![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 23 of 23. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by bookgurl99 on June 4, 2003, at 16:54:06
But I feel like this is cheating. Why can't I just get motivated on my own?
I got good grades as a child and the first two years of college. How could I have ADHD?My only big symptoms are procrastination, thinking a lot (tangents, which I LIKE.), and being messy. Oh, and I'm somewhat "stranded" career-wise, definitely underachieving. But isn't all this just part of the human condition?
BTW, I'm feeling not depressed at _all._ Much better off Zoloft.books
Posted by froggyanna on June 4, 2003, at 23:53:05
In reply to PDoc still wants me on an ADD drug, posted by bookgurl99 on June 4, 2003, at 16:54:06
Hi books,
You might want to consider reading a wonderful book by Daniel G. Amen, M.D. It's called "Healing ADD: The Breakthrough Program That Allows You to See and Heal the SIX Types of ADD."
I'm reading it now and it is a real eye-opener. The author has identified 6 subtypes of ADD through his clinical work -- not ALL people with ADD have the same symptoms! He also discusses that whole issue of "the human condition," which may provide some different perspectives for you. Some of his examples of people who have changed through getting the right treatment are truly inspiring. It's NOT just people's characters or personalities that cause them to "underachieve." Doctors now have a way of looking at brains (SPECT imaging) that pinpoints their areas of under-functioning.
If I could have known all this just 10 years ago, I sure would have sought out the right treatment. I think that you and I have very similar "traits," and they don't go away! In fact, for me they have gotten worse.
Do try to read the book -- it's not cheating to want to live up to your potential! At this point in human evolution, it looks like drugs are the most effective way of helping some people do that. I wish I could be around 100 years from now... after we've discovered much more effective, more targeted, and SAFER ways of healing our brains; and mental illness is completely accepted throughout all levels of society as the medical condition that it is, instead of being marginalized and feared!
Best regards,
froggyanna> But I feel like this is cheating. Why can't I just get motivated on my own?
>
>
> I got good grades as a child and the first two years of college. How could I have ADHD?
>
> My only big symptoms are procrastination, thinking a lot (tangents, which I LIKE.), and being messy. Oh, and I'm somewhat "stranded" career-wise, definitely underachieving. But isn't all this just part of the human condition?
>
>
> BTW, I'm feeling not depressed at _all._ Much better off Zoloft.
>
> books
Posted by bookgurl99 on June 5, 2003, at 1:45:29
In reply to Re: PDoc still wants me on an ADD drug » bookgurl99, posted by froggyanna on June 4, 2003, at 23:53:05
Froggy,
hey, thanks for your kind message. :D
at the advice of my therapist, who's busy considering that _she_ may have ADD (and who I'm like, _she_ doesn't have it, she has a successful career!) -- I am reading "Women with attention deficit disorder". I almost cried when I looked at the list of symptoms, especially the question "have you watched others of equal IQ and ability pass you by?" and "are you clueless as to how others lead a consistent, regular life?" my girlfriend very much agreed with the symptoms. she's struggled with watching me leave a trail wherever I go, calling me 'the absentminded professor.'
I don't know. I guess I'm feeling so much better off Zoloft, so 'awake,' that I'm feeling like I'm going to be ok. For years I've felt 'broken,' and now I don't. I almost feel selfish to use meds to take care of this one niggling issue.
If I could get/afford a SPECT scan, it would be great because I could SEE for myself what's going on. If Amen said I had normal brain, I could feel like -- OKAY -- I will then work on these issues without medication.
p.s. how are your meds working?
Posted by Viridis on June 5, 2003, at 2:53:29
In reply to am i ADD or just a big loser? » froggyanna, posted by bookgurl99 on June 5, 2003, at 1:45:29
You shouldn't be afraid to try meds for ADD -- I had the same mindset initially, but drugs (in my case Adderall, at a very low dose) really can help. I don't see it as "cheating", any more than taking a cholesterol-lowering drug is "cheating" if you have a good diet, yet are genetically predisposed to high cholesterol levels.
