![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 21 of 21. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by B2chica on April 28, 2006, at 9:58:59
i HATE THERAPY!
i'm so full of p&ssed-off-ness! i can't even talk.
saw T wednesday and got so upset i started to cry, then i got more upset because i was crying infront of her that i cried more. finally i stopped and wanted to see her again so i made an appointment for yesterday. i saw her again and AGAIN i started to cry over words.
She keeps saying she thinks theres something more with my mother. why does she keep reading into things...i know...it's because my last T i'm sure told her about some possible abuse from my 'mother'. so she's just harping on that. but she'll be disappointed cuz theres NOTHING THERE!! (or at least i don't want to tell her- she mentioned abuse -possible sexual abuse by her own mother...so even if i did have issues they won't be as bad as her's and she'll say gees, all that over THAT tiny problem???)
i don't WANT to tell her anything! why is she obsessed with my sexuality???
and it s@cks because that's where i'm having issues right now but i can't/won't talk to her about them...i KNOW i'm sounding borderline, i KNOW i'm sounding like a child. but i HATE that i feel i Have to talk with HER. i feel trapped.
but i'm hurting and have no where else to go. i saw a couple other T's just initially and just didn't feel comfortable with their approaches or (lack of) experience. This T may not have a phd but she does have experience...then again, she keeps assuming things that i don't think are true and she's not well versed on dx.
i see a guy T next monday. but i don't think we'll be a match either...i give up. i'm stuck. it's either her or nothing and i'm about to explode.
**********************
sort of seperate topic
I left quite mad at her yesterday, the session was ok right up to the end. she says things sometimes that i just DWELL on and can't get over. i finally felt like i was being honest with her and finally told her part of why i was crying and that was that i'm just really uncomfortable talking to a woman AND crying infront of one upsets me more, i like guys cuz it's comfortable, they 'get' me. i feel protected and i need that.
ok so i TOLD her flat out that i like guys cuz i feel protected, AND that i need that...well her next sentence to me was how she would be there to listen to me that it was a journey 'I' had to take that she couldn't do it for me, she said "i'm not going to protect you that's not my responsibility ........but i'll be here to listen."
Right after i said i needed 'protection' she flat out said she wouldn't!
i couldn't believe it! WHY, WHy would she say something like that???
did she think i wanted her to take up a weapon and go to battle? NO i meant i wanted to feel safe and protected when i told her things...why would she SAY THAT????
am i just so upset, am i totally misreading it?benefit of the doubt she was probably probing me to 'protect me'...i think...i don't know...
it just REALLY hurt.
i absolutely want her to say she;ll protect me...that nothing can happen to me in her office. i mean just seconds before she was saying how she wanted me to feel safe in her office...but how can i feel safe if i don't feel protected???
what the H@LL????
scared and sad
b2c
Posted by bent on April 28, 2006, at 11:28:59
In reply to I HATE THERPY!!!, posted by B2chica on April 28, 2006, at 9:58:59
That sounds horrible. I am so sorry thing are so confusing and you are hurting. I hope I am not saying to much, but in following your posts I have been a little concerned about your relationship with your T. After having to go through the loss of your T that you worked so well with and then starting off so poorly with the new T, I just wondered how much that could wear on a person. I cant imagine. I am sure the current female T you are seeing isnt horrible but she just doesnt sound like a good match for you. It seems like you have an idea of what you need in a T and she doesnt really have it and doesnt really support what you need. I hope I am not sounding jugemental- i dont mean too. I just really feel your frustration and I know the idea of finding a new T is hard. I wish you luck in whatever you do. There is a T out there that can support and even 'protect' you if thats what you need.
Posted by B2chica on April 28, 2006, at 11:43:27
In reply to Re: I HATE THERPY!!! » B2chica, posted by bent on April 28, 2006, at 11:28:59
Thank you bent, i was beginning to think i am being completely unreasonable.
i just feel like it's SO impossibly hard. and i think i'm really hanging on to her because she's my connection to my old T. (it think she knows that)she'll mention if she's talked to him, how he's doing. and how she feels he put us together for a reason...then i start to think i should really try to stick it out with her...but it's SO freaking hard when she's everything i really don't want!but i also think that just because i don't want it doesn't mean it isn't what's right for me...
Thank you for letting me have my tantrum and for saying what you did.
thank you for supporting me.
Posted by Racer on April 28, 2006, at 12:50:49
In reply to Re: I HATE THERPY!!! » bent, posted by B2chica on April 28, 2006, at 11:43:27
Now, I'm only going off what you're writing here, so this could be totally off base, but it sounds as though you're speaking different languages here -- which totally S U X, just because it's so hard to do good therapy if you're breaking everything into unmisunderstandable sentences.
