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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 9 of 9. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by happyflower on May 27, 2006, at 8:20:08
Okay, I am just going to vent away. First of all my first 5K race is in ONE WEEK and I am not anywhere where I thought I would be. I haven't ran since Tuesday, and I need to do it today, BUT...
I also need to study for my psch test too, it is a hard one, all biology stuff, I need to study, BUT...
It is also my son's birthday on Monday,so I need to prepare for that, all that holiday shopping, yuck, I hate crowds, I have to do it, BUT....
My kids are driving me nuts lately. They are always argueing and my son is having meltdowns like a toddler but he will be 10. My dauther is jeolous of my son's b-day, so she takes it out on him. I want to help BUT..
Plus this week I have to see my T on Wed. I am really and I mean REALLY nervous this time on seeing him. I just don't know what to say, but yet I have a lot on my mind, and a lot to say, but yet I don't want to say anything. I am really frusterated that I acted like my son torwards my T . I am a little embarrest about how emotional I got with my T . Plus my T will be running the race and I don't know if his wife will running it too, I am to scared to ask, plus I told him I want him to stop telling me personal stuff about himself. LOL But yet I am not sure how I will feel seeing him with his wife, on my first race, being mad at him, being nervous about the race. AAUUUGGHHH!
Then my DH, I just want to smack upsidethe head. When we were in love, I could accept his "habits". But now when he smacks his lips and make noises when he eats, just really annoy me. His stupidness annoys me. He isn't the guy I was married to for the first 11 years, know unlucky number 13 years is coming up. Geeze!
So I have tons to do and I can't get off the computer.
Oh yeah, the cable guy is coming next week, so I need to clean the house (which I have been neglecting) I guess at least after the race I can zone out on TV because I got all the channels! LOL
Oh, yeah my yoga instructer is leaving for India for 2 weeks, and taking her place is this sexy guy, who I would love to seduce and have wild tantric yoga with! LOL I HAVE and NEED to do yoga, it is the only thing keeping sane, but now I have to look at this guy who can do unbelieveble stuff with his body. Talk about flexible! LOL So not having sex in over a year, and seeing this guy, is about all I can take!
SO I AM SOOOOO FRICKIN FRUSTERATED!!!!!!!!!! Thanks for listening to my whoes. I think I will take a nap, oh yeah, I don't have the time. AAAUUUGGGHHHH!
Posted by happyflower on May 27, 2006, at 8:27:27
In reply to I am so stressed, frusterated, vent warning, posted by happyflower on May 27, 2006, at 8:20:08
Oh, yeah and I forgot about my crazy mother who wants to hurt me again .
Posted by milly on May 27, 2006, at 9:02:34
In reply to Re: I am so stressed, frusterated, vent warning, posted by happyflower on May 27, 2006, at 8:27:27
Oh Happy that is loads my head is spinning just reading it, i couldn't begin to know where to start i think all that would probably send me back to bed (with pleasant thoughts of yoga instructor!!!!)
Take care and i think it is probably futile to say 'don't over-do it'
milly
Posted by muffled on May 27, 2006, at 12:42:11
In reply to I am so stressed, frusterated, vent warning, posted by happyflower on May 27, 2006, at 8:20:08
Posted by susan47 on May 29, 2006, at 13:38:03
In reply to I am so stressed, frusterated, vent warning, posted by happyflower on May 27, 2006, at 8:20:08
So, now it's two days later HF, have you run yet? Isn't today a holiday? Are you running? So go and memorize something for the test, just a couple of ideas. Repeat it in your head (at this point you're dressed to run, BTW) and GO. Run and think about the chapter you've just read. Order it in your head, make thought connections about the material and just go, running .. two down ...
Oh shoot, today is your son's birthday. How's it going? I'll bet you're going crazy or maybe you're at the stage where you just gave up and let it be, whatever it is .. you know you love him So Much and the love is the important-est thing ... he'll love you back, eventually, he's melting down because he wants to feel close to you ... I think .. take twenty or forty dollars or ten or whatever you can afford, and take him shopping .. kids love to have the power to choose, forget about how much or how little it is, but little is better than too much ... because it's the quality of your attention that matters, only that HF ....
It's so incredibly hard having a marriage breakdown plus two opposite-sex children .. but does it really matter .. they all fight, they never get along when you need them to the most. Sometimes I just honestly tell my children how bad I'm feeling, how much I truly love them but how incapable I am of even loving myself, right now .. they respond to the truth, they amaze me. They're loving, caring, albeit at times a bit too highly-strung for my palate .. you know .. but they feel SOOOO good in my arms. Their smell .. you know?
