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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 7 of 7. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by crushedout on December 24, 2003, at 15:48:56
I had a dream yesterday about my T in which she came to my house and held me and kissed the top of my head. In a nutshell. We've been talking about dreams a lot the past few days because I've been having a lot of them (some including her and others not). She gave me her email address for the first time today, so I emailed it to her. God, it's embarrassing. But I did it. In part thanks to you. I wonder whether she'll write back and when. It was hard. I feel really sad.
Posted by Rigby on December 24, 2003, at 16:47:47
In reply to Rigby, I emailed her my dream, posted by crushedout on December 24, 2003, at 15:48:56
Hi Crushed,
This is *great!!* It's really hard, I understand, but it's such a good step. Writing is easier and sending her a dream that reflects how you feel is a really good way of approaching it. It's genuine but also gentle.
I'm not sure why you would be sad but if I had to venture a guess I'd say that when you "come out" about your feelings towards your therapist then you kinda have to deal with the reality of this being a therapuetic relationship and not a romantic one. I was *very* uncomfortable about it but in my case I became actually concerned that it might go there (it probably wouldn't have but with the 'Don't you see? You're special.' thing I got pretty spooked.)
I've had some really other wonderful, non sexual but highly romantic dreams about my therapist that I've written and shared with her when I was there--it gets easier. I've also had some nasty dreams where she left me or betrayed me. It can cut both ways.
Hopefully she'll aknowledge the email but it's probably best to not get into an in-depth exchange off-line--I think that can get into some boundary stuff. I only email my therapist when I feel it's heavy stuff--usually dreams--and she'll usually write one or two sentences back. Hardly more. It's not cold--seems about right.
Anyway, I really think you'll benefit from this. It takes courage and from the sounds of it, seems like you've got plenty of it. Dealing with big crushes is something I've had to face and while it's not pretty, if you kinda do the work (go to therapy, take it seriously) it's enormously helpful.
Congrats!!!!
> I had a dream yesterday about my T in which she came to my house and held me and kissed the top of my head. In a nutshell. We've been talking about dreams a lot the past few days because I've been having a lot of them (some including her and others not). She gave me her email address for the first time today, so I emailed it to her. God, it's embarrassing. But I did it. In part thanks to you. I wonder whether she'll write back and when. It was hard. I feel really sad.
Posted by crushedout on December 25, 2003, at 0:37:42
In reply to This is GREAT!!!!!, posted by Rigby on December 24, 2003, at 16:47:47
thanks, rigby. i'm feeling so embarrassed. yes, i'm just really sad that i can't be with her. that she can't really kiss the top of my head. it felt so good in my dream. when i woke up, i cried.
now i'm just agonizing over the fact that i told her. i guess it was probably the right thing to do, but i feel soooo vulnerable right now. and silly.
:(
it's good to hear that it was hard for you, too, and you got through it.
> Hi Crushed,
>
> This is *great!!* It's really hard, I understand, but it's such a good step. Writing is easier and sending her a dream that reflects how you feel is a really good way of approaching it. It's genuine but also gentle.
>
> I'm not sure why you would be sad but if I had to venture a guess I'd say that when you "come out" about your feelings towards your therapist then you kinda have to deal with the reality of this being a therapuetic relationship and not a romantic one. I was *very* uncomfortable about it but in my case I became actually concerned that it might go there (it probably wouldn't have but with the 'Don't you see? You're special.' thing I got pretty spooked.)
>
> I've had some really other wonderful, non sexual but highly romantic dreams about my therapist that I've written and shared with her when I was there--it gets easier. I've also had some nasty dreams where she left me or betrayed me. It can cut both ways.
>
> Hopefully she'll aknowledge the email but it's probably best to not get into an in-depth exchange off-line--I think that can get into some boundary stuff. I only email my therapist when I feel it's heavy stuff--usually dreams--and she'll usually write one or two sentences back. Hardly more. It's not cold--seems about right.
>
> Anyway, I really think you'll benefit from this. It takes courage and from the sounds of it, seems like you've got plenty of it. Dealing with big crushes is something I've had to face and while it's not pretty, if you kinda do the work (go to therapy, take it seriously) it's enormously helpful.
>
> Congrats!!!!
>
> > I had a dream yesterday about my T in which she came to my house and held me and kissed the top of my head. In a nutshell. We've been talking about dreams a lot the past few days because I've been having a lot of them (some including her and others not). She gave me her email address for the first time today, so I emailed it to her. God, it's embarrassing. But I did it. In part thanks to you. I wonder whether she'll write back and when. It was hard. I feel really sad.
>
>
Posted by Rigby on December 27, 2003, at 16:43:10
In reply to Re: This is GREAT!!!!! » Rigby, posted by crushedout on December 25, 2003, at 0:37:42
Yeah, it's tough, no way around it. I think you'll reap many benefits by confronting it though. And it seems like it's the first step towards getting what you want--knowing that you want *someone* to touch you that way. I'm hoping she wrote back, if just to aknowledge that she got it.
> thanks, rigby. i'm feeling so embarrassed. yes, i'm just really sad that i can't be with her. that she can't really kiss the top of my head. it felt so good in my dream. when i woke up, i cried.
>
> now i'm just agonizing over the fact that i told her. i guess it was probably the right thing to do, but i feel soooo vulnerable right now. and silly.
>
> :(
>
> it's good to hear that it was hard for you, too, and you got through it.
>
> > Hi Crushed,
> >
> > This is *great!!* It's really hard, I understand, but it's such a good step. Writing is easier and sending her a dream that reflects how you feel is a really good way of approaching it. It's genuine but also gentle.
