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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 15 of 15. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by cubic_me on June 18, 2004, at 11:07:32
For most of the last 7 years I've had suicide bouncing around in my head. I'm fed up with it. I wish I could either make it go away or kill myself.
I was talking about it with my T and said I'm not really bothered by them now, and just let them wash over me, but I guess thats not true all the time, and in the past despair has got me to the point of suicide.
Has anyone got any tips on how to avoid these thoughts? At the moment I'm just trying to stay busy but I'm so exhausted with depression and everything else that I want to be on my own most of the time. I don't see my T for another month as I'm going away and she doesn't do the phone thing.
I'm pretty sure I can keep safe, it's just that I need to get on with my life and these thoughts are affecting my work and how I socialise.
Posted by DaisyM on June 18, 2004, at 11:26:56
In reply to suicidalness, posted by cubic_me on June 18, 2004, at 11:07:32
Having recently been in this spot myself, all I can tell you is that it seems to ease up when I let it out. When I tell someone else how I feel, it gets better. Or when I get really busy with something I know how to do.
It gets worse when I'm alone too much, when I'm anxious and feel a lot of pressure or when I fight with my hubby. Having people mad at me or have expectations seems to bring out the little kid in me and she is the one with "those" thoughts.
I think if I figure out how to comfort and heal her, most of that will go away. It is that hopeless, "nothing can change" feeling that gets me.
Of course, for a huge amount of people, it is chemically driven, and medications are needed to correct this. Don't underestimate this factor. Similar to any other disease, you have to treat it properly. You can't "will away" diabetes, for example.
Hang in there. I believe it can get better.
Posted by ghost on June 18, 2004, at 11:46:46
In reply to Re: suicidalness, posted by DaisyM on June 18, 2004, at 11:26:56
> Of course, for a huge amount of people, it is chemically driven, and medications are needed to correct this. Don't underestimate this factor. Similar to any other disease, you have to treat it properly. You can't "will away" diabetes, for example.
i like that you said this. it reiterates the fact that mental illness is every bit as valid and real as physical illness.
i'd be interested to know what other people have to say too about suicidal thoughts. i, too, think about suicide and death all the time. i think i might just be a morbid person who doesn't fear death in the least. i wish for it a lot. sometimes it does affect how i socialize, too, and sometimes it affects my everyday life. the nurses and therapists i saw in the hospital didn't have any words of advice for this part of me. they just kept me on 15 minute checks. thinking about it doesnt mean i'll do it. but i do wonder how to stop thinking about it all the time.
Posted by B2chica on June 18, 2004, at 11:57:37
In reply to suicidalness, posted by cubic_me on June 18, 2004, at 11:07:32
Please Cubic Me, i hope you Never succeed with S. All i can think of right now is very selfish, but what if you had succeeded with a previous attempt. I would have NEVER had the chance to meet you. You Really make me feel comforted. You understand the SI part of me. Just seeing your posts even if their to others let's me know your around. It's being very selfish but you have been so great to me, whether you know it or not you have been a very imporant part in my getting through tough days.
I do understand Constantly having thoughts in your head that you just get sick of. Unfortunately i can't offer much about getting them out.
Are you currently on any medications? I notice that with my being bipolar (i don't know if this is the manic or the depressive side) but i tend to ruminate severely on SI and suicide once it enters my mind. When i'm on proper medication it is completely gone so even if i would have a thought or two, it still isn't that constant inside.
i am in a spot now because my antipsychotic is not working quite as well as it has been and i've stopped taking my AD. This was a decision i made because of therapy and both my T and my Gp are well aware of this.I'm really not much help because i have these SI thoughts consuming much of my mind these days. But for me when i was on the right med combo they went almost completely away.
So you just keep ruminating on me telling you that i HAVE to hear from you when you come back from your trip! (i'll nag in your ear...i'm a pretty good nagger) You need to post at babble when you return! You Must! You Must!
I Need Cubic Me in my life.
b2c.
Posted by rockymtnhi on June 18, 2004, at 12:24:04
In reply to suicidalness, posted by cubic_me on June 18, 2004, at 11:07:32
I feel the same way that you do and received a similiar response from my T. I'm not as certain that I would not proceed with it as he is.
I too, wonder what this is all about. I have felt this way for a very long time and have "let it wash over me too." I'm not sure what that does. I feel silly about it since my life is getting better everyday but I still have these thoughts and still want to act on them.
Your post helps me put into words something that I was feeling but was unable to express.
Keep us posted on what is happening with you....and please do not act on your suicidal thoughts. I am encouraged by your willingness to share yourself with others.
Posted by shadows721 on June 18, 2004, at 18:44:21
In reply to suicidalness, posted by cubic_me on June 18, 2004, at 11:07:32
I have to admit that I too have this, but I wonder if it's not a chronic state of fear of living.
Posted by ghost on June 18, 2004, at 18:47:43
In reply to Re: suicidalness-a different spin, posted by shadows721 on June 18, 2004, at 18:44:21
> I have to admit that I too have this, but I wonder if it's not a chronic state of fear of living.
but it's not that i'm afraid to live. i just don't *want* to.
Posted by holymama on June 19, 2004, at 6:53:04
In reply to suicidalness, posted by cubic_me on June 18, 2004, at 11:07:32
Cubic me,
I just spent my therapy hour yesterday talking with her about how to stop suicidal thoughts. She thinks it's like a compulsive habit that pops up for me when I'm feeling really depressed and desperate, and so she thinks I can condition myself to stop, over time. I don't think about suicide on a daya to day basis and I don't really want to die -- for me it's more of a place my thoughts turn to for a few hours when my depression feels unbearable.
