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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 3 of 3. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by pegasus on October 3, 2006, at 22:34:47
So, after much pondering of my recent session with my ex-T, I think I've realized what was going on when my therapy with him was ending a few years ago.
We had about 7 or 8 sessions after he told me he was moving. He says that during that time he was trying to appeal to the strong, healthy side of me. I guess the idea was to help me see how much I had already healed, and that I could call on those resources to keep me from sliding back into my pre-therapy non-functionality. He said he was trying to "shore me up." He was trying to create an ending that left me feeling supported, so I wouldn't fall apart.
What it seemed like to me, though, was that he was denying or minimizing the hurt and afraid part of me. So, I felt really unsupported, and unheard. And I felt that my pain and fear was unwelcome, or didn't matter.
So, I ended up totally misinterpreting him. And he totally missed what I really needed. It was a big miss all around.
So, I'm glad I had a chance to talk to him and realize what we were both really doing.
Not sure if I'll be wanting to talk to him again. I think maybe. Maybe I want to have a chance to ask him to tell me how my hurt and pain really did matter. And how he felt about moving away and leaving my therapy so unfinished. He's mentioned in general how it felt to close his practice, but I think I might need to hear him say something more specific to me.
p
Posted by Dinah on October 4, 2006, at 10:11:47
In reply to I think I get it, posted by pegasus on October 3, 2006, at 22:34:47
I think I really do understand that. He was giving you what you thought you needed, and was so busy doing that that he didn't listen to what you really did need?
Possibly his own feelings contributed to that. He wanted to make sure that his leaving was "ok".
I'm glad you were able to talk with him and get understanding about something that was confusing as well as distressing.
I hope it brings you some peace with the separation.
Posted by pegasus on October 4, 2006, at 19:37:04
In reply to Re: I think I get it » pegasus, posted by Dinah on October 4, 2006, at 10:11:47
Thanks Dinah for replying. I didn't really ask anything, and I mainly just wanted to write it down. Babble has become all the journaling I do lately. But it feels good to know that you understand.
I agree that it seems likely that his own stuff was contributing here. He says that he doesn't think it was about his stuff, at least consciously. Well . . . what he said was that he didn't check out of my therapy before he actually left. Which does allow the possibility that while he was still working hard, he may have been having some serious countertransference. Maybe that's part of what I still want to work out with him. Is my being convinced that he was motivated by wanting it all to be ok just an example me seeing things through my filter? Or is his denial of that (also?) him seeing things through his filter?
But, yeah, I think this *is* helping me find some peace with the whole thing.
p
This is the end of the thread.
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