![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 5 to 29 of 54. Go back in thread:
Posted by obsidian on February 28, 2008, at 0:23:16
In reply to Re: PSYCHOSIS????? ANXIETY!!! OCD!!!HELP ME PLEASE!, posted by AMY II on February 27, 2008, at 23:59:02
> > I don't know, but I am sorry you are having a rough time :-(
> > out of curiosity though, ever have a visit with a neurologist? to rule out epilepsy?
>
> Amy here...Yes I have seen a neurologist. Did an MRI in 2002 and he said it was normal. Has done the regular physical examination and said it was normal. Said that I just have weird symptoms that arent explainable. Nice guy.
>
> Funny you mention it because I thought the same thing. Seizure. Did you read my previous posts under AMY II? Have you heard of or been through anything like I am going through or have gone through?I thought of it because of the strange combo of symptoms you describe. I never read your posts before. I have had strange experiences, weird physical sensations, hearing things, no visual stuff though, all associated with a feeling of panic/anxiety, depersonalization, and I couldn't talk intelligibly, deja vu, couldn't respond appropriately, couldn't move for a bit, ended with a nasty headache..and yeah sure I could've been psychotic or something....never did figure it out
but it's been a long time since that happened...and the reason why I thought seizure is because I had them as an infant- was on antiseizure meds for first 6 mos of my life, but you know how easy it is to "diagnose oneself" you know? I hope a doc can give you a clearer picture...good luck
Posted by AMY II on February 28, 2008, at 0:30:03
In reply to Re: PSYCHOSIS????? ANXIETY!!! OCD!!!HELP ME PLEASE!, posted by brooke484 on February 28, 2008, at 0:01:12
What is the matter with you, Brooke? I mean I haven't been on here so I don't know your story. You feel insane all the time?
Posted by AMY II on February 28, 2008, at 0:32:09
In reply to Re: PSYCHOSIS????? ANXIETY!!! OCD!!!HELP ME PLEASE! » AMY II, posted by obsidian on February 28, 2008, at 0:23:16
OMG. I have had all of those things happen to me. All of them. I could have wrote your posting myself. Do you know what it is? Have you talked to a doctor? I just feel more firmly now that I may be having small seizures in addition to everything else or something!
Posted by obsidian on February 28, 2008, at 0:44:58
In reply to Re: PSYCHOSIS????? ANXIETY!!! OCD!!!HELP ME PLEASE! » obsidian, posted by AMY II on February 28, 2008, at 0:32:09
I don't know....I mentioned it to my pdoc a couple of times and yeah he thought maybe it could've been small seizures
I looked at some of your old posts about the ecstasy stuff...I don't know what effects that might have, what your neurotransmitters might be recovering from
these brains of ours are funny things...and the neurological and psychiatric seem to overlap
I didn't need to pursue it becaue the symptoms stopped
I just know that folks on epilepsy.com describe all sorts of weird stuff, and I think it fair to say that a lot of them are no strangers to psychiatric meds...again the meds and symptoms seem to overlap
I don't pretend to understand any of it!
but I do recall in some small way what it feels like to have really strange stuff happen to you and not really understand it...not have anyone else understand it...and also think I was seriously mentally ill (not that I'm not in my own way ;-)
Posted by AMY II on February 28, 2008, at 0:48:04
In reply to Re: PSYCHOSIS????? ANXIETY!!! OCD!!!HELP ME PLEASE! » AMY II, posted by obsidian on February 28, 2008, at 0:44:58
I will go to epilepsy.com when I can and check it out. Maybe there is something there. I have 3 kids now and one of them being just a baby. I have a hard time finding anytime which is why I come to this board...for help...
Posted by yxibow on February 28, 2008, at 8:38:25
In reply to PSYCHOSIS????? ANXIETY!!! OCD!!!HELP ME PLEASE!, posted by AMY II on February 27, 2008, at 23:16:10
> I haven't been here in a while and have posted a couple of things but I need help. I have written so much stuff on these boards I can't possibly go through all of it again.
>
> So if you look back and see what I have been going through before you answer that would be so appreciated!
