![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 37 to 61 of 66. Go back in thread:
Posted by flame on April 18, 2006, at 7:43:21
In reply to Re: Husband Giving Up ... » flame, posted by HappyGirl on April 17, 2006, at 23:10:43
HG,
One more thing that I forgot to mention in my previous post ...
You mentioned that you thought it was hard to understand my feelings toward my husband. Yes, I do love him .. at least the husband that he USED to be. I love my husband, our family and my life, as I once knew it. Because of my husband's change of attitude (depression not getting addressed correctly/successfully?) I am very frustrated. So frustrated, in fact, that I many times feel like giving up. I came to this board hoping for some input/advice from you folks here, 'cause you have gone through this first hand.
I know that there is no easy answer. I'm thinking that I am not ready to give up (quite) yet. I plan on taking quite a few of the comments/advice that I received on this BB to heart. I will (once again) find a supportive counselor for me. While we can't solve anything, at least I will have a "neutral" place to vent.
I am hoping that an opportunity arises whereby I will be able to talk to my husbands pdoc. I would like to make sure he is aware of some things about my husband and also mention a couple of the different prescriptions mentioned here (that I have not heard of previously) to see what my husband's pdoc has to say about those and the possiblity of my husband trying those.
Just thought that I'd mention a few of these things. As I said .. and as so many of you already have noticed, I am apparently still trying to move forward in anything that *I* can do with regards to my husband's depression and how it affects me.
Thanks,
~Flame
Posted by HappyGirl on April 18, 2006, at 7:54:30
In reply to Re: Husband Giving Up ... » HappyGirl, posted by flame on April 18, 2006, at 5:16:57
Hi flame:
I strongly recommend you get a professional help to sort things out. Because, sounds to me like you, too getting sick due to your husband's situation, particularly in terms to a lack of his financial contribution. I truly understand your current dilemna along with a lot of confusion and sadness because of this.Medication, of course a very first tool to combat mental illness your husband has been sufferring. However, since he's in semi-normal to almost normal mental state, what he needs is motibation to work. If there is a problem of finding a work in his field, then he may need to 'lower-down' to find any job available. Because, contractor he's done may not fit to his current emotional and mental state. Because, in mental illness, Stress is #1 enemy. Needs to find a job with less stressful job. For that reason, he may like to go bar/drinking to alleviate his stressful feelings.
Try to find a right counselor, either marriage or psycho.therapist who is able to understand your current situation. If one is not suitable to your emotional needs, then switch to someone else who can offer you a good resources. It's a lot of work, but in the end it's also well-work.
H.G.
Posted by Crazy Horse on April 18, 2006, at 11:08:31
In reply to Re: Husband Giving Up ... » HappyGirl, posted by flame on April 18, 2006, at 7:43:21
> HG,
>
> One more thing that I forgot to mention in my previous post ...
>
> You mentioned that you thought it was hard to understand my feelings toward my husband. Yes, I do love him .. at least the husband that he USED to be. I love my husband, our family and my life, as I once knew it. Because of my husband's change of attitude (depression not getting addressed correctly/successfully?) I am very frustrated. So frustrated, in fact, that I many times feel like giving up. I came to this board hoping for some input/advice from you folks here, 'cause you have gone through this first hand.
>
> I know that there is no easy answer. I'm thinking that I am not ready to give up (quite) yet. I plan on taking quite a few of the comments/advice that I received on this BB to heart. I will (once again) find a supportive counselor for me. While we can't solve anything, at least I will have a "neutral" place to vent.
>
> I am hoping that an opportunity arises whereby I will be able to talk to my husbands pdoc. I would like to make sure he is aware of some things about my husband and also mention a couple of the different prescriptions mentioned here (that I have not heard of previously) to see what my husband's pdoc has to say about those and the possiblity of my husband trying those.
>
> Just thought that I'd mention a few of these things. As I said .. and as so many of you already have noticed, I am apparently still trying to move forward in anything that *I* can do with regards to my husband's depression and how it affects me.
