![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 12 of 12. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by JasonL on March 6, 2001, at 11:37:46
Friends,
I am at my end. To affraid to live, to affraid to die. I cannot snap out of this lonliness and depression. The days are to agonizing to go on. I have tried all kinds of meds, nothing seems to help my eternal fog, lonliness, despair. The thought of another day terrifies me. I have just begun with another therapist as if its gonna help. I just can't change my attitude and be possitive. I just want to go to sleep forever. My suicidal thinking is extreme. Every moment I am awake I think of death, a way out. Its just inbearable. I am living in hell with the world around me going on, enjoying, playing, making sense. There is this part of me that just wants to give up. Its a ruthless addictive aspect to myself that keeps me in bed, keeps me from doing anything. I am so afraid to die, so afraid to live.
JasonL
Posted by Anna P. on March 6, 2001, at 11:58:43
In reply to Wanting to Die, posted by JasonL on March 6, 2001, at 11:37:46
> Friends,
>
> I am at my end. To affraid to live, to affraid to die. I cannot snap out of this lonliness and depression. The days are to agonizing to go on. I have tried all kinds of meds, nothing seems to help my eternal fog, lonliness, despair. The thought of another day terrifies me. I have just begun with another therapist as if its gonna help. I just can't change my attitude and be possitive. I just want to go to sleep forever. My suicidal thinking is extreme. Every moment I am awake I think of death, a way out. Its just inbearable. I am living in hell with the world around me going on, enjoying, playing, making sense. There is this part of me that just wants to give up. Its a ruthless addictive aspect to myself that keeps me in bed, keeps me from doing anything. I am so afraid to die, so afraid to live.
>
> JasonLJeff, I understand. Only people who went through this can understand. Did you really tried all meds combos?
Anna P.
Posted by Crystal on March 6, 2001, at 14:01:30
In reply to Re: Wanting to Die, posted by Anna P. on March 6, 2001, at 11:58:43
Keep on trying. Remember all the good experiences that you have had in your life and try to focus on those things and doing them again. I understand how you feel. It is absolutely frustrating waiting and hoping for this med to work. It does take time and in approvement is good. I am battling feelings right now too. I am here with you. Hang in there.
Cannot get any worse so it has to get better. : )> > Friends,
> >
> > I am at my end. To affraid to live, to affraid to die. I cannot snap out of this lonliness and depression. The days are to agonizing to go on. I have tried all kinds of meds, nothing seems to help my eternal fog, lonliness, despair. The thought of another day terrifies me. I have just begun with another therapist as if its gonna help. I just can't change my attitude and be possitive. I just want to go to sleep forever. My suicidal thinking is extreme. Every moment I am awake I think of death, a way out. Its just inbearable. I am living in hell with the world around me going on, enjoying, playing, making sense. There is this part of me that just wants to give up. Its a ruthless addictive aspect to myself that keeps me in bed, keeps me from doing anything. I am so afraid to die, so afraid to live.
> >
> > JasonL
>
> Jeff, I understand. Only people who went through this can understand. Did you really tried all meds combos?
>
> Anna P.
Posted by ItsJustMe on March 6, 2001, at 14:17:35
In reply to Wanting to Die, posted by JasonL on March 6, 2001, at 11:37:46
Hi Jason - I know exactly how you feel. Please, PLEASE check yourself into the hospital or call a counselor, I beg you! These feelings are nothing to mess around with.Dave
> Friends,
>
> I am at my end. To affraid to live, to affraid to die. I cannot snap out of this lonliness and depression. The days are to agonizing to go on. I have tried all kinds of meds, nothing seems to help my eternal fog, lonliness, despair. The thought of another day terrifies me. I have just begun with another therapist as if its gonna help. I just can't change my attitude and be possitive. I just want to go to sleep forever. My suicidal thinking is extreme. Every moment I am awake I think of death, a way out. Its just inbearable. I am living in hell with the world around me going on, enjoying, playing, making sense. There is this part of me that just wants to give up. Its a ruthless addictive aspect to myself that keeps me in bed, keeps me from doing anything. I am so afraid to die, so afraid to live.
>
> JasonL
Posted by Cece on March 6, 2001, at 14:18:39
In reply to Wanting to Die, posted by JasonL on March 6, 2001, at 11:37:46
Yes, it's true, no one can really understand who hasn't been there. And I think that most of us here have been, so good for you for posting rather than just giving up.