>
> So two nights ago, I have an "anxiety attack". I am not feeling well and my husband is rubbing my feet trying to get me "destressed". I am fighting off the scared anxious feelings while we are on the couch together watching tv. I have weird feeling in the middle-lower part of my back. Like it is numb. I rub it. My thighs feel funny. Like they aren't getting enough circulation. My head has terrible pressure at the base and I rub and push on it to try and ease some of these "physical symptoms". It feels like it is escalating. I just know that I am going to have to take some zanax. But what if it doesn't work? This doesn't feel like typical anxiety, but I really never have had typical anxiety, that's just what the docs call it. What if it doesn't get rid of my symptoms? What if I go nuts this time? god I HATE this.
>
> We go upstairs to bed and I am feeling spacy, out of it. Not in touch. Like things are going on around me and I am outside of myself. Floaty. I go to the bathroom and close my eyes. I see not in my mind but in the front of my eyes when I close them, colors, squared, tiny....I have been here before. Early on (9 years ago)when this first hit, I could clothes my eyes and see dripping multicolor paint like on a wall. As the years have gone by it has been few and far between that I see this. The colors have gotten where sometimes it is just a shot of multicolors when I clothes my eyes, but this time, checkered...I think...it's gonna be worse than usual, but not as bad as the beginning...
>
> I am laying in bed with the lights dim, our 10 month old baby crawling around the bed and my husband is sharpening a pencil standing up on his side of the bed (he is a fanatic about sudoku). He is saying something about how funny it was that he had a pencil with a full eraser and no point, and then another pencil he was using with no eraser but sharpened. So he goes to his truck to get the sharpener. While I am listening to him and watching the baby at the same time he says, "Do you want to touch it?" And I say very irritated and paranoid, "Why would you ask me if I want to touch your sharpened pencil?" And he looks at me all weird and says he never said that. I argue with him saying yes he did and he said no I never said "Do you want to touch it" or anything close to that. Mind you he is a hippy (not that all hippies smoke) and smokes weed here and there and he was a little stoned this night. ( I do not smoke or do drugs at all-see previous posts).
>
> I confirm with him that he didn't say that, looking into his eyes and I get this "rush" shooting from my head all the way down to the base of my spine and I am in a full blown "attack". I am crazy. I am f**kin hearing things. I am so scared a roll over and immediately take 1.5 mg of zanax. Just anxiety right? I flip back over and see a "spark" of yellow light out of the side of my right eye and my husband is in bed doing sudoku and my son is pulling on a long silk string from my nightgown and putting it in his mouth and waving it around etc.
>
> I am watching him and I am still just "spaced out", full blown anxiety, weird feelings in my head, and I am thinking, "Is he really doing that or am I just thinking he is playing with the string?" I feel like I may or may not be seeing him doing this. He might be doing something completely different but this is what I am seeing he is doing. I feel like I am seeing him in quick bursts, like when a CD skips or something, but forward not reptitavely the same thing. Or am I? Is it just because I feel spacy? I am in a full blown "attack" and feel that at any minute I am gonna go crazy. Whatever that is. I look at my son's face and the shadows and the light, the way they are hitting his face make him look scary. I look away. I look at my husband and fear the same thing. I don't want to keep looking at them for fear that my mind will turn their faces into something else. That I will hallucinate. Or am I already? What? What? I verify with my husband that our son is in fact playing with the silk string from my nightgown and putting it in his mouth etc. I roll over and take .5 more. I feel this rush all over my body, almost like when ( I did this ONCE and if you read my previous posts you will just know everything about my situation)you freebase cocaine. That is the best way I can describe it.
>
> I have my husband cuddle me and I am crying trying to keep the bad thoughts away. I ask my husband to tell me everything that is good about me. He talks to me until I fall asleep.
>
> Over the last nine years I also have had, without anxiety attacks what appears to be black trace lines around people, if I take my hand and move it slowly I get a "tracer" I guess is what you would call it but not a typical tracer. It is like a faint black line drawn around the object and then inbetween the actual object and the line is like a clear oil slick?? I am trying to be as descriptive as I can be but may be more confusing. Anybody ever see squiggly lines or "worms" when they look at the sky? It's that type of clear oily color. I am sure I am not making sense, but thought I would just share that little piece of information since that is something that I "see" here and again. I have always, and so have doctors, chalked it up to being a weird neurological symptom that I have because of the "unknown" powder ecstacy that I took on that one night that has changed my life forever.
