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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 21 of 21. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Dinah on March 1, 2005, at 2:32:10
Last session was very good, today's was not so good.
First, he had lying open on his desk a letter from a client. It wasn't horribly personal, but really! That's not supposed to be there. It's in the same place it was last week, but last week I politely covered it with my check so that I couldn't see it. I feel like I really should chastise him about privacy as it relates to his messy desk, but I feel uncomfortable about genuinely criticizing him.
Then I mentioned a physical problem I had over the weekend, where my right hand went sort of numb and I had trouble writing for about half an hour. And he made it into something psychological. The only thing psychological about it was hypochondria over what was probably a compressed nerve or something. It sounded like something you'd hear from a sitcom therapist. Sigh.
I'm feeling like I want to cancel the midweek session, and I'm definitely going to reduce to two a week starting next week. I didn't have much to say today.
Sigh.
Posted by Dinah on March 1, 2005, at 2:33:46
In reply to Why do bad sessions always follow good?, posted by Dinah on March 1, 2005, at 2:32:10
Maybe I should just comment on the contents of the letter. That should shake him up enough to be more careful in the future.
Posted by gardenergirl on March 1, 2005, at 6:45:11
In reply to Maybe, posted by Dinah on March 1, 2005, at 2:33:46
Yes, and ask him about his plans for implementing the HIPAA security rule? :)
gg
Posted by Dinah on March 1, 2005, at 9:42:43
In reply to Re: Maybe » Dinah, posted by gardenergirl on March 1, 2005, at 6:45:11
I wanted to do that yesterday. :)
I've seen indiscretion on his part before, with his sloppiness, but this was the most flagrant I've seen. Sensitive topic or not, a letter to your therapist should not be lying open on his desk. For two days in a row, at that! And he's so very good in other ways. He never ever mentions other clients or their cases to me, and refuses even to make general non-specific comparisons to others with my issues because he says that I wouldn't like it if he did it about me (true enough). His sloppiness supercedes his training, I suppose.
Posted by TofuEmmy on March 1, 2005, at 9:52:32
In reply to Re: Maybe » gardenergirl, posted by Dinah on March 1, 2005, at 9:42:43
Ya know what bugs me? (I'm sure you dying for the lengthy list)
My T sometimes has magazines in his waiting room which have his home address on it. I always tear it off for his safety. And for his wife's safety, cuz she works in the same practice. And since there is no trash can there, I just stuff it in my pocket. Now all my coats have these little pieces of paper in them! One of these days, during a session, I'm gunna find a reason to need confetti! :-)
emmy
Posted by Dinah on March 1, 2005, at 10:05:00
In reply to Re: Maybe » Dinah, posted by TofuEmmy on March 1, 2005, at 9:52:32
lol.
Mine has his home address on his receipts. :)
I suppose some are more concerned with that than others.
Posted by Daisym on March 1, 2005, at 11:01:45
In reply to Why do bad sessions always follow good?, posted by Dinah on March 1, 2005, at 2:32:10
I wish I knew the answer to that question! I know it is true, perhaps neither psyche can tolerate the intensity or the moon and stars shift, who knows?
For me, I pull back. When I've had a really good session or a very intense one, I feel very connected and taken care of. And then, as the days go by, I realize that he can't be with me "all the time" and I pull inside again, taking care of myself. I don't want to miss him, so the wall goes back up. And then it is between us at the next session.
I also have this theory about it not being my turn. I just allow that some other client is having the "great" session today and that my turn will come around again at some point.
*sigh* There should be a rule book.
Posted by Shortelise on March 1, 2005, at 13:26:09
In reply to Re: Why do bad sessions always follow good?, posted by Daisym on March 1, 2005, at 11:01:45
Posted by Aphrodite on March 1, 2005, at 13:46:44
In reply to Why do bad sessions always follow good?, posted by Dinah on March 1, 2005, at 2:32:10
I think you would take the wind out of his sails if you were to mention the content of the letter! (Not that I totally disagree -- it would be a valuable lesson for him.)
