![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 26 to 50 of 54. Go back in thread:
Posted by AuntieMel on August 19, 2004, at 23:47:28
In reply to Re: return to therapy » JenStar, posted by fires on August 19, 2004, at 21:36:25
As someone who likes you, might I make a prediction that this post will get you a "please rephrase"
============================================================
Mel, pretending to be Dr. Bob:>>>>>If Dr. Bob doesn't ban you then there is no justice on this group. I never came close to attacking anyone the way you just attacked me. Putting your attacks in the form of questions just doesn't work.
>>>>>OK. Next time you might try not calling me an "inflammatory person." That's very offensive to my sensibilities.
>>>>>Please. After you attack me, you say, "please take this with a grain of salt" then you proceed with the rhetorical questions again -- after I've clearly explained why they are so offensive.
MelBob here - even if you feel like you are being attacked, in the name of civility you should suppress the impulse to attack back. Please either rephrase this, or not respond to it at all.
====================================================Mel back, without the Dr. Bob suit. Really, fires, I'd really like you to stay around more than a day this time. I enjoy our conversations.
Mel
PS = Jen and Susan and underthecs are all really nice people. I think we ALL (me too) have to remember that things got off to a bad start before, take a deep breath, step back, and above all be adults. All of which are difficult for me on a good day.
Posted by JenStar on August 20, 2004, at 0:54:18
In reply to Re: return to therapy: JenStar, posted by Susan47 on August 19, 2004, at 22:48:40
Susan, thanks! :) I agree on both our accounts! Sometimes my emotions get the better of me; this is clearly one of those times. I'll try to cool off before I write any more responses (or possibly I'll be banned...we'll see...)
Have a good evening. :)
JenStar
> Save your energy. You're too good for this. And so am I.
Posted by JenStar on August 20, 2004, at 0:58:11
In reply to Re: Board manners;) » fires, posted by AuntieMel on August 19, 2004, at 23:47:28
hi Mel,
thanks for being kind & striving to be diplomatic to all. I remember reading many of your posts previously (reg. the fires issues) & I know that you are also a kind person who wants harmony & for all to get along. I'll try...I was just steamed up...if I don't get banned I'll still take a 'cool off break' on my own before further posts!take care!
JenStar> As someone who likes you, might I make a prediction that this post will get you a "please rephrase"
>
> ============================================================
> Mel, pretending to be Dr. Bob:
>
> >>>>>If Dr. Bob doesn't ban you then there is no justice on this group. I never came close to attacking anyone the way you just attacked me. Putting your attacks in the form of questions just doesn't work.
>
> >>>>>OK. Next time you might try not calling me an "inflammatory person." That's very offensive to my sensibilities.
>
> >>>>>Please. After you attack me, you say, "please take this with a grain of salt" then you proceed with the rhetorical questions again -- after I've clearly explained why they are so offensive.
>
> MelBob here - even if you feel like you are being attacked, in the name of civility you should suppress the impulse to attack back. Please either rephrase this, or not respond to it at all.
> ====================================================
>
> Mel back, without the Dr. Bob suit. Really, fires, I'd really like you to stay around more than a day this time. I enjoy our conversations.
>
> Mel
>
> PS = Jen and Susan and underthecs are all really nice people. I think we ALL (me too) have to remember that things got off to a bad start before, take a deep breath, step back, and above all be adults. All of which are difficult for me on a good day.
Posted by gardenergirl on August 20, 2004, at 1:19:27
In reply to return to therapy, posted by fires on August 19, 2004, at 14:05:15
> For the first time since 1989, I am planning to see a therapist. CBT only, for physical illness coping.
fires,
This approach makes sense to me given what you have written in the past. I have one suggestion. You might want to find out if the therapist is a health psychologist. You may already know this, but this type of T has special training in physical ailments, the effects they can have on quality of life, and on behaviors that can exacerbate illness or faciliate wellness. He or she may be just what you are looking for if I am understanding your posts correctly.I think it is very pro-active of you to let the T know up front about your rules. It certainly lets them know where you are coming from and what you expect. Thanks, by the way, for the reminder about using first names. I was brought up to never call my "elders" by their first name...always Mr. or Mrs. X. But it seems like things have become much less formal over the years. When I was working with older adults a couple of years ago, I was teased for being so formal. Hey, if they never said to call me anything else, who was I to use their first name? (Incidentally, it took more than five years for me to be able to call my now in-laws by their first names or as Mom and Pop. They never said anything! Didn't they notice I avoided calling them anything at all? I suppose I could have asked directly...). I admit, though, it's odd to me, probably because of our culture, to call someone younger than me my Ms. or Mr. etc. And I haven't yet decided what I want my clients to call me once I earn my doctorate. Dr. sounds too formal. I don't even like Mrs. right now. Hmmmm.
