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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 13 of 13. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Dr. Bob on January 25, 2005, at 4:29:50
In reply to Re: POLL on XXXXXing -- Dr. Bob, posted by Angel Girl on January 24, 2005, at 22:51:46
> Maybe you could think of it as an assignment like my therapist would give me, to write things down to get them off my chest to help me feel better? My therapist is away on vacation right now and I need an outlet to vent.
What does she do after you write something out? Is there a step 2 in an assignment like this?
You're not angry about her being on vacation, are you? :-)
Bob
Posted by alexandra_k on January 25, 2005, at 4:32:23
In reply to Re: an assignment like my therapist would give me » Angel Girl, posted by Dr. Bob on January 25, 2005, at 4:29:50
Posted by Angel Girl on January 25, 2005, at 6:34:51
In reply to Re: an assignment like my therapist would give me » Angel Girl, posted by Dr. Bob on January 25, 2005, at 4:29:50
> > Maybe you could think of it as an assignment like my therapist would give me, to write things down to get them off my chest to help me feel better? My therapist is away on vacation right now and I need an outlet to vent.
>
> What does she do after you write something out? Is there a step 2 in an assignment like this?
>
> You're not angry about her being on vacation, are you? :-)
>
> Bob
Dr BobFirst, let me thank you for not blocking me again when I was definitely being uncivil towards you. I'm very happy that you took my apology into account. :) I couldn't go through that again, especially since I've only been back about 3 days from that other block.
Step 2? My therapist would then discuss what I had written down and try to get to the root of what was making me so angry. Anger is really not anger at all but a substitute for feeling hurt and I've definitely felt extremely hurt here in the last couple of weeks. I really don't think any of us really want to go into detail of why I was hurt and angry.
No, I'm not mad at my therapist for being absent for 6 weeks straight, although she just had 2 weeks off at Christmas too. What am I supposed to do to cope while she is not there for me? Leave me to my own devices? We have already seen where that gets me. It wasn't pretty, was it Dr. Bob? ;) I guess you'll be glad when my therapist comes back in another 3 weeks eh? :)
Again, thank you for not blocking me again. :)
AG (who is breathing a HUGE sigh of relief)
Posted by Angel Girl on January 25, 2005, at 6:41:15
In reply to Talk to us Angel Girl (nm), posted by alexandra_k on January 25, 2005, at 4:32:23
Posted by partlycloudy on January 25, 2005, at 7:08:15
In reply to Re: an assignment like my therapist would give me » Dr. Bob, posted by Angel Girl on January 25, 2005, at 6:34:51
I am so glad you're still here, Angel Girl.
I want to ask you about the next step after acknowledging the hurt you express as anger (as do I). What do you do with that hurt? What can you do to help heal yourself? One of the things that has helped me is to take "myself" out of the equation. That is, if I feel that someone's actions or words has hurt me, I examine the exchange and think of how it might have gone if it had happened to someone else. Would there have been the same reaction from someone else? What I find is that I can easily become hypersensitive - OK, let's call it paranoid (because that's what *I* think it is) - and my reactions are always, in my case, way out of proportion to what's actually taken place.
My latest attempt at reigning in this behaviour is to sit on my hands. When I get hurt or upset, instead of expressing myself immediately, I give the whole thing 24 hours. For me to digest. For me to process what happened. For me to forget. I can't think of an instance since I started doing this that my mountain hasn't shrunk to a molehill.
I'm not at all sure it's the healthiest way to cope with my emotions, but it's making my life more peaceful.
partlycloudy
Posted by Angel Girl on January 25, 2005, at 10:02:19
In reply to Re: an assignment like my therapist would give me » Angel Girl, posted by partlycloudy on January 25, 2005, at 7:08:15
pc
It's far healthier than the way I handle it or more aptly mishandle it.
I don't know what's wrong with me. In the last 6 months or so, I am dealing with a lot of hostility that I didn't have before. I used to be the type of person who would do ANYTHING to avoid any friction, now more times than not, I go looking for it. It's just not me but I don't seem to be able to practice too much self-control. Do you think it could be hypomanic behaviour?
Waiting 24 hours seems to be a very good idea but the anxiety that I would go through would be worse then reacting right away. I understand the concept because for *most* people, more times than not, the intensity of their feelings would decrease but it seems to work the opposite for me in the last few months. Paranoid? Yes, that's a very good word for me. I am known to over-react. Most of my family has become accustomed to my extreme reactions and take them in stride because of my being BP but there are other family members who don't live so close to me so therefore don't have encounters with me very often and are not used to my *outbursts*.
My anxiety has been taking it's toll on me in a physical way a great deal lately and my GP and T suggested that I start taking my Xanax on a regular basis. I'm actually shocked that my GP would even suggest that because he hates me taking that drug but he felt recently that I was addicted to OTC meds I was taking for my physical symptoms from the anxiety. So, believe it or not, I now take my Xanax at the very beginning of feeling my heart racing. That way I have about 1/2 hour of my fury to deal with and then the Xanax kicks in and I mellow out. I've tried deep breathing and trying to remove myself from the situation but I can't seem to get anything to work. It's like I'm compelled or obsessed with dealing with whatever has hurt me. The biggest problem is that I most often misinterpret somebody's words and/or actions and get *upset* at something that didn't even exist in the first place.
