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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 5 of 5. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by pretty_paints on July 20, 2004, at 11:49:39
Hi guys, I havent posted on this board yet, only on the meds one.
Do any of you ever have the feeling that someone is watching you? Not an actual PERSON, like being paranoid that someone's behind you etc. But in my head! Iv had it for about 3 years. The person watching over me is an ex-boyfriend who I was madly in love with at the time but who I havent seen for ages. He's always always there. And whatever I'm doing, even if I'm on my own, I'm always acting in a way to impress him, or look cute or whatever. Kind of, "if he could see me now!" type thing. I even separate from the situation sometimes, like for example I might be like "ooh look at me sat there with that rug, reading a book by the fire, don't I look cute". Does that make any sense at all to anyone??
Of course this has stopped me acting myself, to the point where I don't even know what myself is anymore. Its difficult to distinguish why I do things. Even when I say to myself that I'm wearing a particular red coat for example, because I WANT TO, deep down its probably for HIS benefit. But I don't know what is truly me anymore and what is just "me trying to impress him"! Argh its so difficult.
I just wondered, does anyone else have any idea what I'm on about or experienced something similar? I have had a lot of problems over the last few years but nothing horrendously tragic. I had a fine childhood as far as I know and cant remember anything like abuse etc. If anyone has had anything similar, what were the reasons behind it, do u know?
How can I disconnect myself from this guy in my head??!
xxx
Posted by B2chica on July 20, 2004, at 12:42:35
In reply to Somebody's always watching me, posted by pretty_paints on July 20, 2004, at 11:49:39
yes and no.
i do, but it's different from you in that it normally feels like it's definately more than one person. several of them behind me or to the sides of me. i feel it! really feel it. but it's not a specific person. and yes sometimes it changes my behavior, something i might do, but then think about "them" and act/react a different way. usually this "feeling" bring intense feelings, intense fear, anger, the "Get Away From Me!!" type anger, or an intensed 'rushed' feeling-not sure how to explain that one. i continuously am turning around.
sometimes it's almost like they are on my back physically there, that close. Sometimes it's so intense i have to curl up and put my headphones on and cry or just crank the music-it's the only way i can "disconnect from 'them'" sometimes.
and this happens both when i'm alone and when i'm with others.thanks for sharing. pretty-paints -when i first read your name i thought it said pretty pants... ;^)
B2c.
Posted by Susan47 on July 20, 2004, at 16:50:42
In reply to Somebody's always watching me, posted by pretty_paints on July 20, 2004, at 11:49:39
Pretty paints,
Yes I think I know exactly what you're talking about. I've been like that since I first fell in love at 14. And I've had that feeling of being watched and acting for someone, with several DIFFERENT men over the course of my life so far. Right now it's my psychologist, gorgeous hunk of man that he is (gasp). And I think that's a good thing because of course he has to be unavailable, so I feel I'm safe ... anyway he's been looking over my shoulder so to speak for over a year now. I can't stop imagining he's there, and lately it feels like he really is, I can hear his voice in my head and he gives good advice when I need it. It's the weirdest thing ever, I find it stranger even than I do, me acting as if he were watching.What do you think of the concept that when you're in love, you're looking at that person being a kind of role model as well .. because part of the feeling of "love" is idealization? I idealize who I think I "love".
It's natural to want to be your best for someone you idealize. And if you need positive attention because you didn't get it at the right developmental stage (as I suspect I didn't) then who're you going to go to? Even if it is imaginary. It's safe, and you can always imagine his reaction to what you're doing, to be a positive one.
That's my take on this anyway. And I feel frustrated with this when it does happen to me. I find that studying, keeping my mind busy, really helps.
Posted by 64bowtie on July 22, 2004, at 11:24:33
In reply to Somebody's always watching me, posted by pretty_paints on July 20, 2004, at 11:49:39
Welcome to Psychology,
> How can I disconnect myself from this guy in my head??!
>You feel obligated to an image? ...your ex? Feelings of obligation for adults, many times come from the notion of feelings of not being "enough". Ring any bells. Your Mom and Dad may have never encouraged you to always see yourself as "enough no-matter-what". Mine didn't, either.
Please be careful of desire. My prediction is that desire an object of your obligations or expectations, can toooo easily swtich to disgust.
Rod
Posted by Wildflower on July 22, 2004, at 12:34:03
In reply to Somebody's always watching me, posted by pretty_paints on July 20, 2004, at 11:49:39
I think I understand what you're talking about but I'm not sure.
I have a few people from my past that "haunt" me. I can't help but think about what they're doing now or if they would like the person that I've turned into. I find myself buying certain things or doing things that would have impressed them if they were still around. It's like I want to call them or run into them and say "look at me now". They're long gone now and instead of letting go, I still hope that one day we'll cross paths again and this time things will work. They also appear in my dreams - frequently.
In my case, it may be that I haven't found that connection with anyone else and I'm still holding on to the perception of what we had. There was a reason things didn't work out but it's difficult to remember that. In my opinion, views of the past are aften delusional.
Anyway, they say that we long to impress others (real or imaginary) because we have no faith in ourselves - low self esteem. Some look to other for happiness (including me) instead of looking within. In the end, we only have to impress ourselves. Easier said than done though.
This is the end of the thread.
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