>
> Thanks,
> ~FlameHi Flame,
I just thought of something else..maybe someone has already mentioned this? Sometimes males 45 and older have a decline in testosterone wich can cause depression, lack of motivation etc. Have blood work done, and ask doc to specifically check hormone levels and thyroid...it's really impt. to rule out these 2 things. Good Luck.-Crazy Horse
Posted by flame on April 18, 2006, at 11:38:57
In reply to Re: Husband Giving Up ... » flame, posted by Crazy Horse on April 18, 2006, at 11:08:31
CH,
I DID go with my husband to his regular physician sometime this past winter. My husband's mom and two sisters have thyroid problems along with sugar. I insisted that his physician test for these things. But .. on the thyroid, I don't believe he did the right tests. He only did the TSH, and husband's doc said that this was "normal". I have learned since then, that is not necessarily true! (He needs to be tested for the free's.) I haven't figured out how I will once again "insist" that his doc run a thyroid panel on my husband, but this time do it "correctly". Both my husband and his doctor will think I am being a very pushy ****!
I agree totally with you that thyroid and other hormone problems can wreak havoc on your mental/emotional health.
On the testostorone, even if that IS low, with his anger issues, is that something that I really even want to address?
Posted by Crazy Horse on April 18, 2006, at 13:13:24
In reply to Re: Husband Giving Up ... » Crazy Horse, posted by flame on April 18, 2006, at 11:38:57
> CH,
>
> I DID go with my husband to his regular physician sometime this past winter. My husband's mom and two sisters have thyroid problems along with sugar. I insisted that his physician test for these things. But .. on the thyroid, I don't believe he did the right tests. He only did the TSH, and husband's doc said that this was "normal". I have learned since then, that is not necessarily true! (He needs to be tested for the free's.) I haven't figured out how I will once again "insist" that his doc run a thyroid panel on my husband, but this time do it "correctly". Both my husband and his doctor will think I am being a very pushy ****!
>
> I agree totally with you that thyroid and other hormone problems can wreak havoc on your mental/emotional health.
>
> On the testostorone, even if that IS low, with his anger issues, is that something that I really even want to address?
It's okay to be pushy..I am very pushy when it comes to my family and my own health. Sometimes you just have to be.As far as the Testosterone...I'm sorry, but i am not qualified to answer that. I understand what you are saying though, will more Test. cause more anger..maybe, but i'm not sure. This would be a good question for SLS, Link or ED., and of course your doc.
I admire your desire and diligence in trying to help your hubby. :)
-CH
Posted by flame on April 18, 2006, at 14:31:10
In reply to Re: Husband Giving Up ... » flame, posted by Crazy Horse on April 18, 2006, at 13:13:24
Hello SLS, Link or ED,
Would one of you have a minute to post your thoughts about supplementing testosterone (if indicated) with someone who has anger issues?
Thanks! Flame
> >
> > On the testostorone, even if that IS low, with his anger issues, is that something that I really even want to address?
> As far as the Testosterone...I'm sorry, but i >am not qualified to answer that. I understand >what you are saying though, will more Test. cause >more anger..maybe, but i'm not sure. This would >be a good question for SLS, Link or ED., and of >course your doc.
Posted by SLS on April 18, 2006, at 15:29:49
In reply to Re: Husband Giving Up - SLS, Link, ED?, posted by flame on April 18, 2006, at 14:31:10
> Hello SLS, Link or ED,
>
> Would one of you have a minute to post your thoughts about supplementing testosterone (if indicated) with someone who has anger issues?
>
> Thanks! Flame
Does he get angry only when he is intoxicated?It might depend on his current level of testosterone. If it is low, supplementation might reduce irritability as it helps with depression. To give supratherapeutic (above normal) amounts of testosterone definitely has the potential to increase aggressive behavior.
I like the idea of consulting with an endocrinologist.
