![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 4 of 4. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by frida on November 1, 2006, at 8:13:56
Hi..
I would like some feedback...
I am in tears after reading Daisy's post about her fear of weekends and her therapist's reaction. How moving..I am struggling after years of silence to tell my therapist concrete things that happened with my father when I was abused by him. My T acknowledges she has felt frustrated and understandably so because I can't talk even when I tell her I need that so badly. She has tried so much to help. The past sessions I was able to start telling her a little tiny tiny bit. I still go around in circles, and I use vague words, but at least I've told her a little. There is so much to tell and from everything I tell her 10% and I am finding it really, really overwhelming in between sessions.
I see her once a week. I've asked her to see her twice a week but when I asked she didn't agree because she said first she had to see I am willing to talk, because I usually went and created this tense moment between us and then fell apart after the session. I can't ask her right now to see her twice a week because I've promised her a lot I haven't done and she wants me to be able to talk and fight this.
It's a step that I've told her a little bit but I need to sustain it and tell her...The problem I'm having is in between sessions. I am finding it so unbearable. I cry a lot, I don't know how to face work...I feel as if I were in the middle of "those moments" and trying to survive the days and nights until I see her again.
I don't know how to handle so much pain. I do get through the days and nights but I'm getting so so tired and I get this feeling I can't do this anymore...
i know maybe if i could tell her more and i could feel less alone with all those moments, it would make a difference, but it is taking me so long to even tell her *one* moment only..and there's so much that weighs on me.
i feel scared with all these moments I haven't told her and it makes me feel so alone and scared.
I cry and fall apart in between sessions...I try to get through work somehow but come home and just burst into tears...and before going to work it all comes to me, every moment, and I feel as if I were in those moments, waiting for someone to please come and know and be with me.
Then when I go to session I somehow manage to keep everything under control, I can't even let go and cry, except a few times, and when I leave, I have it all again and I feel so bad because I've wasted the chance again and have to return to the nightmare. She told me that we'll get through this hell together, and those phrases she's said and her warmth and care is what helps me get through the days.I feel lost about what to do in between sessions. I've tried writing and it doesn't help anymore, because I need to talk and connect face to face..I sometimes leave tearful messages in her answering machine, but I feel a huge need to tell her everything..and then I can't.
She's trying and I know I have to do this, and it is painful, but I don't know how to handle the pain in between sessions. It's hard to function...when all I want to do is curl up safely in bed and just wait to be "found"..and just cry and tell what happened.This probably doesn't make much sense. I am so tired of "getting through" the days in between sessions, I am feeling a bit hopeless
Sorry, thanks,
Frida
Posted by toojane on November 1, 2006, at 9:17:11
In reply to not knowing how to get through in between sessions, posted by frida on November 1, 2006, at 8:13:56
> This probably doesn't make much sense. I am so tired of "getting through" the days in between sessions, I am feeling a bit hopelessIt makes perfect sense. I'm sorry I don't have any answers to offer you because I struggle the same way.
What struck me about your post was your yearning to be 'found.' Could you be feeling lost or hidden? Perhaps your therapist needs to find you first before it will be safe to tell.
Talking about what that would be like or how that could happen might be a doorway to talking about the details of the abuse.
Posted by muffled on November 1, 2006, at 14:06:33
In reply to Re: not knowing how to get through in between sessions » frida, posted by toojane on November 1, 2006, at 9:17:11
Sorry Frida that you struggling so.
I sometimes, well, oftentimes, well, practically always, if I saying something bout myownself, I do it in the third person. I talk like its someone else I talking about. Dunno, but it makes it easier for me. To take a step back.I now also the other day, I phoned my T, and left a message(after hanging up on her once, but I wanted the machine, actually I hung up on the machine a few times too...)but I finally got up the nerve, and asked my T to leave a specific type of message on my answering machine. And its wonderful. I listen to it over and over. Sometime when I all scared, I just curl up and listen to it a few times. The tone of voice, the words. Mebbe its dumb, but it helps me ALOT.
BTW did you see toojanes post to me above? Bout the hand in the fire? Mebbe thats a thing for you too?
Take care
MuffledTake care,
Muffled
Posted by wishingstar on November 1, 2006, at 15:04:52
In reply to not knowing how to get through in between sessions, posted by frida on November 1, 2006, at 8:13:56
Hi frida.. I dont think I've ever posted to you before, so hello.
I dont think what you said sounds strange in the least. I can relate so much to how you feel... living session to session. I also count the minutes to see her, and then hold it all together and dont say what I want to say when I'm actually there. We're very similar in that regard I think. It's so frustrating.. I wish I knew the answer.
I'll tell you what I think it's about for me... who knows, maybe something will resonate for you. I think for me, it's about wanting to be cared about. I was neglected (but not abused) growing up, and my entire life I've constantly been seeking to find people who will love me and take care of me like you would a child. I guess I dont want all those things in a literal way, but my little girl inside does. And my T is like my mommy - I just need her all the time. I need her to make me feel like I'm okay. Somehow just being there, having her full attention and interest, seems to fill that hole for me. But it's never enough.
I really dont know what else to say.. just that I understand. It's so painful. A week can feel like an eternity. You're not alone.
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Psychology | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.