![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 18 of 18. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Phillipa on February 27, 2007, at 12:09:59
Am I the only messed up person on babble I knew I was the worst off hiding in the house and it's nice out . And I can't do a thing but sit here. I'm a sick person is it lymes, thryoid, my mind or something else? I've seen so many specialists. Is there nothing else to to? Love Phillipa the wierdest person on babble and the sickest I think.
Posted by Ken Blades on February 27, 2007, at 12:59:34
In reply to Am I The Only Messed Up Person Here Hiding In the, posted by Phillipa on February 27, 2007, at 12:09:59
Phillipa~
I do that too sometimes, hide in the
house when you'd think it would be
nice to be out. Depends on the mood.>>>>Phillipa the wierdest person on babble and the sickest I think.<<<<<
I don't know if that's true...probably not!
[it would be wild to see what a 'weirdest'
contest would produce..if you could get
everyone to participate...it could be
a best-seller!]
Posted by Bob on February 27, 2007, at 16:29:28
In reply to Re: Am I The Only Messed Up Person Here Hiding In » Phillipa, posted by Ken Blades on February 27, 2007, at 12:59:34
You are most definitely not the sickest, and by default, not the weirdest. I'm quite sick and have very little left in my life. There are many, I'm sure who are far sicker than we are, but are not computer savvy, or have no motivation to be on a disucssion board.
Posted by bassman on February 27, 2007, at 16:39:54
In reply to Am I The Only Messed Up Person Here Hiding In the, posted by Phillipa on February 27, 2007, at 12:09:59
Oh, I know that feeling! Everyone is saying what a wonderful day it is-or if I'm by myself, I see how sunny it is out and realize that it doesn't matter to me, I feel miserable whatever. Phillipa, you're aware that something is very wrong...that's usually a step before feeling better, not worse.
I like the idea of having a Babble Bakeoff to see who is the most messed up. Maybe we could have Honorable Mentions, etc. :>}
My entry would include the period that I was so messed up with panic disorder that I had trouble crossing the room. I sure hope I qualify!:>}
Feel better, fellow sufferer!
bassman
Posted by Bob on February 27, 2007, at 17:11:56
In reply to Re: Am I The Only Messed Up Person Here Hiding In the, posted by bassman on February 27, 2007, at 16:39:54
> Oh, I know that feeling! Everyone is saying what a wonderful day it is-or if I'm by myself, I see how sunny it is out and realize that it doesn't matter to me, I feel miserable whatever. Phillipa, you're aware that something is very wrong...that's usually a step before feeling better, not worse.
>
> I like the idea of having a Babble Bakeoff to see who is the most messed up. Maybe we could have Honorable Mentions, etc. :>}
>
> My entry would include the period that I was so messed up with panic disorder that I had trouble crossing the room. I sure hope I qualify!:>}
>
> Feel better, fellow sufferer!
> bassman
I can definitely relate to the whole good weather thing. It used to be that nice days were the best days of the whole year, now I actually am more depressed if it is sunny when I wake up, because it magnifies how messed up I really am.
Posted by Fivefires on February 27, 2007, at 17:21:54
In reply to Am I The Only Messed Up Person Here Hiding In the, posted by Phillipa on February 27, 2007, at 12:09:59
> Am I the only messed up person on babble I knew I was the worst off hiding in the house and it's nice out . And I can't do a thing but sit here. I'm a sick person is it lymes, thryoid, my mind or something else?>
>NO NO NO!
Hey hon' .. I'm hiding too and it is very nice out there, but truthfully I'm more comfortable sitting here talking to you.
If you're not lying down resting right now, can you share how lymes dz manifests?
And, do you still see the doctor that dx'd it?
>
I've seen so many specialists.>
>The above one included I'm sure. Have you seen him since the dx?
My mother saw specialist after specialist until some ER doc out of nowhere took the time and had the thought to run a different lab test.
She was so relieved to finally get some answers.
I believe you will get those answers.
You will keep on plugging along hon'. It's a bad day.
>
Is there nothing else to to?>
>You've always been here for me and now I'm here for you, saying hold on. I believe things will get better for you .. in my heart of hearts I believe it. You will get your answers.
>
Love Phillipa>
>I've already called the local crisis line 'just to talk' once today. Do you ever do that?
It's good to say how you feel
>
... the wierdest person on babble and the sickest>
I think ...>
>You are so NOT weird. Afa being mentally sick, UR so NOT!
Physically, I can't say re: misunderstanding Lymes. But you're scaring me. OMG; not lethal is it? Holly sh*t .. now I'm tongue tied & twisted.
Your my best friend!