- Scott
Posted by flame on April 19, 2006, at 11:23:59
In reply to Re: Husband Giving Up - SLS, Link, ED? » flame, posted by SLS on April 18, 2006, at 15:29:49
Okay.. so the testosterone is something that definitely should be looked into, sounds like!
"Does he get angry only when he is intoxicated?"
No, not only when intoxicated. Actually, he is (usually) pretty calm after he's been drinking. To be honest, even with all that he drinks, he never appears to be intoxicated until a while after he takes his ambien at night. This happened just last night and has been a constant bone of contention for me: I met my husband up at the bar and we had dinner. I left after one hour and my husband said he was right behind me. Well two hours later, after I had been asleep for sometime, he got home and proceeded to insist on waking me up. Because I became ornery (because this happens too much) he got very angry and began yelling things out quite loudly. (Very mean things!) This, I know, is a result of him drinking and then taking that ambien.
I know I got off on a tangent there .. but again, today I am VERY frustrated. I slept very little last night and am exhausted today. This just happens way too much. Our (adult) kids are even noticing how "crazy" he acts when he combines his alcohol with his ambien. Oh .. and also last night, all of a sudden his mirapex isn't working for his restless legs. HELLO! Considering his alcohol intake, I am amazed that anything has helped (for even a little while) with his restless legs!!
While I agree that my husband needs to have the correct tests done on his thyroid, I don't agree with setting him for an appointment with an endo. I have talked to many people and read many books whereby, generally those endo's are just TSH watchers, also. I think there are a lot of people that are struggling with all kinds of symptoms, because your old school drs. only look at the TSH. If I can find someone that would test his TSH along with his FT3 and FT4, I think that everyone (Dr. and ME) would get a better picture of what is going on (or not) with my husband's thyroid. Just my opinion, of course.
I am trying to think of a way that I could accompany my husband to his pdoc this Friday. I asked the last time and he told me no way 'cause I say too much. I tried (last year) to call my husband's pdoc to fill him in on what was going on at that time and asked him not to say anything to my husband .. but he did. So calling his pdoc is not the answer. My husband gets furious when he thinks that I am trying to "interfere". He says that his doc doesn't need to know those things and that it is none of my business to be telling him. Sigh .....
Boy, this post turned into more of a rant than anything else, didn't it???
Thanks! ~Flame
Posted by flame on April 23, 2006, at 7:20:25
Hello All,
I posted quite a bit a couple of weeks ago in regards to my husband "giving up" on working and my frustrations with his current attitude.
In going through some paperwork yesterday, I found a prescription that my husband's pdoc gave him a little over a month ago. It was for Provigil. His pdoc wanted him to add it to his daily 375 mg Effexor xr regimen. He started out on half a pill (=100mg - samples his doc gave him) .. of which I think my husband was fine. (He didn't complain.) Once my husband was on that for about 4 days, his pdoc told him to up it to the full pill (=200mg). The very first day on the 200mg, my husband complained (A LOT!) about how jittery it made him and said that he did not want to be on it anymore. So, he has not been taking the provigil any more.
My question is this .. should he have just continued on the 1/2 pill (100mg) tab for longer and then tried to up it once again?
Before coming to this board, I had no idea how provigil would be helping him. (My husband doesn't/won't tell me about much that goes on with his pdoc appts.) So .. if anyone wants to chime in here on the how adding that provigil to husband's effexor (375mg) might help him, I would be very appreciative!
I am wondering (now) if he should be attempting to add that provigil (once again) back into his daily regimen? He doesn't have another appointment with his pdoc until towards the end of May. It sure would be nice if he could be inching forward (even just a little) before then ..?
BTW .. as silly as this sounds, I am the one that sets his daily meds out for him every day. If I did not, he would forget to take them (for the most part, anyways.)
Any input that any of you may have on the Effexor/provigil combination, would be great!!
Flame
Posted by flame on April 23, 2006, at 7:55:41
In reply to Husband Giving Up (cont.) - Provigil w/Effexor xr?, posted by flame on April 23, 2006, at 7:20:25
Okay .. so now I (just) found a few previous posts about provigil. Apparently provigil is being used for ADHD symptoms ...?
