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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 24 of 24. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by gardenergirl on October 5, 2005, at 15:52:05
I've been busier at times than I thought I would be, considering I'm only at the clinic one day a week now. I thought I'd be all over that "d-word" thing, but I've found other pressing stuff to fill the time. So of course I'm beating myself up for not doing what I had planned and spending several hours per day on my "d".
Plus, I haven't been feeling well, which likely is due to the dose (still low) of Lamictal I've been taking. So I dropped it back, the side effects went away, and now I'm depressed. Very blue. Doing nothing but wanting to sleep or stare into space. No appetite (now that's not like me AT ALL!) etc. I'm going back up on Nardil, which is depressing in and of itself. I should check to see when I have a pdoc appt. And T cancelled today, although we rescheduled for tomorrow afternoon. Sigh
And we recently found out bad news about my father-in-law's health--just before we went to visit them for the weekend. My hubby is devastated, and it's very very sad. Not going away any time soon, either--long haul kind of stuff. His mother is extremely stressed out, and it's just awful to see the two of them interact/ bicker right now.
And to see my hubby cry. He just doesn't do that. It's heartbreaking. What was that symbol for tears again?
This has opened up a whole lot of stuff beyond the immediate grief over the diagnosis. Stuff about trying to educate ourselves about the latest research on treatment and the expected course. Stuff about heritability and how to protect my hubby from getting it if possible. Whether we should look into genetic pre-natal counseling to test for this gene, among other health stuff that runs in his family before deciding whether to have children. Whether we should "hurry up' and have a child while his father could still enjoy being a grandfather.
And of course that issue opens up a whole 'nother can of worms.
Not to mention the primitive fears related to loss that are being triggererd.
Sigh, even 10 mg of ambien didn't help me sleep last night.
Okay gg, what would you tell yourself? Stay busy and distracted by doing mundane things. Pay attention to self-care. Talk to your hubby and to others. Honor your grief. Call your pdoc. DO your D, even if it's just a paragraph. Go work in your garden.
Anybody want to repeat that to me?
Damn it. It's hard to be the supportive wife when you feel like sh*t yourself.
Thanks for listening.
gg
Posted by ClearSkies on October 5, 2005, at 16:51:12
In reply to Very down--sorry not around so much, posted by gardenergirl on October 5, 2005, at 15:52:05
gg, sometimes we get depressed when sucky things happen. This is a sucky thing - serious illness in your family, implications for your husband and kiddies now or down the road...
when i saw my T today we talked about being able to cope with crises and stressors. being depressed makes this stuff more difficult to deal with: We Haven't Got The Power, Cap'n! (thank you Scotty). when we are feeling better we can work on our skills. when we are in a downward dog position it helps to remember those skills, but it is also OK to feel badly about what is happening. we can't be happy shiny people all the time, that would be so totally weird.
so. you have good advice you have given yourself, though i tend to think that we generally don't treat ourselves with the tenderness we deserve. i think that allowing yourself to feel sad about bad news would help.
here is a tender cyber hug ((((gg))))
and a cup of tea.
Posted by fairywings on October 5, 2005, at 16:54:02
In reply to Very down--sorry not around so much, posted by gardenergirl on October 5, 2005, at 15:52:05
Hi GG,I'm sorry you're going through so much right now. It must be really hard to know you have so many ppl depending on you when you feel like crap yourself. You gave yourself such great ideas for making yourself feel better, but I know it's hard to do the follow through when you just feel like lying around.
I'm really sorry that your FIL is ill and your MIL is having such a difficult time with it. Does he have top notch care, and does he have a strong support system? Does he have "faith"? I think that's what got both my FIL through his cancers years ago, and keeps my MIL strong.
I hope things get better the more you learn, and the more you understand about your situation and your FIL's. I hope your session tomorrow is good. In the meantime, try to sleep, it always seems harder when sleep eludes you.
fw
Posted by Annierose on October 5, 2005, at 17:25:50
In reply to Very down--sorry not around so much, posted by gardenergirl on October 5, 2005, at 15:52:05
GG -
I used some ambien last night too. Sorry that so much is going on. I'd bet if you were able to write that paragraph or two on your "d", you would start to feel better. That is such a huge psychological stressor hanging over your head. I have a friend that took 15 years!! to finish ... she had to keep begging for extension after extension.