> >
> > I'm not sure why you would be sad but if I had to venture a guess I'd say that when you "come out" about your feelings towards your therapist then you kinda have to deal with the reality of this being a therapuetic relationship and not a romantic one. I was *very* uncomfortable about it but in my case I became actually concerned that it might go there (it probably wouldn't have but with the 'Don't you see? You're special.' thing I got pretty spooked.)
> >
> > I've had some really other wonderful, non sexual but highly romantic dreams about my therapist that I've written and shared with her when I was there--it gets easier. I've also had some nasty dreams where she left me or betrayed me. It can cut both ways.
> >
> > Hopefully she'll aknowledge the email but it's probably best to not get into an in-depth exchange off-line--I think that can get into some boundary stuff. I only email my therapist when I feel it's heavy stuff--usually dreams--and she'll usually write one or two sentences back. Hardly more. It's not cold--seems about right.
> >
> > Anyway, I really think you'll benefit from this. It takes courage and from the sounds of it, seems like you've got plenty of it. Dealing with big crushes is something I've had to face and while it's not pretty, if you kinda do the work (go to therapy, take it seriously) it's enormously helpful.
> >
> > Congrats!!!!
> >
> > > I had a dream yesterday about my T in which she came to my house and held me and kissed the top of my head. In a nutshell. We've been talking about dreams a lot the past few days because I've been having a lot of them (some including her and others not). She gave me her email address for the first time today, so I emailed it to her. God, it's embarrassing. But I did it. In part thanks to you. I wonder whether she'll write back and when. It was hard. I feel really sad.
> >
> >
>
>
Posted by crushedout on December 27, 2003, at 22:47:30
In reply to Re: This is GREAT!!!!! =Crushed, posted by Rigby on December 27, 2003, at 16:43:10
i hope you're right. no, she didn't write back. i guess it's for the best. if she replied every time i wrote her, it might just feed my obsession with her (and encourage boundary-crossings?). i suppose she'll acknowledge it when i see her. do you think it's weird she didn't write back? oh well. she hasn't. i guess i can't even be sure she got it. i hope she did.
> Yeah, it's tough, no way around it. I think you'll reap many benefits by confronting it though. And it seems like it's the first step towards getting what you want--knowing that you want *someone* to touch you that way. I'm hoping she wrote back, if just to aknowledge that she got it.
> > thanks, rigby. i'm feeling so embarrassed. yes, i'm just really sad that i can't be with her. that she can't really kiss the top of my head. it felt so good in my dream. when i woke up, i cried.
> >
> > now i'm just agonizing over the fact that i told her. i guess it was probably the right thing to do, but i feel soooo vulnerable right now. and silly.
> >
> > :(
> >
> > it's good to hear that it was hard for you, too, and you got through it.
> >
> > > Hi Crushed,
> > >
> > > This is *great!!* It's really hard, I understand, but it's such a good step. Writing is easier and sending her a dream that reflects how you feel is a really good way of approaching it. It's genuine but also gentle.
> > >
> > > I'm not sure why you would be sad but if I had to venture a guess I'd say that when you "come out" about your feelings towards your therapist then you kinda have to deal with the reality of this being a therapuetic relationship and not a romantic one. I was *very* uncomfortable about it but in my case I became actually concerned that it might go there (it probably wouldn't have but with the 'Don't you see? You're special.' thing I got pretty spooked.)
> > >
> > > I've had some really other wonderful, non sexual but highly romantic dreams about my therapist that I've written and shared with her when I was there--it gets easier. I've also had some nasty dreams where she left me or betrayed me. It can cut both ways.
> > >
> > > Hopefully she'll aknowledge the email but it's probably best to not get into an in-depth exchange off-line--I think that can get into some boundary stuff. I only email my therapist when I feel it's heavy stuff--usually dreams--and she'll usually write one or two sentences back. Hardly more. It's not cold--seems about right.
> > >
> > > Anyway, I really think you'll benefit from this. It takes courage and from the sounds of it, seems like you've got plenty of it. Dealing with big crushes is something I've had to face and while it's not pretty, if you kinda do the work (go to therapy, take it seriously) it's enormously helpful.
> > >
> > > Congrats!!!!
> > >
> > > > I had a dream yesterday about my T in which she came to my house and held me and kissed the top of my head. In a nutshell. We've been talking about dreams a lot the past few days because I've been having a lot of them (some including her and others not). She gave me her email address for the first time today, so I emailed it to her. God, it's embarrassing. But I did it. In part thanks to you. I wonder whether she'll write back and when. It was hard. I feel really sad.
> > >
> > >
> >
> >
>
>
Posted by Rigby on December 28, 2003, at 10:45:48
In reply to Re: This is GREAT!!!!! =Crushed » Rigby, posted by crushedout on December 27, 2003, at 22:47:30
I don't think it's strange she didn't write back: 1. she could be away for vacation and 2. she might be trying to make sure she doesn't cross boundaries like you said. I simply stopped writing to my therapist b/c she didn't respond. When she asked why I told her it was too difficult to write w/ the intensity that I was writing and get zero back. She never said anything but now, when I do occassionally write to her, she always responds with a brief aknowledgement and when I come in to her office she's printed out the email with a ton of notes on it. So, it may help to ask that your therapist simply briefly aknowledge receiving your email so you feel like it's "landed." If that makes you feel more comfortable.
Posted by crushedout on December 28, 2003, at 16:19:41
In reply to Re: This is GREAT!!!!! , posted by Rigby on December 28, 2003, at 10:45:48
i got a short message, thought not of course responding to the substance of my dream. it was nice. i guess we'll talk about it next week. i'm a little scared.
This is the end of the thread.
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