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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 6 of 6. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by B2chica on June 23, 2005, at 11:41:26
ok, had a tough month and 1/2 in therapy. thought i was getting better. last week my boss wrote me up for unfounded issues and yelled at me three times last week and twice this week. so i sacrificed my work for trying to focus on myself and get through my tough issues.
have setback now. i don't enjoy work anymore. if it were just my boss i could deal with that but what i'm doing feels pointless. meaningless. is it depression, is it the repremand?
i feel utterly useless like i have absolutely no purpose whatsoever to even be alive.
i dont think i'm emotionally suicidal but just numb emotionally.maybe i'm going through a midlife crisis. but i don't know what to do about this. i guess just take it one day at a time but.
i've had thoughts of career change, even considered becoming a therapist (there an unusual concept-haha). but i feel that because my undergrad wasn't in psychology that even if i became a therapist i wouldn't be very good. i feel like i'd have to start from scratch and that would take YEARS!maybe extreme apathy is the word to use. i JUST DON"T CARE!!!!
i feel sad when i think of my husband. what my dying would do to him. ruin a perfectly good life (his cuz i don't care about mine). i feel that all i was meant to do is done.
it's time for me to move on. fortunately i don't have the energy to do anything about it.i feel whiny.
so....what do i do now.
b2c.
Posted by Sonya on June 23, 2005, at 12:57:36
In reply to therapy/therapist--midlife crisis or depression?, posted by B2chica on June 23, 2005, at 11:41:26
I totally relate to how you feel. I too feel I've done everything that I can do and my future seems empty. I don't enjoy anything. It's awful. I like to think it's all menopause's fault but I don't know. Wish I could be of some help but at least you know you're not alone.
Posted by Tamar on June 23, 2005, at 13:01:04
In reply to therapy/therapist--midlife crisis or depression?, posted by B2chica on June 23, 2005, at 11:41:26
> ok, had a tough month and 1/2 in therapy. thought i was getting better. last week my boss wrote me up for unfounded issues and yelled at me three times last week and twice this week. so i sacrificed my work for trying to focus on myself and get through my tough issues.
In my opinion there is no excuse for a boss yelling at his/her staff. It is pure rudeness and it can be very intimidating. And furthermore, it's unnecessary. Nothing at work is that important (unless you work in air traffic control).
> have setback now. i don't enjoy work anymore. if it were just my boss i could deal with that but what i'm doing feels pointless. meaningless. is it depression, is it the repremand?
I can imagine that after a reprimand and repeated verbal abuse from your boss you might feel completely demotivated. We spend most of our waking hours at work, so anything stressful at work is truly awful. If your boss is forming a habit of yelling at you, I can imagine you feel there's a constant threat. Maybe you're a bit depressed as well, but I think the work situation you describe would account for your feelings.
> i feel utterly useless like i have absolutely no purpose whatsoever to even be alive.
> i dont think i'm emotionally suicidal but just numb emotionally.
>
> maybe i'm going through a midlife crisis. but i don't know what to do about this. i guess just take it one day at a time but.One day at a time is the only way to do it when it gets that bad.
> i've had thoughts of career change, even considered becoming a therapist (there an unusual concept-haha). but i feel that because my undergrad wasn't in psychology that even if i became a therapist i wouldn't be very good. i feel like i'd have to start from scratch and that would take YEARS!
It's true; retraining as a therapist could take years. But maybe a career change would help. What about other professions for which the training might be shorter - teacher? Nurse? Police officer?
> maybe extreme apathy is the word to use. i JUST DON"T CARE!!!!
> i feel sad when i think of my husband. what my dying would do to him. ruin a perfectly good life (his cuz i don't care about mine). i feel that all i was meant to do is done.
> it's time for me to move on. fortunately i don't have the energy to do anything about it.
>
> i feel whiny.Nothing wrong with that. I like a good whine myself from time to time.
> so....what do i do now.
I think perhaps it would be useful to make a plan of what to do if your boss yells at you again. Maybe (if you can keep it together) say very quietly, "I understand that you're angry but I expect you to speak to me with respect." The key is not to lose your temper (difficult, I know). But a quiet voice and calm words usually do the trick.
And start thinking about what kind of job you really want to do, if it's not what you're doing at the moment.
Hope that's of some help.
Tamar
Posted by Daisym on June 23, 2005, at 15:09:38
In reply to Re: therapy/therapist--midlife crisis or depression? » B2chica, posted by Tamar on June 23, 2005, at 13:01:04
Ah - it sounds like you've come up against the "my work" or "my therapy" divide. It is so true that when you are working on all this stuff you just can't be at your best at work. It is unreasonable to think that you should be able to be. But I admit to thinking this exact thing.
We've talked about this a bunch - is this desire to run away from work because it is too stressful, because I don't really like it anymore or because I feel bad about myself for not doing my best. I don't have the answers. It is my therapist's opinion that many, many times grief is mistakenly labeled depression -- things bubble up to the surface and force their way into your consciousness and make you feel bad. Running away from these intense feelings results in the typical shedding of everything - new wife, new car, new hair, new job... Staying with these feelings means acknowledging the grief of the life you envisioned and the one you have. Grieving is a profoundly fragmenting experience and very painful. It takes a long time. Which is not to say that one doesn't become depressed as part of the journey, but perhaps it is one of the symptoms and not the disease itself. Does that make sense?
I think everything you are feeling is justified. You've been through so much the past few months. Of course you want to give up. But I'll say to you what gets said to me, "it can't get better if you aren't here. You can't be what you were meant to be if you check out now. No job is worth your life." Walk away if you have to.
And I completely understand this is easier said than done. Take good care of yourself.
Posted by Jazzed on June 23, 2005, at 17:12:20
In reply to therapy/therapist--midlife crisis or depression?, posted by B2chica on June 23, 2005, at 11:41:26
I can really hear how awful all of this is for you. I"m so glad you have your husband to keep you going. Is he a source of comfort during all of this? How about your T, can you knock all of this around with them?
Sounds like something is not right, with the apathy. Are you on meds? Maybe they need adjustment or change.
Going back to school sounds like a great idea, so that you feel you have some purpose. I'm at that crossroads too, along with the midlife crisis. I figure if I don't do it now, or soon, I won't do it at all.
Jazzy
Posted by B2chica on June 24, 2005, at 10:17:42
In reply to Re: therapy/therapist--midlife crisis or depression?, posted by Jazzed on June 23, 2005, at 17:12:20
you guys all had such Great words of wisdom and support for me thank you so much.
the last time my boss yelled i was feeling emotionally ok and looked calmly at him and said point blank "are you yelling at me?" he said (yelling) no i'm not! (hehe)
but i still have an instinct to cave and just absorb all the verbal abuse, not showing any emotion, almost dissociating a bit.My T has been great, Very supportive. infact he's the one that's talking to me about a possible career change. i saw him yesterday and he's encouraged me to at least look into a couple of programs offered at the university here.
i told him i'd probably be going to school for 8 years if i went back cuz i'd have to go real slow. i think most people frown on that and i expected a similar reaction...but his was "what better way to spend those years?"
dang he's awesome. he's just so non-judgemental.i've been bad at being consistant with my medications so i think a little depression has been creeping in. skipped last two days (accidentally, not on purpose). but took today.
my husband has been getting better and better. he's very caring. i've been needing hugs lately and he doesn't push me away like he used to.
thanks all for your comments. and thanks for making me feel a little less alone.
b2c.
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