I hate when therapy seems to get stuck. That's when lieing on the couch helps me most, I just try to let my thoughts float to the surface and they will usually lead us somewhere. But when you goes more than once a week, it's easy to run out of stuff to talk about. That's when that darn sub-conscious stuff likes to be heard.
Sorry about your FIL too. So hard to go through that.
Hope you are able to adjust your meds too. That should help with your mood.
You do have a lot on your plate right now. Remember to breathe!!Annierose
Posted by JenStar on October 5, 2005, at 18:55:14
In reply to Very down--sorry not around so much, posted by gardenergirl on October 5, 2005, at 15:52:05
hi gg,
I'm sorry you're struggling with all of this! I understand how awful facing aging, death and sickness can be, especially when it's a close family member.About genetic counseling -- if it's a really devastating and rare disease, but commonly inherited, maybe genetic testing would be wise. Otherwise I think it would be scary and almost self-limiting to do genetic testing. I think we all know how to "live healthy" whether we do or not. I'm not sure that getting a generic marker would MAKE someone change their lifestyle. But that's me and my ideas! Maybe you would feel better knowing what's out there. For some reason, I think I'd feel better NOT knowing. Hmmmm...
I don't think hurrying to have a baby just to be a grandbaby is a good idea, because then you're not considering the other (more important) things like: Are YOU ready for this? Your hubby? Of course, if you want a child anyway, maybe hurrying IS right. And there is adoption if you decide not to conceive naturally due to genetic concerns. I'm sure you'd make a great mom. :)
It's a lot to worry about, and I'm sorry. Please post when you can. I hope you're doing ok!
take care!
JenStar
Posted by terrics on October 5, 2005, at 19:09:57
In reply to Very down--sorry not around so much, posted by gardenergirl on October 5, 2005, at 15:52:05
Hi gg, So sorry that you are having such a difficult time. I cannot think of anything that will help you feel better, but I can give you this. {{{{GG}}}} terrics
Posted by orchid on October 5, 2005, at 19:27:24
In reply to Very down--sorry not around so much, posted by gardenergirl on October 5, 2005, at 15:52:05
I am sorry you are under lot of stress GG.
Worrying about inheriting a disorder is a real concern. I have rheumatoid arthritis, and just a while back, my mother also has been diagnosed with it, so I am also terrified of it being passed down to my kid. But the way I console myself is, it is still quite many years down the line - maybe even 20, so pretty much they will invent some nice drug for it.
I am sure you can console yourself too if you think along that line.
Plus in my religion we believe in Karma, so if we pray, then the bad Karma goes away, so that somehow gives me hope also.
Remember what you told me once, if you repeat a mantra again and again, then it calms down your mind. It might be worthwhile to try it during this period of stress yourself. It really helps me calm down quite a bit.
Posted by alexandra_k on October 5, 2005, at 20:44:29
In reply to Very down--sorry not around so much, posted by gardenergirl on October 5, 2005, at 15:52:05
((((gg))))) I'm sorry things are hard :-(
oh dear, the 'd' word thing... i do believe... i have the same issue. and one day of work... well, its amazing how it takes up far more energy and effort than just one days worth. i mean... with tutoring... one days worth of tutoring can take it out of me for a couple days. and i don't get anything of mine done because i'm stressing about being well prepared for that and then unwinding after that etc etc. and so i don't do anything for a couple of days even though i only worked one day officially. and yeah, it is hard. and i can only imagine that doing therapy with people... is so very much harder again.
i've had other things come up too... seminars mostly. have written a few seminars now. unfortunately i can't just string them together and submit that because there is too much repetition etc. haven't done any work on mine for a while now...
the children thing is hard...
i don't know what genetic thing you are worried about...
if the disorder is pretty bad... then it might be the thing to do...
in a worst case scenario...
would pre-embryo screening be a possibility?
i don't know how very expensive that would be...
don't know whether health insurance covers things like that either...(((gg)))) hang in there...
it just has to get better.
