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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 11 of 11. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by socialdeviantjeff on November 2, 2003, at 0:52:09
More drama from me. I am on the bleeding edge of losing everything. The relative anonimity of the net is nice because I can say things that I simply can't tell ANYONE face to face.
Here goes...
I feel like my depression and anxiety are running out of control. Meds aren't working. My body rejects them so severely. I don't want to start another drug trial. Especially since the next step is probably an MAOI or an antipsycotic since no other class of drugs seem to work for me. My cognition is so shot most of the time. I have no medical coverage.I can't get a decent job, the one I have now I can only work at about 20-25 hours a week at the most and it kills me. The fact that the EEOC is investigating my former manager doesn't make matters easier. I've lived with my parents for the last three tears. I've never been able to hold a steady job. My credit score must be the worst single score in the nation. I'd have more money if I was on SSDI than if I was working.(sick irony) Although I've been told I'm "not disabled enough". I'd rather work anyway, but I've got one foot out the door already with this job, and honestly don't think I can get another. Plus, I apparently make too much for Medicaid.
My closets friends are either unipolar, bipolar or schitzophrenic. I can't relate to normals, in fact I hate (and fear) them.
If my daughter's mother ever caught wind of my diagnosis (MD and GAD) that would add more fuel to her fire. She is an uberbitch to begin with. I've always been able to maintain a good relationship with my daughter, my only reason to be here, but even I'm beginning to slip slowly on that too.
There's more, but I'm running out of energy. I'm on the verge of bankruptcy. I'm losing touch with everything I used to love.
Posted by Viridis on November 2, 2003, at 1:34:16
In reply to Losing it all, posted by socialdeviantjeff on November 2, 2003, at 0:52:09
There are so many meds out there that can help that you're bound to find the right one if you keep trying. And, why not try an MAOI? They (especially Nardil) seem to be wonderful meds for some people here. I haven't tried that class of drugs, and there are some restrictions re: food etc., but if I were you I'd go for it. You might also try some clonazepam (Klonopin) while you're at it -- it's been great for me. Things really can get better, surprisingly fast. Just don't give up! You can find a solution.
Posted by Daniel J. on November 2, 2003, at 9:31:51
In reply to Losing it all, posted by socialdeviantjeff on November 2, 2003, at 0:52:09
The best thing is to seek treatment and get yourself back on meds. The right ones can make a huge difference. For my son who is on Zyprexa for schizophrenia his anti-anxiety/AD med is Zoloft 75mg. 50 mg was a waste of time - no effect. After 2 weeks on 100 Zoloft, his days of misery and anger turned into pleasant ones. He's back to 75 mg now and doing great. Find the right meds and observe the three T's Things Take Time. Corny but true. Good Luck!
Posted by karen_kay on November 2, 2003, at 12:06:22
In reply to Re: Losing it all, posted by Daniel J. on November 2, 2003, at 9:31:51
What does your body do when you are put on a regular antidepressant? I know that I fought depression and anxiety for over 6 years and I am only 24 years old. I tried every antidepressant on the market, with the exception of an MAOI. When I was put on an antidepressent it really had no effect on me, which is odd as ussually someone who has Bipoal Disorder tends to turn manic. But medications are strange that way. I just have a high tolerance to them, also the fact that I was self medicating didn't help. I think the most important thing for you to do is find out what your body is telling you. What is the source of your anxiety and depression? Do you have a chemical imbalance? Find a doctor that you feel comfortable talking to and one that you feel listens. I know that my credit is Horrible right now too, but my mental state is in such good shape that I feel confident that things will change for me in the future. And just Six months ago I would have said something completly different! But, I really believe that six months from now my answer will be the same. I think that if you do have a chemical imbalance medication is the first step in treatment for you. You may also wish to check into some counseling to help heal you past. I can not tell you how much finding a therapist that you are really comfortable with can change your life. It truly has changed mine! Good luck to you! Karen
One more thing, really don't sweat your credit right now, you really can change it. It is only money after all. Remember that life is worth so very much more than just a green piece of paper. Think of all the people you have touched with your kind words and your beautiful smile!
Posted by karen_kay on November 2, 2003, at 12:09:14
In reply to Re: Losing it all, posted by Daniel J. on November 2, 2003, at 9:31:51
Someitimes if antidepressants don't work a mood stabilizer like lithium may just do the trick. I know that you may have heard scary things about lithium but you never know until you try it. I am on Topamax for Bipolar I Disorder and have had some side effects but they go away with time. Just be very assertive with your doctor. Good luck! Karen
Posted by Rvanson on November 2, 2003, at 22:15:24
In reply to Losing it all, posted by socialdeviantjeff on November 2, 2003, at 0:52:09
> More drama from me. I am on the bleeding edge of losing everything. The relative anonimity of the net is nice because I can say things that I simply can't tell ANYONE face to face.