My husband (years ago) when my son was dianosed with ADD, was always advocating that he had ADD, also. Because of this, his regular (family doc) put him on ritalin .. which he abused terribly. When my husband would get his prescription (once monthly) he would take it all (pretty much) at once. I wouldn't see him until sometime during that second day.
Obviously he was getting a rush (high?) out of all of that ritalin.
I wonder how the provigil relates to ritalin?
Posted by BJM on April 23, 2006, at 10:00:33
In reply to Re: Husband Giving Up (cont.) - Provigil w/Effexor xr?, posted by flame on April 23, 2006, at 7:55:41
I can give info on my experience with provigil alone and with other meds just not specifically with Effexor but maybe it will help.
I hated Provigil at first but stimulants had nasty effects on me and the fatigue from other meds and sleep problems was so bad that I had to try something. I couldn't handle even 100mg in the beginning so I began breaking those up. My doc knows I'm med sensitive and med paranoid so she let me play around with what worked for me. It was pretty tough the first month or so figuring it out but I'm so glad I stuck with it because Provigil is the one med I would keep over everything else. (Even my AD). What I do now is take 100mg in the morning and 100mg later when I start getting sleepy again. When I'm super groggy in the morning I'll take 200 all at once but I always regret it. I get kinda nasty and I end up crashing mood and energy wise too early in the day. I get a headache if I take 200 all at once also. Breaking it up this way works so well for me and I've heard others say the same thing. Some days I only take the 100 and some days I may end up taking 300 in divided doses. I've never needed to go over 300 though. And the 300 days are very rare. Maybe if my little ones kept me up half the night and I had to take my migraine medicine that made me extra sleepy.
From what I've read and what my doc has told me, Provigil can be really helpful in giving AD's that extra boost, take away the fatigue and blahs that AD's can cause and may actually have its own AD effects.
It really has very little side effects, isn't anything like your typical stimulant, helps keep you awake when you need to be awake and you can still take a nap when you want to on it.
It may take some getting used to but in my experience Provigil is nothing like Ritalin. I've heard its not even real great for ADD. Just make sure once you are sold on it that your insurance company will cover it because not many companies do anymore and it is MEGA EXPENSIVE!!!!!!!!!!
If I can help you anymore let me know. I'm not an expert or anything on it but I've been taking it for 2 years solid and am very happy with it.
Posted by Racer on April 23, 2006, at 10:53:45
In reply to Re: Husband Giving Up (cont.) - Provigil w/Effexor xr?, posted by BJM on April 23, 2006, at 10:00:33
I've had good experiences with Provigil, too. It boosted my AD, boosted my mood when I wasn't on any AD, and was generally pretty friendly in terms of side effects.
And I took a split dose, too -- 100mg AM, 50mg noon. That helped me, although I did have some trouble with later afternoon crashing. (That's why the second dose was lower than the first.) Otherwise, Provigil was my friend, and I may go back to it depending on what happens with my current Dexedrine trial.
OH! The bonus for me on provigil? I have never slept better in my life! (I know, some days I figure I'm not even human...) Seriously, I think it helped regulate my wake/sleep schedule, so I slept great at night. I did need a nap in the day, still, though. That's not necessarily unexpected for me, though -- the Dexedrine puts me out about an hour after I take it, if I lie down when it starts making me sleepy. If i have to stay up, I'll get past the sleepiness in about a half an hour.
Hope that helps.
Posted by zeugma on April 23, 2006, at 13:05:43
In reply to Re: Husband Giving Up (cont.) - Provigil w/Effexor, posted by Racer on April 23, 2006, at 10:53:45
Like the other posters, I have observed what seems to be an antidepressant effect from provigil. It is certainly unlike Ritalin in this respect, because Ritalin made me moody and intensified depressive episodes (this may however have been due to the fact that I needed to lower my antidepressant dose when I got severe orthostatic hypotension from Ritalin).
