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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 25 of 45. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by jerrympls on August 29, 2005, at 18:50:55
..and finish this nightmare of a life.
Posted by iforgotmypassword on August 29, 2005, at 18:50:55
In reply to I think I should just go buy a gun, posted by jerrympls on August 26, 2005, at 16:08:42
i am sorry, i hope things get better soon. i really wish i knew what to say, but i do not want trivialize the pain you must be in. please try to feel better if you can.
Posted by ClearSkies on August 29, 2005, at 18:50:55
In reply to I think I should just go buy a gun, posted by jerrympls on August 26, 2005, at 16:08:42
Do you want to talk about it?
ClearSkies
Posted by jerrympls on August 29, 2005, at 18:50:55
In reply to What's going on? » jerrympls, posted by ClearSkies on August 26, 2005, at 16:57:47
> Do you want to talk about it?
> ClearSkiesI'm so stressed out. I'm supposed to move within the next week and play an audition - which I am not ready for and am really disappointed at myself for because I put it off for so long. My dog suddenly got very ill and the vet bills were $800. My parents are unsympathetic. I haven't packed a thing - I'm freaking out and I want to kill myself.
Posted by SLS on August 29, 2005, at 18:50:55
In reply to I think I should just go buy a gun, posted by jerrympls on August 26, 2005, at 16:08:42
Besides Psycho-Babble, what support systems do you have in place?
I can understand desperation.
I am lucky in that I have several people that I can call on when things become difficult.
Sometimes, the best support can come from social services and organizations that specialize in supporting the mentally ill. You can't do it all by yourself. If you could, you wouldn't be here talking about buying a gun.
Try to rely on uncertainty. Uncertainty allows for hope. You cannot be certain that you will feel this bad indefinitely. You cannot be certain that you will not find a successful treatment for your illness. You cannot be certain that you will never be able to build a life for yourself that is organized, rewarding, and brings happiness. Uncertainty is your friend at times like this.
- Scott
Posted by jerrympls on August 29, 2005, at 18:50:55
In reply to Re: I think I should just go buy a gun-uncertainty » jerrympls, posted by SLS on August 26, 2005, at 17:18:23
> Besides Psycho-Babble, what support systems do you have in place?
>
> I can understand desperation.
>
> I am lucky in that I have several people that I can call on when things become difficult.
>
> Sometimes, the best support can come from social services and organizations that specialize in supporting the mentally ill. You can't do it all by yourself. If you could, you wouldn't be here talking about buying a gun.
>
> Try to rely on uncertainty. Uncertainty allows for hope. You cannot be certain that you will feel this bad indefinitely. You cannot be certain that you will not find a successful treatment for your illness. You cannot be certain that you will never be able to build a life for yourself that is organized, rewarding, and brings happiness. Uncertainty is your friend at times like this.
>
>
> - Scottwhat if it is uncertainty that kills me?
Posted by ClearSkies on August 29, 2005, at 18:50:55
In reply to Re: What's going on? » ClearSkies, posted by jerrympls on August 26, 2005, at 17:06:10
That's an awful lot to deal with at once. I think that not having sympathetic family would top the list for me. I am actually (usually) glad to live far from mine.
I know that sounds cruel, but they fall far below the lowest of my expectations of support, and that hurts terribly.Will your vet's office accept part payment?
How is your dog - what had happened?(Sorry I didn't enquire initially about the audition - I have a somewhat distorted sense of what most people find important. I don't mean to offend you.)
concerned about you.
Posted by jerrympls on August 29, 2005, at 18:50:56
In reply to Re: What's going on? » jerrympls, posted by ClearSkies on August 26, 2005, at 17:33:46
> That's an awful lot to deal with at once. I think that not having sympathetic family would top the list for me. I am actually (usually) glad to live far from mine.
> I know that sounds cruel, but they fall far below the lowest of my expectations of support, and that hurts terribly.
>
> Will your vet's office accept part payment?
> How is your dog - what had happened?
>
> (Sorry I didn't enquire initially about the audition - I have a somewhat distorted sense of what most people find important. I don't mean to offend you.)
>
> concerned about you.My dog has acute gastroenteritis. Constant bloody diarrhea and vomitting. The ER Vet requires FULL payment before they'll treat. I had no choice.
Posted by ClearSkies on August 29, 2005, at 18:50:56
In reply to Re: What's going on? » ClearSkies, posted by jerrympls on August 26, 2005, at 17:48:29
I had that happen with a cat of mine once. The ungrateful wretch ran away a few years later but I found her a year after that - long funny story, if you're ever interested.
I am sorry that everything has come to head like this for you right now, Jerry. I have become heartbroken and despondent over much less. Please don't think that things won't improve, though.
Do you have anyone IRL to get in touch with at the moment?
ClearSkies
Posted by SLS on August 29, 2005, at 18:50:56
In reply to Re: I think I should just go buy a gun-uncertainty » SLS, posted by jerrympls on August 26, 2005, at 17:33:33
> > Besides Psycho-Babble, what support systems do you have in place?
> >
> > I can understand desperation.
