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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 15 of 15. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by happyflower on June 15, 2005, at 23:10:10
Is my T doing something that he learned in T school? Sometimes when I say something a little bold especially about sex my T sort of looks down or stops eye contact with me. Is he trying to tell me with his reactions that I am being inappropiate or something. He is cognititve mostly. Or is he trying to control his feelings about it or torwards me? Is is this something T's learn how to use their body language or something?
Take for instance today... we were talking about how marraige can change over the years. I said yeah, but sex seems to get better. Okay he kept the eye contact still. Then he said that sometimes women going through metapause has heightened sexual feelings ( I thought it was the opposite). I said well I know women reach their sexual peak in their 30's.( I am 36) Everything is still normal. Then this is where he shifted himself. I said I now know what those 18yr. old boys were going through.( laughing) Then while I was saying this he looked away or down at the floor instead of maintaining eye contact like he normally does. I then said, I shouldn't of said that, I am sorry. But I think I as reacting to his reaction. We both maintain good eye contact most always. I have noticed this before when we are usually talking about "my sexual" feelings. Is he trying not to get turned on or is he trying not to react to me, or is he trying to get me to see that I am being too bold? No, I am not going to ask him, I just wanted to know if anyone knows what is going on? Because when we move onto something else, he is back to normal. I find this interesting. lol
Posted by happyflower on June 15, 2005, at 23:18:16
In reply to weird T behavior, gardengirl are you there?, posted by happyflower on June 15, 2005, at 23:10:10
> We both maintain good eye contact most always. I have noticed this before when we are usually talking about "my sexual" feelings.
I meant that we have good eye contact with each other most of the time. But the next sentence doesn't go with the one before it. I meant to say that I noticed this behavior( lack of eye contact) before we are talking about my sexual feeings. Clear as mud? lol
Posted by alexandra_k on June 16, 2005, at 0:14:07
In reply to weird T behavior, gardengirl are you there?, posted by happyflower on June 15, 2005, at 23:10:10
Um.
It sounds to me like he may be a little embarrased.
Thats not you - it is him.
You aren't saying anything inappropriate or anything like that, but some people just do find the topic a little awkward / embarrasing.
Especially in therapy where there is a high degree of intimacy already...Well...
Thats my guess.
What do you think??
Posted by All Done on June 16, 2005, at 0:26:26
In reply to weird T behavior, gardengirl are you there?, posted by happyflower on June 15, 2005, at 23:10:10
happyflower,
One time I was talking to my T about a physical experience I had. It wasn't uncomfortable or embarrassing to talk about, but he aksed if I would close my eyes and try to sort of recreate the feeling. He said he would close his eyes too, so I wouldn't feel uncomfortable. Ever since then, I've noticed that when I am taling about something difficult, like sex, he sometimes looks away a bit. Now, I think he might be trying to make me more comfortable or make it easier for me to talk openly.
Laurie
Posted by Tamar on June 16, 2005, at 3:40:58
In reply to weird T behavior, gardengirl are you there?, posted by happyflower on June 15, 2005, at 23:10:10
I’m pretty sure you’re not being too bold for him. He seems to be reasonably comfortable talking about sex, from what you’ve said.
Sometimes, things we say might make a therapist remember something or think of something that is only tangentially connected, or personal to them. So when you said something about 18 year old boys it might have sparked a memory of his own experience as a teenager, or of something someone else said about sexual experience. Looking away can be a means of noting the thought, putting it aside, and coming back to re-engage with what you’re saying.
I mention this because I notice I do it. If I have some kind of random thought I usually blink to file it away, but if it’s a memory I break eye contact and look down to the right.
I have to admit, I always used to notice my therapist’s body language and use of eye contact. And I was always trying to guess what he was thinking or how he was feeling. I often felt very visible sitting in front of him with nowhere to hide, but then I realised he was just as visible as I was! There was one quite extraordinary moment where his body language seemed extremely defensive and vulnerable and I noticed it immediately but couldn’t think how it connected to what we were talking about. I still sometimes wonder what was going on for him at that moment!
Posted by Jazzed on June 16, 2005, at 7:40:25
In reply to weird T behavior, gardengirl are you there?, posted by happyflower on June 15, 2005, at 23:10:10
I wouldn't worry too much about it happy. Maybe he's slightly uncomfortable with the conversation, maybe he feels you've drifted just a bit too far from what you started talking about, who knows? Of course gg would be the righy one to ask, don't know if she's back from Chicago or not, but I thought I'd put in my 2 cents anyway.
BTW, I've heard that you tend to lose your sexual desire during menopause too. Wonder what he was talking about?
In any case I wouldn't get too concerned about it.
Jazzy
Posted by Dinah on June 16, 2005, at 7:52:32
In reply to Re: weird T behavior, gardengirl are you there? » happyflower, posted by Jazzed on June 16, 2005, at 7:40:25
I've heard it can go both ways.
