![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 25 of 121. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Pluto on May 16, 2008, at 10:07:50
Hello friends,
Let me say: I am neither depressed nor anxious. Doc dismissed possibilities of psychosis too. Still the problem with me is I am very much into suicide. Death is very much alluring to me now as thoughts of suicide has become an obsession. Before suggesting any med, see it please how many meds I am on now:
1. Prozac 40 mg.
2. Provigil 600 mg
3. Klonopin 2 mg
4. Xanax 1 mg
5. Lyrica 300mg
6. Arcalion (a brain vitamin) 800 mg
7. Solian (amisupride) 100 mg
8. Amaryl (anti-diabetic) 2 mg
9. Cozaar (anti-hypertensive) 100 mg
10. Ativan 2 mg occassionally
11. Zolpidem (Ambien a sleeping pill) 10 mg occassionally
I am on 11 medications and a heavy smoker too. Brand is Benson and Hedges 40 cigarettes daily.Now I am thinking of how to end this life. Because I have lived 35 years and there is nothing left for me to live on again. I am working properly, sleeping well interacting with people well, but all these time I think how to end this business once and for all. World is not at all good to live on and death is really alluring. If anyone can tell me how to overdose and have a peaceful death, that would be appreciated. Don't please tell me to go to psychiatrists or psychologists. I went to psychiatrist and he said there is nothing in me that necessitates anything extra. I spent with a psychologist for two hours (Very costly, she charged me 100 $ for two hours) for nothing. All she could say is you are missing something and if you find it out it will be okay and wait. But no. I don't want to wait to get it well, in fact what it means to live? My wife is not attractive to me, nor my kids. I think, I need to be in a new affair, but that would only jeopardize my family. There is no hope in that too.
Let me ask, if there is anything more to add in my meds? Or to withdraw any medications? Will Ritalin help to gain the zest I lost? Or will it worsen? After all, I am left with 40 Klonopin tablets now, 90 prozac and 40 Provigil 200mg Xanax 1 mg will be 20 or 25. Will taking all together will help me sleep for ever. I mean a peaceful death? Or will I left with life again?
If anyone can help..! Nothing is more zestful for me now than ending life. But I want to make it a peaceful death, not an awful like jumping from my aprtment or hanging. That would be awful.
Or if I can regain the hope again help me in that too. ECT is dismissed in my case as psychiatrists couldn't find depression or psychosis in me. Then what? Any other meds to let me live on? Or a lot of meds to end it forever?
If you may help,
Posted by SLS on May 16, 2008, at 10:21:36
In reply to Very Much into Suicide.. If anyone can help, posted by Pluto on May 16, 2008, at 10:07:50
Hi.
I recommend that you slow down just a bit. While you are alive, you will always have death as an alternative. However, once dead, you will never have life as an alternative.
I won't suggest to you that you do anything. However, if you have nothing to look forward to, I think you might not be living in the moment. It seems to me that you could use some help in this area. I have found that, at age 48, there is still a lot I have to look forward to. Your preoccupation with wanting to die seems pathological. In other words, I think you have a thought style that is melancholic. Perhaps not, but you certainly seem intent on doing something that does not seem completely logical. I do believe in autoeuthanasia, by the way, so I cannot place myself above God in judging your actions.
I guess a good starting question I have for you is, what do you believe happens after death?
The second question is: do you believe that you are depressed?
Please reply to this post. Thanks.
- Scott
Posted by B2chica on May 16, 2008, at 11:01:27
In reply to Very Much into Suicide.. If anyone can help, posted by Pluto on May 16, 2008, at 10:07:50
instead of acting on death, why don't you explore it.
study it. let yourself think about it.and about your meds, i personally do NOT like prozac. and several people i know have had considerable poopout with it, or worsening depression on it. i'm on ritalin, and it actually helps a bit with depression but it is very short acting...maybe the LA might work better for you? but that is more expensive too.
but from what you talk about you may even want to consider an antipsychotic. zyprexa was great for me. but i am in the process of going to try geodon for the first time due to several reasons (different post). so we'll see.
i get very obsessed on death. i feel i have lived past my time. and death too is very alluring to me. not the dying but the transcendance part. i feel many times i don't belong here.but there is much to explore. so i am starting to write about it. it is a new experience for me and the writing is quite interesting. it is mostly poetry and prose. i am still dealing with the fact that now that i'm finally digging into poetry that KidA is no longer around to help me. he used to be here. and i miss him dearly.
