Posted by Cece on March 6, 2001, at 14:18:39
In reply to Wanting to Die, posted by JasonL on March 6, 2001, at 11:37:46
Yes, it's true, no one can really understand who hasn't been there. And I think that most of us here have been, so good for you for posting rather than just giving up.
It is hard to believe that you have really been offered all the med combos- there are so many, and people's responses are so varied. When you say "therapist", I hope that you mean pdoc or that in addition you have a good (creative, up-to-date) pdoc. Not to put down therapy- just having someone there who I could really express my suffering to has kept me alive many times. But, in my experience, it is not possible to get the full benefit from therapy when your body chemistry is freaking out.
Do anything to keep yourself alive. Go to an emergency room if you have to. If you live in an urban area with a med school, check out the psych services there- they are usually very up-to date.I think that what has kept me alive is some underlying sense of curiousity about what I might miss out on if I killed myself- what might be waiting down the road other than more misery. Also, some kind of anger at having to suffer so much and a resulting determination to get to live better.
Other people have survived and gotten better- you can too. Be on your own side and find professionals who will be there with you- they exist.
Cece
> Friends,
>
> I am at my end. To affraid to live, to affraid to die. I cannot snap out of this lonliness and depression. The days are to agonizing to go on. I have tried all kinds of meds, nothing seems to help my eternal fog, lonliness, despair. The thought of another day terrifies me. I have just begun with another therapist as if its gonna help. I just can't change my attitude and be possitive. I just want to go to sleep forever. My suicidal thinking is extreme. Every moment I am awake I think of death, a way out. Its just inbearable. I am living in hell with the world around me going on, enjoying, playing, making sense. There is this part of me that just wants to give up. Its a ruthless addictive aspect to myself that keeps me in bed, keeps me from doing anything. I am so afraid to die, so afraid to live.
>
> JasonL
poster:Cece
thread:55714
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20010302/msgs/55734.html