![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 7 to 31 of 40. Go back in thread:
Posted by Dinah on January 1, 2003, at 4:55:43
In reply to Re: Questionnaire for rating your therapist..., posted by oracle on January 1, 2003, at 2:42:07
I'm impressed. No to all of them? My strongest yes was to the one about your therapist being as confused about your problems as you are. It's disconcerting at times.
If you don't mind my asking, have you been with this no "yes" therapist long? And what sort of therapy does he/she practice? I'm always making contingent plans in case my therapist up and leaves or dies on me or something like that, so I'm interested in what people think makes for a good therapist.
Posted by BeardedLady on January 1, 2003, at 9:27:15
In reply to Questionnaire for rating your therapist..., posted by IsoM on December 31, 2002, at 22:49:01
I thought the questions were fair. I didn't have to think about any of them. The word "preoccupied" eliminated any possibility of a yes answer from two of the questions. My doctor does seem interested in what I have to say, and he does tell a lot of stories about other clients or himself--as anecdotes, but not at my expense and not with any preoccupation or frequency.
I like my therapist. I liked him the moment I met him because he put me on the right track in the first session, and there was noticeable improvement.
He doesn't think therapy should go on forever, and he even tells me when I'm doing fine and shouldn't come in.
Thanks for the enlightening link.
beardy : )>
Posted by mikhail99 on January 1, 2003, at 9:33:23
In reply to Questionnaire for rating your therapist..., posted by IsoM on December 31, 2002, at 22:49:01
I only answered yes to one question and that was about planning a session vs. seeing where a session goes when I walk through the door. I don't really blame him though, he has his work cut out for him keeping me on track, I do tend to go all over the place with things I want to discuss with him. So I guess I have a pretty awesome therapist which would explain why I'm so infatuated with him. :-)
I've been reading some posts debating on how long therapy should go on and I thought I'd mention that I've been in and out for years (thanks to HMOs and how THEY get to determine how much therapy you need) and my sister has been seeing the same therapist off and on for 9 or 10 years now and even sees him with her husband for marital counseling. I know that people think you should go to therapy for a set amount of time, get better and move on but if you have a lifetime history of depression or bi-polar or whatever, wouldn't it make sense that you might need a tune-up or even regular maintenance? I know I do, depending on what's going on in my life and how I happen to be feeling during that period.
Having said that, thanks for the quiz IsoM, it was very interesting!
Mik
Posted by Dinah on January 1, 2003, at 11:12:06
In reply to Re: Questionnaire for rating your therapist..., posted by mikhail99 on January 1, 2003, at 9:33:23
OK, with so many no's, I went back and re-evaluated my answers. I think I missed the point on one question intially, so that brought his score down to four yes's.
One is completely my fault. We've concentrated more on how I experience feelings rather than what influences them because only now after seven years of therapy am I beginning to be aware of what I'm feeling in a real time way. That's not his fault. You can't work on why unless you know what.
I don't know that he relies on *sympathetic* platitudes, but he's got a real talent for pop-psych-speak. It took me a while to get him to stop sounding like Stuart Smalley, because it just made me want to laugh. He still slips back to it sometimes, and I think it's plain lazy of him. He does it so seldom with me now, that I'm not sure I should have answered yes. It's more like he would like to rely on platitudes but I won't let him.
But are your therapy sessions really planned (except Mikhail, I know yours aren't). I can't see how that would even work except for CBT or short term therapy where you get homework assignments. I usually come to a session with an agenda, but he rarely does. Of course an agenda would mean he'd have to have a good memory of what happened last time, and that's one of his real weaknesses. I recently told him something really really important that I had been holding back. We discussed it thoroughly during one session. I referred to it obliquely for a few sessions and was sooo impressed that he had the sensitivity to do the same. Then a few weeks later I referred to it directly and found that he had no memory of this life and death discussion. That made me mad (but hey - I knew it right away!). And I'm not telling him again, so there!!!
