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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 14 of 14. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by B2chica on April 10, 2006, at 10:19:41
how can i hate 'mother'
it makes me sad, it makes me mad, it makes me hurt.
i hate the way she touched me
i hate the way she looks at me
i hate the way she criticized me
i hate the way she made me feel
i hate the way she makes me feel
i hate what she incinuates and how
i want to hate her for the hurtshe's weak
she's human
she's better now
how can i be so cruel and uncaring
how can i not forgive her
she's my mother. the only one
i want to love her. i want to have a mothereveryone loves her, why do i have to.
confusion
b2c.
Posted by B2chica on April 10, 2006, at 11:07:51
In reply to how can you hate your mother..., posted by B2chica on April 10, 2006, at 10:19:41
why does it hurt so much.
why do i feel so torn up inside.
i feel like a wretched person, am i even human or have humanity left if i can even think such a thing about a woman that gave birth to me.
-i think objectively. she did that. i thank her for that, i owe her nothing.
-but i'm supposed to aren't i?i just want to go home and curl up in bed. please let this day end.
Posted by fairywings on April 10, 2006, at 11:07:51
In reply to how can you hate your mother..., posted by B2chica on April 10, 2006, at 10:19:41
(((B2)))
Your post says a lot...there's a lot of hurt.
For me, after years of hurt, I got so much more wary... tried to harden my heart - but it was always broken...over and over...seems that turned to anger...and hatred. Can't just ignore that, or erase that.....it's hard to think one day I'll even be able to just deal with it and move on.
Don't be hard on yourself, you don't deserve that, but I know it's easier said than done.
fw
Posted by orchid on April 10, 2006, at 14:31:48
In reply to Re: how can you hate your mother..., posted by B2chica on April 10, 2006, at 11:07:51
Hi B2C,
I am sorry you are hurting so bad. It is really difficult when persons who are supposed to be our closest relatives and guardians do wrong to us.
Maybe you can think of it this way and see if it helps. The kind of person your mother was, well, she became that, due to several influences on her own life. Nobody chooses voluntarily to be bad. Maybe she had a difficult childhood, or maybe she was abused herself, or perhaps she was uncared for, and became oversensitive to things that happened to her. And she didn't learn how to handle it, and instead took it out on you.
Maybe if you understand that she might have had some very bad things happen to her, and didn't have a right way of learning the proper things, maybe you will be able to let go of the grudge which is bothering you, or atleast be able to become a little indiffrent to it. I don't think you can ever love her too much or like her even. But you might be able to let go of the intense dislike, and that will help you more than it will help your mother. It will help you become more peaceful.
Posted by happyflower on April 10, 2006, at 15:36:13
In reply to how can you hate your mother..., posted by B2chica on April 10, 2006, at 10:19:41
I get ya, and I notice how you put mother in ( )'s. Yeah, doesn't even saying the word mother makes you want to yack? It is for me. My mother is a monster and I no longer have any feelings for her, good or bad. I used to have bad feeling before therapy, now I feel absoultely nothing for her.
B2, I think we feel what we feel. It just makes me so mad when parents do unexcusable things to us, and then they go on like they did nothing, but yet it is us who suffers the pain for what they did and for what we didn't have, a real mother.
I think so many people don't understand those feelings, but they are the ones who have't been through what we have. Well I understand B2, and I won't ever judge you for what you feel. (((((B2)))))
Posted by B2chica on April 10, 2006, at 16:34:00
In reply to Re: how can you hate your mother..., posted by happyflower on April 10, 2006, at 15:36:13
>> I get ya, and I notice how you put mother in ( )'s. Yeah, doesn't even saying the word mother makes you want to yack?
-I guess i'm supposed to call her that so ya, that's why the ', glad you caught that.>> they go on like they did nothing, but yet it is us who suffers the pain for what they did and for what we didn't have, a real mother.
YES>Well I understand B2, and I won't ever judge you for what you feel. (((((B2)))))
thank you hf.
Posted by ghost on April 10, 2006, at 16:42:18
In reply to Re: how can you hate your mother..., posted by B2chica on April 10, 2006, at 11:07:51
forgive me for being so blunt...
that woman isn't your mother.
a mother loves and nutures and doesn't hurt or cause harm.
a mother cares and looks after her little ones even when they are grown.yes, she gave birth to you, but that does not make her your mother.
you owe her nothing.
you did not ask to be born....
but you were born, and for that we're all very glad. i suppose if we are meant to be polite, we can thank her for that. but we do not *owe* her anything for it.
but as for HER... *she* deserves nothing from *you*.
*love*
ghost
Posted by happyflower on April 10, 2006, at 17:10:17
In reply to Re: how can you hate your mother... » B2chica, posted by ghost on April 10, 2006, at 16:42:18
My T calls her one scary bitch but I don't feel comfortable calling her that around people I don't know well. So what do you call someone who is so much like a monster but yet she gave birth to me?
Posted by happyflower on April 10, 2006, at 17:11:16
In reply to so what do you call a mother who wasn't ?, posted by happyflower on April 10, 2006, at 17:10:17
Posted by muffled on April 10, 2006, at 18:27:39
In reply to Re: how can you hate your mother... » happyflower, posted by B2chica on April 10, 2006, at 16:34:00
When I was a kid, we had hamsters. The 'mother' hamster was so amazing giving birth to the babies. She nuzzled them etc. I came back later and one baby was missing, couldn't find it. I checked later again.
The 'mother' hamster was eating her babies alive. Chewing.
So I had to flush the rest or they'd get eaten.
Can't remember what happened to the 'mother' hamster.
Mebbe I flushed her too......
Dunno what I getting at cept just giving birth doesn't really make a real mother out of someone.
Sorry b2chica, sounds so hard.
Mebbe the animal example is dumb, but I 'get' animals more'n'I get humans mostly.
Take care,
muffly
Posted by Deneb on April 10, 2006, at 20:14:11
In reply to mother hamsters***trigger*** » B2chica, posted by muffled on April 10, 2006, at 18:27:39
Mother hamsters can eat their babies sometimes, especially if they are young mothers and if humans have disturbed her babies or the nest. It's a defense mechanism. It's just a part of nature. They can eat the weak/sick babies too.
Deneb*
Posted by Emily Elizabeth on April 10, 2006, at 23:05:48
In reply to mother hamsters***trigger*** » B2chica, posted by muffled on April 10, 2006, at 18:27:39
Muffy,
Well said. I think your example made a lot of sense (but it really creeped me out). Giving birth doesn't make you a mother. (Just as not giving birth doesn't prevent you from being a mother).
Best,
EE
Posted by B2chica on April 11, 2006, at 9:27:08
In reply to Re: how can you hate your mother... » B2chica, posted by ghost on April 10, 2006, at 16:42:18
Posted by B2chica on April 11, 2006, at 9:35:36
In reply to Re: mother hamsters***trigger*** » muffled, posted by Emily Elizabeth on April 10, 2006, at 23:05:48
thank you all.
i just have such a hard time going back and forth. it's nice to hear i'm not obligated to be thankful to her. sometimes i wish i could remember her holding me. other times i'm glad i can't. didn't want it anyway.
she does remind me of the hamster. what the hamster did was pure nature, no emotion about it. that's how i remember her 'raising' me. no emotion other than yelling. she was there serving her function. not cuz she really wanted to but because she felt it a duty.i guess i'm lucky she wasn't a real monster. she was a subtle mind twister. sometimes i really wished she was more violent with me. at least then others could believe me.
thank you all for believing me. i don't know what i'd do without you.
b2c.
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