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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 13 of 13. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Racer on December 17, 2005, at 22:58:15
I am of two minds about this, and I've spoken a bit with Auntie about it. (Note to Poet and AuntieMel: no, I don't think that feels right. I am still too prickly to think Auntie or Mom type things about her. Heck, Ladies -- I can barely think them about my aunts or mother!)
Anyway, my therapist-who-still-needs-a-name pointed out to me that I'm very judgemental about myself. And I am. That's why I'm in therapy... I know that I'm feeling the same sorts of things that I've felt in other situations that were bad, and I know that I've just gone through a week in which I've cried myself sick most days and was too ashamed and frightened to call him for any assistance, so I know that this isn't a relationship that works for me. I feel as though that judgemental stuff is coming from him, and only being reflected inside me, if that makes sense? I mean that I know I'm judging myself, and I know that I feel as though I should be stronger/better/smarter/able to leap tall buildings/etc, but I also feel as though I've disappointed him, that he disapproves of me, that he thinks I should have responded to the last medication he prescribed, etc. It really feels as though at least part is coming off him, rather than originating in me. Is that possible?
For one thing, it's been over a year, and I'm still not nearly stabilized enough to try to work, and I just have this sense of pursed lips from him whenever the subject of me working comes up. What's more, I've been a bit pushy about stopping or reducing certain meds -- I know why, I know I've tried to tell him why, and I know that I couldn't continue taking them. And it's MY BODY we're talking about, my quality of life that the drugs were compromising. But he wanted me to stay on them, increase them, etc. And I got the distinct impression that he wasn't happy about that, the feeling he gave off was that I wasn't cooperating.
I did tell him, way back when I started having this trouble, that I was becoming afraid of him. I tried to find a way of 'fixing' the problem, by discussing it, etc. (Yes, after discussing it with my T.) Nope, he just said that he wasn't scary.
A while back, I changed therapists, twice in a short time. The first time because I was seeing an intern and realized that I wasn't getting anything at all out of it -- I was bringing in 'insights' rather than finding anything with her. But the second therapist, whom he recommended, was not the right one for me. She was entirely CBT oriented, and she didn't hear me when I told her I was having trouble with it. The end came when I realized that my anorexic behaviors were a lot worse since starting to see her, because every time I tried to express any emotion, she'd stop me, and teach me how to reframe it cognitively to make the strong emotion go away. Well, golly gee, that's awfully close to what the anorexia does for me, and I told her that. And I told her that it was a real problem for me, that I needed to learn to HAVE emotions rather than making them go away, etc. I even told her that her 'restructuring' was very similar to my anorexic behaviors -- and she told me that in that case I was "doing it wrong." OK. But the fact remained, I was getting worse, not better, suppressing my emotions again, and restricing my eating again.
So I found a therapist who specializes in eating disorders, the only one locally I could find who would take on an adult with anorexia who did not purge, and I switched. I did tell the CBT T why, and thought that it was the right thing to do. I know -- oh, dear me how I KNOW -- that I'm not taking the easy way out by seeing this therapist. I know that she's not soft and fuzzy and letting me curl up in the corner and suck my thumb. She's strong, and she does make me squirm, and I know that I'm working hard with her. But ever since changing Ts, I've had a really bad feeling when I see my pdoc. I told him why I switched, and thought that he maybe was doing that mental "she's avoiding work" thing when I told him, and that feeling has just gotten stronger since then.
But that same judgemental attitude of "she's trying to avoid doing anything hard, she wants someone to do it for her" is still there INSIDE ME. I know that this part is inside me, and that it's because I feel as though I'm running away, unable to defend myself, unable to feel as though I walked out with my head high. (No, don't ask -- I've thought about going one more time to tell him face to face, and it's a non-starter. Even if I thought I could handle it emotionally, it's nearly $200 we're talking about -- I can find better things to do with that.)
Anyway, sorry for the public journaling, which I guess is what this turned into. Thanks for reading.
I am firing him, but I think it's just going to be a telephone call canceling my next appointment, and a note asking that he release my records to the new pdoc. She's a woman, and I have an appointment at the beginning of next month.
Posted by Racer on December 17, 2005, at 22:59:23
In reply to Deciding to fire my pdoc, posted by Racer on December 17, 2005, at 22:58:15
Posted by Dinah on December 17, 2005, at 23:07:54
In reply to Deciding to fire my pdoc, posted by Racer on December 17, 2005, at 22:58:15
It sounds as if you've tried to work on the relationship and it just isn't going to be what you need.
I recently lost a passel of doctors to the hurricane, and I'm finding in a lot of cases that it's a blessing. It's too easy to stay with a doctor just because it's so hard to start over.
I hope the next one clicks.
P.S. I understand about the medication reductions. I can't abide a pdoc who doesn't respect side effects.