When you say you need to feel protected, and she says it's not her job to protect you, I think that might be a place where that's happening. I assume you don't want her to go out into the world and fix things, and I hope don't even want her to tell you what to do/feel/say/think. You just want her to help create a feeling of safety within the therapeutic relationship, right? You want to know that, when you walk into her office and expose your emotional self, you will be safe doing so. That's what therapy is supposed to be about.
This came up for me my last session. My T wants me to get to my emotions, and I am afraid that I will be overwhelmed by them, that they'll break me. When I said that, she said, "That's why we need to make this a safe place for you, a place that can contain them." I think maybe that's what you were trying to get out in saying you needed to feel protected, and I think that that's NOT what your T was hearing.
As for the parts about your mother -- and I can feel my mouth pursing into a little frown as I write this -- I doubt it has anything to do with talking to your former T. I would bet that she just assumes that if anything went wrong along the way, The Mother was behind it.
And don't discount your own trauma. (all together now, the PsychoBabble Chorus sings, "There is no hierarchy of suffering.") Just because no one chained you in a closet and kicked you daily does not mean that you "shouldn't" have felt pain. And if anyone tells you that you're over-reacting to something, ask for clarification. MAKE that person explain exactly, precisely, specifically HOW you were "supposed" to react, including who dictated what the reaction should be. I would be very surprised if your T did react the way you imagined in your post.
In my therapy group, one woman was always the family scapegoat, one was the one expected to be quiet so that everyone else got their needs met, I am trying to come to terms with the fact that what happened to me as a child WAS abuse -- and another woman received unconditional love and support from her parents, with no pressures on her from her parents to accomplish anything. And you know what? I think it's hardest for that last one, because she can't point to anything that ever happened that she "should" feel bad about. What hurts us, hurts us. Doesn't matter how it might affect someone else.
Hope that helps.
Posted by orchid on April 28, 2006, at 14:51:28
In reply to I HATE THERPY!!!, posted by B2chica on April 28, 2006, at 9:58:59
Geez. Your T sounds a lot like my second T. Cold and unemotional and driving on and on and I did feel like running away from her many times. And she wouldn't do anything nice for me - never said she liked me much, or showed that she cared for me, or did anything tender or sweet.
Personally, I didn't take a liking to her because she was so very unemotional, but again, I have to say that she ended up helping me so very much. And now, I have nothing left but gratitude for her.
I personally would have felt better with a male T or a more empathetic woman T at that time, but I think in the end, I ended up growing more with my T.
And I think sometimes what we like is not neceessarily good for us.
I don't know full well about your T to support her. But it seems to me that she is trying to get you to really face issues that you need facing. Maybe she could be more gentle, and empathetic, but maybe you really need to face those issues and she is driving you mercilessly to do that - for your own sake.
Posted by fairywings on April 28, 2006, at 16:19:52
In reply to I HATE THERPY!!!, posted by B2chica on April 28, 2006, at 9:58:59
Hi ((b2))
I think racer had some really good points, maybe there is some miscommunication there.
Just playing devil's advocate here a bit, but maybe if there was miscommunication, it contributed to how badly the sessions went, and your feelings toward her.
Maybe knowing how uncomfortable you are with women, and knowing how difficult it is to express yourself with women, she is reading that as abuse from your mother. I suppose if you do stay with her, you'll eventually have to open up to her, and maybe that's a good thing - to start to trust a woman.
I want to feel that also...safe and cared about, and maybe you want her to be there to more than just listen...I don't know. If I just felt someone was going to listen to me, and not make me feel okay I don't think I'd feel it was safe to open up. Maybe in the bit of self disclosure she was trying to help you feel more safe. Maybe she took the need to feel safe differently. Could you clarify with her what you meant. It's so hard to go back to those kinds of issues when you feel so angry and hurt about them, it feels really unsafe bec. you're afraid of being slapped down.
You said she's experienced, did she explain why she thinks that certain things are true? Is it possible these are things you're not ready to look at, or not look at with her?