Provigil does have an abuse potential, but long-acting drugs are known to lessen this and Provigil's half-life is at a minimum three times longer than Ritalin's. I have a sleep disorder and in truth Ritalin was much better at keeping me awake. But it actually worked better for the sleep disorder than for ADHD, while Provigil fails to mitigate my sleepiness much of the time but lessens attentional problems when I actually am awake (I have needed to supplement every stimulant I have ever taken with lots of caffeine anyway).
I started at 100 mg but experienced various side effects and stayed at 75-100 mg for a long time. I currently take 200 mg in the morning and 100 mg at noon.
The common element for Ritalin and Provigil is that they both lessen distractibility.
Hope this helps.
-z
Posted by flame on April 24, 2006, at 8:08:13
In reply to Re: Husband Giving Up (cont.) - Provigil w/Effexor xr?, posted by BJM on April 23, 2006, at 10:00:33
Hello BJM,
Thanks SO much for your response!
In regards to you splitting up your doses .. obviously you taking another dose of the provigil later in the day is not hindering your sleep? My husband is currently on Ambien (for sleep) and mirapex for restless legs. In a search that I just read, it said to be careful with the timing of provigil because of it making a person too wakeful at night. Obviously, this is very individual. So, it will have to be trial and error with my husband, I guess!
From what you mention here, it sounds like this might just be what my husband needs. I don't know if you have read any of my previous "Husband Giving Up" posts, but he basically has been telling me that he "doesn't have it within himself anymore" to be working. He is lacking the energy and motivation .. from what I can gather ..complains about being depressed all of the time! He DOES complain about being tired a lot! Maybe the high dose (375mg) Effexor is doing that?
Anyway .. I appreciate all of your input. Your experience with provigil sounds very positive!
My husband has (once again) begun on 100 mg of the provigil this morning. (He had samples left from his last appt. with pdoc.) I spoke with him yesterday about staying on the lower dose of provigil (that he had previously tried without any ill side affects) and he was in agreement to try it again. We will see how it goes ...
Flame
Posted by flame on April 24, 2006, at 8:11:59
In reply to Re: Husband Giving Up (cont.) - Provigil w/Effexor, posted by Racer on April 23, 2006, at 10:53:45
Racer,
Your experience is VERY good news! The fact that provigil actually helped your sleep patterns is possibly GREAT news for my husband! (IF it can help HIM in that area.)
I think his plan is to stay on the 100 mg in the a.m. for about a week and then maybe start adding 50 mg in the afternoon.
Thanks! Flame
Posted by Racer on April 24, 2006, at 9:16:43
In reply to Re: Husband Giving Up (cont.) - Provigil w/Effexor » Racer, posted by flame on April 24, 2006, at 8:11:59
> Racer,
>
> Your experience is VERY good news! The fact that provigil actually helped your sleep patterns is possibly GREAT news for my husband! (IF it can help HIM in that area.)
>
>If he continues taking Ambien every night -- and I won't offer my opinion of his doctor allowing that -- the Provigil may not be quite as helpful for him in that area. Otherwise, though, one of the great things about Provigil is that it seems to allow people to sleep at night without trouble. For me, I think it helped night time sleep, because it helped me get into a routine of being awake during the day. I took my first dose at breakfast, and noticed somewhere along the line that breakfast was getting to be at about the same time every morning. I think just getting onto a schedule helped me a lot.
The best part, though, is that my lifelong insomnia was mostly GONE while I was on it. I had some trouble with early awakening, but would just gt up and start my day if that happened. ("Early" in this case being in the 5 - 6AM range.) When I got into bed at night, though -- I went to sleep.
You know, talking about this, it's making me miss it. Right now, my pdoc is having me try Dexedrine, which is OK, but I don't have the fabulous sleep I had on Provigil...
Then again, there was a reason to stop Provigil when I did, so I guess I'll continue on the Dexedrine trial...
Good luck.
