Posted by Angel Girl on January 25, 2005, at 10:02:19
In reply to Re: an assignment like my therapist would give me » Angel Girl, posted by partlycloudy on January 25, 2005, at 7:08:15
pc
It's far healthier than the way I handle it or more aptly mishandle it.
I don't know what's wrong with me. In the last 6 months or so, I am dealing with a lot of hostility that I didn't have before. I used to be the type of person who would do ANYTHING to avoid any friction, now more times than not, I go looking for it. It's just not me but I don't seem to be able to practice too much self-control. Do you think it could be hypomanic behaviour?
Waiting 24 hours seems to be a very good idea but the anxiety that I would go through would be worse then reacting right away. I understand the concept because for *most* people, more times than not, the intensity of their feelings would decrease but it seems to work the opposite for me in the last few months. Paranoid? Yes, that's a very good word for me. I am known to over-react. Most of my family has become accustomed to my extreme reactions and take them in stride because of my being BP but there are other family members who don't live so close to me so therefore don't have encounters with me very often and are not used to my *outbursts*.
My anxiety has been taking it's toll on me in a physical way a great deal lately and my GP and T suggested that I start taking my Xanax on a regular basis. I'm actually shocked that my GP would even suggest that because he hates me taking that drug but he felt recently that I was addicted to OTC meds I was taking for my physical symptoms from the anxiety. So, believe it or not, I now take my Xanax at the very beginning of feeling my heart racing. That way I have about 1/2 hour of my fury to deal with and then the Xanax kicks in and I mellow out. I've tried deep breathing and trying to remove myself from the situation but I can't seem to get anything to work. It's like I'm compelled or obsessed with dealing with whatever has hurt me. The biggest problem is that I most often misinterpret somebody's words and/or actions and get *upset* at something that didn't even exist in the first place.
So, I guess to sum it up in one word: XANAX. I know, it's not the healthiest or preferable way of dealing with my moods but I'm just starting therapy and I need a lot more guidance from my T to manage things. I use my T as a sounding board and she is really helping me, the problem is that I usually have an appt with her *after* the situation has occurred. Now, if I had an appt on the day that something was happening, I *might* be able to find some self-control and discuss it with her first *before* I unleash myself on the other person, who probably doesn't even deserve my anger and/or hurt to begin with.
Interesting note: I was having a hard time spelling fury so I searched "rage" in the thesaurus and it had the word "mania". Maybe I'm right about it being hypomanic episodes. I do know that I'm on a very minimal dosage of mood stabilizer and I know it's doing nothing for me. Maybe this is proof?
AG
poster:Angel Girl
thread:447246
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050122/msgs/447360.html