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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 5 to 29 of 29. Go back in thread:
Posted by Dinah on October 2, 2005, at 20:36:08
In reply to The gifts of therapy, posted by Annierose on October 2, 2005, at 17:07:51
That was beautiful, Annierose.
Posted by daisym on October 2, 2005, at 22:26:43
In reply to Re: The gifts of therapy, posted by Dinah on October 2, 2005, at 20:36:08
Posted by 10derHeart on October 2, 2005, at 22:50:57
In reply to nice to see you! (nm) » Dinah, posted by daisym on October 2, 2005, at 22:26:43
Posted by Annierose on October 3, 2005, at 6:43:09
In reply to Re: The gifts of therapy, posted by rubenstein on October 2, 2005, at 17:15:01
Thanks for reading. I hope you continue to feel better in the upcoming weeks too. I'm glad it made you smile.
Sometimes I worry I can't carry the momentum forward. My T tells me not to force things, just relax (like that's a possibility) and let things flow. We'll see how today's session goes.
Posted by Annierose on October 3, 2005, at 6:47:34
In reply to Re: The gifts of therapy » Annierose, posted by daisym on October 2, 2005, at 17:18:24
Was this weekend as difficult as you'd imagined? You sound better.
Aren't you glad the T you found was psychodynamic? I'm glad I have someone I can work on these really hard issues. It must be hard on them, to be the focus of their client's emotional lives.
I'm glad she caught me too. I was thinking of what I wrote to you when I brought up the preschooler during the session. It's funny when babble comes into the therapy room.
Posted by Annierose on October 3, 2005, at 6:53:31
In reply to Re: The gifts of therapy » Annierose, posted by Tamar on October 2, 2005, at 18:02:21
Tamar -
Thanks for replying. I keep re-reading your babblemail, you have so many insights and it all makes sense.
I know you can do this sort of work! You think about all this stuff, on so many levels. I wish your T wasn't a short-term type of therapist. Sometimes they are willing to take on a long-term client (like Dinah's).
Yes, I like my T very much. And my husband is acknowledging how much happier I am now that working with her again. He understands the bigger picture too: happy wife = happy family.
Posted by Annierose on October 3, 2005, at 6:56:38
In reply to Re: The gifts of therapy, posted by Dinah on October 2, 2005, at 20:36:08
Dinah -
My heart is breaking for you. Please call or write if you need a listening ear. I know how hard this is and how much harder it may get. Your babble friends are here for you and we all want to help.
If you have the strength, let us know about Huntsville, where are you with that decision?
Posted by fairywings on October 3, 2005, at 10:17:51
In reply to Re: The gifts of therapy » rubenstein, posted by Annierose on October 3, 2005, at 6:43:09
That was really beautiful annie! How long have you been doing therapy? How in the world do you have the ability to be so incredibly open with your feelings? That's the true gift, you are so open with HER, and her gift to you is receiving it so graciously. How did you come to do therapy 3 times a week? Was that a mutual decision?
fw
Posted by Dinah on October 3, 2005, at 15:12:11
In reply to Ditto from me! (nm), posted by 10derHeart on October 2, 2005, at 22:50:57
Posted by Dinah on October 3, 2005, at 15:14:04
In reply to Re: The gifts of therapy » Dinah, posted by Annierose on October 3, 2005, at 6:56:38
Thanks Annierose. I'm going to post below about my therapy appt today.
Posted by Annierose on October 3, 2005, at 15:54:47
In reply to Re: The gifts of therapy » Annierose, posted by fairywings on October 3, 2005, at 10:17:51
Hi FW -
My relationship with this therapist goes back to 1983 when I first began seeing her after I graduated from college. She was a new T, just out of school, still working on her Ph.D. I saw her back then for, I think, about 5 years, twice a week. I quit mid-session, after she awkwardly disclosed she was pregnant. I never spoke to her again (although I think she called once to try to talk about why I walked out & schedule one more appt).
