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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 25 of 39. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by TexasChic on June 9, 2006, at 19:06:05
Cuteboy broke my heart.
I knew he was acting standoffish this week, I thought it was because I was refraining from initiating conversation. So I tried talking to him. Still standoffish. Yesterday I asked him if he would at least say goodbye this time on his last day before he went on layoff (he didn't last time to anybody, he just walked out). I told him it would probably be the last time we saw each other because I didn't plan on coming back. I told him about the interviews I've had at two places, and the one I have at another next week.
Then today he went to lunch with the bitchygirls, and when they came back he wasn't with them. I started crying because I knew he was gone and planned it that way (I had noticed how clean his desk was when he went to lunch, and suspected what had happened). Then the bitchygirls saw me crying and gawked and stared at me. They laughed and said, "She didn't know!" Then they proceed to walk around and talk about him as much as possible. I swear I'm not exaggerating, more people than me witnessed it. Me and the guy in front of me that I have confided in actually started laughing because they were so ridiculously transparent! They kept making any excuse to be near me and him so they could hear us talk. I started mimicking them saying, "Ooh, I need to go to Joanna's desk (close to us), and "Why, I need to go to Joanna's desk too!" And then, "Oh, we've got to look through this magazine, at Joanna's desk of course!"(this was after they left the first time and then came back). Then one said, "Hey bitchygirl, come read the review 'cuteboy wrote about this movie!" (something we do). That was when the guy in front of me was like, "OMG, I just don't believe that . I mean I really don't believe that!"
I finally got fed up. Some of us were getting together after work (something I planned), and with an hour to go, I wanted to leave so bad, but I didn't want to let them win. I instead asked the boss how soon I could go on layoff if I volunteered. I told him the people were just too mean there and I couldn't take it much longer. He told me at least two more weeks and asked me to at least consider it over the weekend. I said okay.
I went back to my desk. I then realized I really wanted to leave and have some time to myself before we all got together, and I wasn't doing what I wanted because of THEM (which was directly opposite of what I was trying to do!). So I told the guy in front of me to tell everyone I would meet them there, and went to the boss and said, "I need to go". He just said, "Okay". I was shocked. I really expected him to try to talk me out of it. (I found out later he had been asking about me and what was wrong). Leaving would mean I would get written up for attendance for the third time, and on the forth time you're fired. I knew he was aware of my attendance situation because we had discussed it, so hence the surprise.
I went to the restaurant and ordered a beer and ate some tortilla chips. I went to put salt on the chips, but somehow hit the edge of the bowl, throwing tortilla chips up in the air all over the place (like a catapult)! They went in my beer, on the counter, the floor, my hair, everywhere. There was just the bartender and one customer there and he (the customer) said, "How much beer have you HAD?" I said, "about three sips." I had to laugh, it was just so funny and typical me. I just can't explain how funny it was for all those chips to go flying through the air.
When everyone got there I told them I had already managed to do something clumsy. I described it to them and we laughed our *sses off. We ended up having a really good time. It was all people who want nothing to do with the bitchy crowd and pretty much stay to themselves. They all thought the bitchygirl's behaviour was un-f*cking-believable. So after a while, I actually began to feel better. I'm still hurt and pissed, and I'm definitely through with cuteboy, but I've been trying to move on for a while now, so maybe now I can.
So now I get drunk. Is that a trigger? I'm sorry Lar, I know this is the thorn in your side, but I really don't understand triggers. I mean I REALLY DON”T understand how to know something is a trigger. I just didn’t want to say anything before.
-T
Posted by sleepygirl on June 9, 2006, at 19:18:15
In reply to F*ck, posted by TexasChic on June 9, 2006, at 19:06:05
those girls are warped huh?
sick and twisted I say...
I wish I could say that I don't believe that they could be so wretched, but I do believe it, and not just 'cause it's coming from you, but because there are some real *ssholes out there and I've met some of themsoon you shall be rid of them
stick with the fun crowd :-)
Posted by TexasChic on June 9, 2006, at 19:28:25
In reply to Re: F*ck » TexasChic, posted by sleepygirl on June 9, 2006, at 19:18:15
> those girls are warped huh?