But really everyone. Is your therapist *really* less confused and bewildered by your problems than you are? I am sooo impressed. I think mine might be more confused than I am since I explain things so poorly that he doesn't even understand what I'm experiencing much less why. If he has any deep insight into why I do the things I do, he sure hasn't shared it with me. For years he conceived me as being schizotypal and having a limited capacity for feeling. Only now after we've finally began to access the feelings better does he say that he would no longer think that my emotional range was limited. Admittedly (and as my Sunday School teacher said just last week) I am not your average person. And he seemed to have a grip on the OCD and depression. But beyond that I can't get the feeling that he has any mental health training special knowledge or understanding. More like we're trying to figure it out together. That's *really really* not the norm? If not, how do I know whether it's me or him? I went for an outside consultation once with a psychiatrist who seemed even more confused than my therapist. Of course it was only one session. And I went to a psychologist for testing once. Frankly, it seemed that I scared her with my level of pathology (the part that cropped during the feedback sessions). I asked my therapist if she gave him her condolences when she discussed the results. He just laughed but didn't deny it and months later asked me about some things that she said I had said. I hadn't actually said those things and realized that my problems communicating had interfered again without my even knowing it. I kind of wished he had asked me at once because now I wonder what else she told him and he has chosen not to share. :( But those experiences don't make me feel like someone else would have the answers.
OK, I laid it all out. Do you guys have any opinions as to whether he deserves a low rating? I do sometimes wonder if he has the appropriate expertise in my particular problems (beyond the obvious ones like OCD and depression).
(Sorry this is so long. It's an important question, given the time and money involved, and I was just wondering what other people thought and wanted feedback. But that means giving the details.)
Posted by Dinah on January 1, 2003, at 11:13:35
In reply to Re: Questionnaire for rating your therapist... » mikhail99, posted by Dinah on January 1, 2003, at 11:12:06
Sorry again.
Posted by mikhail99 on January 1, 2003, at 12:09:40
In reply to Re: Questionnaire for rating your therapist... » mikhail99, posted by Dinah on January 1, 2003, at 11:12:06
> OK, with so many no's, I went back and re-evaluated my answers. I think I missed the point on one question intially, so that brought his score down to four yes's.
>
> One is completely my fault. We've concentrated more on how I experience feelings rather than what influences them because only now after seven years of therapy am I beginning to be aware of what I'm feeling in a real time way. That's not his fault. You can't work on why unless you know what.
>
> I don't know that he relies on *sympathetic* platitudes, but he's got a real talent for pop-psych-speak. It took me a while to get him to stop sounding like Stuart Smalley, because it just made me want to laugh. He still slips back to it sometimes, and I think it's plain lazy of him. He does it so seldom with me now, that I'm not sure I should have answered yes. It's more like he would like to rely on platitudes but I won't let him.You crack me up Dinah with the comparison to Stuart Smalley! It must be hard to be in a session with someone who does that, it would be hard to take them seriously. oy.
>
> But are your therapy sessions really planned (except Mikhail, I know yours aren't). I can't see how that would even work except for CBT or short term therapy where you get homework assignments. I usually come to a session with an agenda, but he rarely does. Of course an agenda would mean he'd have to have a good memory of what happened last time, and that's one of his real weaknesses. I recently told him something really really important that I had been holding back. We discussed it thoroughly during one session. I referred to it obliquely for a few sessions and was sooo impressed that he had the sensitivity to do the same. Then a few weeks later I referred to it directly and found that he had no memory of this life and death discussion. That made me mad (but hey - I knew it right away!). And I'm not telling him again, so there!!!
