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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 6 of 6. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by wishingstar on March 29, 2006, at 16:58:34
Well, its been 8 days since my last therapy appointment.. 8 more to go. And I'm falling apart. The first 2 days or so were hard, then I switched over into my "I dont need anyone" mode and didnt care she was gone.. now I just am a wreck.. for no particlar reason.. just bad.
I'm mad at her for leaving.. even though logically I know that she has every right to have a life and it doesnt mean she doesnt care.. but I feel like she has totally abandoned me. Like she doesnt care. <<Warning.. I'm about to talk about other clients.. dont read if youre really sensitive to that>> I've been thinking the last few days about how she has 10 or 15 or however many other clients.. 15? I've never had a problem with other clients before, but if there are 15.. she obviously doesnt care about me as a person. I'm 1 of 15? I dont know, how many clients do therapist usually have? Maybe 15 is way off. How pathetic is it that the only thing holding me together is apparently an hour a week with someone who is probably genuinely interested, but doesnt give a thought to me outside of that hour? I'm jst her client. I'm really struggling between just being totally open and sad when she comes back, or cancelling my next appointment. I just dont want to see her. Even though I'd do anything to see her right now. A little confusing huh? :)
I've felt the depression coming on hard the last few days and I've been feeling sort of unsafe today. I thought about calling one of my Ts colleagues who is on call for her, but theres no way shed say anythnig that would help without even knowing me. I also thought of leaving a message for my T because she said she'd be checking messages this week (although her answering machine message says she wont call back until Mon).. so she might call back.. but if she didnt, I'd feel even worse. Plus, I dont want to interrupt her vacation.
Im a psych grad student and I'm taking a class in counseling techniques right now.. tomorrow morning I have to tape with my group (spend time being both the client and the counselor on tape). I'm having a really, really hard time being the client for this.. because I have to be real (the professor will call me on it otherwise), but theres no way I can say everything thats really going on. These are only 10 minute "sessions" and I think they all already think I'm a little crazy.
Sometimes I think about putting myself in the hospital, but I dont know if I really need it. I dont feel safe totally, but in reality, I know I'll be fine and wont do anything drastic.. because this has happened before. Id really like the safe feeling Id have in the hospital, but I dont think I really need it to keep me safe.. if that makes sense.
Everythnig is just too hard right now. I'm not excited about anything in the future and not enjoying anything now. Every time I speak, my "friends" either cut me off mid sentence or dont really listen to what I say.. I never get invited anywhere with them.. complain complain. I dont think I'd really want to go out anyway, so I shouldnt complain.. but it just hurts to be ignored all the time.
I wanted to get on meds again but I dont have an extra zillion dollars a month for the dr bills. Even though the counseling center at my university does free med management, they wont take me because I dont see a therapist there.. but they rejected me! They said I had to see a therapist in the community. That just doesnt seem fair. I dont have the money.
I hope you all dont mind me rambling so much. Theres no real coherent point here. I just needed to vent I guess.
Posted by fallsfall on March 29, 2006, at 19:46:15
In reply to rambling.. feeling bad, posted by wishingstar on March 29, 2006, at 16:58:34
Therapist vacations are awful. That's why there is Camp Comfort. There are some other people there this week, I think. Give a shout and find out who is there. At Camp Comfort, you can do whatever you want to/need to to feel better. It could be spring there if you want, with the flowers just coming up, and the air crisp but warming up mid-day. We played cards the other night at Camp Comfort. But you can do anything you want. You can get a massage, or a manicure, or have someone wash your hair. You can go for a walk, or sit, or sleep. What would you like to do? And there is a great swing there. It has a wooden seat and it hangs from a really tall tree, so the arc when you are swinging is enormous. Someone will push you if you don't want to pump.
What would you like to do at Camp Comfort? I'll come and keep you company, because I miss my therapist even though he came back from his vacation. I'm still trying to get over it, and he's been back 1 1/2 weeks.
Posted by TherapyGirl on March 29, 2006, at 21:07:28
In reply to rambling.. feeling bad, posted by wishingstar on March 29, 2006, at 16:58:34
Oh, Wishing, I'm so sorry it's so hard. I do understand, seeing as how my T is gone this week, too. I was just thinking today that the thing (I think) that makes it extra hard is that she's taking a vacation from ME. I'm trying not to think too hard about that.
Please avail yourself of Camp Comfort and try to hang in there, okay? We can be vacation buddies for the next 8 days if you want.
Posted by Emily Elizabeth on March 30, 2006, at 0:22:58
In reply to rambling.. feeling bad, posted by wishingstar on March 29, 2006, at 16:58:34
Sorry your T is away this week. :( Mine isn't even away this week and I just saw her on Tuesday, but I am counting the hrs until my next appt. I sorta want to wait on her doorstep until our appt.