> sick and twisted I say...
> I wish I could say that I don't believe that they could be so wretched, but I do believe it, and not just 'cause it's coming from you, but because there are some real *ssholes out there and I've met some of them
>
> soon you shall be rid of them
> stick with the fun crowd :-)I know! I was telling them that noone would believe a word of this because it was so, so imature. They were like, "Well we know! So don't worry, just let it go." Of course, easier said than done. But really they don't bother me near as much as cuteboy. I think it was their ridiculousness on top of his rejection that was so obliterating. I mean, he hung with them and not me, what the hell is wrong with him???
-T
Posted by TexasChic on June 9, 2006, at 19:41:45
In reply to Re: F*ck, posted by TexasChic on June 9, 2006, at 19:28:25
It was funny, the guy in front of me was saying yesterday, "I just don't get it. He isn't what I would imagine to be your type". I was like, 'What are you talking about?" He kept talking about his music and art and stuff. Finally I was like," OH! You mean because he's weird?" (Eccentric) I said, "See, the thing is, I like weird." So then he was like, "Okay, well now it makes sense then." And today when I was so pissed he said, "Well that's weird for you". I couldn't help but laugh. I was like, "yeah, what did I expect, normal?"
-T
Posted by TexasChic on June 9, 2006, at 20:22:30
In reply to Re: F*ck, posted by TexasChic on June 9, 2006, at 19:41:45
I've always said, I'll make some nerd very happy one day.
-T
Posted by TexasChic on June 9, 2006, at 20:27:36
In reply to I'm going to settle in LOR III. I'm such a nerd., posted by TexasChic on June 9, 2006, at 20:22:30
Posted by TexasChic on June 9, 2006, at 20:34:06
In reply to I meant to say settle 'into'. (nm), posted by TexasChic on June 9, 2006, at 20:27:36
Orlando Bloom makes such a hot elf.
-T
Posted by sleepygirl on June 9, 2006, at 20:50:22
In reply to Re: F*ck, posted by TexasChic on June 9, 2006, at 19:28:25
Yeah, what the f*ck is wrong with him??!!
that's what bothers me....there's got to be some weirdos out there with a heck of a lot more sense! ;-)
Posted by sleepygirl on June 9, 2006, at 20:58:02
In reply to I also meant 'LOTH' III (Lord of the Rings), posted by TexasChic on June 9, 2006, at 20:34:06
I'm personally hung up on Viggo Mortenson as Arigorn
:-)
Posted by TexasChic on June 9, 2006, at 20:58:38
In reply to Re: F*ck » TexasChic, posted by sleepygirl on June 9, 2006, at 20:50:22
>Yeah, what the f*ck is wrong with him??!!
>that's what bothers me....there's got to be some weirdos out there with a heck of a lot more sense! ;-)
Thanks for responding to me on a early Saturday night.
I hope there's some weirdos with more sense (or is it less?), I'm sure not attracted to normal guys.
Damn! Blonde hair, big boobs, horny, and I love sci-fi, what else does a guy want???
-T
Posted by TexasChic on June 9, 2006, at 21:04:16
In reply to Re: I also meant 'LOTH' III (Lord of the Rings) » TexasChic, posted by sleepygirl on June 9, 2006, at 20:58:02
>I'm personally hung up on Viggo Mortenson as Arigorn
:-)Oh yeah, he's hot too. I'm just very attracted to the boyish look of Orlando Bloom (& cuteboy). Does that make me weird? Am I going to become a Mrs. Robinson?
That actually doesn't sound too bad.
-T
Posted by sleepygirl on June 9, 2006, at 21:14:38
In reply to Re: I also meant 'LOTH' III (Lord of the Rings), posted by TexasChic on June 9, 2006, at 21:04:16
nah, lots of chics love that guy...I just like 'em dark and mysterious :-D
Posted by TexasChic on June 9, 2006, at 21:22:03
In reply to Re: I also meant 'LOTH' III (Lord of the Rings), posted by TexasChic on June 9, 2006, at 21:04:16
... I just want to find love. Someone who loves being around me, loves my eccentricities, loves and gets my sense of humor.