>
> But really everyone. Is your therapist *really* less confused and bewildered by your problems than you are? I am sooo impressed. I think mine might be more confused than I am since I explain things so poorly that he doesn't even understand what I'm experiencing much less why. If he has any deep insight into why I do the things I do, he sure hasn't shared it with me. For years he conceived me as being schizotypal and having a limited capacity for feeling. Only now after we've finally began to access the feelings better does he say that he would no longer think that my emotional range was limited. Admittedly (and as my Sunday School teacher said just last week) I am not your average person. And he seemed to have a grip on the OCD and depression. But beyond that I can't get the feeling that he has any mental health training special knowledge or understanding. More like we're trying to figure it out together. That's *really really* not the norm? If not, how do I know whether it's me or him? I went for an outside consultation once with a psychiatrist who seemed even more confused than my therapist. Of course it was only one session. And I went to a psychologist for testing once. Frankly, it seemed that I scared her with my level of pathology (the part that cropped during the feedback sessions). I asked my therapist if she gave him her condolences when she discussed the results. He just laughed but didn't deny it and months later asked me about some things that she said I had said. I hadn't actually said those things and realized that my problems communicating had interfered again without my even knowing it. I kind of wished he had asked me at once because now I wonder what else she told him and he has chosen not to share. :( But those experiences don't make me feel like someone else would have the answers.I too, feel like I explain things poorly and that has my therapist perplexed from time to time but he usually gets past it. I have to wonder (and I maybe totally off base here) if your therapist isn't somehow trying to make you work harder at expressing yourself (which is not to say that you don't work very hard, how could I know that?)? As far as the pyschologist who did the testing (and reported back to your therapist), I don't see how she could really get a thorough picture of you, even with the test. I wouldn't absolutely trust her opinion after meeting you only once. And perhaps that's why your therapist hasn't mentioned it either, he doesn't put much stock into what she thinks because it was a one time meeting? It's so hard when you're dealing with "experts", you want to believe and trust them but you know as well as I do, that not everyone with a degree in psychology is fit to evaluate or work with people. I've learned from that book "In Session" that you recommended that there really isn't any standard when it comes to psychologists. If it's really bothering you, why not ask your therapist what he thinks of her and the testing she did?
>
> OK, I laid it all out. Do you guys have any opinions as to whether he deserves a low rating? I do sometimes wonder if he has the appropriate expertise in my particular problems (beyond the obvious ones like OCD and depression).Have you ever talked to him about his training? That book (I know I keep mentioning it) recommends asking all KINDS of questions when you meet your therapist. I had to laugh because it never occured to me to ask about his training, his beliefs, his expectations, etc.
>
> (Sorry this is so long. It's an important question, given the time and money involved, and I was just wondering what other people thought and wanted feedback. But that means giving the details.)
Don't apologize, the details are important. And it is a lot of time and money. The only thing I can suggest is that you discuss these things with him. If you're not feeling 100% confident of his abilities, do you think that might be interfering with the process?I hope some other people can give you better recommendations than I did. I guess that's the cool thing about posting, you get such a rich variety of experiences when people respond.
You've probably mentioned it but when do you see your therapist again?
Mik
Posted by Noa on January 1, 2003, at 15:26:16
In reply to Re: Questionnaire for rating your therapist... » Dinah, posted by mikhail99 on January 1, 2003, at 12:09:40
I found it interesting, but, imho, it also clearly has a strong bias against insight-oriented therapy. I think that the questionnaire is a kind of pendulum reaction to highly traditional psychodynamic therapy approaches. Clearly the people who wrote the questionnaire rate cognitive-behvioral/action-oriented therapy as best. And I'm not saying it isn't, just that we should be careful to not take this questionnaire as the final word on our therapists, and to remember that different therapy approaches work better or worse for different people.
Posted by Tabitha on January 1, 2003, at 17:42:39
In reply to Re: Questionnaire for rating your therapist... » Dinah, posted by IsoM on January 1, 2003, at 1:25:02
> Thanks for some feedback on the questionnaire, Dinah. I really don't know how much use it is for others, but when I read Tabitha's thread on how long she'd been in therapy & its costs, it got me wondering.