>
> I am on only zanax for anxiety, went off effexor in September last year. Was taking 150mg. Last time I had this severe weird attack with the similar feelings was 6 months after I stopped taking Zoloft back in 2004 when I thought I was all better. IMPORTANT PIECE HERE- went to the hospital and they gave me zanax and some other sedative and at that time, it didn't work. I knew then that this was it for me. I have something else besides anxiety. They sent me home. I fought for 3 days dosing with zanax and eventually went on Effexor after trying Cymbalta and having horrific nightmares.
>
> Anybody out there that can help me make sense of this? Relate to this? Hear of this?Read my previous posting, but what you may be experiencing, and I am only projecting, is possibly what has been suggested, depersonalization/derealization, which can come on from persistent panic attacks and all sorts of other conditions, and also possibly the first description of someone else on here besides myself and another individual who has a Somatoform disorder.
It is important if you do read about somatoform disorders that they are definately no longer considered facticious or malign -- the individual is not making it up. The bodily reaction is definately going on, it just isn't developed by a disease/tumor/etc.
The most commonly seen one in ERs are pseudoseizures, which are actually bodily seizures in people (who have normal MRIs, etc) caused by some form of anxiety that can in some people cause a constellation of bodily complaints.
I appear so far to be the only person in North America with my visual somatoform condition, but undoubtedly there are other people out there somewhere. But as I said, there are much more common forms of somatoform disorders -- and some don't meet all of the criteria (a lot of conditions don't meet everything in the DSM and are called "NOS")
I hope that adds some light on things, I can understand your fear of all of this. Also OCD in some individuals is really underlying and may not be recognizable as OCD. Often, yes, for severe cases SSRIs are augmented with small doses of Seroquel. But that was for the previous post I believe.
Posted by Phillipa on February 28, 2008, at 12:38:48
In reply to Re: PSYCHOSIS????? ANXIETY!!! OCD!!!HELP ME PLEASE » AMY II, posted by yxibow on February 28, 2008, at 8:38:25
Sounds very frightening. If doc not helping? Phillipa
Posted by Phillipa on February 28, 2008, at 12:39:48
In reply to Re: PSYCHOSIS????? ANXIETY!!! OCD!!!HELP ME PLEASE » yxibow, posted by Phillipa on February 28, 2008, at 12:38:48
Meant is doc not helping sorry. Phillipa
Posted by Justherself54 on February 28, 2008, at 13:38:22
In reply to Re: PSYCHOSIS????? ANXIETY!!! OCD!!!HELP ME PLEASE » AMY II, posted by yxibow on February 28, 2008, at 8:38:25
I'm so sorry you are experiencing this horrible form of anxiety..it must be terrifying..I had a horrible experience with my vision once that put me into an immediate prolonged panic attack and a drive to the hospital..the whole right side of my vision melted into liquid silver..I thought I was having a stroke..I was referred to a neurologist and he determined I was having painless migraines. I never knew you could have painless migraines! Perhaps you are having the same..where you are getting all the visual distortions without the pain..and your panic level goes off the chart cause it's very scary.
This may be way off base, but it might be something to look into..I've had the melting vision again, but because I know what it is, I don't panic quite as much and laying down in a quiet dark room usually helps it go away..
I hope you relief from what is happening to you soon..trying to take care of a baby when your anxiety is causing depersonalization/derealization
must be very frightening..
Posted by bissie66 on February 28, 2008, at 14:00:10
In reply to PSYCHOSIS????? ANXIETY!!! OCD!!!HELP ME PLEASE!, posted by AMY II on February 27, 2008, at 23:16:10
Seroquel, as needed, helps me tremendously with scary thoughts like you describe. What you describe sounds like a bad trip, and I experience that sometimes too. Seroquel sort of brings me down -- it stops my mind. I guess that makes sense, since it's an anti-psychotic. Your doctor really ought to try an AP with you. I really empathize with you. I have kids too - it's SOOOO hard when you feel so bad.
Posted by AMY II on February 28, 2008, at 14:03:00
In reply to Re: PSYCHOSIS????? ANXIETY!!! OCD!!!HELP ME PLEASE » AMY II, posted by yxibow on February 28, 2008, at 8:38:25
Posted by AMY II on February 28, 2008, at 14:06:33
In reply to Re: PSYCHOSIS????? ANXIETY!!! OCD!!!HELP ME PLEASE, posted by bissie66 on February 28, 2008, at 14:00:10
The side effects I have seen for AP's are sickening. Irreversible TD, among other things. No thanks! Can't I request an EEG, PET Scan, some blood work, a spinal tap, and whatever else so that we can be sure of what we are dealing with here?? No harm in doing the tests once right??