Men don't want that. They want to have sex with as many chics possible. How come we don't feel that way? Is it because of our society?
I wish I could think like a guy. I don't even know how to get a guy to have sex with me with no strings. I think it would be cool if I could just find someone to have regular sex with, and a casual relationship. I'd always be looking for something more, but that would be a way better way to pass the time.
-T
Posted by sleepygirl on June 9, 2006, at 21:38:01
In reply to What is it with women..., posted by TexasChic on June 9, 2006, at 21:22:03
well like they say??
women nest, men hunt ;-)
that was a totally stereotypical statement of course, and I don't necessarily abide by itI don't know what is up with men. I think they take women for granted a lot of the time...
we can't wait for them I guesspersonally, I think you've got a good idea there
enough with the pretense! and on with the sex!
Posted by Phillipa on June 9, 2006, at 22:33:47
In reply to Re: What is it with women... » TexasChic, posted by sleepygirl on June 9, 2006, at 21:38:01
Seduction? Love Phillipa
Posted by TexasChic on June 10, 2006, at 7:59:41
In reply to Re: What is it with women..., posted by Phillipa on June 9, 2006, at 22:33:47
The whole not knowing what the hell happened. This is the kind of thing that makes me crazy. If I just knew, I could get upset, get over it and move on. Now I'm just left hanging. I know we had a fight and I was still mad at him, but I never said anything about that. I just acted like it was forgotten. I didn't start conversations, but I was always friendly when he did. So why would he purposely do something he knew would upset me? I know it was purposely because otherwise he would have returned my call asking why he didn't say goodbye.
I sent him an email saying "Why are you being so mean to me?" That's my last attempt at communication though. I hope he writes back, just so I'll know... something.
-T
P.S. No tough love please. I'm not ready for that.
Posted by llrrrpp on June 10, 2006, at 9:38:39
In reply to I hate this, posted by TexasChic on June 10, 2006, at 7:59:41
Hey TX,
I'm really digging these posts.
I think we could be good buddies IRL. you're funny as all he*l and the saga of office life with the bitchygrls and the cuteboy is so true, and so honest. I mean the grls in particular are almost caricatures of the stereotypes of my personal worst nightmare. You're doing pretty well, though, to realize how toxic the workplace environment is for you right now. Are you going to have problems finding a new job if it comes to that?Anyway, a little cheerleading for the TXchica,
Anyone who can still laugh at herself after such a yucky day, after throwing tortilla chips all over the place... well, you have my respect and my chuckles. I think you're resilient and you're funny and you will find a guy. probably even a cuteguy.best wishes for a clean start with cuteboy II.
In the meanwhile, know that you made depressedgirl laugh hard (with you, not AT you!)
-ll
Posted by TexasChic on June 10, 2006, at 12:26:10
In reply to Re: I hate this » TexasChic, posted by llrrrpp on June 10, 2006, at 9:38:39
Thanks. I do try to keep my sense of humor, and actually feel better for a while, but then I go back to being sad and hurt again (like now). Eventually I'll go back to feeling better... then sad, and that will keep on going until I get over it.
Those girls do sound like caricatures. I just can't believe anyone could be so immature, not to mention mean and cruel. Who laughs at someone crying??? I mean really? I just don't get it. How could anyone actually enjoy seeing another person suffer? I just can't imagine it. But they're the least of my worries. They were just the added insult to injury.
I'm going to have a hard time letting go if cuteboy doesn't at least email me back. I know something had to have happened or changed, but I don't know what. I have a hard time letting things go when I don't know what happened. I need closure of some sort. But I know from experience that sometimes you just don't get it. You have to let it go without ever knowing what happened. Its reaching that point of letting go that's so incredibly hard.
I know I'll get through this and eventually feel better, but that knowledge doesn't make the pain I feel now any less. Sigh.
