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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 11 of 11. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by pinkeye on July 21, 2005, at 17:57:52
The more I think about it, the more I realize that therapy with a male T is a very dangerous thing to do for women.. The attachment, intensity, pain, hurt, confusion, conflicts, desperation is way too huge to realistically come out of it unscathed..
Has anyone ever terminated succssfully with a male T?? I mean fully terminated - and no contacts kind of thing.
Also one more question - has any of your T admitted any counter transference on their end?? Either positive or negative?
Posted by pinkeye on July 21, 2005, at 18:55:31
In reply to Has anyone successfully terminated with a male T?, posted by pinkeye on July 21, 2005, at 17:57:52
How much I ruminate.. anybody realizes?.. :-(
I think I am a person who will never be happy - ever. Even if I am given everything in the world I think I will somehow manage to be unhappy.. No use in blaming anyone or anything. I am just born that way. I think I should give up..
Posted by Dinah on July 21, 2005, at 18:58:27
In reply to I think I should give up on everything.. » pinkeye, posted by pinkeye on July 21, 2005, at 18:55:31
Did you read Nikki's post on Social?
Never give up.
Posted by pinkeye on July 21, 2005, at 19:26:30
In reply to Of course you shouldn't » pinkeye, posted by Dinah on July 21, 2005, at 18:58:27
> Did you read Nikki's post on Social?
>
> Never give up.I have really done by best - tried my best - tried to work out things to my best.
This is the end. So far, I have never given up on anything in life.. Always tried tried tried - harder at each step.
But today, I visualized myself having everything in life - whatever I ever wanted, and I still am not happy. So there is no point. I realized for the first time in my life today, that I will never ever be happy or satisfied or content. I am just not born that way. Not with anything. It is a curse that I am born with, and only today I realized.
Posted by rockymtnhi on July 21, 2005, at 20:04:34
In reply to Has anyone successfully terminated with a male T?, posted by pinkeye on July 21, 2005, at 17:57:52
Yes, I have successfully terminated with a male T. I too, went through the pain and hurt that other Babblers have experienced. For me, the attachment to a male figure felt so good and I wanted it to continue forever. It could not continue forever, because in part, the attachment to him helped me to grow and get better.
I struggled when therapy with him ended. I hate to admit that I even wanted to get depressed again so he would have to treat me. I was addicted and I had to treat it like that. As with any addition, I had to stop the pain on my own.
I think he cared about me. He even told me that he loved me once. He also admitted that he made some mistakes with me and that he had hurt me in some ways by failing to understand some of my needs. What is not to love about a T who can see both sides? He was never inappropriate with me.
I wrote my first T a letter a few months after I stopped seeing him. He responded. I realized that he was going to let me have the last word and because I loved him, I could not take anything else from him. I missed him but I did not yearn for him.
I have a male T now that I see more as a coach.
Therapy with a male T is NOT dangerous for women. Not this one, anyway.
Posted by 10derHeart on July 21, 2005, at 22:34:03
In reply to Pinkeye a bit long, posted by rockymtnhi on July 21, 2005, at 20:04:34
>Therapy with a male T is NOT dangerous for women. Not this one, anyway.
I agree with you there - not for me, either.
I am on male T. #2 and doing very well.
I'm getting quite attached and I know ANY kind of painful feelings COULD arise as we go on. I know - I've been there. But it's worth it to me. Essential even.
But it may well be I'm far more relaxed and open and hopeful, because as Pinkeye knows all too well, I had a "successful termination." Very much so, but not without contact afterwards. I still have the contact, but about 95% of the painful feelings of longing have resolved with time (it's been about 1 year)
(I won't write any more about that termination in this thread, as I know Pinkeye was asking about scenarios where the T. handled it other ways - in fact, probably about the complete opposite of mine.)
To each their own, I guess. It's hard to anticipate which sex T. might be best. Many posters here have expressed that it just doesn't matter - to just strive to find a competent, empathetic T., no matter the gender. If the relationship is truly therapeutic and *right* for both, anyone can develop any sort of feelings - romantic, sexual included - toward any gender T., IMO.
