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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 4 of 4. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by happyflower on May 9, 2005, at 14:13:38
YES! It has been 14 days and no therapy! It was tough, but I had the support from all you babblers! I am feeling a little nervous though. I don't know if I can go through the EMDR or not. There is so many current issues about my marriage I need to talk about that I think is more important. I am also going to tell him I prefer weekly sessions instead. It seems like so much happens in 2 weeks that there isn't enough time to deal with the past. I feel so dopey right now, I really missed him. What does that mean? I have never been able to count on anyone in my life other than my DH, and now I am starting to count on my T. It is a scary feeling for me. I guess I trust him now, which is also scary because people ALWAYS let me down. Is it okay to tell him I missed him, or will he look at me like a sick transference puppy that is searching for my mommy? I am feeling nervous just because tommorrow is the day. YIKES!!!
Posted by pinkeye on May 9, 2005, at 14:26:13
In reply to Tommorrow is the day, and more babbling, posted by happyflower on May 9, 2005, at 14:13:38
:-)
I guess I could console you and say "no you are not a sick transference puppy looking for the mom".
But guess what, I jsut realized I have felt the same about my ex T.. I was way too afraid of getting too close to my ex T, and even though I allowed myself to write to him a lot, I think I was always very very scared of him coming back and telling me the same thing. I even had nightmares several times about him coming back and telling me to stop contacting him.
It definitely feels that way.. Maybe if you are used to taking care of yourself all along, then it is hard to really let yourself depend on someone.. And I am don't know if therapists like it or not. Maybe GardenerGirl could ansewr that.And maybe it is really not possible for a human to support another human fully. To allow a person to depend on him/her fully. After all, Ts are also human right? So I think a better thing would be for you to rely more on God and lean on God, rather than on your T. You can discuss everything with him and trust him fully to be able to understand you, but I think it might be not a right expectation to think that he would take care of you. Does that make sense? Nobody can really take care of us, other than perhaps our moms/dads, ( and now I am realizing, taht they don't do it fully as well). That is why it is important to develop trust in God - atleast that worked for me. And really it is the same thing that Ts say you should be able to do - kind of fulfill yourselves. I think of it as not fulfilling myself by myself, but fulfilling myself with God. And that is easier to achieve for me.
Posted by happyflower on May 9, 2005, at 14:49:19
In reply to Re: Tommorrow is the day, and more babbling » happyflower, posted by pinkeye on May 9, 2005, at 14:26:13
You make a lot of sense, pinkeye. I didn't even have parents who cared about me or that I could count on. I guess I could count on them abusing me, but other than that, they did nothing for me. I celebrated Mother's Day by being lucky and happy she is not longer a part of my life. She was an evil mother.
Posted by pinkeye on May 9, 2005, at 15:01:05
In reply to Re: Tommorrow is the day, and more babbling, posted by happyflower on May 9, 2005, at 14:49:19
I understand what you mean. It is awfully horrible to put a child through that - I would never ever put my child through any difficulty. I don't have a kid as of now, but I feel so protective about my future kid even now.
But on the other hand I feel, that if my ex T hadn't intervened in my life 2 - 3 years back, maybe I would have gone on to become an evil mom and a bad person myself. I was getting very mentally sick and throwing things at everyone and crumbling down under the full pressure, and I was really being extremely bad towards my husband. And guess what, I didn't do it voluntarily. I had no clue how to take all the stress. Maybe your mom or dad were operating out of their own lacking and didnt know how to deal with the stress. That is the way I try to see my dad's behaviour nowadays. That whatever he did, he did out of his own inadequacies, and not because of me. Plus, they didn't have access to all these therapies and internet and so much of knowledge. So there was no way they could have corrected them.
My dad did have access to lot of resources, and he could have listened to someone else - like my grandfather who constantly told him not to touch a girl child too much.. I think it was not enough for him.
You never know why a person behaves the way they do.. Why they love us, but end up hurting us. Nowadays I feel that the only way I can deal with all these stuff, is putting all my hard stuff at the feet of God. It is really helping me a lot.. Every week, I go to a temple here, and I just put all the problems I have in God's feet. And that actually works for me. Instead of thinking that I am taking care of all my issues, and my father and mother, it is better to think that I am just going through the motions of life as best as I know, and I just try to put all my problmes and entrust God with it and let him take care of it. It works for me, and I am more peaceful now, because of it. I am not a fanatic relious person, but this kind of moderate belief helps a lot.
This is the end of the thread.
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