5f
Posted by chiron on February 27, 2007, at 18:13:20
In reply to Re: Am I The Only Messed Up Person Here Hiding In » bassman, posted by Bob on February 27, 2007, at 17:11:56
I also relate to the "weather thing." It makes me feel more disconnected & down - even if I'm out and with other people.
I would like to put a claim in for the most messed up. I'm pretty good at putting on a show for normal, but all the while in a black hole of misery.
I found this poem yesterday that I wrote from 92:
Sometimes I think I'll be okay,
I can make it go away.
And then I fail & fall again,
Realizing it may never end.
I think back & remember years,
When great pain bled my tears.
The grand desire & wish to die.
The hope that I will one day fly.
I plea with god at most every moment,
That he will please relieve my torment.
Time has passed, & I'm still here.
Is my time to fly somewhere near?
I thought I'd be off & gone.
This suffering sure has been long.And that was 15 years ago.
Posted by Phillipa on February 27, 2007, at 18:59:15
In reply to Re: Am I The Only Messed Up Person Here Hiding In, posted by chiron on February 27, 2007, at 18:13:20
What is striking me the most is the weather thing. What happened to SAD? But what you all say is true . I think society expects us to feel good and do a lot in good weather. Not sit inside. And I like the contest idea. And Chiron I love your poem. How true. And also true about people that don't even come to sites as this. But it always seems going into the pdocs office that the patients are laughing and happy. I really haven't seen many sad faces. So seems like we do a lot of faking of our true emotions. Love Phillipa
Posted by chiron on February 27, 2007, at 19:06:13
In reply to Re: Am I The Only Messed Up Person Here Hiding In, posted by Phillipa on February 27, 2007, at 18:59:15
you are very kind.
Posted by yxibow on February 28, 2007, at 2:13:40
In reply to Am I The Only Messed Up Person Here Hiding In the, posted by Phillipa on February 27, 2007, at 12:09:59
> Am I the only messed up person on babble I knew I was the worst off hiding in the house and it's nice out . And I can't do a thing but sit here. I'm a sick person is it lymes, thryoid, my mind or something else? I've seen so many specialists. Is there nothing else to to? Love Phillipa the wierdest person on babble and the sickest I think.
I think you are just in a bad place, or a uncomfortable moment, Phillipa. You post a lot of care and compassion to others. Don't turn your negative thoughts into a permanent reality. Count the things that are positive about you. My psychiatrist forced me to do that the other session.
You may have a thyroid condition, you have mentioned that, it can cause depression certainly, but there are a variety of medications that can regulate it and I believe you have or are seeing a specialist about it.
As for Lyme, I insisted on a test for it (I do hike or at least used to a lot and have been bitten by ticks, though most Lyme Disease is concentrated in the New England area), for what its worth, if your titer is negative [that must be done first], you don't have Lyme disease. Only positive titers continue on to Western Blot, and a positive titer should really be tested again for a false positive.West Nile is a (unfortunately) more common vector, at least with mosquitoes, in parts of the country. However most people never even develop symptoms.
Make yourself write a list of everything positive about yourself and what you have done and read it aloud.-- tidings
Jay
Posted by Phillipa on February 28, 2007, at 19:39:43
In reply to Re: Am I The Only Messed Up Person Here Hiding In » Phillipa, posted by yxibow on February 28, 2007, at 2:13:40
Jay I do have chronic lymes was in the hospital for a month a few years back. I had an infection control specialist and yes I'm positive on the Western blot and always will be as you always test positive if you've had it. It's related the syphalis which I've never had. I had a pic line and received IV rocephin. This was after being given doxycylline first round which did nothing. I was in the psych unit for a med adjustment and they kept me and treated the lymes. Did MRI of brain, spinal tap. Those were negative. I am from CT. But I subscribe to a lymes newsletter and it's all over the world even the UK I'll forward you one later. After discharge I was on biaxin xl for over two year for three months at a time. The docs in Charlotte don't believe it exists here they are nuts. Last assessment last year health dept called again as Western Blot positive but the doc I saw said it's inactive and requires on more treatment. I'm not so sure I agree as the spirochettes hide in body tissue and come out at various times. They can cause arthritic symptom, chronic fatigue syndrome and other mental disorders. Love Phillipa
Posted by nolegirl23 on February 28, 2007, at 20:45:53
In reply to Am I The Only Messed Up Person Here Hiding In the, posted by Phillipa on February 27, 2007, at 12:09:59
> Am I the only messed up person on babble I knew I was the worst off hiding in the house and it's nice out . And I can't do a thing but sit here. I'm a sick person is it lymes, thryoid, my mind or something else? I've seen so many specialists. Is there nothing else to to? Love Phillipa the wierdest person on babble and the sickest I think.