Of course, the other school of thought is that ADD (unless very severe) should be thought of as "attention difference disorder" -- i.e., a different way of looking at the world. I often wonder whether, if I didn't have such a detail-oriented job (I'm a research scientist), my somewhat nonlinear, often tangential, but sometimes insightful thinking would be an impediment. In many ways, it could be a plus in certain occupations.
I bounced this off my pdoc and he agreed that my ADD could well be context-dependent. He said that all he can do is provide appropriate pharmacological care for me according to the way in which I respond to my my current situation, which is fair enough. And for my life as it is, the meds definitely improve things, with essentially no side effects. A bonus is that Adderall has a strong antidepressant effect for me, whereas I can't tolerate "standard" ADs like SSRIs at all. My doc is also pleased with this, and well aware of the AD effects of stimulants -- he's just limited in his ability to prescribe them for depression alone, given the bureaucracy involved.
BTW, I am the classic "absent-minded professor" (quite literally), so I can totally relate.
Posted by KimberlyDi on June 5, 2003, at 8:52:05
In reply to PDoc still wants me on an ADD drug, posted by bookgurl99 on June 4, 2003, at 16:54:06
Hello, is this a mirror? You just described me! My son is ADHD and I've often wondered if he got it from me. I've never been tested though people at work have asked if I am ADHD. Tangents? Are those the pingponging thoughts that bounce from subject to subject? If I'm really bored, I try tracing them back to where I started. I have a difficult time with conversations at times. Keep posting, I'm interested to hear what med's you try and if they help.
Good Luck! Kim
Posted by KimberlyDi on June 5, 2003, at 9:12:13
In reply to Re: am i ADD or just a big loser? » bookgurl99, posted by Viridis on June 5, 2003, at 2:53:29
***I often wonder whether, if I didn't have such a detail-oriented job (I'm a research scientist), my somewhat nonlinear, often tangential, but sometimes insightful thinking would be an impediment.***
This is so great. It's like I've found my own species finally. I'm a problem-solver at work in implementing a new computer system. My boss does not understand how I have these leaps in logic where I will understand how something should work yet be unable to explain it in his step by step linear way of thinking. Luckily my boss has learned that using both ways of thinking as a team, we have become pretty effective. Which is why I love my underpaid job right now! My general practioner is handling my Effexor right now but I think I'm going to make an appt with a PDoc to explore the possibility of me having ADHD. My son is diagnosed with it and we are exactly alike.
Thanks for everyone's posts
Kim
Posted by Ritch on June 5, 2003, at 10:13:11
In reply to PDoc still wants me on an ADD drug, posted by bookgurl99 on June 4, 2003, at 16:54:06
> But I feel like this is cheating. Why can't I just get motivated on my own?
>
>
> I got good grades as a child and the first two years of college. How could I have ADHD?
>
> My only big symptoms are procrastination, thinking a lot (tangents, which I LIKE.), and being messy. Oh, and I'm somewhat "stranded" career-wise, definitely underachieving. But isn't all this just part of the human condition?
>
>
> BTW, I'm feeling not depressed at _all._ Much better off Zoloft.
>
> books
I would FORCE your pdoc to have you formally tested for ADHD by a reputable psychologist that uses some kind of standard tests. They might be expensive. I've never had them. But, there are supposed to be some fairly reliable ones out there from what I understand.
Posted by Snoozy on June 5, 2003, at 11:03:11
In reply to Re: am i ADD or just a big loser? » bookgurl99, posted by Viridis on June 5, 2003, at 2:53:29
Can anyone explain what exactly are the regulations for prescribing stims?
If your diagnosis fits with the FDA approved use of the medication, are the rules different? ie Ritalin is FDA approved for treatment of ADHD, and your diagnosis is ADHD. Would there be different rules for "off-label" prescribing?
Thanks for any insight anyone can provide with this - it's really making me nuts!!
>My doc is also pleased with this, and well aware of the AD effects of stimulants -- he's just limited in his ability to prescribe them for depression alone, given the bureaucracy involved.
>
> BTW, I am the classic "absent-minded professor" (quite literally), so I can totally relate.