It is hard to believe that you have really been offered all the med combos- there are so many, and people's responses are so varied. When you say "therapist", I hope that you mean pdoc or that in addition you have a good (creative, up-to-date) pdoc. Not to put down therapy- just having someone there who I could really express my suffering to has kept me alive many times. But, in my experience, it is not possible to get the full benefit from therapy when your body chemistry is freaking out.
Do anything to keep yourself alive. Go to an emergency room if you have to. If you live in an urban area with a med school, check out the psych services there- they are usually very up-to date.I think that what has kept me alive is some underlying sense of curiousity about what I might miss out on if I killed myself- what might be waiting down the road other than more misery. Also, some kind of anger at having to suffer so much and a resulting determination to get to live better.
Other people have survived and gotten better- you can too. Be on your own side and find professionals who will be there with you- they exist.
Cece
> Friends,
>
> I am at my end. To affraid to live, to affraid to die. I cannot snap out of this lonliness and depression. The days are to agonizing to go on. I have tried all kinds of meds, nothing seems to help my eternal fog, lonliness, despair. The thought of another day terrifies me. I have just begun with another therapist as if its gonna help. I just can't change my attitude and be possitive. I just want to go to sleep forever. My suicidal thinking is extreme. Every moment I am awake I think of death, a way out. Its just inbearable. I am living in hell with the world around me going on, enjoying, playing, making sense. There is this part of me that just wants to give up. Its a ruthless addictive aspect to myself that keeps me in bed, keeps me from doing anything. I am so afraid to die, so afraid to live.
>
> JasonL
Posted by Greg A. on March 6, 2001, at 14:36:04
In reply to Wanting to Die, posted by JasonL on March 6, 2001, at 11:37:46
It’s brave that you posted your feelings about how hard it is to go on because no matter how many people reassure you that it will get better – it’s hard to believe when you’re feeling like you are. Asking for help is the first step towards climbing out of that hole.
I agree with those who said to check yourself in to a hospital or some sort of facility for help. I reached a point where it was obvious to my family, friends and pdoc that I was not prepared to tolerate much more. They urged me to go into a local program which consists of voluntary hospitalization along with counselling and med. changes. I said no way at first and then I got a tour of the facility and met some of the staff and patients (hard to tell the difference at times) and I went for it. I felt like I had taken time out from the world. Nothing was expected of me except that I would not ‘off myself’ while under their care. I’m not cured (who is?) but I know there are a lot of options open to me other than suicide. So I keep trying.
Jason – you mean a lot to the rest of us out here. Keep talking and keep trying. You may find what the rest of us are looking for.
Posted by Noa on March 6, 2001, at 14:39:23
In reply to Re: Wanting to Die, posted by Greg A. on March 6, 2001, at 14:36:04
Others have said it eloquently.
I urge you also to go to the hospital to help you get through this.
I, too, was suicidal last year and am glad to have gotten help and to be here because I feel better. I did not believe then that I could ever find a good medication combo to help me feel better, but I did.
I hope you will take the words of hope we are sending and hang on and get the help you need.
Posted by AmyM on March 6, 2001, at 18:55:54
In reply to Wanting to Die, posted by JasonL on March 6, 2001, at 11:37:46
Jason,
How brave you are!!! Just telling all of us how you are feeling signifies that hope is still there. Be proactive...keep looking for different options and don't give up. Just think, you live every day with the glimmer of hope that tomorrow will be a little bit brighter. It's so easy to fall, but So hard to get back on your feet. Don't give up, the world world would not be the same without you. Please follow-up tomorrow and let us know how you are doing.
My thoughts are with you, and like most people in the Forum, I've been there too.
Good Luck!!!
AmyM
> Friends,
>
> I am at my end. To affraid to live, to affraid to die. I cannot snap out of this lonliness and depression. The days are to agonizing to go on. I have tried all kinds of meds, nothing seems to help my eternal fog, lonliness, despair. The thought of another day terrifies me. I have just begun with another therapist as if its gonna help. I just can't change my attitude and be possitive. I just want to go to sleep forever. My suicidal thinking is extreme. Every moment I am awake I think of death, a way out. Its just inbearable. I am living in hell with the world around me going on, enjoying, playing, making sense. There is this part of me that just wants to give up. Its a ruthless addictive aspect to myself that keeps me in bed, keeps me from doing anything. I am so afraid to die, so afraid to live.