Posted by bissie66 on February 28, 2008, at 14:12:20
In reply to Re: PSYCHOSIS????? ANXIETY!!! OCD!!!HELP ME PLEASE » bissie66, posted by AMY II on February 28, 2008, at 14:06:33
I don't know, I'm a quick-relief person I guess. I'd get the tests, but I couldn't wait for the results to get some relief. I don't know how you can stand the symptoms you describe. You must be one tough cookie. I don't know anything about the side effects you're talking about. (I don't even know what TD stands for.) Tons of people on this board take AP's. The SE's are probably, as usual, when one takes extremely high doses. I take Seroquel infrequently and usually 25 mg at the most. That's a tiny dose. It's a potent drug.
Posted by brooke484 on February 28, 2008, at 14:17:45
In reply to Re: PSYCHOSIS????? ANXIETY!!! OCD!!!HELP ME PLEASE! » brooke484, posted by AMY II on February 28, 2008, at 0:30:03
I have major depression with anxiety and I also have the derealization you're experiencing. It started after I had a panic attack back in 1993. I had all of the tests and bloodwork, but the only thing they found was a pituitary tumor which is not the cause. I was hoping it was but it isn't. Have you ever had your thyroid checked? That can make you feel anxious and depressed too. When my TSH is too high the dream like feelings are worse. The only two meds that helped me were Lexapro in 2002 and Imipramine back in 1993. Paxil helped somewhat and so did Klonopin, but they don't anymore.
What I meant by feeling insane was that the DR is very intense right now and that is what makes me feel like I'm going nuts, even though I'm not. Also, when my depression is really bad the dreamlike state is worse also. It all goes hand in hand. Meds are the only thing that took these feelings away.
brooke
Posted by AMY II on February 28, 2008, at 15:52:54
In reply to Re: PSYCHOSIS????? ANXIETY!!! OCD!!!HELP ME PLEASE, posted by bissie66 on February 28, 2008, at 14:12:20
Td is that Tardive Dyskensia or something like that. A side effect of anti psycotic meds. It causes, sometimes permenant, involuntary movement in the jaw, tongue, eyes, etc. SCARY.
The PDOC is say .25 mg a day for Risperdal. I think he is jumping the gun.
Help me find weird symptoms of seizure and epilepsy.
Posted by AMY II on February 28, 2008, at 15:55:40
In reply to Re: PSYCHOSIS????? ANXIETY!!! OCD!!! AMY, posted by brooke484 on February 28, 2008, at 14:17:45
You sound somewhat like what I am going through. Mix that with OCD of disgusting tormenting, bloody thoughts and acute anxiety and no wonder I feel frickin NUTS.
I hate this and just want some answers. I don't like that the Pdoc has said there is an element of psycosis here. Huh? Doesn't rule out anything just jumps right into that and offers up an anti psychotic that can give me irreversible side effects....
Posted by AMY II on February 28, 2008, at 16:32:04
In reply to Re: PSYCHOSIS????? ANXIETY!!! OCD!!! AMY, posted by brooke484 on February 28, 2008, at 14:17:45
Could Someone out there look up actual people that have weird symptoms that turned out to be epilepsy or seizure disorder and compare it to mine? See if maybe there is a connection and maybe I could talk with someone that may have the same symptoms and was misdiagnosed? Help!
Posted by chiron on March 1, 2008, at 10:45:53
In reply to PSYCHOSIS????? ANXIETY!!! OCD!!!HELP ME PLEASE!, posted by AMY II on February 27, 2008, at 23:16:10
Hi Amy, sorry for your pain.
I haven't had any of the weird visual problems, but I did have some weird neurological/ anxiety/ spacey/ in-another-world feelings. It started about a year ago after an emsam trial. I tapered off, and wasn't on any meds for about a week, then took a small dose of neurontin. That night I felt a little strange. Then next night I was driving home & started feel like I had little control over my muscles. I stopped the neurontin. Over the next week the spacey & weird feelings got worse. Sometimes I wondered if I would be able to drive to work. Then I went home early because the "weird" feelings were getting intense. I don't know how to describe them, but they were uncomfortable & scary. They continued to get worse & when my hands clenched & I couldn't move them I went to the ER. They gave me xanax, said I should talk to my dr. about getting an MRI, and let me go.