My T and I have had lots of discussion about the safety and sanctity of the office. For lots of reasons, the spectre of other patients has invaded and polluted his office for me. Things like the letter he left out do effect the atmosphere. We know they don't mean to do anything wrong, but it's still a major distraction.
I am sorry for the ebb and flow of things for you. The good news is that soon you're due for a good session.
Posted by pegasus on March 1, 2005, at 15:20:08
In reply to Maybe, posted by Dinah on March 1, 2005, at 2:33:46
That's the kind of thing that I would do. It seems to have a nice symmetry.
But . . . what if he would completely miss the significance of you quoting a letter to him from another client? Is there any chance of that? Then you'd have to point it out or something and it could get even more akward than if you just mention it straightforwardly.
But whatever you end up doing, I totally agree that if I was the client whose letter sat open on his desk where other clients could see it, I'd be mortified. Even if all it said was something like, "Here's the check I owe you" or "Sorry I missed my appointment this week; I had the flu."
pegasus
Posted by Shortelise on March 1, 2005, at 18:25:57
In reply to Why do bad sessions always follow good?, posted by Dinah on March 1, 2005, at 2:32:10
My T is so careful - he even puts the books on his desk in a way so I can't see the titles. I look anyway, even if it means getting up and walking over to his desk.
But if he left something in a very open spot, I'd tell him. What if that were my letter, and one of his other patients saw it, and though, oh, wow, hey, I know her... that's ShortE.
My trust in him would nosedive if he did that.
ShortE
Posted by Dinah on March 1, 2005, at 20:27:29
In reply to Re: Why do bad sessions always follow good?, posted by Shortelise on March 1, 2005, at 18:25:57
I wish I did have the nerve to say something openly. I have the nerve to comment on my own therapy, but that would be too much like commenting on him (like his nose picking) and I'd have trouble making negative comments about him. It was a letter saying that the client was going to take a break from weekly therapy but hoped he/she could contact him as needed, and thanked him. I OF COURSE didn't look at the signature line. Yes, I know I shouldn't have read it, but...
I wonder if that set the tone for the rest of the session. Making me wonder why on earth I trust him, or wonder if he's really competent, or whatever. Maybe that's a bit harsh of me over what I'm sure was an oversight. But I'm trusting him to take care of me, in some ways. And it hurts those times when I discover that he's.... well, that's silly. I know he's incredibly human. I know his many and sundry flaws. I choose to find them charming.
I have no idea why I didn't cancel tomorrow. I have no real reason or wish to see him, and I could use the extra sleep and/or work time. I just don't understand me sometimes.
Posted by annierose on March 1, 2005, at 20:45:38
In reply to Re: Why do bad sessions always follow good?, posted by Dinah on March 1, 2005, at 20:27:29
Do you often sit at his desk? I never venture around my T's office (my hang-up) so I can't imagine a reason to be at her desk. I sometimes peek on it to see what book or magazine she is reading, or what type of junk she keeps. But I would have read the letter too.
My T once left me alone in her office when she took an emergency phone call. My paranoid self felt it was a "test" to see if I would look at her notes, appointment book, her purse ... she left everything and was gone for 10 minutes. I, of course, did nothing. Bummer. Wished I born wasn't born with so much guilt. It could have been an interesting session to say the least.
Posted by Dinah on March 1, 2005, at 20:55:10
In reply to Re: Curious » Dinah, posted by annierose on March 1, 2005, at 20:45:38
I'm at his desk every week. I pass it on the way to the couch, but can't read anything. But I stand at his desk as he makes out my receipt and as we schedule the next week's appointments if necessary. One of my talents is superswift reading so it only took a few seconds to take in the gist of the letter. I'm not sure if he noticed or not. I am *constantly* trying not to read what is on his desk (because if there are words around my eyes are drawn to them, and I naturally read them). But this was the most flagrant violation of confidentiality yet.