Posted by flame on April 24, 2006, at 9:24:05
In reply to Re: Husband Giving Up (cont.) - Provigil w/Effexor » flame, posted by Racer on April 24, 2006, at 9:16:43
Racer,
With the Ambien .. are you talking about husband's pdoc allowing him to be on it for so long? He has been on it now for about a year and a half. It seems that I have read (quite a bit) that it should (really) only be used short term.
By the way .. I (personally) hate how my husband IS once he takes his nightly Ambien. He eats constantly and is always trying to function .. talk, etc while in a half-induced sleep state. (Not a good situation, in my opinion!)
Did you mention previously why you had to go off the Provigil?
Flame
Posted by Racer on April 24, 2006, at 17:27:35
In reply to Re: Husband Giving Up (cont.) - Provigil w/Effexor » Racer, posted by flame on April 24, 2006, at 9:24:05
I went off Provigil because I thought it was increasing my depression. Now, I'm less certain. There were some situational factors that may have been the actual culprits.
As for Ambien, it's supposed to be taken when you go to bed. NOT when you start thinking maybe it's getting to be time for bed. It sounds as though your husband is not taking it quite as directed.
By the way, I found an article about insomnia recently that said the first question to ask about insomnia is "are you in bed?" Seems a lot of people complain about insomnia, when the real problem is that they don't get into bed in the first place. If I get some time later, I can try to find it and send you the link.
Hope that helps. I'm pressed for time, but will check back later if you had any other questions.
Posted by BJM on April 24, 2006, at 23:30:46
In reply to Re: Husband Giving Up (cont.) - Provigil w/Effexor xr? » BJM, posted by flame on April 24, 2006, at 8:08:13
So here I sit at midnight after having taken my second dose of provigil too late in the day. Actually, I did do that but I think I'm up more because of the coffee I had around 5pm.
I'm so happy that your husband has decided to give it another try. It really is an awesome med once you get it figured out. I'd say that taking the second dose later in the day could make it harder to sleep at night but its more like one of the previous posts said about insomniacs needing to GET IN BED. Taking Provigil later in the afternoon could just make it easier to not go to bed.
Ya Know, a quick possible hint about the Ambien, that stuff was very bizarre for me. It either didn't work or knocked me on my butt. And it definetly left the hang over feeling the next day which sometimes even the provigil couldn't touch much. I know I've heard it doesn't make people groggy the next day but "YEAH RIGHT". Made me pretty depressed too. I've had to deal with the restless leg thing off and on for quite a few years and I thought Ambien would help. At least to make me so tired I didn't think about it. I actually found out that the RLS got much worse whenever I was on an SSRI. Now I really thought I was crazy because I heard SSRI's helped RLS but then my doctor told me of the little talked about dopamine effects of them and that the RLS could definetly get worse from SSRI's. Well, stopped them and gradually the RLS faded away again. YEE HAA!!!!! I was going crazy trying to tuck my feet under pillows and cushions trying to get my legs to relax. Don't need the Ambien anymore either after getting off the SSRI's. They always made me groggy in the day and wide awake at night.
Its a never ending saga I guess.
Tell your husband to hang in there. Take the first little dose of Provigil in the morning and then don't worry about taking anymore unless he starts getting drowsy. Then just take a half of a half until he figures out what works for him. Sometimes less is better with it anyway.
Lotsa Luck!!!!
Posted by flame on April 25, 2006, at 8:28:46
In reply to Re: Husband Giving Up (cont.) - Provigil w/Effexor » flame, posted by Racer on April 24, 2006, at 17:27:35
Racer,
Thanks for your reply.
You are totally correct about the Ambien! I think my husband has adopted the attitude to NOT climb into bed until he knows he is good and sleepy. Even once he IS in bed, he gets up a lot, goes to find food (he eats a lot!) and/or watches t.v.. (This is even after taking the Ambien.)
