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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 5 of 5. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by happyflower on April 12, 2006, at 4:21:24
Okay, I am sick with a fever and I know you can have weird dreams when you are sick.
But I had a dream last night about my grandma (my mothers mom) which kinda has me freaked out.
All the sights and smells were present. It was in her house, which always freaked me out. I was always scared to go to her house as a kid. But anyways I used to spend the night with her. We slept in the same bed (full size probably). Well in this dream, she was rubbing her hands all up and down my legs. I remember the glow of the little TV set, the smells, it was so real.I never like my grandma as a child, she scared me. She wasn't like full of love and hugs. I guess no surprise to you all since I have told you about my mom. But I wonder if this happended and I am now just remembering it. OR is a crazy disturbing dream?
The other stuff in the dream I know did happen. Like my grandpa having a heartattack in the back yard. My grandma found him laying on the ground.
I used to have to go past the back door to get the the bathroom, and it scared me. I could of went through her bedroom, but that scared me too.Then many years later when my cousin was 18, he hung himself naked in an upstairs bedroom. He was living with her when his best friend started to date his mother. It was then discovered he wasn't trying to kill himself, but was materbating. I guess stranglation can cause intense sexual feelings, it was in a magazine they later found under his bed that showed how to do it. So I was scared to cross the bottom of the stairs.
Well I haven't thought about this stuff for years, maybe 10 or more. The other stuff was real, but I wonder if the part of my grandmother was real? It kinda has me freaked out.
I don't have any signs of being CSA, I don't remember anything, but yet I didn't remember being burned either until I had a burn accident. I have a heathly sex life with my DH , when we used to have sex. But I do remember being preoccupied with sex at an early age.I would like to see my T and talk about this, but I am sick and can't get in to his office. I know he doesn't like to do therapy on the phone especailly with our track record. So I guess I should wait until Tuesday to lay it all on him.
What do you all think about this. Am I making something out of nothing?
Posted by B2chica on April 12, 2006, at 9:01:43
In reply to Dreams or flashbacks? * csa, sucide triggers ***, posted by happyflower on April 12, 2006, at 4:21:24
crazy thing about dreams, you just never know what is real, what isn't. however, i've learned that ini my dreams, even though the dream may not be accurate, usually there is something to the feelings that are evoked from/in them.
i think maybe you are getting a little stronger on other things so you are able to come out with more things that bother you.
i think there is somehting there because of how afraid the room made you, of the feelings she evokes.
i'm not sure what may have happened. but i really think you should talk about it. i think talking about it may clear up some things.
sometimes for me it starts with a dream, i talk about that in session and more memories/dreams/flashbacks come, soon i can sort them out.
please be careful with yourself as you are going through this.it sounds like that house has a lot of scary and confusing memories for you. but you are strong.
baby steps.((((((((((((((((HF))))))))))))))))))
Posted by daisym on April 12, 2006, at 12:59:49
In reply to Dreams or flashbacks? * csa, sucide triggers ***, posted by happyflower on April 12, 2006, at 4:21:24
Dreams rarely are concrete representations of what happened in the past. There might be nightmarish elements, reenactments but typically they are muddled up with characters in the wrong roles. So don't make yourself nuts trying to overlay reality. If you are getting a memory back, often when you dream about it you wake up just knowing. You might not want it to be true but some part of you already knows, so now more of you knows. I don't know if that makes sense.
For me, the theme of dreams, how they make me feel and what they represent, is a lot more useful. I often wonder, "why did I dream that right now?" If you've never believed you were sexual abused, one dream shouldn't change that belief. Go slow and don't convert things in your head. Don't over analyze things.
I hope you feel better soon.
Posted by happyflower on April 12, 2006, at 17:09:03
In reply to Re: Dreams or flashbacks? * csa, sucide triggers *, posted by B2chica on April 12, 2006, at 9:01:43
Thanks B2 and Daisy
I know your posts are good, but my mind isn't working too good right now. I am sooo tired from being sick. So once the fog lifts I will try to respond to your posts. I do appreciate your support.
Posted by fairywings on April 13, 2006, at 0:32:33
In reply to B2 and Daisy*, posted by happyflower on April 12, 2006, at 17:09:03
Maybe since you're sick and feverish, and you don't know whether is was a dream or a flashback, it will come back and you'll be able to explore it more. Odd that you remember all else to be true, but can't recall that one incident. What does your gut tell you.
fw
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