Now, I hope you don't mind if I share my own reaction to your rules in general. If I were the T and you presented me with this in our first session, I probably would have mixed feelings. I would appreciate your directness and honesty. It's much easier than trying to guess. You know, I'm sure, that T's are NOT capable of reading client's minds. ;) But I might also feel a bit intimidated. That I might fail to live up to a rule while caught up in the moment to moment flow of sessions. I suppose I would also want to know a bit about your prior experiences which may have shaped the development of your rules. I am someone who always likes to know why and how something is, not just to memorize facts. That way, if I can't remember something by rote memory, I can reconstruct it, albeit perhaps not exactly, by running through the why and how of it again.
Just my middle of the night insomniac reaction. I truly hope you find what you are looking for in this endeavor. I think there is a good T out there for a variety of needs. It's sometimes hard to match up, however.
Take care,
gg
Posted by Larry Hoover on August 20, 2004, at 6:34:51
In reply to Re: return to therapy » Larry Hoover, posted by fires on August 19, 2004, at 22:52:18
> Thanks for info.. It will have to wait until tomorrow, though.You're welcome.
> Or, since I'm coming off 2 straight bans, it may be best to keep quiet and see what happens.
I don't think that's anything to worry about. If anything, it demonstrates a clearer understanding of the civility issues.
Posted by fires on August 20, 2004, at 10:26:09
In reply to Re: return to therapy » fires, posted by Larry Hoover on August 20, 2004, at 6:34:51
Posted by AuntieMel on August 20, 2004, at 11:46:30
In reply to Re: return to therapy/Questions » fires, posted by underthecs on August 19, 2004, at 15:00:49
I have a couple of questions/observation about your post (and I encourage a reply):
"Just curious as to why you seem so adamant about eliminating the human element of therapy. "
"Are you afraid of the relationship?"It's obvious that any therapy contains a human element. But, by "human element" do you mean "emotional element?" To me they are not the same thing.
Human element to me means interaction, some give and take, but more of a professional relationship.
Emotional element is much more. It involves having the person become part of your emotional being.
If I understand it right, CBT is about the human element of feedback giving new ways of thinking about and interpreting the same data, data that might have caused the client a bad reaction of sort. The emotional element is introduced only on occasion to figure out *why* that data invokes the reaction, so that the new way of thinking can stick.
It seems perfectly reasonable to me to want (need) the human element on a professional level, but not want (or need) the emotional bits. This is exactly the relationship I have with my therapist and it works for me.
CBT may or may not lead to more intense 'personal' therapy, but it seems to me to be a dang good start in increasing function.
Ok, so the question. Just so we are talking about the same thing. When you say human element, are you referring to the same thing I call emotional element?
Posted by JenStar on August 20, 2004, at 12:03:18
In reply to Re: Board manners;) » fires, posted by AuntieMel on August 19, 2004, at 23:47:28
Mel,
I just want to reiterate how much your post helped me cool down & take a deep breath.Hearing someone say I was nice (-- even when I wasn't being especially nice --) was so cool. It made me feel special & happy for a moment. I really thank you for that! It makes me want to BE nicer to deserve your approval! :) Thanks for having patience.
I also agree that Susan and undertheecs are nice as well. I enjoy reading your posts, guys/gals. I'm in a much calmer mood today & will strive to keep it all pleasant from my end.
Hope you're all doing well!
JenStarJenStar
> As someone who likes you, might I make a prediction that this post will get you a "please rephrase"
>
> ============================================================
> Mel, pretending to be Dr. Bob:
>
> >>>>>If Dr. Bob doesn't ban you then there is no justice on this group. I never came close to attacking anyone the way you just attacked me. Putting your attacks in the form of questions just doesn't work.