i have a feeling you would be quite gifted at telling your thoughts on the beauty of death as you see it for you through words.
please don't act on it. it is a permanant solution for what may not seem like temporary feelings. and i believe some people are tortured with being able to see the extreme beauty in things...even terrible things such as death. i say tortured because things seem so beautiful that we don't know what to do with the feelings, as with beauty all we can do is appreciate it. except i'm learning that we have a gift. and this too we can share. once we share however we choose to, it helps. express share, write, paint, draw, computer graphics, try something. even just reading and sharing thoughts.
i can guarantee you, you have much to share and give to many people you have yet to meet.and maybe that T wasn't the one for you. i suggest finding a T that practices jungian beliefs.
and READ THE BOOK "memories, dreams and reflections". this was an amazing book for me! hopefully you can find a great T that loves Jung and can discuss openly things like jung felt.
and FYI, taking pills to kill yourself is a bad idea...especially combos cuz most likely you'll end up in a nasty coma for a few days and wake up a vegetable and end up half brain dead with someone wiping your *ss for the next thirty years and your wife and kids visiting you on weekends crying when they leave and dried drool on the side of your mouth. and you'd be one of the lucky ones if you'd beable to communicate.
nope, bad idea. (i work in the field of disabilities and i've seen it, a couple from carbon monoxide poisening trying to kill themselves by car/garage, and the other three from pills...baaaaad results).There IS hope...i can promise you that. its a frustrating journey for some of us that can be more sensitive to the draw, and scary too. but you need to hang on. you MUST read jung...he understands my lure to liminal places.
one more thing...that many cigarrettes?...could that be playing a role as depressant? i used to smoke and it would help me a bit from depression but i only smoked a handful a day, i'm wondering if you could try something like wellbutrin to help with smoking sessation and at least back off if not quit smoking (no i'm not suggesting quitting...one thing at a time) lets deal with depression first). but wellbutrin is used to help people quit, it may at least help you cut back to 10/day.ok sorry so long.
please keep us posted Pluto.
b2c
Posted by Phillipa on May 16, 2008, at 12:15:18
In reply to Re: Very Much into Suicide.. If anyone can help » Pluto, posted by B2chica on May 16, 2008, at 11:01:27
Pluto I'm so sorry you're so unhappy as that is what it seems to feel like to me and maybe bored. Do you like your job? Since you are so young could a career change help. No relationship is perfect I have a feeling something happened with that but I sure could be wrong would you consider babbling me? Please don't take the pills what B2Chica says is true as a nurse saw it all the time. Failed attempts with horrific consequences. And We all care. So keep on posting. Okay? Love Phillipa
Posted by IAMtheWalrus on May 16, 2008, at 14:44:54
In reply to Very Much into Suicide.. If anyone can help, posted by Pluto on May 16, 2008, at 10:07:50
> Hello friends,
>
> Let me say: I am neither depressed nor anxious. Doc dismissed possibilities of psychosis too. Still the problem with me is I am very much into suicide. Death is very much alluring to me now as thoughts of suicide has become an obsession. Before suggesting any med, see it please how many meds I am on now:
>
> 1. Prozac 40 mg.
> 2. Provigil 600 mg
> 3. Klonopin 2 mg
> 4. Xanax 1 mg
> 5. Lyrica 300mg
> 6. Arcalion (a brain vitamin) 800 mg
> 7. Solian (amisupride) 100 mg
> 8. Amaryl (anti-diabetic) 2 mg
> 9. Cozaar (anti-hypertensive) 100 mg
> 10. Ativan 2 mg occassionally
> 11. Zolpidem (Ambien a sleeping pill) 10 mg occassionally
>
>
> I am on 11 medications and a heavy smoker too. Brand is Benson and Hedges 40 cigarettes daily.
>
> Now I am thinking of how to end this life. Because I have lived 35 years and there is nothing left for me to live on again. I am working properly, sleeping well interacting with people well, but all these time I think how to end this business once and for all. World is not at all good to live on and death is really alluring. If anyone can tell me how to overdose and have a peaceful death, that would be appreciated. Don't please tell me to go to psychiatrists or psychologists. I went to psychiatrist and he said there is nothing in me that necessitates anything extra. I spent with a psychologist for two hours (Very costly, she charged me 100 $ for two hours) for nothing. All she could say is you are missing something and if you find it out it will be okay and wait. But no. I don't want to wait to get it well, in fact what it means to live? My wife is not attractive to me, nor my kids. I think, I need to be in a new affair, but that would only jeopardize my family. There is no hope in that too.