-T
Posted by TexasChic on June 10, 2006, at 15:58:21
In reply to Re: I hate this » llrrrpp, posted by TexasChic on June 10, 2006, at 12:26:10
I did it. I sent the embarrassing email telling him I liked him. I don't expect to get anything out of it except the knowledge that I was able to say my piece and explain some things. I just hope I don't run into him anytime soon! But I considered that before I sent it and decided I had to do it anyway. Whatever happens happens. Here's what I wrote (let me know what you think, but please be gentle):
Well, I guess I’m not going to get a response from you, so I’ll just have to let it go. But before I do I wanted to tell you a couple of things. I don’t know if you ever realized, but for the longest time I’ve kind of had a crush on you.
That’s why I’d get so upset when you did something that made me aware you didn’t really care about me all that much. Or maybe you did know about it and this was
just the easiest way you knew of to get rid of me. I always knew you didn’t like me back that way, but I thought maybe we could at least be friends. Apparently I didn’t handle the situation very well, but it was kind of hard to know where to put those feelings when I sat by you at work everyday. Then when L_____ and P_____
started harassing me, it made it that much more difficult to stay indifferent. I knew having them dislike me would soon lead to you feeling the same way.Just to let you know how they really are; after you didn’t come back from lunch, I realized you intentionally left without saying goodbye, even though I was sitting right there as you cleaned off your desk and got ready to leave, and in spite of the fact that I told you I wasn’t coming back. I started crying, but was trying to not let anyone see. But P_____ and L_____ saw and gawked at me across the room. They weren’t even trying to hide it, they were even standing on their tip toes so they could see me better. They LAUGHED and said, "She didn't know he was leaving!" Then they proceeded to walk around and say your name as much as possible when near me. Other people witnessed this too. N_____ and I were sitting there speechless, amazed that anyone could be so childish and ridiculously transparent! I still don’t understand how a grown person could possibly be that immature, not to mention mean. P_____ would say, "Hey L_____, come read the review B_____ wrote about this movie!" And L_____ would run over there so they could talk loudly about it. That was the point when N_____ said, "OMG, that’s unbelievable. I mean its really, really unbelievable!” I told him I was glad he was witnessing it because their behavior was so over the top no one would ever believe they really acted that way (it wasn't until later that I found out other people had heard too). Of course this was just an example of what I had been putting up with all along.
So anyway, in spite of how embarrassing this is, I felt I needed to tell you what really went on so you wouldn’t think I was just crazy. Maybe now you can understand a little bit of what I was going through and how much more difficult it all was because of how I felt about you. Or you just think I’m crazier than ever. But I guess there’s not much I can do about that now.
Goodbye B_____
************************Well that's it. I hope I did the right thing. I just felt like it was what I needed to do. I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders, but replaced by a humongous scary feeling!
Aw hell, its 5 o'clock somewhere.
-T
Posted by TexasChic on June 10, 2006, at 16:48:56
In reply to Re: F*ck » sleepygirl, posted by TexasChic on June 9, 2006, at 20:58:38
>Damn! Blonde hair, big boobs, horny, and I love sci-fi, what else does a guy want???
OMG, I can't believe I said that. I was drunk by then, sorry.
-T
Posted by llrrrpp on June 10, 2006, at 16:52:27
In reply to OMG! I sent him THE email!, posted by TexasChic on June 10, 2006, at 15:58:21
Oh Wow, Tex,
that is a really brave e-mail. Is he sensitive at all, or just a nice piece of cute-boy-burger? I think that a lot of so-called "nice guys" wouldn't know what to do with such an e-mail. I wrote a letter once to my crush from sophmore year of college. It took him almost !!!3 YEARS!!! to get back to me on that. He would look at me strangely when I bumped into him. Then one day he asked me to go on a walk with him. Um, okay, haven't really seen you in months, sure, let's take a walk. WELL- it turned out that he wasn't ready for a relationship at the time when I wrote him the letter. That he liked me, and he even had a little crush on me too, but that he had no idea what to do. He knew how to flirt just fine, and how to hook up, even. BUT, he had no idea what it took to start seeing someone exclusively. I was SO hurt by him at the time. Ultimately though, I think he's the one that lost out. We would have made an interesting couple, and he could have learned a lot about being a man. Anyways, enough about me.I bet cuteboy realizes that these girls are sneaky and manipulative. In the best case scenario, he probably didn't say bye to you because he didn't want them to give you crap. Another possibility for his abrupt departure is that the bitchygrls were annoying the hell out of him. If they *weren't* annoying the hell out of him- hmmm. He might not be a good judge of character. Anyways. I hope the anxiety of waiting for a response ends soon, either with further romantic developments OR, like ripping a band-aid off- faster hurts less (does it really?). I sincerely hope he doesn't do what my once-upon-a-time crush did. (JERK!!)
