![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 21 of 21. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by gardenergirl on July 29, 2005, at 0:46:47
Hi everyone,
I just have to post about this, because I have been feeling so good recently. (gasp! even despite having reduced meds!) I feel like I am really "seeing things" without distortions for once. And I'm learning to trust my authentic responses. It feels so empowering and real! :-D I think going twice a week to therapy has made a huge difference.Okay, a couple of events....I visited my dad, my grandma, and his family over a recent weekend. I came away from there thinking, "They (not all, but definitely my dad, uncle, and grandma) are really horrible people!" Now I am overstating this a bit, because they are not all horrible. But I have spent my entire life feeling hurt and thinking that this hurt was either all my imagination, all an over-reaction on my part, somehow deserved because I'm inadequate, etc. I can't tell you how relieving and freeing it felt to be an observer with my family versus being engaged in the junk. I really saw how critical my father and grandmother are to me and lots of other folks. I really noticed just what was so creepy about my uncle. And I realized it's NOT MY IMAGINATION! What a freeing feeling!
Similarly, I had a conflict with my supervisor recently that really left me stewing about it for hours. I did a lot of reflection and sorting out just what I was upset about..kind of like untying all the strings and seeing which one is still attached and being pulled...So I came to the conclusion that I really did feel this way (angry and disrespected) and I really wanted to express this to my supervisor. I "ran it by" my husband, and his validation was also so freeing to me. I cried and told him how much I usually doubt my reactions or blame myself, and his validation was so special and important. Thanks also to Falls and Daisy who listened to me while I was in the midst of the anger and helped me sort it out.
And then today I talked to my supervisor and told him exactly what he did that got me all defensive (basically he formed a judgement without checking things out with me first, and then told me I was "incompetent" in a specific way, based on this judgement). I kept it about my reactions to his behavior, and I was clear and assertive about what I would prefer and what would be more conducive to my learning. And he said.......................................................
"I apologize."
"I am judgemental, I know that."
"I'm so glad you brought this up...you could have just dropped it and stayed mad at me. I'm glad you followed up with me."
"You are right (about the issue we argued over)."Can you see me jumping gleefully doing the "I DID IT!" dance?!!!!???!
It was so so important to me to speak up. My T didn't think it would make a whit of difference to my supervisor and he cautioned me to choose my battles. But I really needed to do this to validate myself. And it was SO GOOD!!!!!
Sorry to gush. I just am so not used to feeling so free. I hope everyone gets a chance to feel this.
gg
Posted by Dinah on July 29, 2005, at 5:05:12
In reply to Yeah me! Just have to post this (a bit long), posted by gardenergirl on July 29, 2005, at 0:46:47
I'm glad you posted it!
What a fabulous experience. Sometimes taking a risk really pays off.
To what do you attribute your feeling much better? And strong enough to be able to go against your therapist's judgement and use your own, which appears to have been better? :)
I know that freeing experience when you realize your parents are objectively flawed. The funny thing is that my friends, etc. had been telling me that about my Mom since high school. But I never was able to believe it until after a while in therapy.
Posted by annierose on July 29, 2005, at 7:19:13
In reply to Yeah me! Just have to post this (a bit long), posted by gardenergirl on July 29, 2005, at 0:46:47
That is such a powerful feeling. Confronting people is something I personally find difficult. When I summon the courage to see it through, in a grown-up manner and it goes nicely .... WOW! Good for you and I'm glad you share it.
I try to be the fly on the wall at my family's gatherings. It's a good place to be. Normally, I feel safer with my husband around since he'll protect me from their stinging comments. I had to go it alone last week when my hubby was away, and I was so proud of myself for saying some things that needed to be said.
Seize the day! Progress is slow but upward.
Posted by fallsfall on July 29, 2005, at 9:04:41
In reply to Yeah me! Just have to post this (a bit long), posted by gardenergirl on July 29, 2005, at 0:46:47
I'm so proud of you! And you look divine doing that dance!
And your SUPERVISOR said "I apologize"??? How awesome is that!
Good for you.
Posted by daisym on July 29, 2005, at 10:30:49
In reply to Re: Yeah me! Just have to post this (a bit long) » gardenergirl, posted by fallsfall on July 29, 2005, at 9:04:41
I'll happy dance with you over this one. And the trainees who come later owe you a BIG thanks! It took so much courage for you to stand up for what you wanted -- and to process it all out and not get more depressed!
Sounds like progress to me. YOU GO GIRL!!
:)
Posted by Shortelise on July 29, 2005, at 11:12:53
In reply to Yeah me! Just have to post this (a bit long), posted by gardenergirl on July 29, 2005, at 0:46:47
GG, that's WONDERFUL!!! I have a huge smile on my face for you.
I imagine you going in to your T and saying, Hey, this really works!!!
Cheers for GG!
Still smiling,
SHortE
Posted by crushedout on July 29, 2005, at 14:07:29
In reply to Yeah me! Just have to post this (a bit long), posted by gardenergirl on July 29, 2005, at 0:46:47
that's really cool, gg. i'm proud of you. i think it is extremely rewarding when we are able to be genuine AND open AND not be doormats AND people seem to validate, understand and respect us. it sounds so satisfying. and i understand what you mean about seeing your family that way.
Posted by sleepygirl on July 30, 2005, at 10:26:42
In reply to Yeah me! Just have to post this (a bit long), posted by gardenergirl on July 29, 2005, at 0:46:47
Way to go GG!
Posted by Poet on July 30, 2005, at 13:49:56
In reply to Yeah me! Just have to post this (a bit long), posted by gardenergirl on July 29, 2005, at 0:46:47
Hi GG,
I'm going to steal a lyric from the Who's *Tommy.* *I'm free and I'm waiting for you to follow me.* I want to follow you in feeling free.