So, I guess to sum it up in one word: XANAX. I know, it's not the healthiest or preferable way of dealing with my moods but I'm just starting therapy and I need a lot more guidance from my T to manage things. I use my T as a sounding board and she is really helping me, the problem is that I usually have an appt with her *after* the situation has occurred. Now, if I had an appt on the day that something was happening, I *might* be able to find some self-control and discuss it with her first *before* I unleash myself on the other person, who probably doesn't even deserve my anger and/or hurt to begin with.
Interesting note: I was having a hard time spelling fury so I searched "rage" in the thesaurus and it had the word "mania". Maybe I'm right about it being hypomanic episodes. I do know that I'm on a very minimal dosage of mood stabilizer and I know it's doing nothing for me. Maybe this is proof?
AG
Posted by Susan47 on January 25, 2005, at 10:54:29
In reply to Re: an assignment like my therapist would give me » partlycloudy, posted by Angel Girl on January 25, 2005, at 10:02:19
(((((Angel Girl)))))
I don't know you or understand you but I know the rage, that kind of scares me, my family still back off from me. That's okay with me now, though, it used to hurt and make me feel more isolated. I know where my rage comes from, I think, and knowing that has helped alleviate it, or stop it from spreading to everyone around me at least. It sounds like you're in a place in therapy where your therapist should not have left you alone. It sounds like your rage is coming to the surface, NOW, and needs to be dealt with on a moment-to-moment basis. If I were feeling the way you do right now and had no support system, that would just add to my rage.
Thank you for your encouragement to me, AG, you said the right things, I hope I've helped and haven't added to your bad feelings. When you work everything out the rage will eventually pass, maybe not forever, I don't know how good therapy really works, I only have my own experience (good/bad) to go by (and it's my fault if it was bad, too, I had toomuch rage bottled up and drove my therapist to la-la land) but I'm guessing that with fabulous therapy you'll be able to stabilize your emotions more or less permanently, or at least be able to manage them and quit driving people away. I think that was what you said, if not, I'm sorry, but rage tends to do that anyway. I speak from first-hand experience.
Posted by partlycloudy on January 25, 2005, at 10:54:46
In reply to Re: an assignment like my therapist would give me » partlycloudy, posted by Angel Girl on January 25, 2005, at 10:02:19
Hmm. My p-doc treats my rage and anger as a symptom of my depression (I'm bipolar2). The anxiety seems to come and go - more like, comes, sits down, and stays for 24 hours. My p-doc too put me on a maintence low dose of xanax .25mg per day if needed even though I have a history of alcohol addiction.
Guess I'm trying to say that we are more alike than different. Isn't that a comfort????
Posted by sunny10 on January 25, 2005, at 11:55:27
In reply to Anger, rage, hurt » Angel Girl, posted by partlycloudy on January 25, 2005, at 10:54:46
If it helps, my last T told me that MY excessive rage came from therapy. She said that I had learned to stop turning my anger inward and bringing myself to the depths of despair, but I simply hadn't spent enough time working on Step 2 yet, which in her mind was learning to deal with anger in positive ways. She says that some anger is healthy, and self-promoting, for me because I suffer from low self-esteem. I was brought up to take care of everyone else and that "self" was evil, selfish. That meant that I had no boundaries. Now that I have them, I get very angry when people cross my boundaries, but am not really strong enough to "protect them" in what other people would consider to be rational, adult ways. (she was being nice when she said this- I can get REALLY illogical and sometimes downright immature...sigh, still a work in progress)
I hope that by sharing my experience, along with the others, you might feel a little better knowing that you are not alone in this.
Hope you feel better soon,
Sunny10
Posted by alexandra_k on January 25, 2005, at 14:32:17
In reply to I think I have hurt you enough already. :( (nm) » alexandra_k, posted by Angel Girl on January 25, 2005, at 6:41:15
Posted by Susan47 on January 25, 2005, at 16:38:00
In reply to Re: Anger, rage, hurt, posted by sunny10 on January 25, 2005, at 11:55:27
You sound a lot like me, I have the same issues you have.
Posted by malthus on January 25, 2005, at 17:21:16
In reply to Re: an assignment like my therapist would give me » partlycloudy, posted by Angel Girl on January 25, 2005, at 10:02:19
My T calls my rage and anger "agitation". When someone crosses a boundary I rarely confront them at the moment but stew about it, with obsessive thoughts of telling the person off running through my head. This has happened a number of times with my supervisor at work. Thank god the last time it happened I had an intercessor, a mediator if you will, help me express my feelings to him. She was really kind. I don't have any problem letting my anger out at my family in a more "in the moment" way and don't let myself stew too much. But I have worked long and hard on this with my T.
I get into trouble when I'm feeling rage and medicate with alcohol because then I do really stupid things like cut myself or bang my head against the bathroom mirror. But the last time that happened was over 2 years ago. This past summer I tried to deal with rage by drinking but thankfully there was no cutting or banging, just vomiting. Ugh--so sorry, not a pretty image.
Posted by sunny10 on January 26, 2005, at 8:55:45
In reply to Re: Anger, rage, hurt » sunny10, posted by Susan47 on January 25, 2005, at 16:38:00
I've always felt that, too.
No guilt here intended at all- asking as a technical question only... did you get my babblemail?
I'm still not sure that I send it correctly. I also know that you have been dealing with a lot of sh*t lately, so didn't "expect" an answer- just wanted you to know that I care about you.
XOXOX
Sunny10
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