No my dearest Pilippa, you are not the only messed up person on babble.
This weekend, I ventured out to the neared fabric store and purchased the thickest, blackest fabrick that I could find. I then nailed said fabrick all around my window paine so that there would be absolutely NO light in my room.I sliced "F*CK YOU" into my arm the other day...
I starved myself for two weeks only to succomb to an all day ($70.00) binge/purge session..Today I poured a bottle of wine into a grape juice bottle and got drunk as hell at work, than proceeded to DRIVE HOME.
I cannot figure out why I am doing these things to myself when I want so badly to live a normal life.
It's not as if these things just 'happen;' I make a conscious decision to drink, to starve, to binge, to purge, to carve things into my arm, to call in sick to work simply because I can't get my lame *ss out of bed...........
Not to turn this into a pity party for me, I want to be there for you! The only way I know how to relate to people is to empathize with them, and you sound a lot like me. You sound as if you look around, and all you see are 'normal' people.
I know how you feel, and I wish I could be there for you.
I also wish I had that magic answer that would fix us all.Hang in there Phillipa, we all value and love your input on this site!!
Love,
~ Shanon ~
Posted by rjlockhart on February 28, 2007, at 21:49:49
In reply to Re: Am I The Only Messed Up Person Here Hiding In » Phillipa, posted by yxibow on February 28, 2007, at 2:13:40
Listen,
Im sorry i didnt awnser to this post, you are the most compasionate person really here, been here for me when im down, been through hell, dexedrine, mood swings, thinking im going crazy,
Now im am here saying, im trying help now, i know sometimes home may seem like a confort zone, and dont want to go out, Have you asked your doctor about some kind of stimulant? i know that is the advice rj would give, but a stimulant may would stimulate your nuerons, well to get out of the house, or post more on psychobabble,
But stimulants arent the awnser, mmm what can i think to say....
Listen, i know i may have not been in contact with you very much, this is the same with family members of mine, its just when i get depressed i isolate, well exactly i feel miserable, dsyphoric, horrible and dont know what to say to people. When im doing better i associate with others, i self-repair my mood when im in the pits.
You have awnsered every post almost here i have noticed. Very good job. You should be a counselor, maybe a social worker, well i know your a well arnt you a nurse?
I just rerember the years we talked.
So rerember that im still here, just like i said i you where here for me.
And i dont want to seem hypocritcal and then not post back, im not justify why i dont just always be here all the time, i have a stupid job i dont like, and you know i have some time, but i just get miserable, not from anyone else, just myself.
So dont thinkt taht i havent been posting to your post that i dont think of you anymore. I Do.
Matt
Posted by Phillipa on February 28, 2007, at 22:13:34
In reply to Re: Phillipa read this! its rjlockhart, posted by rjlockhart on February 28, 2007, at 21:49:49
Oh Matt that was so sweet. I care for you you are a doll. Love Phillipa
Posted by Phillipa on February 28, 2007, at 22:19:28
In reply to Re: Am I The Only Messed Up Person Here Hiding In, posted by nolegirl23 on February 28, 2007, at 20:45:53
Shannon don't ever hesitate to babblemail me if you need to talk . I'm there for you. Love Phillipa thanks so much for revealing so much of yourself.
Posted by stargazer on March 1, 2007, at 0:19:46
In reply to Re: Am I The Only Messed Up Person Here Hiding In » nolegirl23, posted by Phillipa on February 28, 2007, at 22:19:28
Phillipa, don't you think for a minute that you're the only messed up person here...we're all messed up, some more than others, and not all of us share everything we are going through. For myself, I 'listen' more than I express my feelings and emotions. You may not know how I'm really doing on a day to day basis as we all communicate in our own way.
There are some here that are more messed up than you, some less, but we all a common feeling of missing out on life and want to feel better. You forget I have had depression for 30 years, so despite not having the same symptoms as you, I have had my share of misery too. It sucks but it is what is...I have come close to giving up many times. When someone says they don't think I have depression, because I have told them I was able to drive to the store alone or paint a room, it tells me how little they know about depression.
My moods can vary from one day to the next, but that can be a positive thing, which should be supported without concluding that person is no longer depressed or may now be manic. My depression is real, I should know...I have it, nobody else can tell me I don't, except my doctor and I await that day with bated breath.