I hope you find someone you really like, or find that she will be a good person to help you. I'm sorry you didn't feel any better about the 2nd appt. That really s*cks.
fw
Posted by ghost on April 28, 2006, at 16:28:27
In reply to I HATE THERPY!!!, posted by B2chica on April 28, 2006, at 9:58:59
i'm sorry b2c :(
incidentally, my T would *always* read into sh@t. the stupidest crap, too... like... say i told her, "i love to bake cookies of all kinds, because i like to make people feel warm and fuzzy. i've made hundreds of batches of chocolate chip and one batch of oatmeal." well if *i* heard that, i'd probably dwell on the fact that i'm making them FOR other people (particularly when we're talking about how i need to take care of other people in other sessions). but SHE would say "how come you only made one batch of oatmeal?" and then she'd BEAT IT LIKE A DEAD HORSE. trying to find some hidden meaning behind the fact that i've only ever made oatmeal cookies once.
maybe that was a stupid analogy. but i think i know what you mean.
i don't know if you misinterpreted what your T told you, but i would have interpreted it the EXACT same way. if you're talking about needing safety and the like, and then later you're told that you can't be protected... well, it's like she completely ignored what you told her. or disregarded it. i don't really know what she interpreted it as either... because i think it's *obvious* you don't want her to like stand up for you in a fist fight or anything, but on the other hand, an emotional "cushion" of sorts should be EXPECTED from someone who's supposed to be on your side. obviously she can't FEEL for you, but she can certainly make sure you're not hurting unnecessarily by being there for you and helping you.
anyone can listen. seriously. we listen. friends listen. journals listen. what's she going to do for you that everyone else cant?
i hope you can figure things out and find someone good :(
love,
ghost
Posted by muffled on April 28, 2006, at 18:33:13
In reply to Re: I HATE THERPY!!! » B2chica, posted by ghost on April 28, 2006, at 16:28:27
and we can be quiet and safe and calm and just be nothing for awhile.
OK?
Can little b2chica come?
Posted by Racer on April 28, 2006, at 19:04:38
In reply to Re: I HATE THERPY!!! » B2chica, posted by ghost on April 28, 2006, at 16:28:27
Something Ghost wrote triggered this thought for me: some therapists seem to start from the idea that clients want things done for them, are too dependent on others, etc. Especially if they can be diagnosed as borderline. (Hell, even if they're just women.) If your therapist is one of those, that might be what her comment was coming from.
When I went through my own nightmare, it was with a non-profit agency and damn near EVERYONE I came into contact with there started out by telling me some form of "no one will do it for you." Hello? Let me introduce myself to you -- when I bought my first car, I learned to change oil and brakes, so that I would not have to rely on someone else to do it for me. "Racer, do you think that it's possible to be too dependent?" That was said to me, by someone who had never met me before. My answer? "Of course there are. What makes you *assume* that I am one of them?" Because, Chica, I might actually be pathologically INdependent about most of my life.
Sorry. That tangent was to try to say, "Sometimes they make assumptions based on others they've seen, and not on the person in front of them right now..."
Anyway, I hope that things work out for you. I'm so biassed about women Ts, that I really hope this works out for you.
Posted by madeline on April 28, 2006, at 19:16:16
In reply to I HATE THERPY!!!, posted by B2chica on April 28, 2006, at 9:58:59
what the h*ll is RIGHT!
I mean what the h*ll! "it's safe in my office, but I'm not going to protect you."
Well, maybe she meant that "I'm not going to protect you from the hurt you have to feel."
Forget it, I wrote that and I don't believe it either.
I guess I am just as flabbergasted as you.
Because that's what I am, flabbergasted.
I would let her explain, but man, it had better be a d*mn good explanation.
Posted by B2chica on April 30, 2006, at 17:43:55
In reply to Come to my safe place, posted by muffled on April 28, 2006, at 18:33:13
> and we can be quiet and safe and calm and just be nothing for awhile.
> OK?
yes..i will come.
> Can little b2chica come?
she isn't safe. she can't even come close to the surface now. not now.
Posted by B2chica on April 30, 2006, at 17:45:44
In reply to Re: I HATE THERPY!!! » B2chica, posted by madeline on April 28, 2006, at 19:16:16
> what the h*ll is RIGHT!
THANK YOU.
> I would let her explain, but man, it had better be a d*mn good explanation.
ya, i'm gonna bring this up and have her explain that one...if nothing else so it shows the miscommunication!
thanks!
b2c.
Posted by B2chica on April 30, 2006, at 17:47:21
In reply to It sounds like miscommunication to me » B2chica, posted by Racer on April 28, 2006, at 12:50:49
NO, you are way ON the right base.
i'm beginning to think because of her own abuse from her mother sh'e s really dwellng on this.thank you for the psychobabble chorus...i need to hear that every once in a while to remind me...
it helps.