Re: tomorrow's taped role plays...by "real" do you mean that the prof wants you to talk abt your actual problems?!? Yikes! I must say that I think that is somewhat unethical. AND if you are a gutsy sort, you might want to talk to him about it. And if you must, must do it discussing real problems, just talk about how you are stressed out because you have so much school work and housework to do. Boring, but I'm sure it is true, and you can avoid the super-painful stuff.
If you don't have to talk abt an actual problem, it is much easier. When we had to do these sort of things, I would always pick something that was clearly NOT true for me. I would talk abt being gay, an international student, an alcoholic, a single mom (all things that are not at all true). It made it easier to "contain" all of my real stuff when I was acting out the role of someone very different from me.
As for your T having other clients, I think that the best analogy is a parent having several children. You love them all for their special strengths. You appreciate them for their uniqueness. Just b/c a mom has a 4th child, doesn't mean that she doesn't love child 1, 2, or 3.
Actually, what made the biggest impression on me was when my T says things like, "I was thinking abt you last night and..." or "I read this in the paper and I thought of you..." It makes me feel like she really cares abt me as a person and that I don't stop existing when our hour is over. I'm sure it is the same for you and your T.
Best,
EE> Well, its been 8 days since my last therapy appointment.. 8 more to go. And I'm falling apart. The first 2 days or so were hard, then I switched over into my "I dont need anyone" mode and didnt care she was gone.. now I just am a wreck.. for no particlar reason.. just bad.
>
> I'm mad at her for leaving.. even though logically I know that she has every right to have a life and it doesnt mean she doesnt care.. but I feel like she has totally abandoned me. Like she doesnt care. <<Warning.. I'm about to talk about other clients.. dont read if youre really sensitive to that>> I've been thinking the last few days about how she has 10 or 15 or however many other clients.. 15? I've never had a problem with other clients before, but if there are 15.. she obviously doesnt care about me as a person. I'm 1 of 15? I dont know, how many clients do therapist usually have? Maybe 15 is way off. How pathetic is it that the only thing holding me together is apparently an hour a week with someone who is probably genuinely interested, but doesnt give a thought to me outside of that hour? I'm jst her client. I'm really struggling between just being totally open and sad when she comes back, or cancelling my next appointment. I just dont want to see her. Even though I'd do anything to see her right now. A little confusing huh? :)
>
> I've felt the depression coming on hard the last few days and I've been feeling sort of unsafe today. I thought about calling one of my Ts colleagues who is on call for her, but theres no way shed say anythnig that would help without even knowing me. I also thought of leaving a message for my T because she said she'd be checking messages this week (although her answering machine message says she wont call back until Mon).. so she might call back.. but if she didnt, I'd feel even worse. Plus, I dont want to interrupt her vacation.
>
> Im a psych grad student and I'm taking a class in counseling techniques right now.. tomorrow morning I have to tape with my group (spend time being both the client and the counselor on tape). I'm having a really, really hard time being the client for this.. because I have to be real (the professor will call me on it otherwise), but theres no way I can say everything thats really going on. These are only 10 minute "sessions" and I think they all already think I'm a little crazy.
>
> Sometimes I think about putting myself in the hospital, but I dont know if I really need it. I dont feel safe totally, but in reality, I know I'll be fine and wont do anything drastic.. because this has happened before. Id really like the safe feeling Id have in the hospital, but I dont think I really need it to keep me safe.. if that makes sense.
>
> Everythnig is just too hard right now. I'm not excited about anything in the future and not enjoying anything now. Every time I speak, my "friends" either cut me off mid sentence or dont really listen to what I say.. I never get invited anywhere with them.. complain complain. I dont think I'd really want to go out anyway, so I shouldnt complain.. but it just hurts to be ignored all the time.
>
> I wanted to get on meds again but I dont have an extra zillion dollars a month for the dr bills. Even though the counseling center at my university does free med management, they wont take me because I dont see a therapist there.. but they rejected me! They said I had to see a therapist in the community. That just doesnt seem fair. I dont have the money.
>
> I hope you all dont mind me rambling so much. Theres no real coherent point here. I just needed to vent I guess.
Posted by milly on March 30, 2006, at 13:38:12
In reply to rambling.. feeling bad, posted by wishingstar on March 29, 2006, at 16:58:34
(((((((((((((wishingstar))))))))))))))
I'm so sorry you are having such a hard time it is horrid when they are away and I try to be rational about him needing a break but end up blaming me for his need of a rest! (sometimes I need a rest from me too!)Hang on in there you are over halfway.
I know all about the other client thing and get really upset if I see that another clients name in the signing in book.
I think they do think about us outside of the hour but I haven't managed to hear him say it yet.
anyway ((((((((((wishingstar))))))))))))
Posted by TherapyGirl on April 3, 2006, at 13:00:52
In reply to rambling.. feeling bad, posted by wishingstar on March 29, 2006, at 16:58:34
WishingStar: Three more days to go (at least I think you're on the same schedule as me with the T vacation). How are you doing? Hanging in there?
Please let me know.
This is the end of the thread.
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