Posted by frida on November 1, 2006, at 8:13:56
Hi..
I would like some feedback...
I am in tears after reading Daisy's post about her fear of weekends and her therapist's reaction. How moving..I am struggling after years of silence to tell my therapist concrete things that happened with my father when I was abused by him. My T acknowledges she has felt frustrated and understandably so because I can't talk even when I tell her I need that so badly. She has tried so much to help. The past sessions I was able to start telling her a little tiny tiny bit. I still go around in circles, and I use vague words, but at least I've told her a little. There is so much to tell and from everything I tell her 10% and I am finding it really, really overwhelming in between sessions.
I see her once a week. I've asked her to see her twice a week but when I asked she didn't agree because she said first she had to see I am willing to talk, because I usually went and created this tense moment between us and then fell apart after the session. I can't ask her right now to see her twice a week because I've promised her a lot I haven't done and she wants me to be able to talk and fight this.
It's a step that I've told her a little bit but I need to sustain it and tell her...The problem I'm having is in between sessions. I am finding it so unbearable. I cry a lot, I don't know how to face work...I feel as if I were in the middle of "those moments" and trying to survive the days and nights until I see her again.
I don't know how to handle so much pain. I do get through the days and nights but I'm getting so so tired and I get this feeling I can't do this anymore...
i know maybe if i could tell her more and i could feel less alone with all those moments, it would make a difference, but it is taking me so long to even tell her *one* moment only..and there's so much that weighs on me.
i feel scared with all these moments I haven't told her and it makes me feel so alone and scared.
I cry and fall apart in between sessions...I try to get through work somehow but come home and just burst into tears...and before going to work it all comes to me, every moment, and I feel as if I were in those moments, waiting for someone to please come and know and be with me.
Then when I go to session I somehow manage to keep everything under control, I can't even let go and cry, except a few times, and when I leave, I have it all again and I feel so bad because I've wasted the chance again and have to return to the nightmare. She told me that we'll get through this hell together, and those phrases she's said and her warmth and care is what helps me get through the days.I feel lost about what to do in between sessions. I've tried writing and it doesn't help anymore, because I need to talk and connect face to face..I sometimes leave tearful messages in her answering machine, but I feel a huge need to tell her everything..and then I can't.
She's trying and I know I have to do this, and it is painful, but I don't know how to handle the pain in between sessions. It's hard to function...when all I want to do is curl up safely in bed and just wait to be "found"..and just cry and tell what happened.This probably doesn't make much sense. I am so tired of "getting through" the days in between sessions, I am feeling a bit hopeless
Sorry, thanks,
Frida
poster:frida
thread:699540
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20061026/msgs/699540.html