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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 10 of 10. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Elle2021 on January 30, 2004, at 22:53:51
I found out today that Burt now only wants to see me for meds and that my new therapist will be my primary doctor. Now, when I agreed to start seeing this therapist, Burt told me that I would still be seeing him. Today, during the session with my therapist, she confirmed that Burt said he only wants to see me for meds. Well, Burt has finally gotten what he wanted, to pass me off to someone else. *At this point I want to cancel all of my therapy sessions with both of them.* I feel like Burt lied. I feel abandoned.
When my T asked me how I felt about this (I was noticably upset), I didn't even know what to say, so I said, "Oh, I'm fine with that." But I'm not fine with this. I cried most of the way home. Somebody help.
Elle
Posted by 64Bowtie on January 31, 2004, at 0:14:44
In reply to My Session, posted by Elle2021 on January 30, 2004, at 22:53:51
If I were sure you would accept my humor, I would say, "Burt Lied! Bad Burt! Bad Burt!" Please accept that that was what I wanted to tell him personally. I am not diminishing you or your feelings. I just wanna get him off your back! Call it a sibling thing. I was the "enabler-placater" in my family of origin drama/trauma.
Not all "T"s are like Burt, Bean, and Bubba, ya' know. I apologize if anything I am saying irritates you. I never want to irritate, especially you. What tickles me about the stories is I've seen or worked with my share of Burts, Beans, and Bubbas.
Always Faithful, Rod
Posted by Medusa on January 31, 2004, at 5:47:35
In reply to My Session, posted by Elle2021 on January 30, 2004, at 22:53:51
> *At this point I want to cancel all of my therapy sessions with both of them.*
>So ... why not do it?
> I feel like Burt lied. I feel abandoned.He did! - You are, in a way!
> Somebody help.Okay Elle, this might not feel comfy, but what about a tough-as-nails therapist who would be clear and open about +not+ "being there for you" in the way your previous therapists have tried to be? What about a therapist who doesn't lie to you, who tells you difficult things straight to your face with confidence that you can handle it? Someone who validates the pain you feel at this, and pushes you to move through it? A therapist who only wants to hear as much of your past stories as s/he can use to help you find future solutions?
I wasted soooooo many years with pdocs and talk therapists (and with being bounced between them and them talking to each other and letting things slip to me) that I'm very relieved to have found solutions-oriented therapists. There are quite a few different variations of this approach. One I'm reading about now is described in books by Bert Hellinger. The guy is harsh, sometimes almost crude, and he says things that are horridly simplistic while knowing that you need more context. Yet something about his take is tremendously empowering. (I'm +not+ recommending use of his methods exclusively ... I think if I'd read his books before I'd read lots of others, I'd run screaming, but it could be worth taking a look in the library.)
Elle, I hear your cry for help. I think I've been in a place similar to where you've been. I wish I'd given myself credit for my reactions, I wish I'd validated my own feelings of betrayal and abandonment. The harsh reality is that no therapist is on your side, ever. They became therapists for their own emotional and financial motivations, and that's what dominates. So you've got to find a therapist who'll at least be open and honest about this very real facet of their work, and who will help you to find the help you need. You're strong, Elle. What you are is good. Please trust yourself first of all, and please think hard about who else you choose to trust.
Posted by gardenergirl on January 31, 2004, at 8:25:17
In reply to Re: My Session, posted by Medusa on January 31, 2004, at 5:47:35
Elle,
I'm so sorry. What an awful thing to deal with. I feel for you. I hope that your new T will help you through this and is able to be what you need.Please take extra care right now!
gg
(((Elle)))
Posted by Dinah on January 31, 2004, at 9:26:51
In reply to My Session, posted by Elle2021 on January 30, 2004, at 22:53:51
Is it possible that he meant that he would continue to see you for meds? That he wasn't trying to get rid of you, he just wanted to limit his practice to meds?
I've been picking up hints from what you've said that this is what he's been aiming for for a long time, and it probably doesn't have a thing to do with you. More and more MD's are limiting their practice to psychopharmacology. It's less taxing emotionally, and the monetary rewards are far greater. My pdoc charges $80 for what amounts to 10 minutes. There is no way he could get that amount for therapy.
I have thought that he hasn't been effective or empathetic at telling you this. Instead of telling you outright he wants to change his treatment to psychopharmacology, it seems he's been dropping hints that have the (justifiable) effect of hurting your feelings.
I think he could have handled this far better, but is it possible that what I'm saying has some validity? Is it possible that while it might feel like an abandonment personal to you, it's just really a decision based on what he wants his practice to be?
Posted by Karen_kay on January 31, 2004, at 10:42:29
In reply to My Session, posted by Elle2021 on January 30, 2004, at 22:53:51
I'm so sorry Elle. But please remember that you are able to open up more with your current therapist so much more than you were with Burt.
Does this mean that you will only see Burt for meds only? This could be a good thing, as recently things haven't been going so well with him.
Hang in there girlie. Don't think he's trying to pass you off. Look at it like he just thinks that Bagonia will be a much better fit for you than he ever could be. And that's what it looks like. You get the best of both worlds, a great therapist, and a good-looking Pdoc.
(((Elle)))
Posted by Elle2021 on February 3, 2004, at 6:46:27
In reply to Re: My Session » Elle2021, posted by Dinah on January 31, 2004, at 9:26:51
> Is it possible that he meant that he would continue to see you for meds?
Maybe, he didn't specify. I asked if I would still be seeing him and he said yes.
>That he wasn't trying to get rid of you, he just wanted to limit his practice to meds?
He hasn't ever said he only wanted to prescribe meds.
>Is it possible that while it might feel like an abandonment personal to you, it's just really a decision based on what he wants his practice to be?
I don't know, it feels personal. I think I'm just going to stop seeing him. I don't really see what the point is in me getting upset and feeling abandoned by someone who didn't want me in the first place.
Elle
Posted by gardenergirl on February 3, 2004, at 7:37:57
In reply to Re: My Session » Dinah, posted by Elle2021 on February 3, 2004, at 6:46:27
Posted by fallsfall on February 3, 2004, at 17:27:09
In reply to Re: My Session » Dinah, posted by Elle2021 on February 3, 2004, at 6:46:27
I suggest that you see him once more and tell him how you feel. I often feel like you are feeling, but when I talk to my therapist about it I find that my interpretation is all wrong. Maybe that is the case with you. Or maybe he has another explanation that we haven't thought of yet. Give him a chance to explain.
Posted by Dinah on February 3, 2004, at 18:00:43
In reply to Re: My Session » Dinah, posted by Elle2021 on February 3, 2004, at 6:46:27
If you think you want to see if this relationship can be salvaged, it might be worth talking expectations with him. I have had so many relationship repairing talks with my therapist that I've lost count. And if it works it's a really nice experience.
But I've certainly been known to cut ties if I don't think a relationship is overall a benefit to me.
This is the end of the thread.
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