Posted by B2chica on April 28, 2006, at 9:58:59
i HATE THERAPY!
i'm so full of p&ssed-off-ness! i can't even talk.
saw T wednesday and got so upset i started to cry, then i got more upset because i was crying infront of her that i cried more. finally i stopped and wanted to see her again so i made an appointment for yesterday. i saw her again and AGAIN i started to cry over words.
She keeps saying she thinks theres something more with my mother. why does she keep reading into things...i know...it's because my last T i'm sure told her about some possible abuse from my 'mother'. so she's just harping on that. but she'll be disappointed cuz theres NOTHING THERE!! (or at least i don't want to tell her- she mentioned abuse -possible sexual abuse by her own mother...so even if i did have issues they won't be as bad as her's and she'll say gees, all that over THAT tiny problem???)
i don't WANT to tell her anything! why is she obsessed with my sexuality???
and it s@cks because that's where i'm having issues right now but i can't/won't talk to her about them...i KNOW i'm sounding borderline, i KNOW i'm sounding like a child. but i HATE that i feel i Have to talk with HER. i feel trapped.
but i'm hurting and have no where else to go. i saw a couple other T's just initially and just didn't feel comfortable with their approaches or (lack of) experience. This T may not have a phd but she does have experience...then again, she keeps assuming things that i don't think are true and she's not well versed on dx.
i see a guy T next monday. but i don't think we'll be a match either...i give up. i'm stuck. it's either her or nothing and i'm about to explode.
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sort of seperate topic
I left quite mad at her yesterday, the session was ok right up to the end. she says things sometimes that i just DWELL on and can't get over. i finally felt like i was being honest with her and finally told her part of why i was crying and that was that i'm just really uncomfortable talking to a woman AND crying infront of one upsets me more, i like guys cuz it's comfortable, they 'get' me. i feel protected and i need that.
ok so i TOLD her flat out that i like guys cuz i feel protected, AND that i need that...well her next sentence to me was how she would be there to listen to me that it was a journey 'I' had to take that she couldn't do it for me, she said "i'm not going to protect you that's not my responsibility ........but i'll be here to listen."
Right after i said i needed 'protection' she flat out said she wouldn't!
i couldn't believe it! WHY, WHy would she say something like that???
did she think i wanted her to take up a weapon and go to battle? NO i meant i wanted to feel safe and protected when i told her things...why would she SAY THAT????
am i just so upset, am i totally misreading it?benefit of the doubt she was probably probing me to 'protect me'...i think...i don't know...
it just REALLY hurt.
i absolutely want her to say she;ll protect me...that nothing can happen to me in her office. i mean just seconds before she was saying how she wanted me to feel safe in her office...but how can i feel safe if i don't feel protected???
what the H@LL????
scared and sad
b2c
poster:B2chica
thread:637786
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060422/msgs/637786.html