Posted by bookgurl99 on June 5, 2003, at 12:12:49
In reply to Re: PDoc still wants me on an ADD drug » bookgurl99, posted by Ritch on June 5, 2003, at 10:13:11
Ritch,
what kinds of tests are there? (guess my pdoc would know)
books
Posted by stjames on June 5, 2003, at 14:51:57
In reply to Re: rules/regs of prescribing stims, posted by Snoozy on June 5, 2003, at 11:03:11
> Can anyone explain what exactly are the regulations for prescribing stims?
In the US, any doc can perscribe any med for any
condition. Several authorities may investigate a doc that they feel is being excessive and using poor judgement & perhaps take away their power to prescribe meds or just the scheduled meds.
Posted by Viridis on June 5, 2003, at 16:24:22
In reply to Re: rules/regs of prescribing stims, posted by Snoozy on June 5, 2003, at 11:03:11
I don't think a specific test is required for a diagnosis of ADD, but various tests exist and there are standard symptoms/guidelines. In my case, the first time ADD came up was when I was seeing a therapist during a period of terrible depression. After a few sessions (which were mildly helpful), she said she really thought I had ADD, would probably need appropriate meds, and referred me a cognitive therapist who works mainly with children. He ran through some standard questionnaires, took a detailed history, and said I almost certainly had ADD. He also told me he had ADD himself, and it had taken him a long time to come to terms with it.
He also experimented with several forms of biofeedback, including an EEG scan that measures brainwave activity. He said mine was "quite unusual" (I can't remember the specifics), much like that of kids he treats with ADD. He wasn't licensed to prescribe, but urged me to ask my doctor for Ritalin or Adderall, and offered to write a letter supporting this.
I wasn't comfortable with the idea, so let it go. Then, a couple of years ago, when I was experiencing recurring anxiety and depression (largely based on disorganization and feeling overwhelmed), I went to see a psychiatrist after a very negative experience with my GP and very poor reactions to several ADs. My pdoc immediately put me on benzos, which helped greatly but still didn't solve the concentration issues. He tried a few other things which weren't so great, and I decided I would bring up the ADD/stimulant issue. When I next saw him, he actually brought it up first, and said he thought I showed classic ADD symptoms. He read off a standard set of questions (I answered yes to nearly all of them) and then said he could definitely justify prescribing Ritalin or Adderall, with Adderall his preferred choice. He gave me some Provigil to try first (he said it's pretty hit-or miss for ADD); I liked its energizing effects, but it didn't really help much with focus.
So, I started Adderall. It's worked very well in conjunction with Klonopin, and I've stayed at a very low dose (10 mg/day). I also skip the Adderall for a day or two here and there (to reduce the chances of tolerance) and this causes me no distress.
Re: depression: I told my pdoc that the Adderall was helping a lot with the "residual" depression I experienced after starting Klonopin (K reduced my anxiety and depression a lot, but some depression still came and went). He said that amphetamines can be excellent ADs, but that he had to be very cautious in prescribing them, and use for depression alone is "frowned upon". However, he did mention that for severely depressed patients, he will occasionally prescribe short courses of stimulants to "jump-start" things while he gets the ADs sorted out and the patient is adjusting. He said that he really had to be prepared to justify this, so reserves it for very severe cases.
So, apparently off-label use is allowed, but doctors are watched quite closely and so are generally uncomfortable with this.
Posted by Dr. Bob on June 5, 2003, at 18:45:57
In reply to Re: PDoc still wants me on an ADD drug » bookgurl99, posted by froggyanna on June 4, 2003, at 23:53:05
> You might want to consider reading a wonderful book by Daniel G. Amen, M.D. It's called "Healing ADD: The Breakthrough Program That Allows You to See and Heal the SIX Types of ADD."
I'd just like to plug the double double quotes feature at this site:
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/faq.html#amazon
The first time anyone refers to a book without using this option, I post this to try to make sure he or she at least knows about it. It's just an option, though, and doesn't *have* to be used. If people *choose* not to use it, I'd be interested why not, but I'd like that redirected to Psycho-Babble Administration:
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/admin/20020918/msgs/7717.html
Thanks!