For me, I'd imagine it was *more* likely with my ex-T., us both being heterosexual, close in age, similar value system, religious beliefs, etc., and him having physical, intellectual and emotional attributes I'd find very appealing in any man. So sure, the risk was/is higher.
And if I'd gone through it like Pinkeye did, I imagine I'd be absolutely defensive, demoralized and terrified of it happening again. It is understandable.
But for me, I have stuff best resolved with a man. Not sure how I exactly know that, but I just do.
Posted by messadivoce on July 22, 2005, at 0:29:42
In reply to Pinkeye a bit long, posted by rockymtnhi on July 21, 2005, at 20:04:34
Thank you for sharing your story. It is inspiring.
Voce
Posted by messadivoce on July 22, 2005, at 0:33:04
In reply to Re: Pinkeye a bit long » rockymtnhi, posted by 10derHeart on July 21, 2005, at 22:34:03
<Many posters here have expressed that it just doesn't matter - to just strive to find a competent, empathetic T., no matter the gender.>
I think that's true, having had one male and one female T. My feelings for my female T weren't as strong, but I was only with her half as long. But both my Ts were so very good at emotional holding, and after my 2nd or 3rd session with my female T (after the bad termination with male T) I remember feeling comforted and at peace because it felt like male T was with me all over again.
Pinkeye, what does a "successful" termination look like? No scars, no pain? Not that yours was a "good" termination, but I don't think it's possible to terminate with a T, male or female, and not have pain. Some people do it. I don't know how they do.
Posted by Miss Honeychurch on July 22, 2005, at 7:20:24
In reply to Has anyone successfully terminated with a male T?, posted by pinkeye on July 21, 2005, at 17:57:52
I as well believe therapy with a male if you are female is not dangerous. Granted, I have yet to terminate, but I know when the time comes, it will not be the end of the world. I really think it all has to do with the quality and experience of your therapist. If you hvae T who can't handle transference or is lacking in other areas as far as your treatment is concerned, the termination will be bad.
In my opinion, the T, through therapy, not only helps you cope with your current problems, but will also make termination seem like the next logical step. I suppose it all comes down to dependence. I know for me that if dependence were encouraged, I would have a very hard time terminating. Or, if his boundaries were loose, etc.
So I do not think therapy with a male is dangerous. Therapy with an incompetent is dangerous!
Posted by spalding on July 22, 2005, at 11:10:50
In reply to Re: Has anyone successfully terminated with a male T?, posted by Miss Honeychurch on July 22, 2005, at 7:20:24
Like Miss Honeychurch, I haven't terminated with my male T., so...
I went with a male T. this time, because my female T.'s in the past were REALLY ineffective. I gained no insight or problem-solving skills, and I felt our sessions were me crying and her (thinking of one in particular) asking me how I felt about it. I'm also bitter about them not referring me to a pdoc while I was showing wild symptoms of BPD. They missed the boat and I went undiagnosed for several years.
And, my mom has inflicted a lot of damage upon me throughout the years. I think this was part of the reason I am now with a male T. He is shining light on that situation like no one has before.
Like I've said before, I'm 99% sure my male T. is gay, so for me, there's no strong physical attraction or feelings of love. About the closest to that, that I feel, is I think he's a nice dresser and cuts a dashing figure. :)
I believe that we definitely have an genuine attachment based on mutual respect, honesty, genuine caring, and humour. He has very definite boundaries in some areas and I'm well aware of what they are and I don't travel to those places. It would be utterly painful to leave because of this attachment and caring, but I know I could leave if I ever had to. I think I could do this because he has helped me immensely and I would be so grateful to go out into the world having had his help. I'd want to make him proud.
So for this gal, the man has been a like a gift from heaven.
Take care everyone.
spalding
Posted by rabidreader on July 22, 2005, at 12:30:43
In reply to Re: Has anyone successfully terminated with a male T?, posted by spalding on July 22, 2005, at 11:10:50
I'm in the process of terminating with my male T and it is hell. I wrote in the other thread about having intense romantic feelings for my T. It has only been two days since I found out he's leaving, and I'm in so much pain. Pinkeye, at this point I agree with you that it can be dangerous to have a male T.
I hope you are doing better, I'm thinking about you.
This is the end of the thread.
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