I think it all started out with his restless legs keeping him up all night. After night after night of sleepless nights, he got paranoid about "thinking" or "trying" to go to sleep. He told me at first he would start worrying about sleeping the next night and THEN he would start worrying about worrying about sleeping. (WOW!)
So, anyway .. it can pretty much start out that my husband is in bed, but he gets out of bed too much. Now that I am writing/thinking about this, I'm wondering if the Ambien is no longer helping him?
I would be interested in looking at the site you mentioned, if you can find it.
Thanks! flame
Posted by Flame on May 1, 2006, at 8:56:50
I had another individual (from another BB) post to me in regards to getting the "feeling" that my husband is using his depression to manipulate me. If "depression" is even what my husband's diagnosis IS .. for sure.
I have received many awesome responses to all of my laments/concerns in regards to my husband and his "depression". And I truly appreciate all of you for being so supportive/understanding and willing to candidly "discuss" our (and even your own) issues!
I am wondering, though, if my husband is (honestly) depressed. I think that I have posted in my previous threads (Husband Giving Up) about how he is, EVEN when he claims to be depressed.
My husband IS the life of every party. Even now, at the bar every night, he is Mr. Socialite. He is a very animated person. (For being depressed, that is.) Also .. no matter if he is claiming big depression or not, is into a multitude of hobbies that he is obviously motivated to "do". This is what confounds me, though. He maintains that he doesn't have the wherewithal to work like he used to, but he DOES go all out on his hobbies. Some of which are very physical.
My husband always seems to be in good spirits, UNTIL something negative (in his mind) comes up. And then, to me, it appears like he just does not want to deal with it. He is always anxious to take the easy way out .. or not address the issues at all. (Which, ultimately, compounds the problems.)
Does this sound "right" to you folks?
I am wondering (based on our history) if he indeed may be using his "depression" to manipulate me.
Any thoughts from you wonderful people out there?
Thanks for putting up with (yet) another thread in regards to my rantings about my husband. ;-)
Flame
Posted by blueberry on May 1, 2006, at 9:30:55
In reply to Husband Giving Up (cont.)-Is It Really Depression?, posted by Flame on May 1, 2006, at 8:56:50
I could be wrong, but it doesn't sound like depression that I know. Significant changes in behavior happen with depression. For example, not wanting to be in social setting, sleeping a lot more than usual or having unusual insomnia, easily overwhelmed by simple ordinary things, having no interest in things you used to be interested in. Someone depressed looks like they just want to hide in a cave. Does that sound like your husband?
You could go to psychcentral.com and click on the depression quiz and answer the questions as you see things. That will give you a numerical score that roughly gives a better picture of if it is depression or not, and if so, whether it is mild, moderate, or severe.
It could be that some professional counseling would be a good start.
Posted by Racer on May 1, 2006, at 10:25:29
In reply to Husband Giving Up (cont.)-Is It Really Depression?, posted by Flame on May 1, 2006, at 8:56:50
>> Thanks for putting up with (yet) another thread in regards to my rantings about my husband. ;-)
>
> Flame
>Thank you, but you know what? We're here to offer support to one another -- and honeybunny, with what you're telling us about your husband, you're one of us now... (A person in need of support, that is. You don't actually have to be crazy here, you know, I can be crazy enough for two or three people just on my own, so it averages out...)
Seriously, ask away, and welcome.
As for your husband, what you're describing sounds off to me, but not unrelated. When I'm depressed, I do NOT do things that I previously enjoyed. When I do something that I generally enjoy, it's done obsessively, compulsively, and not with any enjoyment. (This is where I spin two pounds of wool and knit a sweater from it in under a week, or read 400 pages of potato chip books per day, or even watch every Law & Order rerun in 24 hours -- all flavors -- just anything that might allow me to escape from myself.) When I'm on the edge of depression, though, I do act in a manner I think is similar to what you describe: I may be doing something I "enjoy" -- with or more usually without enjoyment -- but as soon as something gets in my way, I collapse. That sort of fragility is very, very frightening, and I know I kinda suck back when I feel it, because I'm so afraid. I think it comes mostly from anxiety, though, not depression per se.