>
> Mind you, I'm still wondering...
> Does all therapy seem to go on for so long? I realise that problems aren't created overnight, & can't be solved overnight then either, but some therapy never seems to end. So I thought there might be some good in the questionnaire & its rating.
>Reading this I thought "oh, dear, I've become the poster child for endless therapy". There are different ways to look at it though.
1) You can think of therapy as medical care for an acute condition, so that not having to go at all is a sign of health, and being able to end the treatment is a sign of success.
2) You can think of it as medical care for a chronic condition, so that having to go is a sign of illness, but there is no expectation of a permanent cure and no shame in long-term treatment.
3) You can also think of it as continuing education. In that case, going to therapy is a sign of curiosity and willingness to learn. When I was feeling most positive about therapy, I thought of it as education in self-awareness and understanding how people work. The topic seemed worthy of a lifetime of study and I felt fortunate to be able to receive private lessons from an expert teacher. I also felt a little smug that since therapy can also be considered medical care, some of my lessons were covered by insurance.
Just some food for thought.
Posted by Dinah on January 1, 2003, at 19:02:01
In reply to Re: Questionnaire for rating your therapist... » Dinah, posted by mikhail99 on January 1, 2003, at 12:09:40
Thanks Mik,
I see him again on Friday. We're still on twice a week for now. I hate to mess up my relative stability.
I do laugh at him when he sounds like Stuart Smalley. That's why he doesn't do it much any more. :)
My main impression of the psychologist was the same one I get with most mental health professionals. They all manage to make my therapist look pretty good. He didn't share his impressions of her with me. I asked but didn't push.
I've tentatively asked him whether he felt qualified in my problem areas a time or two. He kind of visibly squares his shoulders and tries to act confident. He did on another occasion tell me that he worked for a while under a psychiatrist who had expertise in the area, and worked directly with it himself on an inpatient basis. If I remember the story correctly.
It doesn't really show though. Of course that might be because he's not really directive and doesn't want to influence my condition in any way. Who knows...
Posted by judy1 on January 2, 2003, at 10:57:21
In reply to Re: Questionnaire -- use with caution, posted by Noa on January 1, 2003, at 15:26:16
I had the same sort of reaction- the site was obviously written with people who had suffered false memory syndrome (and I'm sure there are many) so that skewed the efficacy of insight-oriented therapy. I answered one yes to the question concerning terminating therapy- but since I'm clearly hypomanic the majority of times I want to terminate, the question can be opened to interpretation. Anyway thanks Judy, it was interesting- I always love those surveys with their little fill-in answers :-) take care, judy
Posted by Dinah on January 2, 2003, at 12:10:40
In reply to Re: Questionnaire for rating your therapist... » mikhail99, posted by Dinah on January 1, 2003, at 11:12:06
I guess I was just surprised that you all thought your therapist wasn't confused or bewildered. It took me a long time to come to terms with the fact that my therapist didn't have all the answers or even a grand plan.
But I suppose I'm still angry with him for forgetting that I asked that he take steps to protect me from myself when he terminates me. He did agree to do it then completely forgot the conversation. It took a lot of courage on several levels to admit that I would need it. One, it was counterproductive in terms of accomplishing my plan, and second it admitted my degree of dependence on him. It seems a bit negligent to forget something like that. And I have no intention of mentioning it again.
So maybe my current doubts are just pique.
Posted by BeardedLady on January 2, 2003, at 12:10:53
In reply to Re: Questionnaire -- use with caution, posted by Noa on January 1, 2003, at 15:26:16
> Clearly the people who wrote the questionnaire rate cognitive-behvioral/action-oriented therapy as best.
Yes, this is true. But I guess I was excited because that's what I think is best--at least for me.
>And I'm not saying it isn't, just that we should be careful to not take this questionnaire as the final word on our therapists, and to remember that different therapy approaches work better or worse for different people.