Posted by muffled on April 30, 2006, at 17:47:30
In reply to Re: Come to my safe place, posted by B2chica on April 30, 2006, at 17:43:55
> > and we can be quiet and safe and calm and just be nothing for awhile.
> > OK?
> yes..i will come.
> ***great, it is peaceful there
>
> > Can little b2chica come?
> she isn't safe. she can't even come close to the surface now. not now.***yeah, proly better to stay in then. My Kids been around alot lately and its seriously f*cking me up
>
Posted by B2chica on April 30, 2006, at 17:48:34
In reply to What we like is not necessariliy good for us. » B2chica, posted by orchid on April 28, 2006, at 14:51:28
> I don't know full well about your T to support her. But it seems to me that she is trying to get you to really face issues that you need facing. Maybe she could be more gentle, and empathetic, but maybe you really need to face those issues and she is driving you mercilessly to do that - for your own sake.
ya, i know she's trying to get me there but the problem is my stubbornness.. i know what i need to face (tantrum) but i don't want to face it with HER!
so i'm fighting that first.
Posted by B2chica on April 30, 2006, at 17:50:11
In reply to Re: I HATE THERPY!!! » B2chica, posted by ghost on April 28, 2006, at 16:28:27
Perfect analogy...that's how i feel. i say one thing and she focuses on something way off base!
i guess i just really need to learn to communicate...but therapy's not teaching me that...i am with the help of babble...so why $$/week?
btw, i missed you...good to hear from you!
hugs.
b2c.
Posted by happyflower on April 30, 2006, at 21:09:16
In reply to Re: I HATE THERPY!!! » ghost, posted by B2chica on April 30, 2006, at 17:50:11
Okay, I feel like getting some frusteration out too! I can't believe your T said what she did. It seems like they like to mess with our heads, ya know? ((((((B2))))))) Maybe we can hang her up by her toe nails and tickle her ?
Posted by B2chica on May 1, 2006, at 12:52:56
In reply to Re: I HATE THERPY!!!, posted by happyflower on April 30, 2006, at 21:09:16
Sometimes i'd like to just poke her with a stick!
> Okay, I feel like getting some frusteration out too! I can't believe your T said what she did. It seems like they like to mess with our heads, ya know? ((((((B2))))))) Maybe we can hang her up by her toe nails and tickle her ?
Posted by B2chica on May 2, 2006, at 8:57:43
In reply to Re: I HATE THERPY!!! » B2chica, posted by fairywings on April 28, 2006, at 16:19:52
i think the miscommunication is directly related to my frustration over the whole thing.
i think about the disclosure she had best intentions. i think she thought that if i knew a little about her background that maybe it would make me feel more comfortable to open up to her...that she would undrstand and all.
i think the relationiship reminds me of my very first T. i felt uncomfortable going, just couldn't get things out and when i did felf VERy uncomfotable doing so and afterwards felt awful that i did, also not able to ask for what i need.
i ended up in his bathroom with a bottle of pills down my throat...i guess i just remember those feelings and am afraid. i don't want to go there again.
after our sessions on wednesday i feel horrible, thurs, friday and sat i dwell on issues beyond belief, sunday i start to feel a little better, monday i start to resolve and by tuesday i feel ok, then...yep back to her and emotional rollercoaster. i just don't like that. i don't know if it's worth the turmoil it causes me.sorry to babble on.
thanks (((FW)))b2c.
Posted by fairywings on May 2, 2006, at 20:08:26
In reply to Re: I HATE THERPY!!!**poss trigger*** » fairywings, posted by B2chica on May 2, 2006, at 8:57:43
> i think the relationiship reminds me of my very first T. i felt uncomfortable going, just couldn't get things out and when i did felf VERy uncomfotable doing so and afterwards felt awful that i did, also not able to ask for what i need.
> i ended up in his bathroom with a bottle of pills down my throat...i guess i just remember those feelings and am afraid. i don't want to go there again.OMG, I'm so sorry B2! No, I hope you don't ever go there again!
> back to her and emotional rollercoaster. i just don't like that. i don't know if it's worth the turmoil it causes me.It does s*ck. Sometimes I wonder why in the world we get into this, and I wonder why we have to get so invested as part of the process, and then like you, I think why am I doing this? Could it possibly be worth all of the pain and struggle?
((((B2))))
fw
Posted by muffled on May 2, 2006, at 20:30:32
In reply to Re: I HATE THERPY!!!**poss trigger*** » B2chica, posted by fairywings on May 2, 2006, at 20:08:26
Sorry its so hard.
Hope you can find a T thats a good fit soon :-(
Take care,
Muffled
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Psychology | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.