It frequently becomes more uncomfortable and the hormones that drive desire aren't there.
But for women who have inhibitions related to fertility, it can bw liberating.
My guess would be embarassment. Mine more focusses on looking directly at me and appearing natural. It's totally transparent. But sometimes he gets really engaged, and then seems to forget that he's embarassed.
Posted by Daisym on June 16, 2005, at 10:15:54
In reply to Re: weird T behavior, gardengirl are you there? » Jazzed, posted by Dinah on June 16, 2005, at 7:52:32
I think I agree with All Done -- he is probably giving you some space so you don't feel on the hot seat. Sex is probably one of the most frequent things that get talked about in therapy. I was really surprised when I read in "In Session" that women thought they couldn't talk about it, or that their therapists didn't want to talk about it.
Something to think about would be why you've labeled yourself as bold (I think you are brave) and why you think it is too much for him. It would probably be a beneficial discussion because I hear you saying he reassured you that no subject is off limits in therapy but you are still sort of worrying about his response and whether you've overstepped or not. Do you feel the need to do therapy "right"? (I do.) Are you trying to read him, guess at his thinking, instead of asking him, "what are you thinking?" If so, why? What does it mean for you to be able to gage people correctly? (For me, it means I gage my safety with them.) And, are you worried that if you DO embarrass your therapist, or make him upset, or uncomfortable or even angry, that you will lose him?
I might be way off here and reading my own stuff into your post. But I have this tendency to try to take care of my therapist which can mean avoiding certain subjects. He doesn't let me, he calls me on it every time, so now I notice when I start doing it. (I say things like, "I'm hurting, but don't worry, I'll get over it." His response is usually "why don't you think I can help with the hurt? Is it too much for me?")
Learning to not make assumptions about people and their responses to you is something I'm working on. Just something to think about.
Posted by Jazzed on June 16, 2005, at 22:14:19
In reply to Re: weird T behavior, gardengirl are you there? » Jazzed, posted by Dinah on June 16, 2005, at 7:52:32
>
> But for women who have inhibitions related to fertility, it can bw liberating.Yeah, I know about this, we used to belong to a church where the norm was between 5 - 9 kids, and there were some families with many more. I've talked to a lot of those women, and they've told me that they could let loose once they hit menopause.
>
> My guess would be embarassment. Mine more focusses on looking directly at me and appearing natural. It's totally transparent. But sometimes he gets really engaged, and then seems to forget that he's embarassed.LOL, the image of him being so engaged tickled me. That's a good sign.
Jazzy
Posted by gardenergirl on June 16, 2005, at 22:22:36
In reply to Re: weird T behavior, gardengirl are you there? » Dinah, posted by Jazzed on June 16, 2005, at 22:14:19
Hi,
I agree with what others have said...it might be his way to cope with his feelings about the topic, or it could be his way of making it easier.And the standard answer...you could bring it up. :) But if it really doesn't bother you and you are just curious, that's fine, too.
Sorry for the delay in responding. And no, I didn't think you were saying I was weird. (although I am). :)
gg
Posted by 10derHeart on June 17, 2005, at 0:23:24
In reply to Re: weird T behavior, gardengirl are you there?, posted by gardenergirl on June 16, 2005, at 22:22:36
>> And no, I didn't think you were saying I was weird. (although I am). :)
Ain't that the truth!
Love ya', gg, and I'm just kidding....hauling out my sense of humor...the one I lost recently to see if it still works a little...thanks for your unwitting (and probably unwilling!)participation.
And anyway, isn't weirdness a prerequisite for the profession you're training for? As at least one T. I've known liked to say when giving me some *interesting* new label, "Of course, I mean 'weird' in the most respectful way possible..." ;-)
Posted by gardenergirl on June 17, 2005, at 21:17:06
In reply to Re: weird T behavior, gardengirl are you there? » gardenergirl, posted by 10derHeart on June 17, 2005, at 0:23:24
Ha! Glad to see the humor up and running again.
And of course being weird is something to be respected! :)
gg
Posted by 10derHeart on June 17, 2005, at 22:10:03
In reply to Re: weird T behavior, gardengirl are you there? » 10derHeart, posted by gardenergirl on June 17, 2005, at 21:17:06
Posted by Dinah on June 17, 2005, at 23:54:09
In reply to Weirdos Rule! ;-) (nm) » gardenergirl, posted by 10derHeart on June 17, 2005, at 22:10:03
Posted by 10derHeart on June 19, 2005, at 18:37:24
In reply to Re: Weirdos Rule! ;-) Thank heavens!!! (nm) » 10derHeart, posted by Dinah on June 17, 2005, at 23:54:09
This is the end of the thread.
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