Bob
Posted by bookgurl99 on June 6, 2003, at 0:01:46
In reply to Re: PDoc still wants me on an ADD drug » bookgurl99, posted by froggyanna on June 4, 2003, at 23:53:05
froggy,
and what is your report on the strat? hasn't it been about 2 weeks? are you arguing a lot?
books
Posted by bookgurl99 on June 6, 2003, at 0:57:29
In reply to strat? » froggyanna, posted by bookgurl99 on June 6, 2003, at 0:01:46
Froggy,
I wanna confess my secret fantasy. It is that I could take a med (such as strat) that will have no long-term side effects. It would make me feel motivated and able to work on the small details, the non-exciting parts of things. (It would also take care of my hypo tiredness!)
Once I had the power of this little med in me, I could do the work of 3 women! I could write successful books, volunteer to improve the community, teach adult Basic Ed at a library, and have multiple creative projects at a time.
Of course, at the same time I would have a fit, muscular body due to my early waking to exercise and yoga every morning, and due to my lack of cravings for junk food.
my fear:
the same pill will cause long-term brain scrambling, make me angry and aggressive, and shatter my relationship with my partner. in 5 years eli lilly will be posting financial losses to paying off the 'victims' of this drug that induced x,y,z, bad syndromes.
see what i'm thinking about?
books
Posted by Snoozy on June 6, 2003, at 9:37:37
In reply to Re: rules/regs of prescribing stims » Snoozy, posted by Viridis on June 5, 2003, at 16:24:22
Thanks for sharing your experience. I'm glad you've found some meds that help without being too much of a problem.
Maybe I do have a problem with attention - I thought whoa! 10 mg of Klonopin a day! How do you even get out of bed, let alone type perfectly? But then I re-read and see it's the Adderall that's 10mg a day.
Thanks again.
Posted by Ritch on June 7, 2003, at 0:37:22
In reply to Re: PDoc still wants me on an ADD drug, posted by bookgurl99 on June 5, 2003, at 12:12:49
> Ritch,
>
> what kinds of tests are there? (guess my pdoc would know)
>
> books
When my pdoc first diagnosed ADD (with bipolar) I was very skeptical and was told that there are psychologists who test for that and we'll see. Well, all I saw was blowing a bunch of $$$ for something I *thought* was likely to be a bunch of blarney. I wish somebody else would answer your question for both of us!Hello! Is there a *standardized* comprehensive test for ADHD?
Posted by bookgurl99 on June 7, 2003, at 1:16:11
In reply to Re: PDoc still wants me on an ADD drug » bookgurl99, posted by Ritch on June 7, 2003, at 0:37:22
> When my pdoc first diagnosed ADD (with bipolar) I was very skeptical and was told that there are psychologists who test for that and we'll see. Well, all I saw was blowing a bunch of $$$ for something I *thought* was likely to be a bunch of blarney.
Yeah Rich,
I'm beginning to think that my 'add' symptoms could have been caused by the SSRI I was on! I'm starting to feel a lot more focused and enthusiastic.
Um. . . part of me just doesn't feel 'right' about the dx. I feel like if I do take ADD meds, it would be totally for a short period of time to learn new habits. But part of me feels like, why not learn the new habits now?
i think my stims fantasies/fears post explains how i'm looking at this.
books
Posted by Questionmark on June 7, 2003, at 1:56:48
In reply to PDoc still wants me on an ADD drug, posted by bookgurl99 on June 4, 2003, at 16:54:06
> My only big symptoms are procrastination, thinking a lot (tangents, which I LIKE.), and being messy. Oh, and I'm somewhat "stranded" career-wise, definitely underachieving. But isn't all this just part of the human condition?