Best wishes Tex,
hugs for you(((((((((TexasChic))))))))))
Posted by llrrrpp on June 10, 2006, at 16:55:04
In reply to Drunk Posting again, posted by TexasChic on June 10, 2006, at 16:48:56
Tex, this had me lol. No need to apologize (unless it's to your liver?)
Even if it is drunk posting, in vino veritas...
don't feel bad. lots have posted much more personal and potentially embarassing things.
(it's kinda like walking around with your zipper undone. you'll be able to laugh about it in a while)
-llrrrpp
Posted by TexasChic on June 10, 2006, at 17:19:34
In reply to Re: OMG! I sent him THE email!, posted by llrrrpp on June 10, 2006, at 16:52:27
I think he is pretty sensitive, and somewhat shy. So you think he won't know what to do with my email? I'm not necessarily expecting a response. I'm about 50/50 on that. I just wanted him to know. Before when I felt he was showing interest in me, the thought did cross my mind that he might be intimidated by me. I don't know if you know this, but I'm 36 and he's 25. So make of that what you will. I just wanted him to know I acted the way I did because I was interested in him, and not because I'm psycho and overreact to everything. I'm not entirely sure he will understand why my liking him would make me behave the way I have, but I know its the reason and thought I'd give it a shot.
Oh, about my drunk post. I did laugh when I read it. I was like, OMG, what the hell? I just wanted to make sure everyone knew I wasn't sober when I posted that! I also noticed somewhere I said it was Saturday night. Oops! I think people are used to my occasional drunk post by now.
-T
Posted by TexasChic on June 11, 2006, at 4:57:31
In reply to Re: OMG! I sent him THE email! » llrrrpp, posted by TexasChic on June 10, 2006, at 17:19:34
I keep waking up at 4:30 feeling all jumpy and like I HAVE to get out of bed. Its the time I usually get up for work, but I never just wake up at that time. I guess its because of everything going around in my head.
I know if I hadn't said anything I would have always wondered. I guess part of me expected a response of some sort, even a negative one. So now I have to go through life with no response to such a daring admission. I told myself over and over it was very unlikely I'd get a response. But I keep checking my email.
I know by now he had to have read it. I still don't know why he didn't say goodbye or get back with me when he knew I was upset about it. His behavior the whole last week was out of character. To me it seems like he must be mad about something. Or else he knew how I felt and couldn't figure out how else to get rid of me. I wish my friend who knows him would write back and give me some insight.
I guess I just have to remind myself that I took a chance and did something daring instead of sitting back and wondering what might have happened. And no matter how ill advised or stupid, it was still a big step for me. I know its what I needed to do for me. But its still scary.
All I know is I HAVE to get another job now.
-T
Posted by TexasChic on June 11, 2006, at 11:45:51
In reply to Now I'm wigging out a little bit, posted by TexasChic on June 11, 2006, at 4:57:31
Please somebody tell me I'm not completely stupid and I did the right thing. I mean, he was already not speaking to me, so what did I have to lose? I know I'd still be sitting around wishing he would write back even if I hadn't sent that email. At least I took a chance and DID something. So why do I feel like such a pathetic loser?
I wish my friend who knows him would write me back. But I feel bad that I've sent him so many self centered emails already. And I know he's got to be busy or he would have responded by now. In fact, I'm a little worried. I hope he's okay.
-T
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