>
> >>>>>OK. Next time you might try not calling me an "inflammatory person." That's very offensive to my sensibilities.
>
> >>>>>Please. After you attack me, you say, "please take this with a grain of salt" then you proceed with the rhetorical questions again -- after I've clearly explained why they are so offensive.
>
> MelBob here - even if you feel like you are being attacked, in the name of civility you should suppress the impulse to attack back. Please either rephrase this, or not respond to it at all.
> ====================================================
>
> Mel back, without the Dr. Bob suit. Really, fires, I'd really like you to stay around more than a day this time. I enjoy our conversations.
>
> Mel
>
> PS = Jen and Susan and underthecs are all really nice people. I think we ALL (me too) have to remember that things got off to a bad start before, take a deep breath, step back, and above all be adults. All of which are difficult for me on a good day.
Posted by AuntieMel on August 20, 2004, at 12:08:45
In reply to Mel, thanks for your calming influence! » AuntieMel, posted by JenStar on August 20, 2004, at 12:03:18
Way cool! Makes me want to start singing "The sun will come out - tomorrow..."
I really do think everyone is nice and means well. It's just easy to get caught up in the moment.
Add to that the fact that the written word quite often reads in a way that wasn't intended, we could hyperventilate with all the deep breaths we should be taking;)
Posted by AuntieMel on August 20, 2004, at 12:12:01
In reply to Mel, thanks for your calming influence! » AuntieMel, posted by JenStar on August 20, 2004, at 12:03:18
Posted by AuntieMel on August 20, 2004, at 12:14:11
In reply to Mel, thanks for your calming influence! » AuntieMel, posted by JenStar on August 20, 2004, at 12:03:18
Posted by Shadowplayers721 on August 20, 2004, at 12:21:29
In reply to Re: return to therapy/Questions » underthecs, posted by AuntieMel on August 20, 2004, at 11:46:30
These posters were conferring with Fires, AuntieMel. This is in response to the list of criteria one must meet to be his therapist. I think he is the one that should answer the questions. After all, it is his list and the question was directed to him. He speaks quite well for himself. I do believe you said this yourself many times. Please allow him, Fires, to answer his questions. I am sure that he can clearly clarify any thing he feels or thinks on the subject on his on accord.
P.S. It is apparent that he doesn't wish to confer with some, because he has decided to block them posting to him. This was his decision. Was it not?
Posted by Shadowplayers721 on August 20, 2004, at 12:32:13
In reply to To AuntieMel, posted by Shadowplayers721 on August 20, 2004, at 12:21:29
Please remember to not do it, because you will get a block by Dr. Bob. I did not this function happened until I saw it happen to Fires. Someone asked him to not reply and he did and he got a blocked for a week. Maybe there was more to it than that, but I don't want anyone to get that. So, please remember if he tells you not to reply to him. Don't do it.
Posted by Larry Hoover on August 20, 2004, at 12:37:37
In reply to Susan,Lar,Fires,Underthecs-wanna join the hugfest? (nm), posted by AuntieMel on August 20, 2004, at 12:12:01
Sure, I'm always up for a group hug.
{{{{{{{{{{{{Everybody}}}}}}}}}}
Those are bear-hug arms.
Lar
Posted by Larry Hoover on August 20, 2004, at 12:38:57
In reply to Anyone with more on CBT? (nm), posted by AuntieMel on August 20, 2004, at 12:14:11
Ya, I can sum it up in four words.
Same input, different output.
Lar
Posted by Dr. Bob on August 20, 2004, at 12:40:03
In reply to Re: return to therapy » JenStar, posted by fires on August 19, 2004, at 21:36:25
> It seems to me that you don't really know how to get along with people through the written word. You tend to misinterpret things, find fault where none was intended, and ... are VERY quick to assign motives to others!
>
> JenStar> your ... extremely offensive and rhetorical questions
>
> I never came close to attacking anyone the way you just attacked me.
>
> verbal abuse
>
> firesPlease don't post anything that could lead others to feel accused or put down.
Sharing something about your own issues and their possible role in your reaction might be an interesting exercise -- and might help others respond to you supportively.