Posted by Shortelise on October 5, 2005, at 21:18:16
In reply to Very down--sorry not around so much, posted by gardenergirl on October 5, 2005, at 15:52:05
Here's some advice, so stop reading if you don't want advice:
Walk.
You could call a friend and ask him/her to walk with you. Make walk dates.
You could encourage your husband to walk with you.
((GG))
ShortE
Posted by messadivoce on October 6, 2005, at 0:35:03
In reply to Very down--sorry not around so much, posted by gardenergirl on October 5, 2005, at 15:52:05
<<I'm going back up on Nardil, which is depressing in and of itself.>>
Don't guilt yourself, hon. This is not forever. Just for now.
<<And to see my hubby cry. He just doesn't do that. It's heartbreaking.>>
I know. I know. Isn't it hard when the people we love are hurting and there isn't a single thing we can do to make it better? :-(
<<Stay busy and distracted by doing mundane things. Pay attention to self-care. Talk to your hubby and to others. Honor your grief. Call your pdoc. DO your D, even if it's just a paragraph. Go work in your garden.>>
And don't be afraid to cry.
Many warm hugs to you. I hope you can find sleep tonight.
Posted by Dinah on October 6, 2005, at 7:18:08
In reply to Very down--sorry not around so much, posted by gardenergirl on October 5, 2005, at 15:52:05
I'm so sorry, gg. :(
Family health crises are the worst stressor I've ever had.
But maybe now isn't the time to think of all the ramifications, and testing, and what might be. There will be plenty of time for that when you get your bearings.
Like it probably wasn't a good idea for my therapist to rush out and buy a house in an area he had no real desire to live in in the immediate aftermath of the storm. Or it wouldn't be wise for me to buy a house in Huntsville this weekend.
Pause and allow yourself to take in the immediate ramifications then add one at a time.
Easier said than done I know.
And distract, definitely distract. My brain seems to know that without my help, and generally provides an obsession when I need one. But rarely productive ones, I fear.
Your warmth and compassion have always meant so much to me, gg. I wish I had some way to repay it to you. But maybe you could direct some towards yourself while you're trying to take care of others.
(((((gg))))))
Posted by B2chica on October 6, 2005, at 11:01:42
In reply to Very down--sorry not around so much, posted by gardenergirl on October 5, 2005, at 15:52:05
i think everyone else has pretty much said it all. but i wanted to say i'm sorry you are having so much stress right now. and i'm right there with you about writing you 'D'. i need to finish writing my 'T' (not therapist). it's hard to get motivated. but i'm trying to look at it, not as a chore but something to keep me occupied so i don't stress about other things.
i'm sorry to hear about your FIL. you and your family are in my prayers.sorry not much help, but you've been so good to me i just wanted to tell you i care and i wish there was something i could do.
take care of yourself ((((((((((((gg))))))))))))
b2c.
Posted by greyskyeyes on October 6, 2005, at 11:41:33
In reply to Very down--sorry not around so much, posted by gardenergirl on October 5, 2005, at 15:52:05
I really can't add anything profound to what everyone else said... they all said it so well... but do make sure to take care of yourself as much as those around you. It's hard to deal with stressful events when you're stressed yourself. Try to take things as they come.
I'll keep my fingers crossed that things turn out OK for you.
~ grey
(oh, and don't rush kids unless you are 100% sure you're ready!!! they're wonderful but oh my God are they stressful)
Posted by rainbowbrite on October 6, 2005, at 14:28:56
In reply to Very down--sorry not around so much, posted by gardenergirl on October 5, 2005, at 15:52:05
aww Im so sorry gg
please dont beat yourself up for not being supportive enough. Taking care of yourself is important! I will keep my fingers crossed for your father in law.Your in my thoughts
rain
Posted by Tamar on October 6, 2005, at 16:50:56
In reply to Very down--sorry not around so much, posted by gardenergirl on October 5, 2005, at 15:52:05
I’m sorry you’re having such a hard time, gardenergirl.