Obviously we had a history, and I always felt fondly towards her. My life moved on, I got divorced, opened my own business, re-married, had children ... blah, blah, blah. Around 3 years ago, my husband and I were experiencing multiple stressors: his job situation was shakey, his father had a brain tumor, then kidney tumor, my accountant for my business made some mistakes, and worse of all, my oldest child at the time was experiencing depression. I wanted to get professional help throughout the year, but didn't want to start the process all over again. I had seen 2 other therapists since, but it wasn't the same.
Anyway, that Christmas (2003), I had sent my previous T a Holiday card. I didn't write anything in the card, just sent it. She wrote back a very short note, wishing me well. I flipped out. I didn't know what I was feeling, or what I wanted to do with the feelings, so after a month, I called to make an appointment. We started with once a week, but I kept adding second sessions all the time. Then by Fall (of last year) I asked if I could come three times a week. So to finally answer your question, I just asked. Knowing she was psychodynamic in theory, I was comfortable with asking (i.e. the more you come, the more you get out of it).
To answer how am I able to be so open? ... I owe a great deal of my openness to Babble ... so many posters helped give me the courage to just say what I really want to say (although I fall short all the time too). Dinah, GG, Daisy, Pfinstegg, Fallsfall, Tamar (I'm sure I'm leaving people out) their stories, their relationship with their T's, are such a source of inspiration. Plus, I am fairly open by nature. I'm not shy. But it's quite different to be so vulnerable in therapy.
Anyway, after almost 2 years working with my very first T again, I am doing so much better. My T has more experience in being a T, and I have more maturity.
Didn't think my reply would get so long. Thanks for asking and reading!!
Posted by Poet on October 3, 2005, at 21:32:32
In reply to The gifts of therapy, posted by Annierose on October 2, 2005, at 17:07:51
Hi Annierose,
I'm struggling with allowing attachment to my T. I hope I can get to a point where I admit to myself how much I do need her. I just can't get the I need to do this alone feeling out of me.
Your T seemed to completely understand little you and adult you. You did giver her the gift of your heart and soul- that's a fantastic gift.
Thanks for sharing.
Poet
Posted by Annierose on October 3, 2005, at 21:54:14
In reply to Re: The gifts of therapy » Annierose, posted by Poet on October 3, 2005, at 21:32:32
Poet -
I do know that feeling, needing to be completely independent, to a fault. I think losing my T years ago, and never working out that sudden termination (by walking out), I knew I now had a second chance to really work hard at this therapy stuff this time around. I didn't want to leave anything unsaid. She had held a special place in my heart all those years inbetween.By reading other babblers stories, I trusted the therapy process more. Others had expressed attachment, need, etc to their T's and the T didn't freak out, run away .... that helped give me the courage to try to let her in my heart a little at a time. I still hold things back. And I need to keep asking myself "why won't you let the words come out?". Eventually, I may get there.
Try with baby steps (oh no, is that the line from "What's the Matter with Bob?").
Good to see you again,
Annie
Posted by fairywings on October 3, 2005, at 22:59:02
In reply to Re: Answers ... more than you wanted to know .... » fairywings, posted by Annierose on October 3, 2005, at 15:54:47
> I quit mid-session, after she awkwardly disclosed she was pregnant. I never spoke to her again (although I think she called once to try to talk about why I walked out & schedule one more appt).
Very interesting. Did you ever figure out what it was that made you quit so abruptly? did the two of you go back and work that out?
>
>Wow you went through SO much! Did your husband or child get therapy?
>
> Anyway, that Christmas (2003), I had sent my previous T a Holiday card. I didn't write anything in the card, just sent it. She wrote back a very short note, wishing me well. I flipped out. I didn't know what I was feeling, or what I wanted to do with the feelings, so after a month, I called to make an appointment.That was really brave. It's great that you took advantage of her response and recognized your feelings and went with them and called her. You're very in touch, that's good.
