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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 13 of 13. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by sleepygirl on September 7, 2005, at 20:21:09
I went to therapy today and then was struck by how difficult it is to accept that my T cares about me. that should be a good thing, no? But for some reason all I can get to is, he doesn't hate me, and that's it. Then in true sleepygirl fashion I started to feel really badly for this T who has spent all this time with my sorry *ss, and then realized what a jerk I am for not being able to truly appreciate that.
Then I decided to call him and let him know I appreciate him, but I ended up starting to cry and now I'm on his answering machine like that. I don't know what to do with myself. I can't win. Sometimes I think I should just give up on therapy-sometimes it's too hard. Sometimes being aloof and alone looks pretty good. :-(
I can't stand myself right now.
Posted by alexandra_k on September 7, 2005, at 20:40:20
In reply to I'm really embarrassed by myself, posted by sleepygirl on September 7, 2005, at 20:21:09
i do that too!!!!!!!
thats the beauty of emails / cards / letters
if you break down and have a good cry then they will never know!could you get / make your t a card and explain?
just say that you really do appreciate them
and that you called to say that
but then had to crythat really...
is very sweet you know
:-)
i'm sorry you feel so horrible...
i think your t will be really touched to know that you really appreciate them.
Posted by sleepygirl on September 7, 2005, at 20:43:00
In reply to Re: I'm really embarrassed by myself » sleepygirl, posted by alexandra_k on September 7, 2005, at 20:40:20
that's a good idea- I like making cards
thanks for responding, I really feel crappy right now :-(
Posted by Damos on September 7, 2005, at 20:50:36
In reply to I'm really embarrassed by myself, posted by sleepygirl on September 7, 2005, at 20:21:09
Hey Sleepy,
Sorry you're feeling like this.
I agree with what Alex said. A card sounds like a really nice idea.
(((((Sleepy)))))
Posted by fairywings on September 8, 2005, at 14:06:23
In reply to I'm really embarrassed by myself, posted by sleepygirl on September 7, 2005, at 20:21:09
Awww, sleepy, I'm so sorry that you feel so bad. It IS a good thing that your T cares, and I'm sure he does, and I'm sure he doesn't see you as a sorry a*s! His job is helping people who don't feel so great about themselves all the time, you're not alone in that. It's good that you have a T who really cares, and I'm sure he was touched by your call. If you enjoy making cards and it would make you feel better I'm sure he would love it. How long till that next appt? Hope you don't worry about it the whole time! ; )
(((hugs)))
fw
Posted by sleepygirl on September 8, 2005, at 16:34:47
In reply to Re: I'm really embarrassed by myself » sleepygirl, posted by fairywings on September 8, 2005, at 14:06:23
next Wednesday
and yes I'm still thinking about it :-(
Yes he cares I guess, but the therapy relationship is so uncomfortably balanced (I need him a heck of a lot more than he needs me) and I hate feeling like that
Anyway,
thanks for the response and be well
Posted by muffled on September 8, 2005, at 18:27:09
In reply to I'm really embarrassed by myself, posted by sleepygirl on September 7, 2005, at 20:21:09
> I went to therapy today and then was struck by how difficult it is to accept that my T cares about me. that should be a good thing, no? But for some reason all I can get to is, he doesn't hate me, and that's it. Then in true sleepygirl fashion I started to feel really badly for this T who has spent all this time with my sorry *ss, and then realized what a jerk I am for not being able to truly appreciate that.
>
> Then I decided to call him and let him know I appreciate him, but I ended up starting to cry and now I'm on his answering machine like that. I don't know what to do with myself. I can't win. Sometimes I think I should just give up on therapy-sometimes it's too hard. Sometimes being aloof and alone looks pretty good. :-(
>
> I can't stand myself right now.I keep expecting my T. to dump me cuz I'm such an idiot. That was sure nice of you to leave a nice (or TRY to) message for your T. Brave. I couldn't do that. Being aloof and alone doesn't work. You just die inside. Keep at it. I will too.
Posted by fairywings on September 8, 2005, at 19:44:25
In reply to Re: I'm really embarrassed by myself » fairywings, posted by sleepygirl on September 8, 2005, at 16:34:47
>> relationship is so uncomfortably balanced (I need him a heck of a lot more than he needs me)
Yep, and it okay, it is for all of us, and will be until we don't need them anymore, and then we'll be well, and happy, and they'll be happy for us, and we'll move on!fw
Posted by Poet on September 9, 2005, at 19:56:12
In reply to I'm really embarrassed by myself, posted by sleepygirl on September 7, 2005, at 20:21:09
Hi Sleepygirl,
I'll stand you, if you stand me.
My T tells me that I can't control her feelings. That she cares about me and no matter how hard I try to push her away, she isn't going anywhere.
I've left those crying messages. I've never cried in therapy, but I've left some pretty
incoherent voicemails. Filled with apologies for annoying her.Sigh. Therapy is hard. Letting someone care about me is near impossible.
Standing you. Standing with you.
Poet
Posted by fairywings on September 9, 2005, at 20:49:18
In reply to Re: I'm really embarrassed by myself » sleepygirl, posted by Poet on September 9, 2005, at 19:56:12
Hi Poet, why is it that the people on babble i find so wonderful and so caring, are the ones who are so hard on themselves? you are always such a kind person.
wow, it's great that your T says those things to you. my husband says those kinds of things to me too! ; ) so i know your T is a keeper!
(((hugs)))
fw
Posted by sleepygirl on September 9, 2005, at 22:22:39
In reply to Re: I'm really embarrassed by myself » sleepygirl, posted by Poet on September 9, 2005, at 19:56:12
thank you so much for sharing that - I feel so incredibly vulnerable-like OK this is it, no pretense-not even any rationality- just rawness
and yes it's really, really hard
-I love this little club :-)
Posted by Palexizarticon on September 12, 2005, at 4:50:54
In reply to Re: I'm really embarrassed by myself » Poet, posted by fairywings on September 9, 2005, at 20:49:18
I never opened up to my psychologist or psychiatrist and for a while I could only look back to feel a sense of regret for the wasted money and time ... but it is now that I realize that I used some of their psychological tools to analyze myself and my own ways of thinking.
I realize that if I had opened up, I might have figured some things out about myself instead of having to struggle with them myself. I'm not telling you not to try, but I think what I'm trying to say is that just by attending any sort of session, you are already doing yourself a favor. You will benefit in some way, no matter what you end up thinking you are getting from it, because you get to decide what you feel you can deal with and what you want to ask advice about. Just a suggestion, because there's a chance you will want to completely open up, and I just wanted to say I think you can be sure it is not a waste, and wish you luck.
Posted by terrics on September 12, 2005, at 9:39:07
In reply to I'm really embarrassed by myself, posted by sleepygirl on September 7, 2005, at 20:21:09
He'll understand. terrics
This is the end of the thread.
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