>
> Let me ask, if there is anything more to add in my meds? Or to withdraw any medications? Will Ritalin help to gain the zest I lost? Or will it worsen? After all, I am left with 40 Klonopin tablets now, 90 prozac and 40 Provigil 200mg Xanax 1 mg will be 20 or 25. Will taking all together will help me sleep for ever. I mean a peaceful death? Or will I left with life again?
>
> If anyone can help..! Nothing is more zestful for me now than ending life. But I want to make it a peaceful death, not an awful like jumping from my aprtment or hanging. That would be awful.
>
> Or if I can regain the hope again help me in that too. ECT is dismissed in my case as psychiatrists couldn't find depression or psychosis in me. Then what? Any other meds to let me live on? Or a lot of meds to end it forever?
>
> If you may help,
>I've been suicidal before..very similar to what you sound like you're going through. For me, what helped was thinking what if i kill myself and i end up in a place much worse than this, i.e. HELL. Even if you are not a believer, there is always the question what if God does exist and the punishment for suicide is Hell...i don't know about you, but if i think about this enough it scares me out of the idea to take my own life. I want you to know that i hope you change your mind and that i really do care.
Wally
Posted by johnj on May 16, 2008, at 15:32:00
In reply to Re: Very Much into Suicide.. If anyone can help » Pluto, posted by IAMtheWalrus on May 16, 2008, at 14:44:54
Well, if someone is mentally ill and commits suicide I believe God understands that they were not responsible. I do not believe ALL people that commit suicide go to hell.
Posted by IAMtheWalrus on May 16, 2008, at 16:00:18
In reply to Re: Very Much into Suicide.. If anyone can help » IAMtheWalrus, posted by johnj on May 16, 2008, at 15:32:00
> Well, if someone is mentally ill and commits suicide I believe God understands that they were not responsible. I do not believe ALL people that commit suicide go to hell.
Neither do i..but it still frightens me enough to not do it.
Posted by garylee on May 16, 2008, at 16:21:52
In reply to Very Much into Suicide.. If anyone can help, posted by Pluto on May 16, 2008, at 10:07:50
> Hello friends,
>
> Let me say: I am neither depressed nor anxious. Doc dismissed possibilities of psychosis too. Still the problem with me is I am very much into suicide. Death is very much alluring to me now as thoughts of suicide has become an obsession. Before suggesting any med, see it please how many meds I am on now:
>
> 1. Prozac 40 mg.
> 2. Provigil 600 mg
> 3. Klonopin 2 mg
> 4. Xanax 1 mg
> 5. Lyrica 300mg
> 6. Arcalion (a brain vitamin) 800 mg
> 7. Solian (amisupride) 100 mg
> 8. Amaryl (anti-diabetic) 2 mg
> 9. Cozaar (anti-hypertensive) 100 mg
> 10. Ativan 2 mg occassionally
> 11. Zolpidem (Ambien a sleeping pill) 10 mg occassionally
>
>
> I am on 11 medications and a heavy smoker too. Brand is Benson and Hedges 40 cigarettes daily.
>
> Now I am thinking of how to end this life. Because I have lived 35 years and there is nothing left for me to live on again. I am working properly, sleeping well interacting with people well, but all these time I think how to end this business once and for all. World is not at all good to live on and death is really alluring. If anyone can tell me how to overdose and have a peaceful death, that would be appreciated. Don't please tell me to go to psychiatrists or psychologists. I went to psychiatrist and he said there is nothing in me that necessitates anything extra. I spent with a psychologist for two hours (Very costly, she charged me 100 $ for two hours) for nothing. All she could say is you are missing something and if you find it out it will be okay and wait. But no. I don't want to wait to get it well, in fact what it means to live? My wife is not attractive to me, nor my kids. I think, I need to be in a new affair, but that would only jeopardize my family. There is no hope in that too.
>
> Let me ask, if there is anything more to add in my meds? Or to withdraw any medications? Will Ritalin help to gain the zest I lost? Or will it worsen? After all, I am left with 40 Klonopin tablets now, 90 prozac and 40 Provigil 200mg Xanax 1 mg will be 20 or 25. Will taking all together will help me sleep for ever. I mean a peaceful death? Or will I left with life again?
>
> If anyone can help..! Nothing is more zestful for me now than ending life. But I want to make it a peaceful death, not an awful like jumping from my aprtment or hanging. That would be awful.