>> We started with once a week, but I kept adding second sessions all the time. Then by Fall (of last year) I asked if I could come three times a week. So to finally answer your question, I just asked. Knowing she was psychodynamic in theory, I was comfortable with asking (i.e. the more you come, the more you get out of it).
So, how do you know if someone is psychodynamic? I asked my T what kind of therapy he practiced and he just said basically he used a corrective emotional experience. He said it in a more round about way, but ....
I think it's great that so many people are able to go more than once a week. I feel like I'm crawling along at a snail's pace, and it will take me forever! It ever! To get anywhere, and it the meantime things keep coming up.>
> To answer how am I able to be so open? ... I owe a great deal of my openness to Babble ... so many posters helped give me the courage to just say what I really want to say (although I fall short all the time too). Dinah, GG, Daisy, Pfinstegg, Fallsfall, Tamar (I'm sure I'm leaving people out) their stories, their relationship with their T's, are such a source of inspiration. Plus, I am fairly open by nature. I'm not shy. But it's quite different to be so vulnerable in therapy.That's awesome, and I agree, it does help to know that other ppl are out there with the same feelings, having the same things go on, and that T's are okay with the feelings, and it's okay to express them.
>
>
>
> Didn't think my reply would get so long. Thanks for asking and reading!!I fully appreciate every word! Thank you a million times over for your thoughtful reply!
fw
Posted by Annierose on October 4, 2005, at 7:37:37
In reply to Re: Answers ... more than you wanted to know ...., posted by fairywings on October 3, 2005, at 22:59:02
Hi again -
Yes, we have talked about the reasons why I quit mid-session, but I wouldn't say we resolved them. Maybe we agreed that we see it differently. But she did own up to her own part in the awkward, "I think you know something about me that you are not sharing." Which was her way of telling me she was pregnant, because I had NO clue, and just guessed and BINGO, she was. And she did admit she was probably feeling quite large, but hoped next time I could stay and talk about my anger. I let her know I have grown up a bit, am more mature than 15 years ago. She replied that she is a more experienced therapist too. And I bring up our past work all the time. She surprisingly remembers a lot from that time. She was with a group practice before, and doesn't have access to those records. Now she has her own solo practice ... much nicer too.
I guess I knew she was psychodynamic because she shared that with me the first time I saw her. I asked a lot of questions, "why do you want to see me more than once a week?" "How come I've been here so long?" I'm not sure what type of therapist your T is. Some T's are just trained for short term cognitive type of work. Psychodynamic T's believe that current struggles almost always goes back to some dsyfunction/conflict in your earlier childhood. Going more often allows one to start talking about this inner child stuff. With less life inbetween sessions, our brains will start talking about the really hard stuff, instead of what happened during the week.
My daughter did get help. It was such an intense battle to physically get her there (and she was only 9 years old at the time). But the difference 3 years later is nothing short of a miracle (and the result of continuing the hard work in therapy). She is in middle school now and is so happy and together. Getting her help at such a young age will help her well into adulthood. Both my doctor and my daughter's think that she will be a therapist one day.
My husband's company did fold into thin air, but he was quickly recruited into another firm. My father-in-law had his kidney removed, but the tumor in his brain remains. The surgery is too risky (if not impossible) and it's growing (so far) at a very slow pace. His doctor believes he will die of another cause before this tumor affects his life.
Writing all of this, it's so great to see the progress we have made as a family. Trust me, we still have issues, but compared to that terrible year, when everything was falling apart, our lives are coming together once again.
How long have you been seeing your T?
Posted by gardenergirl on October 4, 2005, at 11:24:57
In reply to Re: Answers ... more than you wanted to know .... » fairywings, posted by Annierose on October 4, 2005, at 7:37:37
I'm so late to this thread, but I wanted to thank you for sharing this experience with us. Definitely made me smile.
gg
Posted by fairywings on October 4, 2005, at 13:24:24
In reply to Re: Answers ... more than you wanted to know .... » fairywings, posted by Annierose on October 4, 2005, at 7:37:37
Hi Annie,
It's amazing how many parallels we have in our lives.