Poet
Posted by AuntieMel on July 30, 2005, at 15:08:38
In reply to Yeah me! Just have to post this (a bit long), posted by gardenergirl on July 29, 2005, at 0:46:47
That is so wonderful.
I remember how freeing it was to actually have it hit me on a gut level (instead of just intellectual) that my father really *was* an *hole.
Posted by Tamar on July 31, 2005, at 16:24:37
In reply to Yeah me! Just have to post this (a bit long), posted by gardenergirl on July 29, 2005, at 0:46:47
Yeah you! I'm so glad the confrontation with your supervisor went so well. It's a scary thing to do, but totally worth it when you get an apology!
Tamar
Posted by gardenergirl on July 31, 2005, at 19:45:00
In reply to Re: Yeah me! Just have to post this (a bit long) » gardenergirl, posted by Dinah on July 29, 2005, at 5:05:12
Thanks, Dinah.
> To what do you attribute your feeling much better? And strong enough to be able to go against your therapist's judgement and use your own, which appears to have been better? :)I'm not quite sure where this came from. I do know that twice a week therapy has made a huge difference...just like y'all said it would. :)
I think the screaming banshee incident, as well as my T's reaction to it (that it was a good thing, not appalling) was a pre-cursor. I don't know quite how, but for whatever reason, being more authentic just takes a lot less energy than maintaining defenses. It's nice to feel confident enough to learn that. It really helps that my T has accepted what's behind the defenses without question. And so far my hubby is doing okay with it, too. We are communicating more openly.
>
> I know that freeing experience when you realize your parents are objectively flawed. The funny thing is that my friends, etc. had been telling me that about my Mom since high school. But I never was able to believe it until after a while in therapy.See, my mom is loved by all my friends. Most people don't know my dad. So whatever feelings I had either had no way to be corroborated, or they were actively opposed by my friends. Grrrr.
gg
Posted by gardenergirl on July 31, 2005, at 19:46:42
In reply to Re: Yeah me! Just have to post this (a bit long) » gardenergirl, posted by annierose on July 29, 2005, at 7:19:13
>Normally, I feel safer with my husband around since he'll protect me from their stinging comments. I had to go it alone last week when my hubby was away, and I was so proud of myself for saying some things that needed to be said.
Good for you! My hubby is around, but he doesn't do or say much to intervene. I suppose I wish he would at times, especially with the creepy hugger. But at least having him there is a comfort.
>
> Seize the day! Progress is slow but upward.Yes!
gg
Posted by gardenergirl on July 31, 2005, at 19:47:26
In reply to Re: Yeah me! Just have to post this (a bit long) » gardenergirl, posted by fallsfall on July 29, 2005, at 9:04:41
Thanks, sweetie.
It definitely helped having you to help me process it. Thanks!gg
Posted by gardenergirl on July 31, 2005, at 19:50:11
In reply to Re: Yeah me! Just have to post this (a bit long) » fallsfall, posted by daisym on July 29, 2005, at 10:30:49
> I'll happy dance with you over this one. And the trainees who come later owe you a BIG thanks!
Thanks, nice to have a dance partner. I hope it has a lasting effect. But if not with others, I know it will with me. :)
Thanks for listening when you did.
gg
Posted by gardenergirl on July 31, 2005, at 19:54:37
In reply to Re: Yeah me! Just have to post this (a bit long) » gardenergirl, posted by Shortelise on July 29, 2005, at 11:12:53
> GG, that's WONDERFUL!!! I have a huge smile on my face for you.
>
> I imagine you going in to your T and saying, Hey, this really works!!!Yes, I see him tomorrow. I can't wait to talk to him about it. I wonder what it's like to have a session when you are feeling good. Is that allowed? :)
>
> Cheers for GG!Thanks, and cheers for shortE for her wonderful therapy journey.
>
gg
Posted by gardenergirl on July 31, 2005, at 19:57:43
In reply to Re: Yeah me! Just have to post this (a bit long) » gardenergirl, posted by crushedout on July 29, 2005, at 14:07:29
Thanks crushed. It does feel really good. It's a bit sad for it to come at the hands of realizing that my family leaves a lot to be desired. But that pain goes along with the feel good part of authenticity, I guess.
gg
Posted by gardenergirl on July 31, 2005, at 19:59:25
In reply to Re: Yeah me! Just have to post this (a bit long), posted by sleepygirl on July 30, 2005, at 10:26:42
Posted by gardenergirl on July 31, 2005, at 20:00:59
In reply to Re: Yeah me! Just have to post this (a bit long) » gardenergirl, posted by Poet on July 30, 2005, at 13:49:56
> Hi GG,
>
> I'm going to steal a lyric from the Who's *Tommy.* *I'm free and I'm waiting for you to follow me.* I want to follow you in feeling free.You are more than welcome. Here's me reaching a hand back for you...
gg
Posted by gardenergirl on July 31, 2005, at 20:03:04
In reply to Re: Yeah me! Just have to post this (a bit long), posted by AuntieMel on July 30, 2005, at 15:08:38
> That is so wonderful.
>
> I remember how freeing it was to actually have it hit me on a gut level (instead of just intellectual) that my father really *was* an *hole.You know, that's it. It was a gut level observation, not just intellectual. I really wasn't sure why this was so important. But I had finally "gotten" it in a way that meant something.
Thanks for the insight.
gg
Posted by gardenergirl on July 31, 2005, at 20:09:59
In reply to Re: Yeah me! Just have to post this (a bit long) » gardenergirl, posted by Tamar on July 31, 2005, at 16:24:37
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Psychology | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.