![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 10 of 10. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Emmie on December 27, 2002, at 1:32:53
I don't know what it is about the doctors I'm seeing, but I wonder how can I feel so lost, alone and unsupported when these doctors are supposed to be there to help me with my depression?
I see two docs, a psychologist and a psychiatrist. The psychiatrist was referred by the psychologist so that he could prescribe my medications. I usually talk about my problems with both of them.
The psychologist: From the beginning, I've always felt a bit uneasy with her. Her face stays in one expression -- flat. No , no hint of a smile, or any indication that she is a pleasant person and willing to help you. An example of how harsh she seems, is that once when I was discussing some problems about my husband (married 18 years) and looking for some advice, she says, "Why don't you divorce him?"
Another thing she did (which hurt me to my heart and made me feel like a piece of throwaway trash) is this: The time was up for our session one day, and she interrupted a question I asked because she was rushing to find the next appointment schedule in her computer. She rushed me out of her office as I started to cry, because inside, I felt neglected. In the hallway next to her office, there is a chair and table. She did not try to console me one bit. She did not even acknowledge the fact that I was weeping. She just wanted to get to the next patient. She watched as I sat in that chair with my head in my hands -- and she left me there, crying.
Am I being unreasonable or do you understand where I'm coming from when I say I'm feeling neglected? It's as if the therapists are just sucking up the money for the appointment time, and they couldn't care less about my well-being. If you have had similar experiences, please share.
The psychiatrist hasn't been as bad as that, but he is starting to get that way. He looks off into the distance when I'm talking...as if he just saw something appear on the wall across from him...he will abruptly look away He will interrupt. He will ask me how much of my meds I'm taking, when he is the one who prescribed them in the first place. It's like he's needing me to remind him. Shouldn't he be familiar with details of my case before I walk into his office fo the appointment?? Sometimes I feel like I'm just talking to the air, because he gives me blank stares. And he is super-anxious to get me out the door when our time is up. I've learned to totally keep my mouth shut when he looks at his watch and starts to write down the next appoiintment date, because he is definitely not paying attention at that point.
If you have any feedback for me, please share. I need to hear from real people with real feelings, like those here at the Psycho-Babble site.
Should I be looking for new therapists?
Posted by Iolite on December 27, 2002, at 1:55:35
In reply to Therapist Is Causing Me Pain - Please Help!, posted by Emmie on December 27, 2002, at 1:32:53
Hi Emmie
I think your psychologist would be very wrong for me, especially because she did not attempt to console you in any way when you were crying. I think even a stranger, a bystander, would offer you a cup of tea! When you wrote that about her, she completely lost my respect. Totally. I would not go back to her.
And you can't read her face.... you feel uneasy with her.... She sounds like a stone.
My therapist and I hug, cry, laugh, and yell at each other. She gives me tools. She walks me through my memories, through my day, through my traumas! She gives me good life advice and is always on "my team." I can rely on her to listen.
I also have a psychiatrist who only deals with the prescriptions. He too is a great listener, has an easy rapport, and gives good advice. But I never try to have "a session" with him because that really isn't his role. He's just the "meds guy."
I hope you can find a therapist who you are EASY with, comfortable. Someone you can talk to - which includes body language and facial expressions. A good listener ALWAYS has a few nonverbal signals to indicate both interest and comprehension. Find one.
Best of luck you. You could use a good listen, I think.
Iolite
Posted by Tabitha on December 27, 2002, at 2:59:56
In reply to Therapist Is Causing Me Pain - Please Help!, posted by Emmie on December 27, 2002, at 1:32:53
the counselor sounds utterly wrong for you. if you don't feel connected and supported, you're not going to get much benefit. are you able to change to a new one? try interviewing some others, and pick the one you feel you like best.
the pdoc, well, I don't really expect much empathy from them, though it's always a plus. I have to remind mine of my med regime too. I always think my treatment would be more successful if I liked him better, but I've had much worse than him, so I haven't bothered to look for another.
Posted by Phil on December 27, 2002, at 7:56:00
In reply to Therapist Is Causing Me Pain - Please Help!, posted by Emmie on December 27, 2002, at 1:32:53
Before you tell them they're fired, tell them how you feel. Tell the therapist that she seems uncaring and distant, be honest. She'll ask why you feel that way and you can tell her. At that point, she may say maybe you need to see someone else or she may surprise you and try to connect..doubtful. Whether or not you can get through to her, you just did a healthy thing by not running but confronting. Keep it professional and maintain eye contact. If she is still rude, ask her if she can recommend a therapist that isn't a bitch.