Posted by Speaker on March 1, 2005, at 21:16:52
In reply to Re: Curious » annierose, posted by Dinah on March 1, 2005, at 20:55:10
Dinah,
I think after a good session I find reasons to keep my feet on the ground. For me if there are to many good sessions in a row I think I would want to stay...and I don't ever want to be dependant. So for me I think I look for failure. You seem far to advanced to do that so maybe those things just help us keep our T's human. (((((Dinah)))))
Marie
Posted by Dinah on March 1, 2005, at 21:29:00
In reply to Re: Curious, posted by Speaker on March 1, 2005, at 21:16:52
I think maybe I'm not advanced enough. I like my dependency on my therapist, and will do nearly anything to keep it. Sometimes despite him.
I think I just need someone in my life to feel that way about. And him particularly for reasons I don't really understand but that have to do with the way he *feels*, so he's not easily replaced.
So it really scares me when he does something that he shouldn't. It threatens something that's important to me.
Posted by mair on March 1, 2005, at 22:25:26
In reply to Re: Curious » Speaker, posted by Dinah on March 1, 2005, at 21:29:00
I'm curious because my T is trying to disabuse me of the notion that there are bad sessions.
Mair
Posted by Tabitha on March 2, 2005, at 2:47:10
In reply to Re: Why do bad sessions always follow good?, posted by Dinah on March 1, 2005, at 20:27:29
Dinah it sounds like a perfectly valid topic-- and I don't agree that it would have to be a negative comment or a criticism. "I notice there's an open letter on your desk and I've been feeling xxx about it. And I didn't mention it for a long time because xxxx." Lots of good material there for discussion.
Posted by Bent on March 2, 2005, at 7:04:52
In reply to Why do bad sessions always follow good?, posted by Dinah on March 1, 2005, at 2:32:10
As I have been reading this post and the responses I couldnt help but ask myself what I'd do in a similar situation. I have never seen any thing overly personal or from another patient but I imagine it would stir some intense feelings in me and probably even feel a little weird. When I have given my T letters she usually puts them in my file while I am there so that I see they are not lying around. Which is good, but then I think she probably never remembers them again! The only thing on her desk that really gets me is the picture of her daughters! Argh!! My issue, I know. Good luck with your decision Dinah. Ultimately I think the best thing would be to talk about it, otherwise it will probably stay in the back of your mind.
Posted by Dinah on March 2, 2005, at 18:34:36
In reply to How do you define a good session or bad one?, posted by mair on March 1, 2005, at 22:25:26
Well, I guess I define different bad sessions differently.
There are the bad sessions full of misunderstandings, miscommunications, and anger. Those are the worst. Getting fewer, thank heavens. Today had the possibility of being one, but we managed not to go there. He's leaving for most of a week - next week. He just got word yesterday. He wants to see me Sunday evening (which I think is spectacularly stupid - going downtown on a Sunday evening when the building is virtually closed, waiting by the security guard till he comes) then Fri morning as usual. I'd rather just skip till Fri. He was filled with trepidation about telling me. You'd think I was a yeller or something, the way he stumbled all over himself explaining. Then when I mentioned that I was too dependent on him, he gave a short little laugh. He was all set to be angry and defensive. And I could have gotten angry that he was angry. But I just asked him if it didn't make perfect sense that that would be when I would question my dependence, when he was leaving town. And apparently this brilliant insight hadn't occurred to him before because he quit being angry, and admitted it was a perfectly sensible time. There was a time when this session could have turned ugly.
The bad session last time was just unfocused and unstructured. I meandered from topic to topic, he didn't do anything to deepen any of them, and I couldn't. I think I was distracted by the letter. It just seemed like an unprofitable expense.
Posted by Dinah on March 2, 2005, at 18:36:02
In reply to Re: Why do bad sessions always follow good? » Dinah, posted by Tabitha on March 2, 2005, at 2:47:10
When you put it that way, I can see how I could turn it into a legitimate therapy topic.
But I didn't. The letter was gone, and I let it pass. I hope he saw me reading it and learned his lesson.
This is the end of the thread.
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