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Re: Husband Giving Up (cont.)-Is It Really Depress » Flame

Posted by Racer on May 1, 2006, at 10:25:29

In reply to Husband Giving Up (cont.)-Is It Really Depression?, posted by Flame on May 1, 2006, at 8:56:50

>> Thanks for putting up with (yet) another thread in regards to my rantings about my husband. ;-)
>
> Flame
>

Thank you, but you know what? We're here to offer support to one another -- and honeybunny, with what you're telling us about your husband, you're one of us now... (A person in need of support, that is. You don't actually have to be crazy here, you know, I can be crazy enough for two or three people just on my own, so it averages out...)

Seriously, ask away, and welcome.

As for your husband, what you're describing sounds off to me, but not unrelated. When I'm depressed, I do NOT do things that I previously enjoyed. When I do something that I generally enjoy, it's done obsessively, compulsively, and not with any enjoyment. (This is where I spin two pounds of wool and knit a sweater from it in under a week, or read 400 pages of potato chip books per day, or even watch every Law & Order rerun in 24 hours -- all flavors -- just anything that might allow me to escape from myself.) When I'm on the edge of depression, though, I do act in a manner I think is similar to what you describe: I may be doing something I "enjoy" -- with or more usually without enjoyment -- but as soon as something gets in my way, I collapse. That sort of fragility is very, very frightening, and I know I kinda suck back when I feel it, because I'm so afraid. I think it comes mostly from anxiety, though, not depression per se.

There are a couple of things you might want to look up to see if they might fit your husband. Anxiety and depression are the first two, of course, but then try Avoidant Personality Disorder, maybe Dependent Personality Disorder, Factitious Disorders. See what parts fit him, from those. I'd also look into whether he could have some form of bipolar -- the irritibility, reactivity, etc, make that sound possible. Psych Central does have good quizzes, and there are other places that have the DSM criteria for the disorders listed online. Someone here can probably direct you to one.

And I gotta tell you, I can understand your wanting to stay with him, and your desire to understand and to help him, and I admire you for it. But even though I feel as though I would stay with my husband through anything at all, if he were behaving like this, I wouldn't want to be held responsible for my actions. You may be a saint.

But I also strongly suggest you call his doctor. He can't talk to you, but he can listen, and some of what you've written here is very pertinent, and I would think that the doctor can take action to stop your husband doctor-shopping if that's his reaction to you calling. What you told us about disappearing after picking up his Ritalin is outrageous -- that sort of thing, his doctor really has to know. That's the sort of thing that could jeopardize his license, not just your husband's health.

If you're at the point where you really just want something to change, for him to get some sort of honest help for a change, have you considered turning him in as a danger to himself or others? If he is being that irresponsible with his drugs, he is a danger to himself, even if he doesn't intend to be. And if he gets into the hospital for the 72 hour hold, you can call the doctor there and state clearly and emphatically that your husband is abusing prescribed drugs, and you believe he will continue to do so without intensive inpatient treatment.

Or, just draw a line in the sand: "Honey, this isn't working for me. You have two choices: you can get yourself working again now; or you can get yourself into therapy, twice a week, and marriage counseling with me, and get some treatment for your drug problem. One or the other, your choice." If you do that, of course, you have to be willing to follow through on it. But you can follow through by having him move to the guestroom and take care of himself while having a roof over his head while he decides where he's going to go. Just make sure you've got a deadline set for him getting out of there, too.

I'm so sorry you're going through this. Good luck with you.


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