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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 11 of 11. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by allison on March 19, 2000, at 8:47:06
I have been on meds for almost a year and feel so much better but still have these "episodes" where I relieve a episode from my past that was so embarassing for one reason or another and still feel the embarassment. some from my late teens. Why can't these past events be buried? Why do they run through my head like a short movie? 20 years of reliving past mistakes makes for crappy days.
Posted by Cam W. on March 19, 2000, at 11:50:52
In reply to embarassing thoughts, posted by allison on March 19, 2000, at 8:47:06
Allison - Don't we all have those embarassing moments that we tortureously replay over and over. The meds might be bringing some of these to the surface. Quite frequently, I relive many instances where I have acted like an ass (actually not 'like' an ass, I definely was one). I believe these to be a side effect of recovery, even if the instances happened before we became ill. I think that we shouldn't want to get rid of them, as they will (hopefully) prevent us from doing them again. Chin up and try not to let these thoughts get you down (easy to say - hard to do). I bet this has happened to everyone who will read our postings. Maybe someone out there has some words of wisdom for you and me to help curtail these ruminations. Your partner in embarassment - Cam W.
Posted by bob on March 19, 2000, at 11:57:21
In reply to embarassing thoughts, posted by allison on March 19, 2000, at 8:47:06
> ...Why can't these past events be buried? Why do they run through my head like a short movie? 20 years of reliving past mistakes makes for crappy days.
Hi allison,
Can't say much about your second question, but as to the first -- why do you want them buried? Maybe that's the wrong mental approach to them ... sometimes, the more you keep pushing them away, the harder they come back at you.
If you have a dog, you can appreciate this. (In most cases,) if your dog is running away from you and you want Fido to come, the best thing to do is run *away* from the dog. If you chase Fido, on the other hand, he is probably going to run away from you. The more you run away, the harder you get chased -- the more you do the chasing, the faster he runs away.
Sorry if that sounds a bit simplistic, but my dogs are often the best therapy I could want, and their behaviors speak volumes about a mental life uncontaminated by second guesses, what-ifs, and all the other mental baggage humans seem uniquely capable of inflicting upon themselves (homo sapiens? Not all the time by a LONG shot).
If it will help you "stare down" that episode and make it turn heels and run, remember this: you are here today, and that means whatever the experience was, you have survived it. You have gotten through it. Because of that, you're no longer the person you were when the episode happened -- and there is no need to think that you are.
Sometimes it's not the Beast who won't let go of us; rather, it's we who won't let go of the Beast.
my two cents ... be well, allison
bob[my best friend is a double-l allison, too, so I just had to say something =^) ]
Posted by Cindy W on March 19, 2000, at 14:28:36
In reply to Re: embarassing thoughts, posted by bob on March 19, 2000, at 11:57:21
> > ...Why can't these past events be buried? Why do they run through my head like a short movie? 20 years of reliving past mistakes makes for crappy days.
Allison, like you and Cam, I replay embarrassing thoughts in my head, although that is decreasing to only a few replays (instead of days and days worth) with Effexor. Hang in there and remember we're just human. Talking the issues out with somebody like a therapist might really help you; I know it has helped me.
Posted by Cass on March 19, 2000, at 14:40:49
In reply to Re: embarassing thoughts, posted by Cindy W on March 19, 2000, at 14:28:36
Replaying past events is a very plaguing problem for me as well. Sometimes in the fantasy, I change the scenario, and respond more assertively or even aggressively. I replay events in which I was emtionally abused. I was abused non-stop by my mother while I was growing up, and now I can't seem to stop ruminating on emotional abuse. Sometimes I feel I am the target of it, though my perception of it is sometimes exaggerated. I feel like I am a victim of these movies. I wish I could get them to stop. My pdoc gave me a meditation tape in which I observe thoughts and emotions passing by without getting caught up in them. I find it helpful, but I have slacked off recently. So, Allison, you are not alone. The meditation tape I use is by Roy Masters. My pdoc emphasises that the exercise is just a tool, and one doesn't have to agree with everything Roy Masters believes. I wish you luck.
Posted by Noa on March 19, 2000, at 14:42:09
In reply to Re: embarassing thoughts, posted by bob on March 19, 2000, at 11:57:21
I used to get embarrassed by the thoughts in my head, but I don't pay attention to myself anymore.
Posted by Noa on March 19, 2000, at 14:43:18
In reply to Re: embarassing thoughts, posted by Noa on March 19, 2000, at 14:42:09
or maybe it's that I don't take myself, or much of anything, for that matter, seriously anymore.
Posted by Cindy W on March 19, 2000, at 23:37:24
In reply to Re: embarassing thoughts, posted by Noa on March 19, 2000, at 14:43:18
> or maybe it's that I don't take myself, or much of anything, for that matter, seriously anymore.
Noa, I think you may have something there...not taking things so terribly seriously seems to be a key in getting to some of the "stability" and contentment people have been wondering about on this site. Wish I could take things (esp. my thoughts) much less seriously!
Posted by allison on March 20, 2000, at 8:21:34
In reply to Re: embarassing thoughts, posted by Cindy W on March 19, 2000, at 23:37:24
> > or maybe it's that I don't take myself, or much of anything, for that matter, seriously anymore.
>
> Noa, I think you may have something there...not taking things so terribly seriously seems to be a key in getting to some of the "stability" and contentment people have been wondering about on this site. Wish I could take things (esp. my thoughts) much less seriously!I almost feel better knowing I'm not the only one. I thought it made me borderline psycho to have this running through my head. it definitely only happens when i'm idle (driving or just mindless tv time). Just feel like my mind is still beating me up. Somethings were out of my control and some not. I guess the trick is to not let the scenerio get to you. Need a file in the brain that's labeled "old and whatever".
Posted by CarolAnn on March 21, 2000, at 9:11:42
In reply to Re: embarassing thoughts, posted by allison on March 20, 2000, at 8:21:34
Allison, I have had the exact same problem with embarassing thoughts for as long as I can remember. What has helped me deal with them is an experience I have had a couple times where I found out that a couple of my most intensly embarassing moments had been completely forgotten about by everyone except me! So, now when I am overcome by a specific embarassing memory, I take the sting out of it by saying to myself, "It's over and done with and I bet that no one else involved has any memory of it what-so-ever!!". After all, if I'm the only one who remembers something, what is there to be embarassed about, really? Hope this helps! CarolAnn
Posted by allison on March 22, 2000, at 7:11:11
In reply to Re: embarassing thoughts, posted by CarolAnn on March 21, 2000, at 9:11:42
> Allison, I have had the exact same problem with embarassing thoughts for as long as I can remember. What has helped me deal with them is an experience I have had a couple times where I found out that a couple of my most intensly embarassing moments had been completely forgotten about by everyone except me! So, now when I am overcome by a specific embarassing memory, I take the sting out of it by saying to myself, "It's over and done with and I bet that no one else involved has any memory of it what-so-ever!!". After all, if I'm the only one who remembers something, what is there to be embarassed about, really? Hope this helps! CarolAnn
I'll try it. It just amazes me that after 20 plus years I can be embarassed by episodes. I thoought it was part of the depression beating me up still.
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