Here's a funny thought, I couldn't help thinking HF .. you know okay, how your DH's habits are startin' to drive you wild, baby, .. didn't he have an affair with another .. woman? Hey .. you know how you feel about your T sometimes, the romanticism? Guess what .. somebody felt like that about your DH, maybe still does right now .. perspective, baby, it's a wonderful thing. But you need to feel the way you do about your T you know, you need to feel like he's somebody you idolize, because you choose the things you really like about him and obviously they outweigh any that you don't, so of course you idolize him .. he has to fit that image you create so you want to live up to it, but then .. my god, I feel for you, if he's physically attractive and knows it, knows it knows it KNOWS it but can't not play into it, especially because he knows you really WANT him to, he's your Safe Guy, he's the one you can REALLY flirt with and nah-nah, he can't do anything about it .. so I don't know, maybe there's choices around that, maybe he could either get angry with you for being the flirt you've always needed to be, safely, but never could, never .. I mean, sometimes guys just have no idea how NOT to come on, how NOT to let their testosterone talk. But they need it, see, because that's the hormone that makes them feel Capable, and by God, they NEED to be capable in these situations.
It's this double-edged sword. Think how sexy your DH would be if you felt that way about him. Why isn't he living up to what you need him to be? Maybe he's the wrong guy for you, maybe he's not but you're needing to decide I think .. Hey HF, are you here? Reading still, or just really annoyed and gave up with me?
ZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzOh, and by the way .. Happyflower maybe you ought to just let your attraction to the yoga guy show. How can that hurt you? See, it's a professional relationship, and you should be very safe to show your attraction. And if not, if he responds positively, you might actually have some great sex ... and more choices, you seem to be boxed in or something. I see this happyflower boxed in, trying to poke her way out.
Posted by happyflower on May 31, 2006, at 16:33:32
In reply to Re: I am so stressed, frusterated, vent warning, posted by susan47 on May 29, 2006, at 13:38:03
Hi Susan,
Thanks again for thinking of me, I have been so busy, I read your post , and I didn't reply, I am sorry, my brain isn't working well lately.
I am trying to run but it is so stinkin hot and muggy lately.
You know the thing you said about the flirting thing, well I am changing my feeling torwards my T . I realize he can't be there for me as much as I need him too. I am expecting too much from him and the flirting isn't fun anymore with him. I just want him to help me. Plus the crazy way I am acting, I can see why he wouldn't EVER want to be my friend anyways.
My son had a good birthday, I got him a stamp album that he loves. We had good food too! Plus my Dh and I didn't fight either .
Well thanks again for thinking of me, and no I am not tired of your posts, I look forward to them. :-)
Posted by happyflower on May 31, 2006, at 16:34:26
In reply to Re: I am so stressed, frusterated, vent warning » happyflower, posted by milly on May 27, 2006, at 9:02:34
Thanks Milly,
everything worked out in the end. How are you lately?
Posted by susan47 on May 31, 2006, at 17:12:03
In reply to Re: I am so stressed, frusterated, vent warning, posted by happyflower on May 31, 2006, at 16:33:32
Hi HF,
Yes,
but watch out you don't get too angry with him while you're ready to change if you've pulled him into the wind. Maybe he was late picking up on your cues and late getting into the realization end of things, as in his own self-consciousness that he brings along, you know? But now you've stopped him up short, maybe he's not expecting it and was having a bit too much fun with your sessions, you know T's like it when their clients are interesting. Especially if you find a way to keep it interesting, and you can both play into that, well then it does become play more than work, even though they can both take place and it's probably necessary, in the end, to have that kind of good spirit happening between the two people. I don't know but maybe ...
You're not acting crazy and if you are, it's a craziness you've inherited, in part, from the therapy relationship. And if he didn't want to be friends with you because of the way you're acting, HF, he doesn't like his own self, that isn't your problem. I doubt that's absolutely true though. He might be confused about what to do but that doesn't make your behaviour crazy, it just makes him confused and unable to talk to you about that. Part of your acting out, if you want to call it that, was induced by his own personality, things about him. I think I always knew that at some level .. but he seemed to really get into my acting out, as though he could understand it if he just listened hard enough, sweated enough, dreamt enough, something, anything just to shut me up .. he tried too hard really. To shoulder a burden that wasn't meant for him to carry, maybe, or maybe he tried to carry it under his arms when he should have been hoisting it over his head, you know, the easiest way to carry a burden ... on top of his head ...
I just got so crazy. Don't do that don't get depressed about it, but don't let this go, either. Not without saying how you really feel. A good T will be up to the challenge, and a good T will respond exactly the way you need without endangering you, your health, your livelihood, or your sanity. But that doesn't always happen. And we each have our own responsibility in these matters, and it is also a great one. I think the client's responsibility in a therapy relationship is greatly underestimated, or maybe it's overestimated but whatever the case, it maybe should be clearly delineated from the very beginning
It's always nice when you and DH don't fight. Our sons are the same age.
Posted by susan47 on June 2, 2006, at 0:30:50
In reply to Re: I am so stressed, frusterated, vent warning, posted by happyflower on May 31, 2006, at 16:33:32
I didn't mean to sound so preachy, I don't know what's the matter with me. I keep getting right into how I felt and then it all gets to be about me again, and I'm sorry about that. I'm in trouble. I feel like I'm in trouble. Sorry, I'm sorry HF.
This is the end of the thread.
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