![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 9 of 9. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by madeline on September 27, 2006, at 20:18:24
Yet strangely there seems to be a lot of freedom in that.
My boyfriend dumped me (heartbroken, lonely), I didn't get a job I wanted (trapped!), my mom is having another bipolar episode (not now PLEASE) and oh, I could just go on and on. Lots of bad stuff to process that happened all at once.
I'm not being terribly productive at work and all I want to do is sit on my couch.
The only thing that helps is therapy. I can leave there and feel truly comforted. Unfortunately it doesn't last. I cry everyday. Except for today - I haven't cried today.
I think it is because I have accepted the fact that things are hopeless - hence the strange "freeing" feeling.
maddie
Posted by Lindenblüte on September 27, 2006, at 22:29:34
In reply to I feel utterly hopeless., posted by madeline on September 27, 2006, at 20:18:24
> Yet strangely there seems to be a lot of freedom in that.
What kind of freedom? Freedom to feel anything? Freedom to be anything? To do anything? Well, whatever you are free to do, please take care of Maddie. I like Maddie :)
> My boyfriend dumped me (heartbroken, lonely), I didn't get a job I wanted (trapped!), my mom is having another bipolar episode (not now PLEASE) and oh, I could just go on and on. Lots of bad stuff to process that happened all at once.
That's really hard stuff. When it rains it pours, huh? Do you *have* to process it all at once? Why can't our minds come with a little "to-do" list? like "1) deal with bipolar episode 2) deal with...3) deal with ...
When all this stuff happens at once, it's so overwhelming. Try to remember to take it easy. Each of these things will cause grief and anxiety and disappointment and sadness, but when things get all piled up, it's so easy to just shut down altogether, or get everything mixed up and have exaggerated emotional reactions to stuff that is completely unrelated to your recent hardships.
I'm so glad that you have your T to help you through this time. You guys seem to have a great working relationship. Have you discussed a med change, or an increase in your therapy schedule? Whatever you decide, just remember that you are only one person, and it's okay to lie low for a while to allow yourself to recover and settle down. Take care of you, okay?
> I'm not being terribly productive at work and all I want to do is sit on my couch.
>
> The only thing that helps is therapy. I can leave there and feel truly comforted. Unfortunately it doesn't last. I cry everyday. Except for today - I haven't cried today.
>
> I think it is because I have accepted the fact that things are hopeless - hence the strange "freeing" feeling.
>
> maddie
>Somedays "feel" like that. But it's an illusion. It's just a voice that's talking to you, and trying to trick you into giving up. I think you are a very strong person, and you have done a lot of wonderful things with your life. You have gotten through a lot of rough spots, and you are more prepared to face these challenges than nearly anyone else. gentle cyber hugs for you? I can't remember what your style is.
your friend,
Li
Posted by muffled on September 27, 2006, at 22:36:53
In reply to I feel utterly hopeless., posted by madeline on September 27, 2006, at 20:18:24
> Yet strangely there seems to be a lot of freedom in that.
***sometimes letting go and accepting the things we cannot change, IS very freeing. We stop stressing over things that we can't do anything about.
>
> My boyfriend dumped me (heartbroken, lonely), I didn't get a job I wanted (trapped!), my mom is having another bipolar episode (not now PLEASE) and oh, I could just go on and on. Lots of bad stuff to process that happened all at once.***I'm sorry, its hard when it all comes on at once like that...
>
> I'm not being terribly productive at work and all I want to do is sit on my couch.***Hard to get going isn't it? Me too.
>
> The only thing that helps is therapy. I can leave there and feel truly comforted. Unfortunately it doesn't last. I cry everyday. Except for today - I haven't cried today.***Yeah, I like my T too.
>
> I think it is because I have accepted the fact that things are hopeless - hence the strange "freeing" feeling.
>
***Its ok. Just give yourself a break and enjoy feeling free for a bit. I think its ok. Mebbe its numbing out. But thats ok too for awhile. WE all need a break sometimes.
Take care,
Muffled
Posted by Jost on September 28, 2006, at 13:53:07
In reply to Re: I feel utterly hopeless. » madeline, posted by muffled on September 27, 2006, at 22:36:53
Maybe it would help to get it down. Also maybe we babblers could respond and that would help along the way.
