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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 4 of 4. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Medusa on January 18, 2004, at 5:57:19
Whenever I start working on a sensitive area, in therapy or on my own, my suicide ideation goes wild.
This is the case right now, and I'm looking for ways to turn down the volume or switch my anti-progress/ambivalence thinking to a different channel while continuing the work. I have lots of self-soothing techniques and have learned a lot of healthy coping mechanisms. That's not really what I'm looking for now. In some ways, these methods don't show sufficient respect for the positive function of my resistance to change.
"Channel-switching", obsessing about something other than suicide whenever the suicide ideation starts, works in lower-stress situations. But suicide ideation is the default. When the pressure rises, there it is.
I accept that the suicide ideation is going to be present and rotten until I get through what I need to get done. So to some degree, it's head down and plow through.
But it's really, really annoying. I know I can't be the first person who's gone through this and has managed to work through the really high-risk themes and get to the other side.
Posted by DaisyM on January 18, 2004, at 20:25:53
In reply to suicide ideation, posted by Medusa on January 18, 2004, at 5:57:19
I haven't had a great deal of experience with this, I actually have more suicide dreams than actual conscious thought. However, I did talk to my Therapist about them and it, and he told me a couple of things that helped:
1) I wanted the pain to die, not me. That is actually healthy.2) I was actually taking on someone elses despair and added to my own it was overwhelming. I needed to look at the situation and indivduals and try to step back.
3) I needed to allow that a part of me was dieing...as I was changing in therapy and letting go of some really old and ugly stuff. So not to fight it so much. Just keep telling him about my thoughts.
He had me write down all the ways I was dreaming/thinking about, and then really follow the conclusions. It was interesting, (I think it scared him how clear I was and how much access to things I truly had) because I did have a workable plan. I also have kids and am catholic, which balances things on the possibility scale.
I'll think more about how I stopped the dreams and if I remember how that channel switching occured, I'll post it.
Please hang in there. I'm glad you seem to see it for what it is.
Posted by Karen_kay on January 18, 2004, at 21:45:36
In reply to suicide ideation, posted by Medusa on January 18, 2004, at 5:57:19
You aren't the only one who's gone through this. I've been there many times. I know I have a support system in place, as well as a therapist to call and a crisis line if need be, but for some reason when I'm feeling that way I just don't want to bother them. Not that I would be bothering them, I jsut sometimes feel that way.
So, I post here. It hasn't happened often since I've began posting here (coincidence? I think not :) Also, I try to remember all the other times I've felt this way and that I've made it through. I keep journals, so that helps reinforce the fact that things may go up and down but they do get better. A lot of times I simply have to tell myself, "Take a sleeping pill and make it through another day." Or if I have to go to class, then I force myself to go. It's hard but I just do it. And sometimes seeing a smiling face on campus or a nice neighbor helps bring my mood up just a little bit to get me through the day. Just a little push to get me through, that's what I'm looking for at the time.
But, I know I constantly ask myself if I'm doing things right. What's the point, ect. I just try to find the little things to help give me a boost. My dog wagging his tail when I get home. My weekly therapy appointment, even if it sometimes sucks. Some good music. Chocolate and ice cream. Thank you cards. Just take it one day at a time... That's what I do. And hope the voice stops screaming in my ear.
Posted by cubic_me on January 19, 2004, at 6:22:27
In reply to suicide ideation, posted by Medusa on January 18, 2004, at 5:57:19
I get exactly the same thing, and I'm not quite sure how to deal with it either. But when I am feeling like that I just keep reminding myself that just like before, it has got better and sometimes I don't want to die. Its really hard work, exhausting, but force yourself through it and sleep alot if you can.
I don't know if this is for everyone, but I find that writing down what I am thinking (rather than talking to someone else) can help, because it gets my thoughts out without me analyzing the conversation over and over in my head. Ofcourse if you think you are getting close to doing something, you should definately talk to someone.
I think today is the first day in a few months that I've actually thought 'I don't think I want to die yet', and I'm quite pleased with myself for thinking that!
This is the end of the thread.
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