>
> Or if I can regain the hope again help me in that too. ECT is dismissed in my case as psychiatrists couldn't find depression or psychosis in me. Then what? Any other meds to let me live on? Or a lot of meds to end it forever?
>
> If you may help,
>Dear Pluto...
I'm saddened to hear your thoughts on your life at the moment. I have also been in a suicidal state before and understand what you are going though - it's not nice at all.
I'm glad you are not considering ECT (yet) that really is a last resort. Have you tried any dopaminergics (Pramixpexole, Ropinerole, even Amineptine - if you can source it...) or finally opiates? Tramadol is easiliy obtained, if your psychiatrist would be willing to try you on it or (if you get one of them off a online pharmacy, easy if you are in the States) Subutex, Oxycodone or Hydrocodone?
Some people will not agree with my suggestions... There are a lot of 'anti' opiates out there, but needs must, if you have tried everything else then you have to try all avenues before even contemplating suicide...
I hope some of this helps, feel free to ask any questions.
All the best
Gary
Posted by Pluto on May 16, 2008, at 16:59:17
In reply to Re: Very Much into Suicide.. If anyone can help, posted by garylee on May 16, 2008, at 16:21:52
SLS , B2CHIA, Phillippa, IAMtheWalrus, johnj, garylee,
I thank you all and your willingness to help me.
SLS, I am not a believer. I could never believe in god as I was brought up in such a set up. I dont think there would be hell once I die. Even though a hell is there, that appeases me more now.
But as some people suggested overdosing what is left with me might not be enough, for the reason I cant ever consider going into a coma then to become a burden for those around me. But I can definitely acquire more toxic tricyclics like Elavil and more anti-hypertensive pills. Combining all together will do. What you think? Or I would be thinking of getting more toxic stuffs available out there. In fact I have read tricyclics can be highly toxic in overdoses. Well, I am not going to overdose, but feel like emptying a pharmacy now if that can help.None of my current medications except Xanax and Klonopin are doing any good for me. Provigil has pooped out so that I can take full dose at night and sleep well.! Doc doesnt want to give me controlled stuffs like Ritalin, Codeine and his reason: I am all right, but suicidal. Suicide is not an illness to treat with meds charlatan to say at least.
I tried some dopaminergics like Wellbutrin, Parlodel, but it seemed to be triggering depression, which I think I dont want to tryout anymore. Depressed myself was very much afraid of death, but now I am attracted to it. Why should go through that awful experience again? Apart from this bleak outlook of the world, there is nothing wrong with me now, though I have an insight left to think I am really abnormal. Because death has a charm that words cant describe. For the first time, I can really tell and talk about it to frighten my friends. Oops I have to switch off mobile. Why should those around me worry in a matter that doesnt concern them?
Waiting for a better tomorrow? What is tomorrow and what it mean better? I have lived my life. This is my decision. I am sure my wife and kids will live as they live right now without me and my help since I have saved living means for them. All ahead of me is hollowness, how can I fill this? Nothing could so far as this is the third week. Tried a lot of friends, (I hate psychologists) changed my way of living, but this thought doesnt leave. The place where I work has become a burden for me ever since I left the suicide note as an internal mail. Too much sympathy... and they dont utter a word. Why? I was not this important person for them. All of a sudden all became compassionate? What the hell is wrong with world?
Finally, someone suggested Ritalin LA. If I can get the stuff, can it make any difference? I ask this because those who knew I am suicidal have been dismal. I dont want them shed tears for me. Foolish I was to leave that note otherwise none would have been botheredall know I will do what I say, since I was such a person so far. Damn.. Will Ritalin change me? Or tramadol? What is it? My doc never mentioned it.
May be my last mail? Thoughts are floating really...
Posted by Jeroen on May 16, 2008, at 17:07:31
In reply to Re: Very Much into Suicide.. If anyone can help, posted by Phillipa on May 16, 2008, at 12:15:18
hi, some of these meds you are taking like prozac can cause suicidal taughts,
i took solian and it made me agitated after few weeks and didnt go away
maybe thats whats causing you to feel bad and this suicidal thing, im no doctor but my guess can be really right
you are currently suffering from some sort of psychosis like me
like i said, good doctor that doesnt charge you 100$ and a good med, a med that will make you feel the stars for yourself and your family! your wife and kids !!good luck
Posted by Pluto on May 16, 2008, at 17:10:23
In reply to Re: Very Much into Suicide.. If anyone can help, posted by Pluto on May 16, 2008, at 16:59:17
Adding this more.Why overdosing meds are not a good idea? I think overdosing Elavil will help to end this business besides I would not be taking Elavil alone. Will add more Cozaar Inderal and whatever toxic available. Still you think I won't die? I think you guys want to thwart me. Frankly, if I don't want to end up in coma and wake up vegetated you should help me. Tell me the fatal dose of Elavil.
please...