Why do you think the psychiatrist is getting worse? My shrink always asks me my meds, by the way. I think they all do. Tell him he seems more distracted and doesn't seem to listen. See what he says.
Many times when I'm down, I can read too much into things but most of us have a keen eye for BS. So, your observations are probably correct but give them a chance to answer.
I've asked therapist what I said 6 months ago and they'll repeat it verbatim. I was impressed.
If these people don't make you feel special and important, go somewhere else. You pay them-they work for you, don't forget that.
When you find a new 'staff', send those two letters asking that your records be forwarded to Dr. so&so for continuance of care. I'm not sure the psychologist can do that but the psychiatrist will.It may not be comfortable to confront these people but that's what therapy is: It's getting out of your comfort zone. Our comfort zone is what makes us miserable.
Let us know what you decide Emmie.
Phil
Posted by Dinah on December 27, 2002, at 9:33:35
In reply to Re: Therapist Is Causing Me Pain - Please Help!, posted by Phil on December 27, 2002, at 7:56:00
Phil's got good advice there about confronting them before firing them. I did that with my therapist, and not only did he make a genuine effort to change, and did change in many ways, but I also found out a lot about the way I came across to him (and presumably to others as well). Your therapist might just be of the old blank slate school and it has nothing at all to do with you and there is no way she'll change. Or it might be like the situation with my therapist. When you compare notes, you might find that each of you is having a completely different relationship with the perceived other rather than the real other. My therapist and I hashed out a lot of incorrect perceptions about the other and I think each of us learned something about ourselves too.
Posted by rayww on December 27, 2002, at 12:20:38
In reply to Therapist Is Causing Me Pain - Please Help!, posted by Emmie on December 27, 2002, at 1:32:53
You have received some good advice here, but keep in mind you have your own duty in therapy - which is to help yourself get well. Too often we rely solely on the therapist for our comfort, when in reality it is only found within. Think of therapy as a bridge to help you over the rough spots, the in-between place, when you're not your old self, and you haven't become your new self yet either. A bridge is something you travel across. The dangers lie below and the bridge offers protection from/in the fall (crash). I have a bridge that I keep going back to, but I use it less and less all the time. Getting well has more involved with it than just therapy, or just medication, or just life style, or just rest/nutrition/exercise. Getting well is all-encompasing, and if you get well in one area it can lead to and help with another. What part of you will get well because of your therapist? your pdoc? yourself?
Posted by mikhail99 on December 28, 2002, at 11:50:25
In reply to Therapist Is Causing Me Pain - Please Help!, posted by Emmie on December 27, 2002, at 1:32:53
> I don't know what it is about the doctors I'm seeing, but I wonder how can I feel so lost, alone and unsupported when these doctors are supposed to be there to help me with my depression?
>
> I see two docs, a psychologist and a psychiatrist. The psychiatrist was referred by the psychologist so that he could prescribe my medications. I usually talk about my problems with both of them.
>
> The psychologist: From the beginning, I've always felt a bit uneasy with her. Her face stays in one expression -- flat. No , no hint of a smile, or any indication that she is a pleasant person and willing to help you. An example of how harsh she seems, is that once when I was discussing some problems about my husband (married 18 years) and looking for some advice, she says, "Why don't you divorce him?"
>
> Another thing she did (which hurt me to my heart and made me feel like a piece of throwaway trash) is this: The time was up for our session one day, and she interrupted a question I asked because she was rushing to find the next appointment schedule in her computer. She rushed me out of her office as I started to cry, because inside, I felt neglected. In the hallway next to her office, there is a chair and table. She did not try to console me one bit. She did not even acknowledge the fact that I was weeping. She just wanted to get to the next patient. She watched as I sat in that chair with my head in my hands -- and she left me there, crying.
>
> Am I being unreasonable or do you understand where I'm coming from when I say I'm feeling neglected? It's as if the therapists are just sucking up the money for the appointment time, and they couldn't care less about my well-being. If you have had similar experiences, please share.