Well, of course.
That questionnaire would have worked much better if there'd been some sort of points system. Clearly, there is something wrong with a therapist telling his client not to discuss with others what goes on during therapy. I would weigh them much more heavily than I would the more innocuous questions.
I wonder how Freud would have held up under this test!
beardy : )>
Posted by waterlily on January 2, 2003, at 15:07:03
In reply to Questionnaire for rating your therapist..., posted by IsoM on December 31, 2002, at 22:49:01
I had four very shaky 'yes' answers and one very definite 'yes' (the one about having a set plan for the session). My therapist does more of a psychodynamic therapy which suits me just fine.
Regarding the length of time needed for therapy, here's a quote from "How Psychotherapy Really Works, Why it Works When it Works, and Why Sometimes It Doesn't" by Willard - - -lin, M.D. (My computer won't let me write the first three letters of the last name because of the child protection software - Insert a word that starts with "g" and means happy or two men who like each other a lot. Also, I'm not linking it to Amazon.com because I'm a rebel ;o)): "The often interminable time spent in therapy is explained by the fact that change demands not just knowledge of the unconscious; not just knowledge that we are the authors of our own misery; not just knowledge of the unconscious ways in which we manipulate the environment to conform to out preconceived notions of what we are; not just knowledge....To undo the powerful perceptions infused into the very substance of our identity during the critical formative years of childhood requires our going beyond the limits of knowledge." It goes on to chapters entitled "The Therapeutic Alliance" which describes how the unique relationship with your therapist helps to change you, "The Corrective Emotional Experience", and "Advice, Counseling, and Values". Basically, your feelings and emotions have to change in addition to gaining knowledge and that takes a bit of time.
Posted by Dinah on January 2, 2003, at 22:46:51
In reply to Re: My therapist » Dinah, posted by Dinah on January 2, 2003, at 12:10:40
Or none they care to share anyway. I suppose it's the image of the giant breast that's putting everyone off. :) (Except the fearless Mikhail of course).
Gotta admit, I'd be unwilling to give my honest impression of someone's wet nurse. (grin)
Posted by Alii on January 2, 2003, at 23:21:19
In reply to Re: So no one has any insight?, posted by Dinah on January 2, 2003, at 22:46:51
> Or none they care to share anyway. I suppose it's the image of the giant breast that's putting everyone off. :) (Except the fearless Mikhail of course).
> Gotta admit, I'd be unwilling to give my honest impression of someone's wet nurse. (grin)Obviously I've missed a couple of posts in this thread, ahem.
But seriously....your subject line: So no one has any insight? Or none that they care to share anyway?
Please explain and I would be happy to share insight should I find any within. If found it is all yours babe. Just say the words.
Seriously and playfully,
Alii
Posted by Dinah on January 3, 2003, at 1:41:33
In reply to Re: So no one has any insight? » Dinah, posted by Alii on January 2, 2003, at 23:21:19
I'm sorry Alii (and everyone). I was just feeling a bit vulnerable for overdisclosing - darn poster's remorse, so I was making a joke of it.
I guess I was just asking what people thought of a therapist who admits to having no greater insight than his client, but is willing to explore things together.
The other thing is rather obviously something wrong on his part, and so it was sort of silly to ask if it was wrong. I don't really need validation on that fact. Nor do I particularly want to hear that I should re-tell him what he forgot. I know that I should but I won't, so there's no point in thinking about it.
I'm just sort of prickly today. (Just had to apologize to my husband for a fight too.)
Posted by Noa on January 3, 2003, at 2:28:32
In reply to Re: Questionnaire for rating your therapist... » mikhail99, posted by Dinah on January 1, 2003, at 11:12:06
Hmm... I have reread your previous posts and am not sure...On the one hand, I wonder if what you are describing as confusion is similar to times when my therapist has admitted he isn't sure why I am persisting with certain behaviors, etc., which I took to be honesty rather than seeing him as confused. On the other hand, with my therapist, I still got a sense from him that he felt competent to explore it and bring his knowledge and experience to the task. And over time, this has been borne out. Are you not getting such a feeling from your therapist?