Posted by garylee on May 16, 2008, at 17:14:04
In reply to Re: Very Much into Suicide.. If anyone can help, posted by Pluto on May 16, 2008, at 16:59:17
Pluto
Please don't give up.. It's a losers way out suicide and not fair on the one's you leave behind.
Please, please exhaust all ALL avenues before even considering suicide. If dopaminergics didn't work then try a STRONG opiate, Hydrocodone or Oxycodone. I reckon that you'd definatley get some relief from one of them... At least give it a go.
Stay with us,
Gary
Posted by SLS on May 16, 2008, at 18:24:56
In reply to One more question if you can help, posted by Pluto on May 16, 2008, at 17:10:23
God is whatever you define it to be. Or not. It really doesn't matter. What matters is the continuation of your consciousness. Death will bring you to an irreversible state of nothingness.
Like I said, I am a believer that one has the right to terminate their life. I should hope, though, that there be no conceivable alternative in life that death should be the solution. "Death is a permanent solution to a temporary problem." So I'm told.
You know, I really do want to give you that which is best for you. Right now, I really don't have a plan for you to commit suicide. However, I think that there are plenty of people here who could give you substantial reason to delay your deployment of a suicide strategy.
I don't know what to say to you to give you enough reason to continue living. If you look around, you should see quite a diverse representation of happiness. Some of us never learned how to be happy, or, perhaps more accurately, learned how to be unhappy. Looking back, can you parse out which was which?
Stay with us just a little while longer. I don't think anyone here is looking to thwart you. Like I said, you are in no rush to make a bad decision. Your alternatives will always be there. It is just that most of us think that to prescribe death to you would thwart you most of all.
You know, you don't have to believe in the Judeo-Christian-Islamic concept of God to entertain the notion that God is. I consider myself to be more spiritual than religious.
Do you have anything to look forward to doing tomorrow?
Ever?
Don't ask me divulge my plan to autoeuthanize myself. I don't have one. I am not much help to you here. I guess I always wanted to be free of depression to be able to think without the bias of warped thinking. Depression is an ALTERED STATE OF CONSCIOUSNESS. Most people would avoid making important decisions while they were under the influence of alcohol. Drunkeness is also an altered state of consciousness. I urge you to make this ultimate of decisions when you are no longer under the influence of depression.
I know, I know - if you could be without depression, you wouldn't be asking for suggestions on how to kill yourself. Damned logic.
I am not convinced that your depressed mood is due to a biological anomaly exclusively. You seem to describe a depressive thought style that is acting as a milieu for melancholic and other negative outlooks.
Have you ever experienced derealization? How much anxiety are you experiencing right now? Are you experiencing anger or hostility?
You know, I don't think there is anyone here who wants you to continue living without having some quality of life. How about giving us the opportunity to give you some feedback?
For now, I think it makes sense to redirect your energies away from researching how best to die, and researching how best to live. What kind of research have you performed to ascertain in what ways people search for and find quality of life?
1) What is your attraction to death?
2) What is your aversion to life?
3) What are you most scared of in life? (Do not include failed suicide attempts).
Q: What is the meaning of life?
A: Life is its own meaning.You know, the Universe dedicated a whole bunch of matter and energy bringing you forth from the primordial chaos. Stars had to explode for you. The Earth was pummeled by comets for you. Genes mutated for you. Photosynthesis fixed carbon for you. It goes on and on. Quite a bit went into your ascension to intelligence. Please use that intelligence to find hope and reject the hopelessness produced by depression, whatever the cause.
What can anyone here do to help you live better?
- Scott
P.S. Try to forgive people for wanting to help you in the only ways they know how. My effort was pretty lame, I'll admit. Please try not to react in frustration and anger. There is a lot of suffering to be seen on Psycho-Babble. People here can relate to, identify with, and experience true empathy for you. Everyone's hell is the worst they will ever know. I know I don't want any part of yours. Believe me that you don't want any part of mine.
Posted by SLS on May 16, 2008, at 18:34:05
In reply to One more question if you can help, posted by Pluto on May 16, 2008, at 17:10:23
Gosh. You are getting a lot of thoughtful feedback from people.
