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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 15 of 15. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by cricket on December 12, 2005, at 12:39:11
The honesty.
Chipping away at issues.
Poking and prodding each other ever so gently.
“This is what I think.”
“Is this what you’re saying?”
The “I understands”
The “Yes, I know what you mean.”
The ability to come back, to clarify, to re-think
The chance to look at other perspectivesWhen I logged in and saw all the posts about sex and therapists, it was amazing.
It seemed like a bunch of archaeologists very gently blowing away dust to see what lies underneath.
Once in a while someone cannot be encouraged to do the same gentle digging, but as I’ve seen these last few days that is the exception.
You are an amazing bunch of insightful, thoughtful, honest people.
I am inclined to let the subject drop because I think we all must be tired of it. But all the honesty I’ve seen the last few days has made me want to share a little more about my own discomfort around the topic of sex and therapists.
And, please this post (like my last post that seemed to have started all this) is not a criticism of anyone or any kinds of posts. It is just sharing another perspective.
From the time I was a very young girl up until I started therapy four years ago, I have never had a non-sexual relationship (except for my son). I’ve never had a relationship with a woman at all and all my relationships with men were sexual. No friends, no buddies, no pals, just lovers. Sex was the only way I knew how to interact with the world and in that self-perpetuating circle way, it seemed that the only way the world wanted to interact with me was through sex.
Then I started therapy and for the first time in my life someone cared about what I thought, what I felt, how I perceived the world and my place in it. For the first time someone didn’t care about how I look or how well I perform a particular sex act.
It was the most baffling, astonishing, de-stabilizing thing.
But now, I’ve grown to rely on it. Even though I will admit to having sexual feelings for my therapist from time to time (a lifetime of thinking that’s all I’m good for is hard to overcome) it would break my heart in a million pieces if at this point my therapist ever approached me sexually.
Posted by muffled on December 12, 2005, at 14:26:30
In reply to What I love about Babble, posted by cricket on December 12, 2005, at 12:39:11
> The honesty.
>
> Chipping away at issues.
> Poking and prodding each other ever so gently.
> “This is what I think.”
> “Is this what you’re saying?”
> The “I understands”
> The “Yes, I know what you mean.”
> The ability to come back, to clarify, to re-think
> The chance to look at other perspectives***yeah me too
>
> When I logged in and saw all the posts about sex and therapists, it was amazing.
>
> It seemed like a bunch of archaeologists very gently blowing away dust to see what lies underneath.***that is such a beautiful and gentle analogy
>
> Once in a while someone cannot be encouraged to do the same gentle digging, but as I’ve seen these last few days that is the exception.
>
> You are an amazing bunch of insightful, thoughtful, honest people.***thats you too eh cricket
>
> I am inclined to let the subject drop because I think we all must be tired of it. But all the honesty I’ve seen the last few days has made me want to share a little more about my own discomfort around the topic of sex and therapists.
>
> And, please this post (like my last post that seemed to have started all this) is not a criticism of anyone or any kinds of posts. It is just sharing another perspective.
>
> From the time I was a very young girl up until I started therapy four years ago, I have never had a non-sexual relationship (except for my son). I’ve never had a relationship with a woman at all and all my relationships with men were sexual. No friends, no buddies, no pals, just lovers. Sex was the only way I knew how to interact with the world and in that self-perpetuating circle way, it seemed that the only way the world wanted to interact with me was through sex.***You remind me so much of one of my childhood friends..:(
>
> Then I started therapy and for the first time in my life someone cared about what I thought, what I felt, how I perceived the world and my place in it. For the first time someone didn’t care about how I look or how well I perform a particular sex act.*** :)
>
> It was the most baffling, astonishing, de-stabilizing thing.***:(
>
> But now, I’ve grown to rely on it. Even though I will admit to having sexual feelings for my therapist from time to time (a lifetime of thinking that’s all I’m good for is hard to overcome) it would break my heart in a million pieces if at this point my therapist ever approached me sexually.
>
***I guess he must know that?
Men....there are some good ones out there......I fortunately have found one, they very hard to find....I could say more....
but I won't.
Cricket, that was a beautiful poingnant post. Just like you inside.
I'm so glad you are learning you not just meat. You are a person, an amazing individual thats good to talk to.
I'm so happy for you that you ahve found a good male to help you. Who is as safe as anyone ever is I suppose.
I am sure you are helping lots of others here (incl. me) with your honesty.
Thanks cricket.
Hugs ((((Cricket)))) ,safe friend hugs for you if you want them.
Muffled.
Posted by Shortelise on December 12, 2005, at 15:06:30
In reply to What I love about Babble, posted by cricket on December 12, 2005, at 12:39:11
Wonderfully said, Cricket.
I for many years had only sexual relationships with men, and that was my currency. I trust my T, I know that it is not his interest, and never would be. I count on that. And I respect him so much.
ShortE
Posted by 10derHeart on December 12, 2005, at 21:11:40
In reply to What I love about Babble, posted by cricket on December 12, 2005, at 12:39:11
Cricket,
That was one of the most beautiful, well-written, amazing posts I've ever seen here.
And it's obvious why that's so. Because YOU are one of the thoughtful, honest, insightful people you mentioned!
I held my breath all the way through it, honestly.
I've not had your same history with relationships, particularly with men, yet I still feel I can relate to what you wrote in many ways. Even without that background, I would have been more than devastated if either of my Ts acted out in a sexual way toward me. It's even hard for me to write about, because you sort of have to imagine it for a split second even to write the sentence I just wrote.
