Posted by mikhail99 on January 3, 2003, at 9:06:55
In reply to Re: Questionnaire for rating your therapist... » Noa, posted by Dinah on January 3, 2003, at 7:38:12
> Thank you, Noa. You've helped put it in perspective for me. He's definitely not a bad therapist. Whenever I talk to him about something between us, he acknowledges his part, helps me see my part, and tries to change the part he needs to change. He really does like to make the Stuart Smalley statements for example. But when I laugh and point out their Stuart Smalley-ness, he'll own up.
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> I do see it as a chronic illness and see him as insulin, in a way. And he's really good at that. He helps me untangle my thoughts and reality check and he grounds me. He keeps me focussed on doing what I need to do. Most of all, I see him as a source of safety. For maintenance, I think he's terrific - none better.
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> I think he downplays the physical and cyclical nature of my illness - I don't know, maybe that's his job to help me take responsibility for my mood shifts.That sounds like a bit of CBT, doesn't it? I can totally relate to the cyclical thing, it's just maddening. I think that it's possible to take responsibility for mood shifts but when you're feeling bottomed out, it's SO much harder to do the self-examination and the self-talk that you're supposed to do, at lease it is for me. I was having anxiety last night and it was almost impossible for me to get a grip.
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> I honestly do think that he has an excellent grasp on who I am, but a poor grasp on why. And I think maybe he is too scared of upsetting me to challenge me. I have talked to him about that, and he does admit it.That disturbs me a bit. I think therapists need to be ready to step in and challenge us when we're not able to do so. And if he's worried about upsetting you, then he's more concerned with his own needs over yours. (I'm quoting that "In Sessions" book again, can you stand it?)
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> So overall, he's really good at maintenance and keeping me functioning at my best. He's less good at pushing me forward. I usually feel like I'm the one who's in charge of that. Maybe that's his plan. It's hard to ask, because while he always tries to be truthful with me, he's also a bit defensive.
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> Overall though, slowly but surely, we are progressing. I don't recognize my current day self from my year ago self. (But then again, lack of continuity of self is part of my problem. I don't think I'm the same, though.)
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> I think I will talk to him again about pushing me more. It does feel funny from time to time feeling like I'm in charge. I thought that *was* therapy until I saw other people's responses. Maybe that's just his theory of therapy. I'll talk to him.I think HE needs to explore this bit of passivity he has when it comes to dealing with you, I'm just not sure that's appropriate but it could be I'm projecting my expectations about therapy here. I guess I'm more comfortable with someone who is definitely in charge but in a sensitive, caring way. :-D
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> But I'm not going to tell him again the thing he forgot. It took me years to screw up the courage to say it. I basically told the idiot that I was afraid I was in danger of killing myself if he terminated me, asked him to have measures in place so that I wouldn't be alone after receiving the news, we agreed on those measures, I felt relief that I was safe, and two weeks later he had forgotten the conversation. I'm not telling him that again. No way. No how. If it was hard the first time, it would be impossible to say it after he showed his lack of concern by forgetting it. Now mind you, he has no current plans of doing so and has said he won't unless he leaves private practice, but he's not the most stable guy in the world and that is not unlikely to happen.Do you think he was so disturbed by what you said, he had to put it out of his mind? I guess that would be hard to hear but still, HE'S the therapist and is in some part, responsible for you and your health. I can see why it would be painful for you to bring it up again if he's forgotten about the incident but maybe he should know how it made you feel. It made him look very insensitive and thoughtless.
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> Ugh. Sorry about this. I obviously have not yet worked through my anger.Don't apologize, I'd be angry too. I'm still upset by some dumb thing my therapist said weeks ago and it's nowhere near as upsetting as yours forgetting about a suicide discussion!
And one more thing, I think you can rely more on your feelings and intuitions than you give yourself credit for. I know it's hard, when our perceptions are so colored by depression, anxiety and stuff, I find it's hard to trust my perceptions but from reading your posts, I think you have a very good handle on what's going on in your sessions. (For what that's worth!)
Hang in there!
Mik
poster:mikhail99
thread:1989
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20021230/msgs/2046.html