You are not alone. Even in your aloneness, you are not alone. Even with your thoughts of suicide, you are not alone. Please continue to investigate ways to get well. Here, you would not be alone. This place acts as a think-tank to help solve problems. Give it a chance.
I could write more, of course, but I don't want to give you the impression that I give a damn. <smile>
:-)
- Scott
Posted by Pluto on May 16, 2008, at 18:59:29
In reply to One more question if you can help - I'll try. » Pluto, posted by SLS on May 16, 2008, at 18:24:56
> Q: What is the meaning of life?
> A: Life is its own meaning.
>
> You know, the Universe dedicated a whole bunch of matter and energy bringing you forth from the primordial chaos. Stars had to explode for you. The Earth was pummeled by comets for you. Genes mutated for you. Photosynthesis fixed carbon for you. It goes on and on. Quite a bit went into your ascension to intelligence. Please use that intelligence to find hope and reject the hopelessness produced by depression, whatever the cause.
>
> What can anyone here do to help you live better?
>
>
> - Scott
>
>
> P.S. Try to forgive people for wanting to help you in the only ways they know how. My effort was pretty lame, I'll admit. Please try not to react in frustration and anger. There is a lot of suffering to be seen on Psycho-Babble. People here can relate to, identify with, and experience true empathy for you. Everyone's hell is the worst they will ever know. I know I don't want any part of yours. Believe me that you don't want any part of mine.
>
>Hi Scott,
You are a much better person than that damned psychologist who I think was more cared my purse. And of course far better than my doc too who will still not allow pharmacist to let Ritalin out for me. Good people are out there like some of my friends, but in internet who haven't ever seen me in person and giving his/her time to prolong my life.. sorry I can only think like prolong my sufferings...
No depression at all or am I depressed? My doc says no. I sleep well, work well interact fairly. ECT doesn't even comes as an option for my doc. Crappy doc why the hell he wouldn't let me Ritalin or Adderall? Or what is Tramadol? these three meds I have never tried, though all those antidepressants listed are very familiar to my body.
Answering your questions:
> 1) What is your attraction to death?
Of course it would be much better to die than live this life which is not worth living.
> 2) What is your aversion to life?I need a change but that is not possible. Shackled means a prisoner of life. Damnnnnnn
things so far prompted me to live are no longer attractive. Do you want to me to be precise? My wife is not attractive to me. Kids don't make any difference. Friends have become a menace, so I have to switch off my mobile. Can't check my inbox which is full with advices. Pure crap. They say I will die as an unbeliever will go to hell... hey.. who cares..? what is hell than this life?> 3) What are you most scared of in life? (Do not include failed suicide attempts).
didn't try to kill myself so far, but I am not going to try, but will do it by all means. Scared of life? what hell...? I am not afraid any more. This state is good to live as an anarchist. But then? nothing... why should I live this life which can't offer me something to live on?
See SLS, I respect you, but what are you talking about life's meaning? It is nothing sir, I have to end once by any way. What is better? end it up when I am able to do it myself? Or to let my life in the hands of those goddamn guys to experiment.? fifteen different antidepressants so far. Eleven meds now I am on. and some says Ritalin. does it worth?
Provigil was god send for few weeks, now it is the real satan. Prozac made a difference first now it is a fun. To be frank high dose of Xanax works, but my doc won't allow. Why the hell doc should care if I want to get addicted? it is none of his business...#*?#*~^#*
Finally why do you guys give too much importance to life? Guys.. I feel it strange. What does this life offer you?
Anyway I thank you friend. But why should you worry over me? Or why should those who want me alive care? what for? LIFE crap. I too thought like you guys. Now I know it is nothing but a show business. You guys go on. ..
Posted by Jeroen on May 16, 2008, at 19:09:07
In reply to Re: One more question if you can help - I'll try. » SLS, posted by Pluto on May 16, 2008, at 18:59:29
get rid of the bogus med cocktail except for the benzos and try using this board to find a good med to feel supergreat, i had it once and the sun was really shining for me, i know it can for you too sir
Posted by Pluto on May 16, 2008, at 19:22:48
In reply to Re: One more question if you can help - I'll try., posted by Jeroen on May 16, 2008, at 19:09:07
> get rid of the bogus med cocktail except for the benzos and try using this board to find a good med to feel supergreat, i had it once and the sun was really shining for me, i know it can for you too sir.
Dear.....