>
> JasonL
Posted by Jeremy on March 6, 2001, at 19:39:24
In reply to Re: Wanting to Die, posted by AmyM on March 6, 2001, at 18:55:54
Jason,
First of all good for you for getting your feelings out. That is the hardest step of all. I remember going through the same thing you are currently experiencing now, about a year ago.
When I was in "the state" I had to keep my parents and friends in my mind constantly. I had to remind myself that I AM a good person, and I DO mean something to the people and world around me. I had to remember that we were all put here for a purpose. I can tell you my friend, that purpose is not to give up and roll over on life. I still have to remind myself of these things every now and again.
I know it sounds impossible, and hate to sound so gruff, but you must refocus on something and get the suicidal feeling out of your head. Talk to someone. If you have done that, talk to someone else. People will listen. Don't be ashamed of how you feel. I know I was for awhile, and all that did was add fuel to the fire.
Don't feel that you are alone. Look at all of the faceless strangers that are here for you. Just think about the people in your life that know you, and what they might be able to offer.
Try and do whatever you can to improve your view on life.
I don't know if any of this makes any sense, but I hope that there is something in here that might help you realize that you are not the only one, and that life is worth living.Peace,
Jeremy
>
>
> > Friends,
> >
> > I am at my end. To affraid to live, to affraid to die. I cannot snap out of this lonliness and depression. The days are to agonizing to go on. I have tried all kinds of meds, nothing seems to help my eternal fog, lonliness, despair. The thought of another day terrifies me. I have just begun with another therapist as if its gonna help. I just can't change my attitude and be possitive. I just want to go to sleep forever. My suicidal thinking is extreme. Every moment I am awake I think of death, a way out. Its just inbearable. I am living in hell with the world around me going on, enjoying, playing, making sense. There is this part of me that just wants to give up. Its a ruthless addictive aspect to myself that keeps me in bed, keeps me from doing anything. I am so afraid to die, so afraid to live.
> >
> > JasonL
Posted by fortune on March 6, 2001, at 23:25:03
In reply to Re: Wanting to Die, posted by Greg A. on March 6, 2001, at 14:36:04
I think one important thing to finding the right answer is to be true to yourself and those around you. You'll learn throughout life there are so many up and downs but one day you will find true happiness and you'll be glad that you are still here. Open your eyes and look around, let your feelings out and realize there are so many people out there who care. Something great will happen when you least expect it.
Take care and try to be postive!
Posted by ralph s. on March 7, 2001, at 20:13:17
In reply to Re: Wanting to Die, posted by fortune on March 6, 2001, at 23:25:03
Jason,
I have a family history of depression but only my sister has had it so severe that sucide was brought up. She tried 3 different times but every time someone was there to get her to a hospital. I know that at the time she meant it but every time she failed she thanked God that she was still here. I also thanked my Lord that she did not succeed. She is better and now has a beautiful son who represents her future. I know God answered our prayers. Just as I prayed for my sister I too will pray for you. There are people out here who love you just because you are brave enough to share your story. Your life is special Jason and remember there is a purpose for you here in this world and this world needs you. Please respond so those of us can know you are OK. My prayers are with you now and I know you will find the correct medication because my sister did and she is a suvivor.
Posted by jrw on March 9, 2001, at 11:04:01
In reply to Wanting to Die, posted by JasonL on March 6, 2001, at 11:37:46
Hang in there, man. I hear you, like many others
on here. I'm still there some days...but am trying
every possible thing that could help.And do talk and be with any friends or family who
care...at my worst times, I basically had to not
be alone at any time when I might be hurting.To everyone else on this board...this thread just
shows you how great this forum is. Thanks for
caring, and thank you, Dr. Bob, for providing this
place where we can meet, share experience,
encourage each other...a cyber-support group.I wish you all hope and peace,
J
> Friends,
>
> I am at my end. To affraid to live, to affraid to die. I cannot snap out of this lonliness and depression. The days are to agonizing to go on. I have tried all kinds of meds, nothing seems to help my eternal fog, lonliness, despair. The thought of another day terrifies me. I have just begun with another therapist as if its gonna help. I just can't change my attitude and be possitive. I just want to go to sleep forever. My suicidal thinking is extreme. Every moment I am awake I think of death, a way out. Its just inbearable. I am living in hell with the world around me going on, enjoying, playing, making sense. There is this part of me that just wants to give up. Its a ruthless addictive aspect to myself that keeps me in bed, keeps me from doing anything. I am so afraid to die, so afraid to live.
>
> JasonL
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Medication | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.