I'm really sorry you boyfriend ended it. And that your mother's having a time of high stress and that's high stress for you. And losing a job too?
That seems unfair.
I'm so sorry you're going through any of it,
Jost
Posted by madeline on September 29, 2006, at 5:41:35
In reply to Re: maybe talking about it here?, posted by Jost on September 28, 2006, at 13:53:07
I know I should talk about it more outside of therapy. I think therapy does help so much because I feel as though I can just go there and be as whiney and pathetic as I want to be.
I guess at the center of it is that I came SO close to having the life I wanted.
I thought I had gotten a nice low stress job that I would have loved to do (I do it part time now).
I thought I had a man that I could love and that loved me back - turned out he didn't love me at all, but had just been lying.
It was all just dangled in front of me and within a week it all just dissolved.
I'm back at square one again. I don't know how many more times I can try to move forward - only to end up here one more time.
The fatigue that I feel right now is almost overwhelming.
Maddie
Posted by madeline on September 29, 2006, at 5:44:47
In reply to Re: I feel utterly hopeless. » madeline, posted by Lindenblüte on September 27, 2006, at 22:29:34
thank you for the support Li. I do have the best T in the whole world. I wish all of us could go to him.
I have been considering a meds change. I know I should be resistant to drugs in the mass media, but those commercials for cymbalta have really gotten to me.
My therapist is underwhelmed with that drug however.
I'm going to keep on trucking I guess. There really is no other choice.
M
Posted by madeline on September 29, 2006, at 5:52:13
In reply to Re: I feel utterly hopeless. » madeline, posted by muffled on September 27, 2006, at 22:36:53
there IS a lot of freedom in just sort of "letting go" and being bashed around emotionally a bit.
Everything that has happened has been completely out of my control, yet I have to deal with it.
I didn't cry yesterday and I almost made it through wednesday too.
Maddie
Posted by Lindenblüte on September 29, 2006, at 9:37:31
In reply to Re: I feel utterly hopeless. » Lindenblüte, posted by madeline on September 29, 2006, at 5:44:47
Posted by Lindenblüte on September 29, 2006, at 9:38:34
In reply to Re: I feel utterly hopeless. » Lindenblüte, posted by madeline on September 29, 2006, at 5:44:47
Maddie,
Do you have any friends IRL who you could share some of your story with? I have found that it helps a lot. I'm sorry you're feeling down. I think, given all of this turbulence, that it's really very human to just get overwhelmed. :(You recognize that a lot of this stuff is not directly caused by you, but has more to do with OTHER people's problems. That's a really big accomplishment. Don't take that for granted. If you were really deeply depressed, you would not be able to wrap your mind around that "simple" idea.
Life is never ideal. Even the job you think is going to be perfect for you might be too much or too little on many days. Everything has good sides and bad sides. I used to want to be a professional musician, but I didn't really like practicing, which is lonely and tedious. I used to want to be a natural scientist, but I found that I didn't really enjoy working in the lab. Sometimes when our dreams come close to being true we realize that they weren't quite that ideal after all.
Your ex *lied* about loving you? Geez. That's absolutely rotten. I think that many women have been in similar places. When you're not feeling too fragile, try sharing- my best friend for life was a mere buddy until we had similar experiences with the same guy (6 months apart) and neither one of us realized how much we had in common until we started burning effigies of him. Literally and metaphorically. I hope that you can share with someone and make a new bond. Sometimes the strongest bonds between people come from being hurt and then healing together. I'm not sure how long you and your ex were together (too long, no doubt), but at least he didn't keep you around for years and years and marry you etc etc.
Now you're free. And you will find a guy that is good to you, and will care for you and who knows? He could fall in love with you. It takes time. You'll know when you're ready. 'Til then, practice the fine art of "window shopping". Feel free to look around- what kinds catch your fancy? what kinds are practical? what kinds are pure fantasy? what kinds are loveable? what kinds are loving?
(((((Maddie)))))
-Li
cymbalta commercials have very effective music. Gets me everytime. It's been a good AD for me, but I'm not 100% feeling normal either. I felt some response right away (a week or two), but I ended up increasing to 90mg. I'm still not quite sure what I need to feel normal? I may never know.
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Psychology | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.