You mean benzos only? sorry no stock. My doc won't let me a refill. I bought some bars from that crook. bloody guy. Won't give me more. I would pay but where to obtain more Xanax? have few ativans, klonopin is expired surprise.. it works. But won't last for more than a couple of weeks. then? where I will get them? My doc is pure evil.
Lyrica was good but not any more. Increase it? then who will get me more? Doc won't allow me. Damn I told him of my previous addiction to Marijuana. load of junk...
Posted by garylee on May 16, 2008, at 19:25:01
In reply to Re: One more question if you can help - I'll try., posted by Pluto on May 16, 2008, at 19:22:48
Pluto
Mind me asking where you are in the world? I take it you're in the USA?
Gary
Posted by Jeroen on May 16, 2008, at 19:25:04
In reply to Re: One more question if you can help - I'll try., posted by Pluto on May 16, 2008, at 19:22:48
don't blame yourself, my doc was more evil
he put me on a ward for hopeless people because i asked for Clozapine prescription *LAUGH*
Posted by Pluto on May 16, 2008, at 19:32:32
In reply to Re: One more question if you can help - I'll try., posted by garylee on May 16, 2008, at 19:25:01
> Pluto
>
> Mind me asking where you are in the world? I take it you're in the USA?
>
> GaryGary dear
won't let you know. you would definitely contact those damn volunteers. I need an opinion on how much elavil can kill me? I have them a lot more than fifty 75mg tabs. can get more if necessary. . can you help?
Posted by Pluto on May 16, 2008, at 19:34:17
In reply to Re: One more question if you can help - I'll try., posted by garylee on May 16, 2008, at 19:25:01
Posted by Jeroen on May 16, 2008, at 19:34:39
In reply to Re: One more question if you can help - I'll try. » garylee, posted by Pluto on May 16, 2008, at 19:32:32
pluto, life is a bitch, a dirty one
youll get kicked, thrown against a wall in many ways, just embrace it
Posted by bleauberry on May 16, 2008, at 19:45:56
In reply to Very Much into Suicide.. If anyone can help, posted by Pluto on May 16, 2008, at 10:07:50
Been there done that.
You know what this sounds like to me? Drug induced emotional numbness. The inability to feel anything good or bad. Everything is pointless. No depression, and no excitement either. Emotionally anesthetized to the point where the idea of life itself is boring and utterly pointless. Perfectly functional, but without purpose because nothing matters. Emotiona numbness with the volume control turned as high as it goes.
Take a look at the meds and it is no surprise.
Having been there and done that, my best suggestion is to wean down on the drugs and eliminate all but the ones you absolutely must keep.
As long as the mind is numb, it will be impossible to feel God's presence, to understand the miracle of life, to love a wife, to love kids, to be attracted to anything, to look forward to anything, or to understand the tragedy self imposed death is to other people who know you.
I was going to ask, does it matter at all to you that your death would cause tears, sobbing, grief, and non-optional dramatic changes in lives of other people? But I realize that is a stupid question, because when emotions are anesthetized, those things really don't matter. It's all pointless. Who cares.
Get off the drugs, starting with prozac. Replace amisulpride with zyprexa. Keep your favorite benzo and drop all the others.
Posted by Molybdenum on May 16, 2008, at 19:51:52
In reply to Very Much into Suicide.. If anyone can help, posted by Pluto on May 16, 2008, at 10:07:50
Hi Pluto,
Sh*t hey? Ok, well as some have already mentioned, there's a few practical considerations:
1. I don't think anyone who is suicidal wants to end up with brain damage / in a vegetative state that either leaves you unable to think or maybe worse still, unable to finish yourself off properly.
So if you are going to do it, make sure you do it right. That will require a bit of serious thinking & research. There's no hurry, right? I mean, it's not like the opportunity is going to pass you by. This is one train that's never going to leave without you. So you owe it to yourself to have a good think about it.
I have found that planning & researching the topic has made me realise aspects of it that I had otherwise not considered. These 2 books are available as PDFs on torrent sites: [xxx] and [xxx]. Lots of good advice about the different ways you can stuff it up.
Re your pills, you could take a full bottle of every med you mentioned & still not cause death with any certainty. Sorry about that, but the drugs that are used at the Vet to "put down" a suffering animal are just not prescribed for humans any more. So taking all that you mentioned is not going to guarantee a peaceful or even painless or quick death. Sure, you could combine it with "swimming in deep water" for example. But who wants to drown? You don't sound like you want to make your final act an awful experience like that. This isn't something you're going to be able to practice at until you get it right. So please forget about the pills. You'll probably just vomit & then have to come up with some story in order to get new scripts filled. And if someone finds you unconscious, well....where could that lead? A mental hospital? Not my first choice. You might wish you were dead..! (sick joke....;))
2. The trouble with even a painless & clean suicide is that it's going to really upset some people you leave behind. Even if you think they don't care, they just might. They could get quite mentally f*ck*d up about it in the future - maybe for the rest of their lives. And especially kids - nobody wants to be responsible for that. Am I right?