Posted by Phillipa on December 17, 2005, at 23:09:29
In reply to Deciding to fire my pdoc, posted by Racer on December 17, 2005, at 22:58:15
Racer good for you. If it does not feel right then it is not a good mesh for you. Fondly, Phillipa
Posted by ClearSkies on December 18, 2005, at 7:33:15
In reply to Deciding to fire my pdoc, posted by Racer on December 17, 2005, at 22:58:15
I think that having a good, trusting relationship with your pdoc is equally as important as having the right therapist.
You have to be able to tell your doc how you're feeling and have him listen to you and respect it. It is, as you said, your body that's being treated here!Good on you, Racer.
CS
Posted by annierose on December 18, 2005, at 8:00:28
In reply to Re: Deciding to fire my pdoc » Racer, posted by ClearSkies on December 18, 2005, at 7:33:15
You have certainly thought this decision through, and you have tried to work out the relationship with the p-doc. It's time to change.
My T recently told me that I've been in therapy long enough (not her words) to learn how a mutually respecting relationship should feel. So when I'm interacting with someone, ask myself, "Who is this person I'm talking to? Are they listening to me? Am I responding to who they are?" If something doesn't feel right, listen to my gut. Although, projection is also something I need to be careful of.
Good luck. Let us know how the new Pdoc appointment went.
Posted by gardenergirl on December 18, 2005, at 8:59:10
In reply to Deciding to fire my pdoc, posted by Racer on December 17, 2005, at 22:58:15
Yep, sounds like the right decision. And perhaps working on the fear issue with the therapist to be named later would be a good thing, too.
Because you're smart enough. You're good enough. And doggone it. People like you! :-D
gg
Posted by fallsfall on December 18, 2005, at 9:16:07
In reply to Deciding to fire my pdoc, posted by Racer on December 17, 2005, at 22:58:15
You've thought this through carefully. And, no, I wouldn't spend $200 to tell him why you are leaving.
Good for you.
Posted by tarabara on December 18, 2005, at 16:43:57
In reply to Re: Deciding to fire my pdoc » Racer, posted by ClearSkies on December 18, 2005, at 7:33:15
it seems that finding a T that challenges you has made you look at the relationship with your pdoc which is a good thing. that has happened to me recently.
i have probably had about 5 T's and 5 pdocs in the course of 15 years.
i finally found a T that challenges me intellectually. i went to a new pdoc associated with the school i'm at and i finally realized that he was just status quo and that he was a twit. i started looking elsewhere and asking around. i found a guy who sat and talked with me for an hour and 15 minutes and for once he got me. he was the first pdoc that pointed out that my 15 year struggle with depression and my burnout on about 8-10 SSRI's combined in various combos could be an indication that i have atypical depression and maybe we should try a different approach.
NO SH*T
you sound intuitive, savvy, and that you've been around the T and pdoc block. my recent experience made me realize that there are good pdocs out there and i just wish i started looking for them earlier. i guess i just always thought i was a lost cause.
good luck. follow your instincts. you have good ones. you know what your weakness' are and you know your strengths. let us know how it goes.
Posted by fairywings on December 18, 2005, at 17:56:56
In reply to Deciding to fire my pdoc, posted by Racer on December 17, 2005, at 22:58:15
It does sound like you've given it more than a good try, you've hung in there to see if he'll start to listen and respect your judgment, and he hasn't, so time to move on. I'd save the $200, send him a note if you need to tell him how it is, and find someone who's willing to work with you and respect you.
As for the T's, why waste your money trying to connect with someone you'll never connect with, and someone who's so hung up on their theories they never "hear" you. You did the right thing.
Good for you!
fw
Posted by Ilene on December 18, 2005, at 21:35:55
In reply to Deciding to fire my pdoc, posted by Racer on December 17, 2005, at 22:58:15
Good for you. I'm thinking about going down that same road. My pdoc has told me some outright falsehoods--"Medication has very subtle effects"--and is psychopharmacologically conservative. Not what I need.
I.
Posted by Poet on December 19, 2005, at 22:15:06
In reply to Deciding to fire my pdoc, posted by Racer on December 17, 2005, at 22:58:15
Hi Racer,
I was going to fire ex pdoc due for not listening to me about the dose of meds I was on even before he went out of the insurance network. That was a convenient excuse I used when I canceled my last appointment. Of course new pdoc is Dr. Clueless, but I haven't given up on her yet.
I hope your yet unamed new pdoc listens to you. You already made an appointment and that is nothing to be critical of yourself about. Judge Poet says you are guilt free.
Poet
Posted by fairywings on December 21, 2005, at 19:06:30
In reply to Deciding to fire my pdoc, posted by Racer on December 17, 2005, at 22:58:15
So, did you think of a name for your T? I wish I were creative that way, I think my pdoc and my T need names! ; ) How do you come up with them?
Did you fire your doc? I hope you find a good one, and can get things stablized.
fw
This is the end of the thread.
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