>
> The psychiatrist hasn't been as bad as that, but he is starting to get that way. He looks off into the distance when I'm talking...as if he just saw something appear on the wall across from him...he will abruptly look away He will interrupt. He will ask me how much of my meds I'm taking, when he is the one who prescribed them in the first place. It's like he's needing me to remind him. Shouldn't he be familiar with details of my case before I walk into his office fo the appointment?? Sometimes I feel like I'm just talking to the air, because he gives me blank stares. And he is super-anxious to get me out the door when our time is up. I've learned to totally keep my mouth shut when he looks at his watch and starts to write down the next appoiintment date, because he is definitely not paying attention at that point.
>
> If you have any feedback for me, please share. I need to hear from real people with real feelings, like those here at the Psycho-Babble site.
>
> Should I be looking for new therapists?
>
Emmie, I hope you don't feel as if you're being oversensitive because you're not. I can't for the life of me imagine a therapist who could ignore a crying client. She sounds like a heartless ass (sorry to those of you who would give her the benefit of the doubt). It's hard enough sometimes to get yourself to therapy and talk about stuff that goes on day to day but to have to do it with some stone-faced therapist, that's too much. I guess she could be trying to get you to confront her but whatever her methods are, they don't seem to be working, they seem to be pushing you towards insecurity and doubt and that doesn't seem very therapeutic at all.As for the shrink, I only see mine once every 3 months for medication management and we chat for maybe 10-15 minutes so I don't feel as if there is much of a connection there so I wouldn't feel too badly about your relationship with your shrink.
I'm just curious, do you have to go through your insurance to find a therapist? If that's the case and you feel she's that bad, it might be a good idea to let your insurance company know, they like to know about that sort of thing.
I think you have gotten some good advice here on how to deal with it but I ultimately think you have to decide if this relationship (and it is a relationship) is working for you. There are many, many good therapists out there, you just need to find one that is a good fit for you.
Please take care and good luck to you!
Posted by Sebastian on December 28, 2002, at 14:22:00
In reply to Therapist Is Causing Me Pain - Please Help!, posted by Emmie on December 27, 2002, at 1:32:53
I think many therapists are overloaded with work and constantly get behind in their apointments. This I know because my therapist is constantly 30-60min behind schedual, plus all the people who come in out of the blue with problems needing imediate attention, then at the end of the day he goes throught all the people who called on the answering machine for anouther 2+ hours.
I use to feel alienated from my therapist so much that I wouldn't talk in the sesions. I still feel uncomfortable going to see him. I think the problem is that you expect the therapist to immediatly understand how you feel, but they don't, it took me a long time just to figure out what to do at these sessions.
I think therapists often are trying to reflect on how you feel. They ask about how much of your meds you are taking because many people don't take the meds prescribed. I think it takes awhile for the therapist to realy understand you.
Sebastian
Posted by mikhail99 on December 28, 2002, at 16:38:40
In reply to Re: Therapist Is Causing Me Pain - Please Help!, posted by Sebastian on December 28, 2002, at 14:22:00
> I think many therapists are overloaded with work and constantly get behind in their apointments. This I know because my therapist is constantly 30-60min behind schedual, plus all the people who come in out of the blue with problems needing imediate attention, then at the end of the day he goes throught all the people who called on the answering machine for anouther 2+ hours.
>
> I use to feel alienated from my therapist so much that I wouldn't talk in the sesions. I still feel uncomfortable going to see him. I think the problem is that you expect the therapist to immediatly understand how you feel, but they don't, it took me a long time just to figure out what to do at these sessions.
>
> I think therapists often are trying to reflect on how you feel. They ask about how much of your meds you are taking because many people don't take the meds prescribed. I think it takes awhile for the therapist to realy understand you.
>
> SebastianSebastian, I don't mean to sound judgemental (but I probably will, it's a problem I have) but why would you accept that behavior from your therapist? From your post, he sounds monumentally disorganized. He also doesn't seem to understand about setting up some boundaries between himself and his clients (like when to call or not to call, etc). And I don't think it should take a great deal of time before a therapist gets a handle on what's going on with you if you're honest and able to be forthcoming with information.
I guess I just basically feel that we have to hold our therapists to the same standard that we would everyone else, we're still paying customers and deserve to have someone that for an (50 minute) hour can give us their full attention.
Mik
Posted by Sebastian on December 28, 2002, at 19:42:49
In reply to Re: Therapist Is Causing Me Pain - Please Help! » Sebastian, posted by mikhail99 on December 28, 2002, at 16:38:40
I think he is a good therapist but he does seem overloaded.
Sebastian
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Psychology | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.