Our daughter got counseling also at age 9 or 10, I don't remember exactly now, after sufering PTSD from being in a tornado and a very bad relationship with another child. It was too late b4 I realized what was going on. Actually I didn't even realize what was going on, my other daughter brought it to my attention, and I still feel guilty all these 5 or 6 years later. If it had gone on any longer who knows what would have happened, but she's now doing so well, AND she also thinks she'd like to be a T! ; )
My father in law had colon cancer, and then kidney cancer, he also had his kidney removed. That was about 12 years ago, and he's doing so well. Unbelieveable how resilent ppl can be.
My T must be psychodynamic. I've been seeing him only for about 6 weeks now, I think. (I switched after being with another T for 8 weeks. The ex T was CBT, kind of abrasive, and ppl on the boards kept telling me to quit, but I wouldn't listen! ; )) My new T is so very nice, very caring, very accepting. He has said that he believes that past abuses have created a lot of the struggles I have today - a lot of the physical problems too - terrible migraines, etc... He pushed the inner child thing until it started causing me problems, which I talked about on earlier threads. He's since dropped it because of that. I know I have a long way to go, and I'm sure he's not trying to get me out of there in 12 weeks, a year, or any set time table.
I hope your husband was able to put things back together and get another job. I know how difficult that can be for everyone. I'm glad that you have come such a long way and were all able to make so much progress. Feels good doesn't it?
fw
Posted by Annierose on October 4, 2005, at 14:51:50
In reply to Re: Answers ... more than you wanted to know .... » Annierose, posted by gardenergirl on October 4, 2005, at 11:24:57
I miss reading your threads/posts/comments. I figure you must be working really hard at school and at the clinic and spending time with your husband. Do you ever feel like the man at the circus that keeps those plates spinning on sticks, having to tend to them constantly, or they fall down? I do.
I know you are working on similar issues. Are you liking the 2x per week set-up?
Is is crazy hot today (like 85 degrees?)? We are in the midwest, aren't we?
Posted by Annierose on October 4, 2005, at 16:00:24
In reply to Re: Answers ... more than you wanted to know .... » Annierose, posted by fairywings on October 4, 2005, at 13:24:24
FW-
You just started this journey with your T ... six weeks is no time at all. So be patient. I can imagine myself still working for another year or two. It's definitely a slow process. Do you want to see him 2x per week? Have you asked?
Posted by fairywings on October 4, 2005, at 21:06:59
In reply to Re: Answers ... more than you wanted to know .... » fairywings, posted by Annierose on October 4, 2005, at 16:00:24
> FW-
> You just started this journey with your T ... six weeks is no time at all. So be patient. I can imagine myself still working for another year or two. It's definitely a slow process. Do you want to see him 2x per week? Have you asked?Hi Annie,
I haven't asked, and it hasn't come up. I see him Th. and I was hoping for a good appt this week, but I just got a call from my doctor's office a few hours ago, and got some really bad health news. I am really depressed about it. I don't even want to tell him about it. I feel like such a freak.
fw
Posted by Annierose on October 5, 2005, at 8:46:41
In reply to Re: Answers ... more than you wanted to know .... » Annierose, posted by fairywings on October 4, 2005, at 21:06:59
Do you want to tell me?
Sometimes telling someone else first makes it easier everytime thereafter ....
Sharing your bad health news with your doctor may help you feel closer to him. He'd be the perfect person to hear it and help you with your feelings.
Posted by fairywings on October 5, 2005, at 9:49:05
In reply to Re: Answers ... more than you wanted to know .... » fairywings, posted by Annierose on October 5, 2005, at 8:46:41
Thanks Annie,
We talked about what was going on physically last time, which was bad enough, very embarrassing for me, but he was very kind and very understanding. But after my doctor's office called me, now I know part of WHY what's happening to me physically is happening. It's just to embarrassing to go into, and I just don't want to tell him about it.