And I don't even want to imagine it for a split second. Not *even* with ex-T (aka T1) for whom I had/have quite powerful romantic/sexual longings still tucked away, far down inside somewhere. No, not even with him. No matter what I wrote to him about, implied I dreamed of, or confessed to feeling, I ALWAYS felt completely safe in his care and strength and wisdom and knowing what to do with all that. Responding in a physical, man-woman way would have been...{{shudder}} :-(
Anyway.....
Cricket, I hope maybe you might feel like you have at least little bits (beginnings?) of relationships with some women here at Babble. I know it's not the same as IRL, but frankly, at times, for me it's just as good or better. It's so very sad that was not possible for you in the past :-( I would be honored to be one of your Babble-friends.
Thank you for posting this. It is such a special post, as you are such a special person. ((cricket)) - 10derHeart
Posted by Dinah on December 12, 2005, at 21:41:17
In reply to What I love about Babble, posted by cricket on December 12, 2005, at 12:39:11
That was really beautiful, Cricket.
I echo 10derheart. I would be honored also to be an online female friend.
Posted by annierose on December 12, 2005, at 22:27:59
In reply to What I love about Babble, posted by cricket on December 12, 2005, at 12:39:11
I echo everyone else. You wrote that so beautifully. And I agree, babble is a wonderful place to make friends.
Posted by Gabbix2 on December 13, 2005, at 0:06:58
In reply to What I love about Babble, posted by cricket on December 12, 2005, at 12:39:11
Thank you Cricket
Your post was beautiful. And though I don't have a therapist, because of what you wrote, I now understand why the topic touched me the way it did.
I can't go into any more.
But thank you
Posted by daisym on December 13, 2005, at 0:27:29
In reply to What I love about Babble, posted by cricket on December 12, 2005, at 12:39:11
Quietly I drove through the streets, taking in the Christmas lights and the fog creeping in. No radio, no talking...just gentle silence. For a moment, I saw the world as it could be, the way it should be.
Your post gave me the same feeling - gentle optimism and faith well-placed in the people here.
Thank you.
Posted by cricket on December 13, 2005, at 15:41:50
In reply to What I love about Babble, posted by cricket on December 12, 2005, at 12:39:11
Thank you Muffy, ShortE, 10derHeart, Dinah, AnnieRose, Gabbix2, DaisyM.
Smiles and hugs for all my on-line friends.
Posted by fairywings on December 14, 2005, at 20:29:21
In reply to What I love about Babble, posted by cricket on December 12, 2005, at 12:39:11
hi cricket,
i'm still trying to catch up on the board, since i haven't been on the computer too much. you say the most profound things. your posts say what i feel, but don't think. does that make any sense? i haven't had the same experience of having nothing but sexual relationships, but it seems to me that a relationship with a man, if it is of value, if they can love me, should have to involve sex. i want sex, i want intimacy, i want to be loved, and i equate love with sex, even though i realize that sex is reserved for my husband. i fantacize about other men. i guess it helps me cope.
but my t, i feel paternal feelings from him, not sexual. sometimes i can't even remember what he looks like. anyway, i'm glad you can tear things apart, and look at them. that must be a gift. you are really a cool person, you know that?
fw
Posted by fairywings on December 14, 2005, at 20:36:48
In reply to Re: What I love about Babble, posted by annierose on December 12, 2005, at 22:27:59
> babble is a wonderful place to make friends.
i agree annie, and yet, my t finds my online friendship (the only one he knows of) "compelling". Now it feels like there's something wrong with having online friends. i love babble, and i have come to really care about ppl here. i just wish, other than the babble party, we could meet babblers and be IRL friends.
fw
Posted by alexandra_k2 on December 14, 2005, at 21:40:00
In reply to What I love about Babble, posted by cricket on December 12, 2005, at 12:39:11
is all the lovely babblers
and you are one of those
you are
(((((cricket)))))
i don't know who i'm kidding...
i can't leave babble
i can't
i don't think i would let myself...
i love you guys too much
and i think i need to go and cry
and have a sleep
(((((cricket)))))
Posted by gardenergirl on December 14, 2005, at 22:05:47
In reply to Re: What I love about Babble, posted by alexandra_k2 on December 14, 2005, at 21:40:00
I love the friendships, the unconditional caring and support, the knowledge, insight, and wisdom...the friendships, the friendships, the friendships....
And ((((alex)))) it's okay to go cry. You've been through a lot recently. Sleep and rest will help. We'll be here.
gg
Posted by alexandra_k2 on December 15, 2005, at 17:57:39
In reply to (((((((Babblers))))))) » alexandra_k2, posted by gardenergirl on December 14, 2005, at 22:05:47
> And ((((alex)))) it's okay to go cry. You've been through a lot recently.
And I have...
Crying and crying and crying...
I think I have just been getting through by sheer force of will for a while now.
I thought I was going to get student allowance for my three week extension period too...
Then I didn't get paid (with a week to go on deadline)
And I couldn't even think about it...
Just get it done
get it done
And now I find I don't qualify for any assistance for three weeks.
Right before christmas.
And...
I have been really very worried and upset and humiliated etc etc
And I went and saw someone today...
And they were so wonderful to me
And there are grants for people in this kind of situation
And I was feeling really very bad
And they were so nice to me
And I can't stop crying
And I wonder how long this is going to last for
I'm sorry.But I don't think I would have been able to do this without you guys.
I really don't.
And I have to go to bed...
Sleep and rest will help. We'll be here.
Posted by LegWarmers on December 15, 2005, at 18:04:54
In reply to Re: (((((((Babblers))))))) » gardenergirl, posted by alexandra_k2 on December 15, 2005, at 17:57:39
Oh that is wonderful news!
(((Alexandra_K2))) ;)
I am so happy for you
This is the end of the thread.
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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
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