I wondered if I had MS, Epilepsy, etc. I have more sympathy for those diseases & parkinsons. My MRI was normal. My anxiety was increasing, and was worse in the morning. I always woke up at 5:30 with it racing. I would go jogging, which didn't help. My stomach was anxious & nauseaus. I hated the in-between sleep stage because I had other "weird" awful feelings. I was worse pre-menstrually.
Xanax definitely helped, especially the long-acting one. But what actually I think helped more is taking birth control. I was afraid to take it because I have had bad experiences before, but I wanted to try again to even out my hormone fluctuations. A few days after starting Yaz I calmed a little, and after a week or two I had improved somewhat. I started not waking up @ 5:30, etc. So for about 6 months now I haven't had those extreme problems. Still deal with depression, and still take 2mg of long-acting Xanax. My hormones aren't completely stable, but they are getting better. I am on Yasmin now.So, I just thought I would tell my story and that maybe hormones would help. I also would have a strange back of my throat, neck tingling that would be associated with these weird feelings. It was definitely a weird neurological thing, but hormones all play into it. (for me I swear it was the small dose of neurontin that was a factor in the trigger, but dr.'s don't see how that would cause it)
Posted by AMY II on March 1, 2008, at 12:52:21
In reply to Re: PSYCHOSIS????? ANXIETY!!! OCD!!!HELP ME PLEASE!, posted by chiron on March 1, 2008, at 10:45:53
You sound alot like me in many ways. Did you read my previous posts under "Dialated eyes, weird feeling in my head"? And then in 2002, 2005, I posted some stuff too, all under Amy II.
I have had irregular periods my whole life (since 13) and as I came into adulthood suffered from excessive facial hair. Not like an ape or anything but, I it's noticable if I don't wax it off. I have been obsessed by the way I look since I can remember, picking at every little thing and every little stretch mark I got along the way. :) After being an exotic dancer, which made me feel beautiful personally, I gained so much weight taking anti depressants. It seemed the "hair" situation got worse too.
So I did laser treatment which is wonderful by the way, but you do need to keep doing them every few months. I just did it once and the hair was gone for about 5 months.
Sorry to ramble about that, anyway, I am scared of birth control pills because I have taken them in the past and they haven't regulated my period but I am sure would help hormonely. I occasionally smoke too and I am afraid of a heart attack or stroke.
I TOO notice that my symptoms are FAR WORSE right before I start my period.
Xanax helps me and my doc wants to put me either on zanax slow release or klonopin. I think maybe I will try it ( currently take 1-2mg of zanax a day) but still just feel like if someone could cut at the base of my skull, everything would lighten up, straighten out, and become clear again. It's weird. I hate it, and I don't like Pdocs.
He wants to talk about my childhood. OK, had it a little rough, lived in the ghetto with my Mom, was one of the only white kids in my school, had friends, mom went out alot, left us at daycare overnight (they had a 24 hour daycare where I lived),went to school in the same clothes, never had a clean house, never had dinner together, she brought men home and I could hear her having sex with them, but when she was around she was a good Mom. I loved her. We fought, but who doesn't at that age. I was molested by her brother and her sisters husband in the span of 2 years. Never raped but made to fondle her brother (never told my mom until I was older) and my Mom's sisters husband tried to put his tongue in my mouth when I was 12. I also had a daycare owner (male) put me on his lap when i was in the 4th or 5th grade and asked me if I could feel his penis underneath his jeans and asked me if I liked it. I had a 19 year old couple that lived next door that came over to hang out with my Mom sometimes ( I was 9) and I remember he was drunk trying to use the phone in my Mom's room and needed help. I went in there and he wanted me to sit on his lap, then fondled my breast and kissed me and told me how beautiful I was.
I felt like this was my fault, that I must be doing this for so many people to have done this to me as a child.
This is just the tip of the iceburg. Is this suppose to help me with this diagnosis he has given me "for now" he says.
Antidismal or peridismal or something like that anxiety disorder.
Ugh.
