucky, can'o'worms.
Instead, the T kept the joint session focused on the issue we had brought him in for (in my case it was about my hiding of my drinking problem). That sounds rather straightforward, but I really expected that my husband's issues with avoidance and passiveness would bubble to the surface in short order. It was nothing of the kind - the talk kept to my problems, and how best he could support me in my recovery.
You and I don't have the same issues, but I thought I would mention my experience as an example of this being a good thing.
CS
Posted by Poet on November 28, 2006, at 23:16:07
In reply to Re: T suggested Husband come with me for a session » Poet, posted by ClearSkies on November 25, 2006, at 12:47:21
Hi ClearSkies,
I never told him that she suggested it. I know it's projecting that he'd feel ganged up on, but that's how I would feel if he had a therapist and s/he wanted both of us to come in.
My therapist, bless her, hasn't brought it up again.
I just can't do it, what happens between me and my T shouldn't include anyone else, I know that sounds selfish, but it's how I feel.
Poet
Posted by antigua on November 29, 2006, at 5:51:35
In reply to Re: T suggested Husband come with me for a session » ClearSkies, posted by Poet on November 28, 2006, at 23:16:07
Poet, I've taken my husband in a couple of times over 15 years, most recently to my Pdoc earlier this year, and it has never worked out the way my husband has planned! He even went in with a list once (I was furious) but when he left, he said "well, that didn't go the way I thought it would!" My T and Pdoc both focused on him, and what he was doing to hurt my progress, and didn't focus on what was wrong w/me, according to him.
I found it helpful. I don't think he felt ganged up on, but he said he thought my Pdoc was a jerk.
Ha!
best to you, and I'm so sorry about the job. I know how important working is to you.
antigua
Posted by Poet on December 1, 2006, at 10:28:05
In reply to Re: T suggested Husband come with me for a session, posted by antigua on November 29, 2006, at 5:51:35
Hi Antigua,
There is no way that my husband is coming to a session with me. I don't know how you managed not to rip that list out of your husband's hands.
Thanks for understanding how important my job was to me. I don't know how much more of this I can take, and now I'm really dependent on my husband's income. Independent Poet is feeling trapped in a box with little air.
Poet
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