I am now realizing, the stress of working has precipitated my depression each time it relapses to a dangerous level. At home I'm fine, but if I have to be in a position of responsibility, I'm going to always risk relapse. Until a drug can put it into remission again, my so called 'normal' life is gone forever. I was fooling myself into thinking I was well enough to work in the past and I kept trying, but I now realize the pattern is consistent. If I work, I relapse again and again, each time with worse results.
Sorry, I digress into my own situation, but the bottom line is we all come here for support, understanding and acceptance, not for someone else to say others are better off or worse off than myself. I guess it is natural for us to compare ourselves with others but it is usually maladaptive to do so.
Yes, we are definately messed up. We are here.
Posted by yxibow on March 1, 2007, at 0:54:55
In reply to Re: Am I The Only Messed Up Person Here Hiding In » yxibow, posted by Phillipa on February 28, 2007, at 19:39:43
> Jay I do have chronic lymes was in the hospital for a month a few years back. I had an infection control specialist and yes I'm positive on the Western blot and always will be as you always test positive if you've had it. It's related the syphalis which I've never had. I had a pic line and received IV rocephin. This was after being given doxycylline first round which did nothing. I was in the psych unit for a med adjustment and they kept me and treated the lymes. Did MRI of brain, spinal tap. Those were negative. I am from CT. But I subscribe to a lymes newsletter and it's all over the world even the UK I'll forward you one later. After discharge I was on biaxin xl for over two year for three months at a time. The docs in Charlotte don't believe it exists here they are nuts. Last assessment last year health dept called again as Western Blot positive but the doc I saw said it's inactive and requires on more treatment. I'm not so sure I agree as the spirochettes hide in body tissue and come out at various times. They can cause arthritic symptom, chronic fatigue syndrome and other mental disorders. Love Phillipa
These are all true statements to some degree or another. However, the persistence of Lyme disease is controversial. Only you know how you feel, I have to admit that, but if it forms a chronic case, it is as you say like syphilis, actually more like herpes.The reason that you are receiving less interest from doctors is that more than 90% of Lyme comes from New England where doctors are more familiar with it. Certain concentrated parts of states can have case rates of 1 in 1000 there. Normally it is about 5-10 in 100,000 in the US.
Doxycyline or amoxicillin are usually the chosen agents to initially treat Lyme disease because some studies have shown that chronic syndromes can be higher without initial treatment.
Have you ever been treated with Cefuroxime (Ceftin), which is the only FDA approved antibiotic for Lyme disease? It is a cephalosporin.
I know you must scour the net for information, but do be sure you are getting proper information as chronic lymes is, as noted, a controversial subject and deserves true peer journal information to be disseminated. It has a characteristic but not relation at this point to chronic fatigue syndrome, which itself has not a single entry point identified, as people can have chronic fatigue like syndromes from many vectors or neurological disease.Yes, it exists in Europe too, with a similar epidemic rate as the US, which is one reason why the Lyme vaccine was discontinued because of little use besides possible incomplete coverage. In Europe though there are two subspecies, only one associated with neurological illnesses.
I wish you well
-- tidings
Jay
Posted by florence on March 1, 2007, at 22:45:02
In reply to Am I The Only Messed Up Person Here Hiding In the, posted by Phillipa on February 27, 2007, at 12:09:59
> Am I the only messed up person on babble I knew I was the worst off hiding in the house and it's nice out . And I can't do a thing but sit here. I'm a sick person is it lymes, thryoid, my mind or something else? I've seen so many specialists. Is there nothing else to to? Love Phillipa the wierdest person on babble and the sickest I think.
I hide in my bedroom... Avoid my DH and have even refused to answer all phone calls. Never answer the door...Have even felt so bad I can't even talk to my only child who is away at college.
I can't even fake feeling okay-that's why I avoid people. Hashi's thyroid went undiagnosed so long. I am now in hell cuz of Provigil and xanax and Klonopin and Sonata......... I am in bed 24/7 cuz of fatigue. probably from upping provigil and benzos. It has been this way for over a year.
It is non-stop. I dread waking up and I dread trying to fall asleep.
And my DH wants me to fly to the Univ. of Chicago for a clinical trial on thyroid resistence..
I dont even have the strength to get dressed.
My "condition" could be the result of Lupron (GnRh agonist) I took for migraines.. I always feel great on it... But after effects may be the fatigue...it is loathed by most women who have taken it for endomet. and is very expensive.
You are so pleasant P.- and I thank you for that. I am tired of educating drs about my symptoms or a specific drug while I foot the bill. I try to change things but I seem to get worse....
I feel paralyzed mentally cuz there are so many things I am interested in- and can't exert the effort to do any of them.. So motivation is not a problem.. sorry too long... The people here are great.... florence
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Medication | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.