Part of it's not, I have terrible muscle pain all over. I told my huband that I had leg pain that usually goes away when I get extra potassium, but it's not, and now I know why. My anger outbursts are part of it, and some other stuff. I just feel like a total freak and loser, even though it's a physical problem which I can't help, but I do wonder if it's partly related to some of the meds I'm on. It started getting bad, as far as I can remember, after I started taking Topamax for migraines, and now I have a kidney stone from that too, which I'm not going to tell him, but I'm trying to wean myself off of it.
I have a lot of physical problems, and I'm on a lot of medications, which he pointed out the first time I saw him. (4 alone for migraines) Then when I saw him the 2nd time, and he realized how much it bothered me that he said something, he kind of retracted what he said. But then the next time I saw my p-doc, he said, "Boy, we've got you on a lot of stuff." Now I can't get that out of my mind, and again, I feel like such a loser.
I'm on the border, in a way I want to go and talk to him, in a way I just want to cancel and chuck it all. Every week I think, "it can't get any worse", and every week it has. Every time I tell him things I think I'm telling him the the worst I can possible tell, but every week it seems like something new, something worse happens, and I feel like fate keeps tossing bad stuff my way.
I'm just too ashamed of this to talk about it to him because I wonder if I've created it by going on the meds in the first place. It's not like VD or AIDS or anything like that, it's just something I can't deal with, something that makes me feel like a freak.
fw
Posted by antigua on October 5, 2005, at 10:08:01
In reply to Re: Answers ... more than you wanted to know .... » Annierose, posted by fairywings on October 5, 2005, at 9:49:05
You are not a freak! Repeat 20 times. You have physical problems that need to be dealt with, and it sounds like you are doing your best to deal with them. Your T can help you if you open up, you have to believe that in your heart.
As to it seeming like it just gets worse and worse everytime you go, there will start being individual moments when you will feel better and then one day, the little pieces will fit together into a bigger piece and you will have better tools and feelings to work with. I don't mean to sound Pollyannish, but just try to have faith--faith in yourself and the process.
best,
antigua
Posted by fairywings on October 5, 2005, at 10:39:09
In reply to Re: Answers ... more than you wanted to know .... » fairywings, posted by antigua on October 5, 2005, at 10:08:01
Thanks antigua, I appreciate your kind thoughts.
fw
Posted by gardenergirl on October 5, 2005, at 15:56:18
In reply to Re: Good to see you on the boards ... » gardenergirl, posted by Annierose on October 4, 2005, at 14:51:50
> I miss reading your threads/posts/comments. I figure you must be working really hard at school and at the clinic and spending time with your husband. Do you ever feel like the man at the circus that keeps those plates spinning on sticks, having to tend to them constantly, or they fall down? I do.
I've missed being here, too. I posted below about some stuff that's going on, so I don't hijack this thread. http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20051001/msgs/563288.html
Sometimes I feel like I'm juggling all of that. I think I do better, actually, when I have that much going on. But it's hard to say. I'm not juggling at all today. I'm hiding under the covers.
>
> I know you are working on similar issues. Are you liking the 2x per week set-up?Yeah, it's very good. Sessions have been less intense recently. Not sure what I think about that. Monday he talked way more than usual. Weird. But okay.
>
> Is is crazy hot today (like 85 degrees?)? We are in the midwest, aren't we?Yep, that's what I thought. I was in TN last weekend, and it was so hot at the football game we went to we left early. We never do that. Now being from the midwest, the concept of HOT and FOOTBALL...just don't go together. Give me cocoa and mittens and scarves and the smell and feel of snow just around the bend. Now that's football!
Hope you are doing well. I may babblemail you for a referral for a photographer. That seems to be the last thing my sis can't come up with for the W.
Take care,
gg
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