Still, I know that there are good and not so good therapists out there. A friend of mine was working with a horrible therapist who was making her rather crazy and depressed with her approach, including what I think was arrogance and a failure to acknowledge the real dynamics between them (instead, she made my friend feel she was imagining it all because of her childhood experiences. I believe her childhood experiences were a part of it, but she wasn't imagining the real dynamics in the room). Now she has a better therapist. Thank goodness, because her craziness was driving me crazy, too!
Your therapist sounds anything but arrogant, which is a plus.
As for length of treatment, some of us have more entrenched difficulties. I have been in therapy a long time, and will need to be for a long time. I change very slowly. Although CBT kinds of things make sense to me and are incorporated somewhat into my therapy (over and over again) the real CBT--short term and all--wouldn't work for me.
I have a chronic disease. Chronic diseases need ongoing care. Can you look at it this way?
Does your therapist really sound like Stuart Smalley? Yikes. Are you particulary cynical about any kind of "reframing" statements? Or does he go too quickly into the reframing and being positive without hanging with the negative long enough to help you feel he understands what your experience is like?
If you are angry about his having forgotten something important, that is definitely an issue to discuss directly. How does he handle your feelings and reactions toward him (I think that is often the key to what makes a good therapist)?
Posted by Dinah on January 3, 2003, at 7:38:12
In reply to Re: Questionnaire for rating your therapist... » Dinah, posted by Noa on January 3, 2003, at 2:28:32
Thank you, Noa. You've helped put it in perspective for me. He's definitely not a bad therapist. Whenever I talk to him about something between us, he acknowledges his part, helps me see my part, and tries to change the part he needs to change. He really does like to make the Stuart Smalley statements for example. But when I laugh and point out their Stuart Smalley-ness, he'll own up.
I do see it as a chronic illness and see him as insulin, in a way. And he's really good at that. He helps me untangle my thoughts and reality check and he grounds me. He keeps me focussed on doing what I need to do. Most of all, I see him as a source of safety. For maintenance, I think he's terrific - none better.
I think he downplays the physical and cyclical nature of my illness - I don't know, maybe that's his job to help me take responsibility for my mood shifts.
I honestly do think that he has an excellent grasp on who I am, but a poor grasp on why. And I think maybe he is too scared of upsetting me to challenge me. I have talked to him about that, and he does admit it.
So overall, he's really good at maintenance and keeping me functioning at my best. He's less good at pushing me forward. I usually feel like I'm the one who's in charge of that. Maybe that's his plan. It's hard to ask, because while he always tries to be truthful with me, he's also a bit defensive.
Overall though, slowly but surely, we are progressing. I don't recognize my current day self from my year ago self. (But then again, lack of continuity of self is part of my problem. I don't think I'm the same, though.)
I think I will talk to him again about pushing me more. It does feel funny from time to time feeling like I'm in charge. I thought that *was* therapy until I saw other people's responses. Maybe that's just his theory of therapy. I'll talk to him.
But I'm not going to tell him again the thing he forgot. It took me years to screw up the courage to say it. I basically told the idiot that I was afraid I was in danger of killing myself if he terminated me, asked him to have measures in place so that I wouldn't be alone after receiving the news, we agreed on those measures, I felt relief that I was safe, and two weeks later he had forgotten the conversation. I'm not telling him that again. No way. No how. If it was hard the first time, it would be impossible to say it after he showed his lack of concern by forgetting it. Now mind you, he has no current plans of doing so and has said he won't unless he leaves private practice, but he's not the most stable guy in the world and that is not unlikely to happen.
Ugh. Sorry about this. I obviously have not yet worked through my anger.