Posted by 10derHeart on March 1, 2008, at 17:35:18
In reply to Re: PSYCHOSIS????? ANXIETY!!! OCD!!!HELP ME PLEASE! » chiron, posted by AMY II on March 1, 2008, at 12:52:21
Posted by AMY II on March 1, 2008, at 23:33:43
In reply to ***CSA triggers in above post*** (nm), posted by 10derHeart on March 1, 2008, at 17:35:18
There was nothing in your post. What does CSA triggers in above post mean???
--Amy II
Posted by 10derHeart on March 2, 2008, at 1:02:35
In reply to Re: ***CSA triggers in above post*** » 10derHeart, posted by AMY II on March 1, 2008, at 23:33:43
I think I was thinking you'd been posting on Babble for a long time, including recently, but now I think I was mixing you up with someone else. I recall now you said you've been a frequent poster (paraphrasing here) but have been away for quite a while? Is that right?
If so, then my "trigger warning" (that's what the community has come to call what I did) wouldn't make a whole lot of sense - sorry.
CSA = Child Sexual Abuse
Although it's not a *formal* guideline (not enforced by admin) some Babblers have requested when we post about certain commonly triggering (i.e., upsetting, distressing) subjects we put a warning in the subject line. That way, those who are sensitive to that topic can choose not to open the post, so they won't be surprised by what they'll read. We've been doing that for some time by using the word "trigger" along with the general subject matter. When someone forgets, often another poster will post a message just below if possible (just the subject line) adding the warning. That's what I did.
And I am so very sorry that those ADULTS abused you - AN INNOCENT CHILD that way - it was so not, not, not your fault. Children are precious gifts to be protected, loved, nurtured and cared for by ALL adults - not used to fulfill their alleged "needs" or "desires." I know one person saying that won't begin to heal the pain, but I had to anyway.
Other examples might be graphic descriptions of violence, any type of abuse (physical, sexual) mentioning of specific suicide methods, etc. Obviously, we can't know everything that could be triggering for others to read, but we've tried to consistently post warnings about things like CSA, which, sadly, is a common experience for a number of posters here.
Hope that explains it - and sorry if that was rude or jarring - I was in a hurry and didn't think that through very well.
-- 10derHeart
Posted by AMY II on March 2, 2008, at 1:36:10
In reply to oops, I'm sorry Amy... » AMY II, posted by 10derHeart on March 2, 2008, at 1:02:35
Gotcha. Because I didn't have anythingin the subject line that would let anyone know that I was going into detail about CSA, they might have opened it, and could have caused emotional distress for them.
I posted here for a while 9 years ago when everything came on all of a sudden after an x trip. Did drugs recreationally prior to the x trip with no side effects. But with this x trip (did it 3 times and pressure from a boyfriend to do it with him) I have never been the same. It's deep and a long story, which has been posted over several years here under AMY II. I think I even had a couple of posts under Amy once in 1999. Not sure.
Here is how I am feeling now.
Feeling sh*tty. Not wanting to take this hydrocodone for my arms anymore. Thinking that "hey maybe it's better", so I don't take it and by the end of about 10 hours my arms are driving me absolutely mad and I feel like surges of adreneline in my chest. ( I had cortizone shots in both my elbows for tendonitis 5 weeks ago and I started having what feels like adrenline surges, restless arm syndrome if you will ever since) God, what else?
I have tightness in my head (not like a headache) and had a flash of light out of my left eye. Lower back feeling numb down to my tail bone.
Thinking to myself, "Great, what if my arm thing is just something I have to deal with now too for the rest of my life and won't ever stop bothering me?"I am afraid to think of anything for fear it will stay there and never go away. Like now that I have this arm thing, will it ever go away. I have the head thing, will it ever go away. Since we have discovered that I probably, no I definately, have OCD components to my "disorder" if I "think" of anything I may never get it out of my head or think normally about it ever again.
Then I think "I am not fuckin crazy, my arms DO feel restless, I DO feel surges in them and in my chest that I think are related, I DO feel numbness in my lower back down to my tailbone and I DO feel pressure in my head. DAMNIT!"
Screw this crazy psychiatrist sh**, what if it makes me worse??? What if it makes me feel like I have more problems than I really do? What if I put my life in this Hospital's hands and it ends up biting me in the a**?? Maybe that's why people are afraid to see a shrink. Because they "Look" for something psychologically to be wrong, even if you come and there isn't anything.