Yeah, i have those symptoms too. Let me tell you something though. i thought for years that i had bad ADD (i still think i do; i dunno), and i figured that stims, especially the blessed caffeine, were the best way to go. Now they certainly help with motivation and speed of action, etc. BUT, after years of over-using this stuff i finally realized (and i don't know why it took me so long to realize) that they also made certain problems of mine worse: procrastination (certain aspects), thinking a lot and too much (including tangent after mental tangent), and basically all sorts of things that i discovered are part of a spectrum of obsessive-compulsiveness. i now seriously think that many people who are diagnosed as ADHD may actually have OC problems as their primary problems. But i digress...
So, find out if you think these kinds of drugs would be more help for you than harm or vice versa (i know, that is what you're trying to do). Determine what your main problems are. If you think they are more ADDish, then maybe a stim-like drug would help. If think they are more OCish, then they wouldn't help-- but maybe a serotonergic med would. And if you think that your problems are not interfering with your life to too great an extent, then it may very well not be worth using any drug. Good luck.
Posted by bookgurl99 on June 7, 2003, at 2:42:11
In reply to Re: » bookgurl99, posted by Questionmark on June 7, 2003, at 1:56:48
hey question,
thx for your caring answer.
i _am_ obsessive about the add thing. increasingly obsessive off meds. but the obsessiveness doesn't bug me; i think it shows that i need to direct my attention otherwise. and it may be that the obsessiveness is part of getting adjusted to being off meds; for so long, my concerns were masked -- now they buzz in my face like flies, saying 'i'm here, i'm here, notice me, i was here all along.' now that i'm not so docile, hmm . . i might not need anything at all. as long as i can get used to -acting- instead of wallowing in my anxiety on life issues.
i think the true temptation of stims for me, now that i think about it, is that they may help me 'jump-start' out of a lethargic, unsuccessful period of time for me. and help me lose weight in a short period of time.
but i guess i'm worried that if i don't 'need' stims, they _will_ make my brain need them as i develop tolerance. and i don't want to be -more- obsessive; i just want to act in a healthy way to overcome procrastination.
Posted by froggyanna on June 7, 2003, at 3:56:10
In reply to Re:, posted by bookgurl99 on June 7, 2003, at 2:42:11
> hey question,
>
> thx for your caring answer.
>
> i _am_ obsessive about the add thing. increasingly obsessive off meds. but the obsessiveness doesn't bug me; i think it shows that i need to direct my attention otherwise. and it may be that the obsessiveness is part of getting adjusted to being off meds; for so long, my concerns were masked -- now they buzz in my face like flies, saying 'i'm here, i'm here, notice me, i was here all along.' now that i'm not so docile, hmm . . i might not need anything at all. as long as i can get used to -acting- instead of wallowing in my anxiety on life issues.
>
> i think the true temptation of stims for me, now that i think about it, is that they may help me 'jump-start' out of a lethargic, unsuccessful period of time for me. and help me lose weight in a short period of time.
>
> but i guess i'm worried that if i don't 'need' stims, they _will_ make my brain need them as i develop tolerance. and i don't want to be -more- obsessive; i just want to act in a healthy way to overcome procrastination.
>Hi there books,
Y'know.... perhaps a good solution for you might be to put aside the drug issue for the time being and see if you can hook up with an ADD COACH. If you don't know about that concept, there are quite a few websites that deal with that (sorry, I don't have any links at the moment, but type ADD coach in a search engine and you'll find them). Since your primary concern is with changing your BEHAVIOR, it seems to me that a person who understands the issues with ADD and can work with you to deal with the situations that ADD creates for you, then that would be a terrific way to get you all jump-started! I'm thinking that you and your ADD coach could just assume that you DO have ADD and start working together on that premise. Then, as you go along and try to do things with your coach's help, you'll see how easy or difficult different behaviors are for you. You may find that with the coaching help, you WILL be able to change your behaviors and be drug-free (or at least stimulant-free), and that will be a great boost to your self-esteem. On the other hand, you may discover that what you and your coach agree that you will do is not as easy as you'd hoped it would be, and that no matter how good your intentions are, you just can't get that new behavior in gear. In that case, you'll have a VERY clear picture of whether you really do need the help of medications or not. And I would think that this would allow you to proceed with the medications without the "guilt" or hesitation that you are now feeling. And I would think THAT would boost your self-esteem as well, because of the clarity of really knowing what is right for YOU. A good coach would be able to help you assess that. Right now, you're wondering if you really do have ADD behavior or is it just normal human nature. Working with an experienced ADD coach might provide some insight into that question!