Thanks for answering. I do feel clearer about his strengths now.
Dinah
Posted by Dinah on January 3, 2003, at 8:05:49
In reply to Re: Questionnaire for rating your therapist... » Noa, posted by Dinah on January 3, 2003, at 7:38:12
Admitting my shameful secret to the world here on the board could be my way of making it less momentous, and making it more likely that one day I will again tell him.
Perhaps the part of me that thinks it is damn stupid to kill myself over a paid professional is stronger than I realize.
Posted by Dinah on January 3, 2003, at 8:07:29
In reply to Re: On the other hand. » Dinah, posted by Dinah on January 3, 2003, at 8:05:49
But this time it seems curiously apropos.
Posted by mikhail99 on January 3, 2003, at 9:06:55
In reply to Re: Questionnaire for rating your therapist... » Noa, posted by Dinah on January 3, 2003, at 7:38:12
> Thank you, Noa. You've helped put it in perspective for me. He's definitely not a bad therapist. Whenever I talk to him about something between us, he acknowledges his part, helps me see my part, and tries to change the part he needs to change. He really does like to make the Stuart Smalley statements for example. But when I laugh and point out their Stuart Smalley-ness, he'll own up.
>
> I do see it as a chronic illness and see him as insulin, in a way. And he's really good at that. He helps me untangle my thoughts and reality check and he grounds me. He keeps me focussed on doing what I need to do. Most of all, I see him as a source of safety. For maintenance, I think he's terrific - none better.
>
> I think he downplays the physical and cyclical nature of my illness - I don't know, maybe that's his job to help me take responsibility for my mood shifts.That sounds like a bit of CBT, doesn't it? I can totally relate to the cyclical thing, it's just maddening. I think that it's possible to take responsibility for mood shifts but when you're feeling bottomed out, it's SO much harder to do the self-examination and the self-talk that you're supposed to do, at lease it is for me. I was having anxiety last night and it was almost impossible for me to get a grip.
>
> I honestly do think that he has an excellent grasp on who I am, but a poor grasp on why. And I think maybe he is too scared of upsetting me to challenge me. I have talked to him about that, and he does admit it.That disturbs me a bit. I think therapists need to be ready to step in and challenge us when we're not able to do so. And if he's worried about upsetting you, then he's more concerned with his own needs over yours. (I'm quoting that "In Sessions" book again, can you stand it?)
>
> So overall, he's really good at maintenance and keeping me functioning at my best. He's less good at pushing me forward. I usually feel like I'm the one who's in charge of that. Maybe that's his plan. It's hard to ask, because while he always tries to be truthful with me, he's also a bit defensive.
>
> Overall though, slowly but surely, we are progressing. I don't recognize my current day self from my year ago self. (But then again, lack of continuity of self is part of my problem. I don't think I'm the same, though.)
>
> I think I will talk to him again about pushing me more. It does feel funny from time to time feeling like I'm in charge. I thought that *was* therapy until I saw other people's responses. Maybe that's just his theory of therapy. I'll talk to him.I think HE needs to explore this bit of passivity he has when it comes to dealing with you, I'm just not sure that's appropriate but it could be I'm projecting my expectations about therapy here. I guess I'm more comfortable with someone who is definitely in charge but in a sensitive, caring way. :-D
>
> But I'm not going to tell him again the thing he forgot. It took me years to screw up the courage to say it. I basically told the idiot that I was afraid I was in danger of killing myself if he terminated me, asked him to have measures in place so that I wouldn't be alone after receiving the news, we agreed on those measures, I felt relief that I was safe, and two weeks later he had forgotten the conversation. I'm not telling him that again. No way. No how. If it was hard the first time, it would be impossible to say it after he showed his lack of concern by forgetting it. Now mind you, he has no current plans of doing so and has said he won't unless he leaves private practice, but he's not the most stable guy in the world and that is not unlikely to happen.Do you think he was so disturbed by what you said, he had to put it out of his mind? I guess that would be hard to hear but still, HE'S the therapist and is in some part, responsible for you and your health. I can see why it would be painful for you to bring it up again if he's forgotten about the incident but maybe he should know how it made you feel. It made him look very insensitive and thoughtless.