>
> Here goes...
> I feel like my depression and anxiety are running out of control. Meds aren't working. My body rejects them so severely. I don't want to start another drug trial. Especially since the next step is probably an MAOI or an antipsycotic since no other class of drugs seem to work for me. My cognition is so shot most of the time. I have no medical coverage.
>
> I can't get a decent job, the one I have now I can only work at about 20-25 hours a week at the most and it kills me. The fact that the EEOC is investigating my former manager doesn't make matters easier. I've lived with my parents for the last three tears. I've never been able to hold a steady job. My credit score must be the worst single score in the nation. I'd have more money if I was on SSDI than if I was working.(sick irony) Although I've been told I'm "not disabled enough". I'd rather work anyway, but I've got one foot out the door already with this job, and honestly don't think I can get another. Plus, I apparently make too much for Medicaid.
>
> My closets friends are either unipolar, bipolar or schitzophrenic. I can't relate to normals, in fact I hate (and fear) them.
>
> If my daughter's mother ever caught wind of my diagnosis (MD and GAD) that would add more fuel to her fire. She is an uberbitch to begin with. I've always been able to maintain a good relationship with my daughter, my only reason to be here, but even I'm beginning to slip slowly on that too.
>
> There's more, but I'm running out of energy. I'm on the verge of bankruptcy. I'm losing touch with everything I used to love.I am not a professional counselor or a medical doctor, but you sound like you are near the verge of a very real crisis to me.
I urge you to see medical help ASAP, and if you cannot work, have your Dr. put you on state
disability or unemployment until you feel better then you do now. Not only is work not going to help you right now, but you need rest, not stress
at this time.I have been in a situtation much like yours and I know what you probably feel like and what went through my own mind at the time.
I am back working and very glad of it, but sometimes we get too ill for it.
I hope that you can get some help very soon.
Posted by socialdeviantjeff on November 3, 2003, at 1:25:34
In reply to Re: Losing it all, posted by Rvanson on November 2, 2003, at 22:15:24
I really appreciate your responses. It's good to know that there are people like you out there. I just hope one day to be able to pay it back or pay it forward.
Posted by Harlock on November 3, 2003, at 12:13:44
In reply to Thanks all, posted by socialdeviantjeff on November 3, 2003, at 1:25:34
> I really appreciate your responses. It's good to know that there are people like you out there. I just hope one day to be able to pay it back or pay it forward.
>Hang in there Jeff. I know, I hate that line too. I really do feel for ya, as I do for anyone who shares this curse we suffer from. After changing many jobs over the years I finally found one that has a manager that at least partially sympathizes with my problems.
Well, I've been here two years, and only 6 months of it has been under a decent manager, who cuts me some slack. The last manager almost wound himself up underground (though he had/has no idea of this. I'm rambling.. go figure.
Like another person said, don't worry about the credit. It can be repaired. That's not important anyway. I would seriously consider self-admidding yourself somewhere. You'll be around others with similar problems, and maybe you'll find some meds that will help you.
I haven't had much luck with meds, but being off them now isn't working either, so I'm going back to the drawing board. People keep talking about Nardil. I'm going to look into this.
I'm a mess right now actually. Sitting in my cube with my jacket on - ready to run for the door. I don't want to talk to anyone, do any work, or do anything else for that matter. I want my bed. It's the only place I feel safe. I really want to leave, but I don't want to get into a car right now. Quite honestly, I don't have the energy to drive. I feel pretty hopeless, much like your email sounded. I really hear you. It's nice to know other people know what this is like.
Ok, I'll stop now.. too many random thoughts spinning around.
Take care, and please don't do anything dangerous, if you know what I mean. Moods can change, even though we may not have the capacity to beleive that, especially at our lowests moments.
Posted by splitinit on November 4, 2003, at 3:43:24
In reply to Re: Thanks all, posted by Harlock on November 3, 2003, at 12:13:44
Hi, I am in a similiar position with slightly different circumstances. For temporary relief I have found eating a good meal and over induldging in your favorite ice-cream (Ben & Jerry's New York Super Fudge Chunk) works for me. Take a long hot shower and rent a good movie. It provides temporary relief...But sometimes thats exactly what we need.
Posted by socialdeviantjeff on November 6, 2003, at 0:40:10
In reply to Re: Thanks all, posted by Harlock on November 3, 2003, at 12:13:44
Thanks, man.
Posted by socialdeviantjeff on November 6, 2003, at 0:49:02
In reply to Re: Losing it all, posted by karen_kay on November 2, 2003, at 12:06:22
Thanks. Ufortuately, I'm unipolar and my tolerance to meds works in a weird way. I tried Lithium, and it caused a lot of problems. Meds for me seem to cause a lot more problems than they solve. I'm still pluggin' away though.
This is the end of the thread.
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