I do believe I know a bit about how you feel. I feel like "Well, I'm not doing them any good like this either". But you really have to be a vindictive, violent and abusive parent to warrant them being better off without you. And you haven't given any indication of being like that. So that's a biggie in my list - not wanting to ruin someone else's life, especially children. Try to imagine what effect it would have had on you?
If you like movies (who doesn't) there's an interesting one you can download at torrent sites (or "rent I suppose") called "The Bridge" which revolves around the lives of those who go jumping in San Francisco. I found it somewhat "confronting" and that surprised me. For example, I'd never thought about the sort of conversations the people I'd leave behind would have after I'm gone. Have you? Quite enlightening. And remember, as far as we know you only get one chance at this, so watching this movie might give you some more useful information to consider. I mean, you sound like an intelligent person who wants to make sure you're doing the right thing. And I'll bet you wouldn't buy a house or a new car without considering all the pros, cons, options & "unknowns". Right? And I'm sure you'll agree this topic rates a little higher than houses & cars.
3. Now I take it that you haven't ALWAYS felt this way. And the last thing you want to do (no pun intended) is kill yourself on a whim, right?
Some days I feel so bad I want to die too. So far I've obviously not done it. I'll maybe take a hefty dose of Xanax & often sleep it off. Our emotions are so easily manipulated by chemicals and your list of meds is impressive. So I would be very suspicious that this combination of meds is in fact really not designed for your particular brain. How can you feel so bad otherwise? So I'd say that you should find a doc that knows brain drugs well. You might feel so much better on a completely different group - maybe even less drugs altogether. So that's point # 3, you really want to make sure that the meds you are on now aren't in fact causing you to feel this way. A lot of people kill themselves while on anti-depressants & benzos. So don't let the bastards at the chemical companies get away with ending your life just because they're inept at their jobs. So you really need to get a very competent doc to review your total meds & the influence it could be having on you. Fair enough?Now, you say that you're not depressed or anxious. But you're taking a lot of drugs that are primarily prescribed for depression, anxiety and to "elevate your mood". I don't mean to argue about how you feel. You feel how YOU FEEL. I just know that I have suffered from depression since I was a kid. I'm 41 now and it's taken me this long to realise how better off I could have felt if I'd been treated with the right meds earlier. Even up to 30, I had still never given anti-depressants a genuine go at relieving how I felt. I just assumed that if they didn't make me feel better in a few weeks, they must be useless. So there's another sad fact - sometimes they take a couple of months to work, and that's assuming the particular ones you're on are right for you - which it sure looks like it isn't the case for you. A good doc will come up with a comprehensive project plan to take you from "how you feel now on those meds" to "feeling better" - maybe on completely different meds. A good doc will know enough about the mechanisms that your current drugs utilise to maybe realise your brain needs a different approach (chemically and/or otherwise). The good news about feeling so bad is that the chances of feeling better with a different treatment are actually quite high. Wouldn't you agree?
So what are you going to do? Have a think and please let us know. There's so many people here who have taken everything you can imagine and with varying degrees of success. Although nobody knows your specific situation & history, they've had a lot of similar feelings I am sure and can offer some very good anecdotal advice and dare I say "support"....! 'Tis true, 'tis true....
Have a good think.
Mr. Be Damned.
Posted by SLS on May 16, 2008, at 20:01:37
In reply to Re: One more question if you can help - I'll try. » SLS, posted by Pluto on May 16, 2008, at 18:59:29
I don't want depression to claim another life. It is my enemy, no matter where I find it. I don't know you. This is true. However, I know that you are still part of humanity. At the very least, this is how I see you, even if no one else does. (Many seem too, though). Would it surprise you that I should shed tears on your behalf. I would love to think that something mushy like that should sway you to hold on a little longer, but... I know better.
I really didn't mean to pontificate that there should be any kind of meaning of life but life itself. I guess you can disagree with me on this. You are a pretty heady fellow. I wouldn't presume to challenge your spiritual philosophies (or lack thereof).
Please maintain a dialog.
- Scott
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