No wonder you’re having trouble getting to your ‘d’. The bad news about your father-in-law must be awful, and the implications of it must be hugely stressful. The one piece of advice I’d give you (if you’re looking it, and maybe you’re not) is that having a child for your father-in-law isn’t necessarily the best plan, particularly if there are genetic issues that need to be considered. And especially if you want to finish the ‘d’ thing.
Advice apart, you’re in my thoughts.
And if there’s anything I do to help with the ‘d’, just let me know. I’ve been there and done that and I know how hard it is. I hope you’re getting as much support as you can find.
Tamar
Posted by All Done on October 6, 2005, at 16:54:15
In reply to Very down--sorry not around so much, posted by gardenergirl on October 5, 2005, at 15:52:05
> I've been busier at times than I thought I would be, considering I'm only at the clinic one day a week now. I thought I'd be all over that "d-word" thing, but I've found other pressing stuff to fill the time. So of course I'm beating myself up for not doing what I had planned and spending several hours per day on my "d".
You have so much else going on right now. Can you change your plan to something more manageable, like maybe 1/2 hour per day or 1 hour every other day?
> Plus, I haven't been feeling well, which likely is due to the dose (still low) of Lamictal I've been taking. So I dropped it back, the side effects went away, and now I'm depressed. Very blue. Doing nothing but wanting to sleep or stare into space. No appetite (now that's not like me AT ALL!) etc. I'm going back up on Nardil, which is depressing in and of itself. I should check to see when I have a pdoc appt. And T cancelled today, although we rescheduled for tomorrow afternoon. Sigh
How did your session today go? I hope you were able to talk to your T about everything that's going on. Last week, I went to my session feeling so down. I apologized to my T because I felt like I was too focused on little details (stressors) and not the "big picture" or whatever it is I feel like I "should" be working on. He just said, "well, maybe this is how you want to spend your time this week and that's okay". Somehow, it helped just to talk.
> And we recently found out bad news about my father-in-law's health--just before we went to visit them for the weekend. My hubby is devastated, and it's very very sad. Not going away any time soon, either--long haul kind of stuff. His mother is extremely stressed out, and it's just awful to see the two of them interact/ bicker right now.
>
> And to see my hubby cry. He just doesn't do that. It's heartbreaking. What was that symbol for tears again?
>
> This has opened up a whole lot of stuff beyond the immediate grief over the diagnosis. Stuff about trying to educate ourselves about the latest research on treatment and the expected course. Stuff about heritability and how to protect my hubby from getting it if possible. Whether we should look into genetic pre-natal counseling to test for this gene, among other health stuff that runs in his family before deciding whether to have children. Whether we should "hurry up' and have a child while his father could still enjoy being a grandfather.
>
> And of course that issue opens up a whole 'nother can of worms.
>
> Not to mention the primitive fears related to loss that are being triggererd.
>
> Sigh, even 10 mg of ambien didn't help me sleep last night.I'm so sorry about your father-in-law. I don't know what to say because it's such a hard thing. Spend as much time with him as you can.
I'd be very careful about "hurrying up" to have a grandchild. There are so many what ifs involved. And I wouldn't want to see you feeling guilty for something you can't control. On the other hand...well, I understand why you would want to. Maybe email me if you want to talk about it some more.
> Okay gg, what would you tell yourself? Stay busy and distracted by doing mundane things. Pay attention to self-care. Talk to your hubby and to others. Honor your grief. Call your pdoc. DO your D, even if it's just a paragraph. Go work in your garden.
>
> Anybody want to repeat that to me?You are a very smart woman, gg. You know just what to tell yourself, but I know it's hard to put these things into practice.
> Damn it. It's hard to be the supportive wife when you feel like sh*t yourself.
I know. :-(
> Thanks for listening.
>
> ggI'm sorry so much has hit at once. Try to take one thing at a time and put your focus where it needs to be at that particular moment. Even if it's in bits and pieces at least maybe, just maybe, it won't feel so overwhelming.
I'll be thinking about and praying for you and your family.