> >
> > I am lucky in that I have several people that I can call on when things become difficult.
> >
> > Sometimes, the best support can come from social services and organizations that specialize in supporting the mentally ill. You can't do it all by yourself. If you could, you wouldn't be here talking about buying a gun.
> >
> > Try to rely on uncertainty. Uncertainty allows for hope. You cannot be certain that you will feel this bad indefinitely. You cannot be certain that you will not find a successful treatment for your illness. You cannot be certain that you will never be able to build a life for yourself that is organized, rewarding, and brings happiness. Uncertainty is your friend at times like this.
> what if it is uncertainty that kills me?How could it do that?
- Scott
Posted by Racer on August 29, 2005, at 18:50:56
In reply to I think I should just go buy a gun, posted by jerrympls on August 26, 2005, at 16:08:42
Actually, Jerry, I don't think that you should just do anything, but I didn't want to continue that subject line for you. While all the gods who have ever existed know that I've felt pretty much the way you seem to right now, I have to say that I'm glad I didn't have a gun at those times. (Mostly.)
I'm with Scott, though, about uncertainty. You do have a huge amount on your plate right now, and it's so very easy to pile it all together into a mountain you'll never get over, but if you try to take it one thing at a time, that does help. I know, and I think to myself that that's too simple -- but then I write a list of little steps to try to see things that I *can* do, and that's very calming for me. (I can be a little O/C -- writing lists is calming in general for me, I think...) It's so easy to see all of these things as ONE monstrous mess of a life, but if you can look at them as several different things, they're easier to live through.
The dog part I can't speak to -- I once spent a sleepless night planning my own suicide based on a report I'd be getting the next day from a vet, so I'm hardly "sane" when it comes to my own animals -- but here's something for the audition: *you* audition *them.* All too often, in things like dates, job interviews, etc, I find myself trying so hard to please someone else, I don't even bother to ask if they pleased me. I've taken jobs I knew I'd hate right from the get-go, because I didn't bother to ask myself what I felt about them in the interview. It was as though I *owed* them, for their gracious condescension in agreeing to interview me. I've been nice to men I really wanted to walk away from within half an hour, just because it was so deeply ingrained in me that I had to be asked out again in order to be an adequate person. Now, when I am in a nervous making situation, I prepare as well as I can and then I go in there asking how I feel about them. Great for my self-esteem, and I'm much more likely to be offered a job. (Married now, so second dates are moot.)
Jerry, I hate that you're in such a desolate place. I'm glad that you came here, but I think that you really need to reach out in your physical space -- Scott's right, sometimes you really need to call some of those agencies.
And, as a person who's had to deal with a ton of vet bills, there are things you can try: call your local humane society, explain your situation, and ask if they know of any compassion programs that you might tap into. Many times, they'll have vets on staff who can work out a payment plan.
I don't know, Jerry. I just hope that you'll finds something to hang onto. Best to you.
Posted by Phillipa on August 29, 2005, at 18:50:56
In reply to Re: I think you should just... » jerrympls, posted by Racer on August 26, 2005, at 18:44:05
As usual a great post Racer and very sound advise. The only thing I have to add is that sometimes things seem so overwhelming. An example of mine. I once worked as an RN in ICU. The patients had so many IV's going into the same main line IV it was overwhelming So for each one I found it's origin and looked at each medication in the bag . I traced the tubing to the main line one at a time. I didn't look at any of the others until I knew where each one was connected to the mainline. And at the same time i checked for compatibility of the medication that was being infused at the same time as the others into the same mainline. That way I kept myself from being overwhelmed. Fondly, Phillipa
Posted by wildcard on August 29, 2005, at 18:50:56
In reply to Re: I think you should just..., posted by Phillipa on August 26, 2005, at 18:55:55
Must agree...well said Racer! Jerry, Racer is a good one to listen to and i am one who stares at that huge mountain everyday and i have to constantly remind myself that one thing at a time will be enough. Easier said than done but it's worth a try so hang in there...
Posted by ed_uk on August 29, 2005, at 18:52:03
In reply to Re: What's going on? » ClearSkies, posted by jerrympls on August 26, 2005, at 17:48:29
Dear Jerry,
Can we chat on MSN tomorrow night? I'd really like to.
Love
Ed
Posted by marleenm on August 29, 2005, at 18:52:03
In reply to I think I should just go buy a gun, posted by jerrympls on August 26, 2005, at 16:08:42
You don't want to do that. Sometimes life seems to keep giving you bad days, but there are good days as well. And this feeling you are having isn't going to be forever, but doing something fatal will be. Why not go talk to someone?
> ..and finish this nightmare of a life.
Posted by denise1966 on August 29, 2005, at 18:52:03
In reply to I think I should just go buy a gun, posted by jerrympls on August 26, 2005, at 16:08:42
.