I think of horror stories you hear on TV of kids being taken away, lives being destroyed, because the system got it all wrong. Am I gonna wind up one of those cases? My Pdoc says "You don't drive the bus" and "you don't control your treatment" and "that's not how medicine works". This is bothering me a great deal. I happen not to agree. That gave me a sickening feeling of not being in control of my own life. That I have broken the seal and now I don't call the shots of what happens to me. The way my pdoc put it was that "I give input" to help but that's it.
Sorry, but that is the FIRST I have heard a doctor say anything like that to me. It is MY LIFE, and if I feel that something is bothering me and if I feel that something is wrong then I have a RIGHT to ask, especially if NOTHING and I mean NOTHING else has given me any kind of right answers.
I find it peculiar how my pdoc will jump to "hmmm....there may be a component of psychosis here," after 2 visits, then jump out of that diagnosis as fast as he jumped into it, but finds it unrealistic to ask for a couple of tests to rule out something that is really bothering me?
He uses the word "atypical" alot when talking to me yet, when I mention doing something that may be "atypical" in finding an answer, that is "not the way medicine" works. Let's put her on an antipsycotic instead. Isn't computing for me....
As you can see, I am frusterated. Very. My pdoc tells me while I am in a very upset state of mind, crying, pissed, and saying that "either way I end up dead, if I take the medicine I am asked to take, I gain weight which causes heart disease and a slew of other problems, if I don't take the meds, hell I may end up losing it." He says, "well how about die with some hope?" And then, "Do you think I was gonna have an answer for you after a month?"
Sooo, feeling very discouraged and was hoping that with every week I would be more optomistic and feel more like I have someone rooting for me, caring.
Who knows, my pdoc may need to go into whatever his "specialty" is going to be next year and I may be dumped to another pdoc anyway.
Why do I feel more hopeless than when I started? I feel like I have gone backwards instead of forwards.
I requested (the way I always have since I started taking 2mg of zanax a day in September) from the pharamacy to fax over the request to the Doctor in the previous state I lived in. Has always filled it for me, this time, gives me 24 pills instead of the 60 I get every month. Did my pdoc have a talk with him? Why is he doing that now? Seems peculiar to me. So, since I am not "driving the bus" I have to resort back to going to emergency rooms every day after this zanax script runs out because my pdoc wants to get me off of the one drug that has managed to hold me in tact, barely so I can search for other answers as to what is wrong with me. I should use Klonopin instead he says. I am starting to feel like this is going to be a pissing contest and a control issue and I am not into it....
Posted by Basia on March 2, 2008, at 15:34:14
In reply to Re: PSYCOSIS!!! ANXIETY!!! OCD!!! WHAT??? » 10derHeart, posted by AMY II on March 2, 2008, at 1:36:10
I have had some of the symptoms you described - including the anxiety, traces, black lines and slight oil slick 'auras' around people. This all started after I took acid and ecstacy when I was 18 and developed into flashbacks whenever I took anything remotely psychoactive like anti-depressants, etc (have been scared off any illicit drugs for years!). Sulpiride stopped it for many years but it has returned again now that I have switched to Seroquel. It's making me quite desperate although I am not delusional. It is all visual/perceptual distortion, as in a bad acid trip. In the UK, we call it post-hallucinogen perceptual disorder and it also includes these electrical rushes and shaking i get at the same time. At least that's what my psychiatrist initially diagnosed it as, after talking to the pharmacologist. It's quite rare, apparently. It's further complicated with me by having schizoaffective symptoms when off medication and I once had a manic episode years ago and was sectioned under the Mental Health Act for a while.
I don't know how benzos react with you and I certainly wouldn't advocate their long-term use, but I find a bit of Lorazepam (Ativan) takes the edge of the visuals and the anxiety. It's important to wait until it's bad otherwise I find that if I take it regularly I just get used to it. A small dose of an AP that suits you also helps, although I know you're not keen on this.
I am so sorry you're having such a tough time of it and can empathise to some degree, although I can't imagine how hard it must be when you have children to rear too.
Best of luck :)
Lyn
Posted by Basia on March 2, 2008, at 15:37:39
In reply to Re: PSYCOSIS!!! ANXIETY!!! OCD!!! WHAT??? » 10derHeart, posted by AMY II on March 2, 2008, at 1:36:10
Hi
Further to my previous post, here is a link I found on the net that might help.
http://www.psychnet-uk.com/dsm_iv/hppd.htm
Take careLyn
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