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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 5 of 5. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Poet on November 14, 2003, at 10:41:40
She made me mad, yesterday. I was ten minutes late which upset me to begin with as being a perfect therapy patient club member, I am always on time.
She commented that I looked dressed up. I said I think you know why. She said I thought we agreed that you would take a break from job hunting. Then started in on *if you don't get it, are you emotionally able to handle it this time? Or will you get depressed, and lose control (bulimia) again?*
What I wanted was support. What she did was trigger my running tape of *I'm a failure, I've always been a failure and always will be a failure.* I told her that's what's now running through my head. I know she's worried that I will lose it again, but what I wanted was encouragement that I felt ready to try again.
She just said, well, as always I'll hope the best for you, but rember if you get turned down, you can't blame yourself. You have to keep yourself together emotionally (isn't that what I pay her for?)
I wish I had been even later and stopped home to change into my normal jeans. I know I set myself up for emotional devistation with the interview, my track record of failure is years long. She didn't have to reinforce my negative thoughts.
I feel threatened again that if I lose it she will push me out to the specialist. Which at this point might not be a bad idea.
Poet
Posted by Dinah on November 14, 2003, at 10:52:13
In reply to Mad at Therapist, posted by Poet on November 14, 2003, at 10:41:40
I think maybe you should be. Not one of her finer therapist moments. It's a tricky line to walk to support you in your efforts while also cushioning a potential fall. She fell to the cushioning side, it sounds like. But they're none of them perfect.
By the way, I think it's great that you are feeling well enough to re-enter the job market. I know it takes a lot of courage to put on that suit and potentially face what feels like rejection. I'm sure you did fine. And remember, it only feels like rejection. Today's job market is tight and there are many applicants for every job. And nearly all of them feel exactly like you do. And the rest of them just don't have the sense to feel anxious.
Posted by Susan J on November 14, 2003, at 11:00:25
In reply to Mad at Therapist, posted by Poet on November 14, 2003, at 10:41:40
Hi, Poet,
> Then started in on *if you don't get it, are you emotionally able to handle it this time? Or will you get depressed, and lose control (bulimia) again?*
>
> What I wanted was support.
<<Arrrgh! I know how that sucks. I'm sorry. It's definitely worth addressing this situation the next time you talk to her. Are you like me? I just get so shocked or whatever when someone says something that hurts/bothers/annoys me, that I say nothing.....it's only later that I can come up with something rational to say back.>>but what I wanted was encouragement that I felt ready to try again.
<<Someone on the med boards posted saying she wanted to go off drugs (she's bipolar). She'd discussed it with her docs and they were cool with it. They warned her that the stress of school might make it rough, but she was *motivated* to do it. I don't think people, even therapists, give motivation the credit it deserves. Its a very powerful tool.If you are motivated to go job hunting, then I say by all means, go job hunting. Motivation, which can be so elusive for me, is like a wonder drug to me. It gives you the power to do what might seem impossible. So if you've got it, I say take advantage of it now and go looking, even if all the rest of your *ducks aren't in a row* like still having doubts or whatever. I mean, whose ever are? :-)
>
> She just said, well, as always I'll hope the best for you,
<<Yeah, don't people see that sometimes that's a backwards insult? I'm sure she meant it in the best way possible, but *I* would read that she thinks you have no chance at success, but she'll still wish you the best. I wouldn't have taken it as encouragement, either.My therapist is actually really good at encouraging me, to the point that sometimes I can see she's just being over supportive. That bugs me a bit, but better than saying stuff that can hurt, even when it's not meant to...
> I feel threatened again that if I lose it she will push me out to the specialist. Which at this point might not be a bad idea.
<<I'm not sure what a specialist is (in what field), but perhaps a change of therapist might be good. I dunno.Anyway, good luck with job interviews. They suck, but I think they are always good experience, and they put your name out there. Maybe something might not open up right away, but they could remember you for something different down the road.
I'll keep my fingers crossed for ya. Things will work out OK. You seem very strong, even with your therapist acting a bit weird. :-)
Susan
Posted by Poet on November 14, 2003, at 13:50:58
In reply to Re: Mad at Therapist » Poet, posted by Susan J on November 14, 2003, at 11:00:25
Keep those fingers crossed.
I am like you, I think of all the things I should have said after the session. Then the next week I chicken out on saying them.
The specialist is for bulimia which I have a history of losing control of when I get rejected for a job or feel abandoned. I binged and purged a few weeks ago (not career related, thank you) and she said she'd like to refer me to someone with more expertise in eating disorders. Hence "the specialist." I am controlling it, I stopped being actively bulimic at least 16 years ago. I'll see a specilist if I think I need to after I've figured out how I can pay for it when the insurance gives out.
Thank you for your support, I sure didn't get it from her. My babble friends understand things far better than any therapist.
Poet
Posted by Poet on November 14, 2003, at 13:59:52
In reply to Re: Mad at Therapist » Poet, posted by Dinah on November 14, 2003, at 10:52:13
Thanks Dinah.
When I don't get a job I feel totally rejected and per my therapist I personalize the rejection because I don't know the real reason and blame myself.
I will try hard to remember that it is a tight job market and I was probably lucky to get the interview. 20th time does the charm! (lol)
I know my therapist is trying to protect me, but I really needed her support. It's so wonderful that I can count on it here.
Poet
Poet
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