Just an idea....
froggyanna
Posted by Questionmark on June 7, 2003, at 4:04:10
In reply to Re:, posted by bookgurl99 on June 7, 2003, at 2:42:11
> hey question,
>
> thx for your caring answer.Absolutely.
> i _am_ obsessive about the add thing. increasingly obsessive off meds. but the obsessiveness doesn't bug me; i think it shows that i need to direct my attention otherwise. and it may be that the obsessiveness is part of getting adjusted to being off meds; for so long, my concerns were masked -- now they buzz in my face like flies, saying 'i'm here, i'm here, notice me, i was here all along.' now that i'm not so docile, hmm . . i might not need anything at all. as long as i can get used to -acting- instead of wallowing in my anxiety on life issues.
Interesting points. (i wish i could "act").
> i think the true temptation of stims for me, now that i think about it, is that they may help me 'jump-start' out of a lethargic, unsuccessful period of time for me. and help me lose weight in a short period of time.
i do think they could definitely help you with both those things.
Though it probably won't help much w/ the weight thing, maybe taking stims as-needed would still be helpful for getting a 'jump-start', at least here and there (but you might have to do it under your doc's nose, as i think most don't like as-needed stim use-- might even be technically illegal to prescribe that way).> but i guess i'm worried that if i don't 'need' stims, they _will_ make my brain need them as i develop tolerance. and i don't want to be -more- obsessive; i just want to act in a healthy way to overcome procrastination.
Yeah, i really worry about that too-- with any med. As for procrastination... hm, i have no idea. i've never been able to improve that myself. It's a curse. (Stims make me more obsessive and can thereby make me take much longer in doing things, and influence me to be concerned w/ things that are *not* priorities. Of course, you might very well be different). But for getting sheer interest and motivation, nothing beats the stimulants. i would suggest trying one once or twice and seeing how it affects you. Then maybe wait a week or wtvr and think about it, so the initial awe of the euphoria, concentration, confidence, motivation, etc. doesn't automatically cause you to dive into the waters of stimulant over-usage. Orrr, instead, whenever you need a little motivation & what not, embrace the blessed coffee, which can be quite helpful at times (and potential tolerance & addiction but virtually no chance of brain damage).
Posted by froggyanna on June 7, 2003, at 4:28:21
In reply to strat? » froggyanna, posted by bookgurl99 on June 6, 2003, at 0:01:46
> froggy,
>
> and what is your report on the strat? hasn't it been about 2 weeks? are you arguing a lot?
>
> books
Hi again, books!Well, let's see..... I started May 22, so yeah, about 2 weeks and a day. I'm still at 40mg Straterra at bedtime, 100mg Zoloft and .2mg Levoxyl in the morning, I'm up to 150mg 2x/day of WellbutrinSR, and I've REDUCED the amount of Buspar (buspirone) that I'm taking. I had gone up to 60mg buspirone at bedtime, but the pdoc originally suggested only 30mg. I thought I should try more to see if it reduced my snoring/apnea, but it didn't. And I was feeling irritable and shaky alot. Something told me it might be the buspirone, so I went down to 45mg. Sure enough, all that physical discomfort and mental agitation subsided the very next day! Yay! I'm going to start another thread to see if anyone else has experienced this effect. I don't think I even know what the possible side effects of too much buspirone might be.
Now.... I am still having the knee jerking up and down at times, so that's bothersome. And I have had precious little relief of my ADD symptoms. So I'm not done tweaking. On Monday, I will increase the WellbutrinSR to 200mg 2x/day. On Wednesday, I will eliminate the Zoloft. I am hoping this will still keep the depression away. Also, on Tuesday I see my internist and we will be discussing my thyroid test results. I suspect that getting the correct thyroid medication will help to "smooth over" some of the more unpleasant sensations of getting used to all these drugs. Only after I've worked with that for awhile will I start trying to increase the Straterra from 40mg to 80mg. I've found that taking it at bedtime has really helped to eliminate that "coma sleep" in the afternoons. But of course, right now it doesn't seem to be DOING anything. Maybe a higher dose will. Or maybe I will have to try a stimulant to find that motivation and focus I so desperately need.