>
> Ugh. Sorry about this. I obviously have not yet worked through my anger.Don't apologize, I'd be angry too. I'm still upset by some dumb thing my therapist said weeks ago and it's nowhere near as upsetting as yours forgetting about a suicide discussion!
And one more thing, I think you can rely more on your feelings and intuitions than you give yourself credit for. I know it's hard, when our perceptions are so colored by depression, anxiety and stuff, I find it's hard to trust my perceptions but from reading your posts, I think you have a very good handle on what's going on in your sessions. (For what that's worth!)
Hang in there!
Mik
Posted by Dinah on January 3, 2003, at 10:29:43
In reply to Re: Questionnaire for rating your therapist... » Dinah, posted by mikhail99 on January 3, 2003, at 9:06:55
> And one more thing, I think you can rely more on your feelings and intuitions than you give yourself credit for. I know it's hard, when our perceptions are so colored by depression, anxiety and stuff, I find it's hard to trust my perceptions but from reading your posts, I think you have a very good handle on what's going on in your sessions. (For what that's worth!)
>
It's worth a lot. Thank's Mik. Actually you may be right. One of the advantages of this board is that posting things sometimes helps me sort through them and figure things out a bit. And after I wrote what I did, I realized that he's probably stumbled onto the same approach with me that a brilliant therapist would have taken.I am unbelievably stubborn and contrary. If he pushed me or tried to make me see something, I'd probably dig my heels in and resist all the way. By making me do all the research and work myself then come into therapy and say "Hey, do you think this could be true about me and I should do this about it" and him answering something like maybe so, progress is slower but probably more lasting. I just hope that when I come in and present something he's competent to know whether or not I'm on the right track and assertive enough to say so. Sigh.
Not that I think for one single moment that he has thought this out as well as I have. Another sigh. I don't think he thinks it out at all.
And while he's not deliberately thoughtless or insensitive, he is a bit obtuse sometimes.
Posted by Alii on January 3, 2003, at 11:05:39
In reply to Re: On the other hand. » Dinah, posted by Dinah on January 3, 2003, at 8:05:49
> Admitting my shameful secret to the world here on the board could be my way of making it less momentous, and making it more likely that one day I will again tell him.
>
> Perhaps the part of me that thinks it is damn stupid to kill myself over a paid professional is stronger than I realize.Damn Dinah! You're going and making all them darn insights on your own (with some peppering here and there from other posters).
I really like what you have to say in your response to Noa after my original post in this thread about insight.
Very proud of your determinedness to keep at it DM.
Best 2003 to you sweet Dinah Marie.
~Alii
Posted by Noa on January 3, 2003, at 14:32:11
In reply to Re: Misused that Previous Poster box Again., posted by Dinah on January 3, 2003, at 8:07:29
Yes. And I guess since you are so hurt and angry about his having forgotten this (it is hard to see how he could forget this!), it seems like the issue of his having forgotten is an issue that will need to be addressed at some point. Also, the exploration of why termination would have this impact on you and to explore those feelings (abandonment, etc.) and where those come from.
It would be good, I agree, if he seemed more "up on" all aspects of depression, the biological as well as the psychological.
Posted by Noa on January 3, 2003, at 14:36:00
In reply to Re: On the other hand. » Dinah, posted by Alii on January 3, 2003, at 11:05:39
PS--if you are uncertain, you know it is possible to get a consult from an independent therapist. This is something that is done when therapists and patients are at an impasse. (got this from a book, too. Forgot the name of it. If I remember, I'll post. Although maybe it is also in one of the other books mentioned in this thread).
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