There are a couple of things you might want to look up to see if they might fit your husband. Anxiety and depression are the first two, of course, but then try Avoidant Personality Disorder, maybe Dependent Personality Disorder, Factitious Disorders. See what parts fit him, from those. I'd also look into whether he could have some form of bipolar -- the irritibility, reactivity, etc, make that sound possible. Psych Central does have good quizzes, and there are other places that have the DSM criteria for the disorders listed online. Someone here can probably direct you to one.
And I gotta tell you, I can understand your wanting to stay with him, and your desire to understand and to help him, and I admire you for it. But even though I feel as though I would stay with my husband through anything at all, if he were behaving like this, I wouldn't want to be held responsible for my actions. You may be a saint.
But I also strongly suggest you call his doctor. He can't talk to you, but he can listen, and some of what you've written here is very pertinent, and I would think that the doctor can take action to stop your husband doctor-shopping if that's his reaction to you calling. What you told us about disappearing after picking up his Ritalin is outrageous -- that sort of thing, his doctor really has to know. That's the sort of thing that could jeopardize his license, not just your husband's health.
If you're at the point where you really just want something to change, for him to get some sort of honest help for a change, have you considered turning him in as a danger to himself or others? If he is being that irresponsible with his drugs, he is a danger to himself, even if he doesn't intend to be. And if he gets into the hospital for the 72 hour hold, you can call the doctor there and state clearly and emphatically that your husband is abusing prescribed drugs, and you believe he will continue to do so without intensive inpatient treatment.
Or, just draw a line in the sand: "Honey, this isn't working for me. You have two choices: you can get yourself working again now; or you can get yourself into therapy, twice a week, and marriage counseling with me, and get some treatment for your drug problem. One or the other, your choice." If you do that, of course, you have to be willing to follow through on it. But you can follow through by having him move to the guestroom and take care of himself while having a roof over his head while he decides where he's going to go. Just make sure you've got a deadline set for him getting out of there, too.
I'm so sorry you're going through this. Good luck with you.
Posted by BJM on May 1, 2006, at 12:28:16
In reply to Husband Giving Up (cont.)-Is It Really Depression?, posted by Flame on May 1, 2006, at 8:56:50
Sounds like it "could" still be some depression. I know with me, if the depression isn't real deep I can do the things that I like or that don't cause me the slightest mental stress. Like for example, I can mow my lawn like a fiend and work around the yard all day as long as I don't have to worry about keeping an eye on the kids or taking care of the house. And I actually tend to do stuff like that as a coping mechanism to shut out the overwhelming stuff. It makes me feel productive but no one is expecting anything of me. When the depression gets much worse the thought of doing anything with the slight chance that I might get interrupted sends the anxiety sky high and I just finally quit being able to do anything. The key to whether I'm out of the depression or not is that I can mow my lawn, do the laundry, deal with the kids and not feel like I'm doing it to shut down.
My husband sounds alot like what you are describing with your husband. He admits that he thinks he is depressed but won't get help for it. He can still work, work around the yard, go to concerts, golf, even coach the kids teams but "ONLY" if its on his terms and not something expected of him. If he feels the slightest bit of pressure he totally folds. And he wasn't like this until we had some major tough life stuff we went through. Now he always has an air of depression about him but can function with what he wants to.
Sorry so long but just my take.
BJM
Posted by Phillipa on May 1, 2006, at 12:47:10
In reply to Re: Husband Giving Up (cont.)-Is It Really Depression?, posted by BJM on May 1, 2006, at 12:28:16
Anyway to put the original thread back? As I see no abuse of meds mentioned in the starting thread. Where is he abusing med? I don't see it mentioned by the poster just that he only does what he wants to and complains of being depressed when Flame wants him to do something she wants him to do. He does what he wants to do and enjoys and nothing more. Love Phillipa
Go forward in thread:
Psycho-Babble Medication | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.