Will I keep taking Straterra if I add a stimulant? Will the WellbutrinSR really take the place of Zoloft and help me stop picking my fingernails? Stay tuned....
Nope, not arguing any more. Although the other night I did find myself trying to explain something to my husband and at the third try I snapped and explained it once more very condescendingly. I heard myself do it, and I saw his reaction, and then two minutes later I apologized. He appreciated that.
froggyanna
Posted by ladylight57 on June 8, 2003, at 8:20:15
In reply to PDoc still wants me on an ADD drug, posted by bookgurl99 on June 4, 2003, at 16:54:06
Books,
I'm so glad you posted this. I've been struggling with this whole ADD issue for a few years and am now on the threshold of doing something about it. I understand how you want to make this happen without medication. I've been wanting to make things happen in my life too, but at 46, I'll be damned if I'm not running out of time!!
About 5 years ago, when I was trying to make a move from my current postion at work from clinical to administrative, I couldn't do it. The detail oriented paperwork and the multi-tasking that it required was too much for me. It sent me tailspinning into the the worst depression I've ever experienced.
One of the things I did, to try to make myself feel better, was to visit a Psychologist and take some tests for Adult ADD. I took one question and answer test(long!) and two others that involved making decisions and responding to orders while dealing with a blinking light.......sorry I can't be more specific, but it's been a while.
I tested out positive for ADD, but wasn't ready to accept the lable or to take medication for it so I let it go.
I started on Effexor XR for my depression and it was wonderful, lifting my depression, reducing my social anxiety and giving me a peace and confidence level I'd never experienced. However, as time went by and my dose went up, my inability to focus became increasingly pronounced. I had frequent mistakes at work, could no longer perform complicated tasks. My home was falling apart. I wasn't getting the bills paid on time or the house clean, as sometimes it just seemed the tasks involved were too overwhelming.
I was in awe of the fact that I didn't feel emotionally depressed, and yet seemed to be physically depressed with low energy, lack of motivation, inability to concentrate, etc.
Finally the frustrations of this became so overwhelming that I worked my way off of the effexor, through a couple of p-docs and finally into the office of the P-doc who is currently helping me to come to Terms with all of this. She's actually not a P-doc, she's a Psychologist with a Phd. in something or other (I can't remember.....big surprise!)
I am so excited about possibly getting help for this condition. My life is a string of unreached potentialities (can there be such a thing?) and broken commitments. To date my greatest accomplishments are having given birth to and raising two children and having a marriage that has lasted 20 years...other than that, I have no long term accomplishments or been able to finish anything I've ever started. Like college for instance, which I have returned to 3 times over, recieving excellent grades, but being unable to juggle classes, work and home life.
Right now I have a home based business I started a year ago that is falling apart because I can't do the paperwork nor juggle the elements involved to keep it going....yet another failure.
So I'm ready to get some help. My Dr. gave me the first real ray of hope at our last meeting. When I indicated yet again that the Effexor had made my focus worse, she agreed saying that there was research that supported this and next visit she would show me brain scans to illustrate. She was the 3rd Doc I'd been to and the first one to agree and support my claim. Finally. It is such relief. She's been data gathering for the past month, interviewing me, my husband and giving me a personality test of some sort. She says my life sounds like I've been suffering with ADD and that depression is part of that, for obvious reasons. The anti-depressents exaggerate this by increasing activity in one area of the brain and decreasing it in others. We ran out of time and I have a million questions for her.
So anyway, I know this turned out terribly long, but thanks for this post, It's nice to know there are other out there like me and that there is help and hope. I understand your ambivilence about medication, as I have struggled with it myself....but I'm tired and running out of time..so get tested and don't wait too long
ladylight
This is the end of the thread.
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