Gentle hugs,
Laurie
Posted by Damos on October 6, 2005, at 17:00:16
In reply to Very down--sorry not around so much, posted by gardenergirl on October 5, 2005, at 15:52:05
Don't know what to say gg. Sorry things aren't so good right now. Thinking of you and your family and sending wishes for your FIL.
(((((gg)))))
Posted by gardenergirl on October 6, 2005, at 17:31:22
In reply to Re: Very down--sorry not around so much » gardenergirl, posted by Damos on October 6, 2005, at 17:00:16
I don't really have the energy to respond individually right now. But I wanted to thank everyone for your kind words, advice, and warm thoughts. I feel loved, and that helps bunches.
At the same time, I feel like I'm falling apart, because I can't seem to keep from crying at the drop of a hat. (It's probably at least in part PMS).
So everyone keep your hats, on, 'k? Cause this crying headache really stinks. I've got to go find that remedy somebody posted long ago. I can never remember which goes where of the hot and cold.
Thanks again. I'll write more later.
gg
Posted by 64bowtie on October 8, 2005, at 2:32:03
In reply to ((((gg))))), posted by rainbowbrite on October 6, 2005, at 14:28:56
((((GG))))),
What can I do to help???
Rod
Posted by gardenergirl on October 8, 2005, at 16:57:46
In reply to ((((GG))))), posted by 64bowtie on October 8, 2005, at 2:32:03
Posted by Poet on October 8, 2005, at 18:07:38
In reply to I'm much better, thanks (nm) » 64bowtie, posted by gardenergirl on October 8, 2005, at 16:57:46
Hi GG,
I'm happy (well as happy as I get) that you are feeling better. So much hit you at once.
I hope you were able to work in the garden. I grew pumpkins for the first time. They are very small, but are turning orange. I should have asked you for advice since they were supposed to be big ones.
Nurture yourself like you do your garden, okay?
Poet
Posted by gardenergirl on October 8, 2005, at 18:14:11
In reply to Re: I'm much better, thanks » gardenergirl, posted by Poet on October 8, 2005, at 18:07:38
> Hi GG,
>
> I'm happy (well as happy as I get) that you are feeling better. So much hit you at once.Thanks
>
> I hope you were able to work in the garden. I grew pumpkins for the first time. They are very small, but are turning orange. I should have asked you for advice since they were supposed to be big ones.Sounds really cool. I wouldn't have any advice for you, though. I grow herbs and flowers, mostly perennials. I tried tomatoes once or twice, but the wildlife get to them before I could ever get one. No fun at all to reach for a ripe red tomato and find the other side of it is gone from a chomp! Mini pumpkins are very cute, though. Good for you!
>
> Nurture yourself like you do your garden, okay?That's a lovely thought. Thanks. You do that, too, 'k?
gg
Posted by alexandra_k on October 8, 2005, at 18:43:48
In reply to Re: I'm much better, thanks » Poet, posted by gardenergirl on October 8, 2005, at 18:14:11
hey. hope you are feeling a bit better. seems people here know my cycle better than i do! its funny because it doesn't seem to me like it is cycle related... but i guess that at those times we are just more vulnerable to letting all the sh*t that we normally deal with okay get on top of us. at least... i hope that is what it is because then it means it doesn't last tooooo long.
thats right... you are into gardening. not suprising really given the posting name (or at least it is fairly obvious once you think of it lol!) i'm hopeless... hopeless with plants and fish. used to have a venus flytrap :-) just a little one. i used to take it out into the garden at dusk when the sandflies were about because i think it was too little to catch a fly. i read that they like marshes and like to be cool and damp which was just perfect for the place i was living in. it was a gift from someone, though, and she got one at the same time and put it in full sun on her windowsill. i had to go into hospital so she looked after it for me but she put it in the sun with her one and it died. i guess they are a bit adaptable but not quite that adaptable...
bit of a ramble sorry...
:-)
Posted by rainbowbrite on October 9, 2005, at 8:48:55
In reply to I'm much better, thanks (nm) » 64bowtie, posted by gardenergirl on October 8, 2005, at 16:57:46
Im glad you are feeling better!
This is the end of the thread.
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