Posted by platinumbride on August 29, 2005, at 18:52:03
In reply to I think I should just go buy a gun, posted by jerrympls on August 26, 2005, at 16:08:42
When I was singing opera professionally, I lived with, perhaps, a lot of the uncertainty that you do, and sometimes I felt that it would surely kill me. But when you have to get the stupid audition done, or concert or opera, you have to figure out a way to compartmentalize. There were times when I was so anxiety-ridden when I couldn't memorize even a page of music in a day. I also was moving at the time. I actually started to find relief in looking at the damn music for 5 minutes, then packing for 10, then back to music for 15 minutes and packing for an hour, etc. The running back and forth itself became a comfort, and I DID get through it. I mean I had melt downs too, don't get me wrong, but in the final analysis I packed (took a looooong time), got the music into my voice and memorized it in time for everyting.
The life of a musician is hard. I always envied the singers who had spouses who helped them through. I believe that if I had had someone dedicated to me during the hard times, I would probably still be doing the whole thing, even now...
I digressed....
Do you think you can jump from one thing to another? You just have to start focusing for even one minute at a time.
I truly wish you all the best....I think you can get through this.
Diane
> ..and finish this nightmare of a life.
Posted by ed_uk on August 29, 2005, at 18:52:03
In reply to Re: I think I should just go buy a gun, posted by platinumbride on August 29, 2005, at 11:51:12
Gosh Diane, an opera singer. How stressful! I always needed 4 Valium's to play in a school concert lol.
~ed
Posted by platinumbride on August 29, 2005, at 18:52:03
In reply to Re: I think I should just go buy a gun » platinumbride, posted by ed_uk on August 29, 2005, at 12:21:02
> Gosh Diane, an opera singer. How stressful! I always needed 4 Valium's to play in a school concert lol.
>
> ~ed
LOL Ed, it is always more stressful for me to NOT be onstage or working on something!!! That's why I have my 10 valium days now that I'm not singing!!Diane
Posted by lynn970 on August 29, 2005, at 19:23:18
In reply to I think I should just go buy a gun, posted by jerrympls on August 26, 2005, at 16:08:42
I hope that you feel better soon. This too will pass. Hang in there! We are here if you need!
Posted by crazy teresa on August 29, 2005, at 19:28:55
In reply to I think I should just go buy a gun, posted by jerrympls on August 26, 2005, at 16:08:42
Then who will take care of your dog? It would be pretty cruel of you to leave him while he's recovering, wouldn't it? He's depending on your sticking around.
crazy teresa
Posted by TexasChic on August 29, 2005, at 20:08:40
In reply to I think I should just go buy a gun, posted by jerrympls on August 26, 2005, at 16:08:42
The fact that you posted here shows that at least a part of you isn't going for the gun idea. I agree with Teresa about the 'who would take care of your dog' thing. He/she needs you. Poor baby has been through a hard time. Try to take things one step at a time. You don't have to handle everything right this second. I hope you continue to post and let us know how you're doing. I know chatrooms can seem impersonal, but there's real people writing these things. And we genuinely care.
-T
Posted by JenStar on August 29, 2005, at 20:13:46
In reply to Re: What's going on? » ClearSkies, posted by jerrympls on August 26, 2005, at 17:06:10
hi jerry,
i'm so sorry about your dog, and that there is so much going on right now to stress you out. I hope things get better for you. Remember that we here at babble care about you and want you to stay alive so that you can become happy again and enjoy life once again!How is your dog doing? Is he/she going to be OK?
take care,
JenStar
Posted by JenStar on August 29, 2005, at 20:16:24
In reply to Re: I think I should just go buy a gun, posted by platinumbride on August 29, 2005, at 11:51:12
I love opera! It's so cool that you can sing opera - I always wished I could. I have to make do with listening to it and going to operas when I can. :)
Do you sing around the house or for friends, even if you don't do it as a pro anymore?
What was your favorite role?
JenStar
Posted by sunny10 on August 30, 2005, at 8:39:18
In reply to Re: What's going on? » jerrympls, posted by JenStar on August 29, 2005, at 20:13:46
Jerry,
I know what you mean about the uncertainty killing you.
I, too, suffer from a need to know that everything is going to turn out okay. I know what it feels like to not have any control over what is going on. How scary it is.
I also know that I have been through a lot. Every person that has heard the story of my life has asked how it is that I'm still alive. Still paying rent, still holding a job, still hanging onto a shred of sanity.
But I am. I work hard at it. I have learned that although it may seems that circumstances are out of my control, they really aren't. How well the move goes depends on how well you can get done what you need to do. Recouping your monetary losses depends on how much you can scrimp on little things like ordering meals instead of cooking them, et cetera.
And if you're a closet control freak like me, you can do it. BECAUSE it's a matter of control.
Just focus on everything that IS within your control and let the stuff you can't control just fall in place around what you do.
Unsupportive parents, believe it or not, we can control. Either we yell at them- make them see what we are feeling. Or we ignore them, knowing that their particular brand of "helping" is anything but helping you at the moment.
I like PlatinumBride's idea of switching back and forth from preparing for the concert and packing. It is the perfect mix of cerebral and non-cerebral activity. Doggie's needs right now will be recuperating, so by you keeping busy on your stuff, you will be allowing him to rest up, too.
Tackle one idea at a time.
You can do this.
When you need to vent, do so here; we'll listen.
-sunny10
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