Anyone who has questions about this or about posting policies in general, or who is interested in alternative ways of expressing themselves, should see the FAQ:
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/faq.html#civil
Also, follow-ups regarding these issues should be redirected to Psycho-Babble Administration.
Thanks,
Bob
Posted by JenStar on August 20, 2004, at 12:52:16
In reply to Re: please be civil » JenStar » fires, posted by Dr. Bob on August 20, 2004, at 12:40:03
will do, Dr. Bob.
Sorry to all for my part in this conflict!take care,
JenStar> > It seems to me that you don't really know how to get along with people through the written word. You tend to misinterpret things, find fault where none was intended, and ... are VERY quick to assign motives to others!
> >
> > JenStar
>
> > your ... extremely offensive and rhetorical questions
> >
> > I never came close to attacking anyone the way you just attacked me.
> >
> > verbal abuse
> >
> > fires
>
> Please don't post anything that could lead others to feel accused or put down.
>
> Sharing something about your own issues and their possible role in your reaction might be an interesting exercise -- and might help others respond to you supportively.
>
> Anyone who has questions about this or about posting policies in general, or who is interested in alternative ways of expressing themselves, should see the FAQ:
>
> http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/faq.html#civil
>
> Also, follow-ups regarding these issues should be redirected to Psycho-Babble Administration.
>
> Thanks,
>
> Bob
Posted by AuntieMel on August 20, 2004, at 13:02:48
In reply to To AuntieMel, posted by Shadowplayers721 on August 20, 2004, at 12:21:29
It's just that I'm convinced that the main problem is a difference in communication styles. And when I see this happen to folks I care about I can't resist trying to help.
Quite often I jump into conversations when I feel I have something positive to bring to it. This isn't really any different to me.
Friends?
Mel
Posted by AuntieMel on August 20, 2004, at 13:10:18
In reply to Re: Anyone with more on CBT? » AuntieMel, posted by Larry Hoover on August 20, 2004, at 12:38:57
I've often heard that the definition of insanity is doing the exact same thing, in the exact same way, expecting the results to be different.
So CBT is doing the exact same thing, in a *different* matter, expecting the results to be different? Logical. I like it.
Posted by Shadowplayers721 on August 20, 2004, at 17:50:39
In reply to Aw, Shadows, please don't be stern with me... » Shadowplayers721, posted by AuntieMel on August 20, 2004, at 13:02:48
AuntieMel stated, "It's just that I'm convinced that the main problem is a difference in communication styles."
Shadows stated, "I feel babblers communicate quiet clearly and very well here on their own behalf. Therefore, I feel no explanations of intentions are necessary at this time. With this in mind, I remain...
Posted by Susan47 on August 20, 2004, at 18:42:55
In reply to Good one ! » Larry Hoover, posted by AuntieMel on August 20, 2004, at 13:10:18
From your post, "I've often heard that the definition of insanity is doing the exact same thing, in the exact same way, expecting the results to be different."
That is how I lived most of my life. How many people do that? More than I thought? I used to really never give it a thought when I ran around the house for years, like a hamster (etc). One day something in my brain was healthy enough to say "!" Something about this feels bad." That's when the thought of therapy first seemed like a right idea.
Sorry to butt in.
Posted by Susan47 on August 20, 2004, at 18:47:06
In reply to Re: Good one !, posted by Susan47 on August 20, 2004, at 18:42:55
"!" Something about this feels bad."
should be,
"! Something about this feels bad."
I apologize I'm feeling a bit "off" today. Sorry everyone.
Posted by Susan47 on August 20, 2004, at 18:47:56
In reply to Re: Good one !, posted by Susan47 on August 20, 2004, at 18:47:06
No no, it should be "(!) Something about this feels bad." Sorry again.
Posted by AuntieMel on August 21, 2004, at 0:39:56
In reply to To AuntieMel, posted by Shadowplayers721 on August 20, 2004, at 12:21:29
Ouch. I guess I'll take that as a no to freinds:(
I'm sorry if you think I'm butting in.
Actually I asked these questions to underthecs because *I* was curious.
Posted by Shadowplayers721 on August 21, 2004, at 1:23:55
In reply to Re: To AuntieMel » Shadowplayers721, posted by AuntieMel on August 21, 2004, at 0:39:56
Friends? YES
Go forward in thread:
Psycho-Babble Psychology | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.