Her ideas were this:
1. First thing to do is choose something else to do with your minds/thoughts everytime suicide pops into your mind. She suggested to pray/meditate/do a little yoga/play a song...but the idea is to pick out what that thing will be when you are feeling allright, so you are prepared with it. Pray (or meditate, etc) immediately EVERY time you think of suicide. This way you get the thought out of your mind.
2. Prepare a box of things that bring you comfort/relief so that you can look through it after you do your praying (meditating, etc. In this way you can bring comfort to yourself and remind yourself of why life is good, what is meaningful to you. This can be a distraction from your pain and also make you feel better. IN the box you could put anything good, some suggestions are pictures or photo albums from really good times in your life, wedding video, video of your kids, letters from friends or relatives that make you feel good, a few CDs that make you feel good not sad, even a letter that you write to yourself when you're feeling GOOD to remind yourself that bad times do pass and a reminder to yourself about what you can look forward to when life gets good again.I haven't done this myself yet, I just got the idea yesterday, but it sounds like it might work for me. I think over time if I try to replace those suicidal thoughts with a prayer and good thoughts, it could work for me.
~~Autumn~~
Posted by cubic_me on June 19, 2004, at 13:05:18
In reply to Re: suicidalness, posted by rockymtnhi on June 18, 2004, at 12:24:04
Thankyou to you all for your great responses. It looks like I'll be busy for the next month whether I like it or not, which should help with the thoughts a little. I have been considering making some kind of 'happy box', but if I looked at it every time suicide crossed my mind I'd be looking at it 24/7. Even when I'm at my 'happiest', going out with friends, seeing amazing bands playing, having wonderful experiences, suicide still crosses my mind frequently. But it seems that when I really do have the desire to kill myself, I can't muster the energy - I suppose that's lucky :s
I think I like to know that suicide is an option for me, even if its one I'm not choosing to take at the moment. Like someone said before, I'm not scared of living, I just don't want to be alive, and I think that everyone should have the option of whether to live or not. I wanted my closest friend to live so much, but after 2 years of despair and suicide attempts, she finally succeeded, and as much as I miss her, I understand that it was her choice, and it is what she wanted.
Posted by cubic_me on June 19, 2004, at 13:13:25
In reply to Re: suicidalness, posted by B2chica on June 18, 2004, at 11:57:37
Hey b2c, thankyou for being so lovely about me - I'm truely flattered. I love talking to you too, and it seems like we understand each other pretty well :)
I really don't think I'll do anything at the moment, even though S is on my mind constantly, I'm not in the frame of mind to do it.
> Are you currently on any medications?
I'm on Effexor and have just come off Remeron. I was on the Remeron for 6 weeks but in that time I put on 25 pounds and felt like a spaced out zombie all the time. The upside was that it lessened my suicidal ideation, but that was no good if I couldn't get on with my life because I was sleeping all the time and unable to follow one train of thought for more than 20 seconds!
I've not got another appointment with the pdoc unitl september because I'm away, but I have to see the GP for repeat prescritions.
>
> So you just keep ruminating on me telling you that i HAVE to hear from you when you come back from your trip! (i'll nag in your ear...i'm a pretty good nagger) You need to post at babble when you return! You Must! You Must!Of course I will post when I get back. I'm not going until wednesday, so I should be around 'til then.
hugs to (((((((((((((((b2c)))))))))))))), you're the bestestest x
Posted by shadows721 on June 19, 2004, at 13:32:00
In reply to Re: suicidalness » cubic_me, posted by holymama on June 19, 2004, at 6:53:04
I can relate to your post. I feel that mine is a self tormenting habit. I haven't thought of it that way, but I bet that it is. I really still feel that fear is really underneath mine too, since I have Ptsd.
Thank you for sharing those tips. I really got a lot out of your post.
Posted by Dinah on June 19, 2004, at 19:42:09
In reply to Re: suicidalness-a different spin, posted by shadows721 on June 18, 2004, at 18:44:21
> I have to admit that I too have this, but I wonder if it's not a chronic state of fear of living.
I kind of feel that way myself. That the only thing I fear worse than dying is living.
Sometimes the suicidal thoughts seem not unlike dreaming of running away to Tahiti, but without the bother of travel or having to make a living.
Posted by Camille Dumont on June 20, 2004, at 17:17:15
In reply to suicidalness, posted by cubic_me on June 18, 2004, at 11:07:32
My answer and pretty much definitive suicide prevention method came in a small furry container. Four of them actually. I got rats. As silly as it sounds, having animals that depend on you can give you a reason to stay alive. And when you feel down, you can always pet your dog, bury your face in your cat's furry tummy or whatever. They give us unconditional love, they are always available, always willing to be with you ... and sometimes its just what you need to win over teh dark thoughs.
Posted by B2chica on June 21, 2004, at 9:12:24
In reply to Re: suicidalness » B2chica, posted by cubic_me on June 19, 2004, at 13:13:25
Posted by holymama on June 21, 2004, at 13:28:35
In reply to Re: suicidalness-holymama, posted by shadows721 on June 19, 2004, at 13:32:00
Dear shadow, I'm glad you got something out of that post. As I said, I haven't tried it yet, but am just passing on an idea.
It's becoming so much more apparant to me how everyones' thoughts of suicide differ so much. For some, they are a desire for pain to stop - physical pain, mental pain, emotional pain. For others, they are a response to a real fear of or hatred of living. One person's solution for their own pain may not help someone else, but then again, it may touch one person out there, so we need to share our ideas with eachother.
Good luck to us all. :)
This is the end of the thread.
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