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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 68 to 92 of 101. Go back in thread:
Posted by jerrympls on September 23, 2004, at 22:10:33
In reply to Re: Thanks all - I'm done. (nm), posted by jujube on September 23, 2004, at 19:40:45
On the topic of anhedonia - I just went to see Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow. It was a great movie - but I just felt plain throughout the whole movie. UGH!
Am a too much of a whiner??
Posted by jujube on September 24, 2004, at 7:50:41
In reply to Re: Thanks all - I'm done., posted by jerrympls on September 23, 2004, at 22:10:33
No, Jerry, you are not a whiner. I have to tell you that when I was on Effexor XR (just went off of it two weeks ago), I felt the same way. I didn't matter what I did, I was just going through the motions. I have never had a problem motivating myself (well, maybe a slight problem once in a while when I am experiencing really bad PMS), but the last few months that I was on Effexor, I just didn't care and it was starting to get to me. I couldn't figure what was going on with me, but I knew I didn't like it. I am not trying to scare you (and I am truly sorry if I am). All I am saying is that you need to take charge, and tell your doctor how you are really feeling, and discuss the possibility that maybe Effexor is not quite doing it. If the Concerta does not agree with you (shaky hands, etc.), then the doctor needs to identify an alternative. If you think Effexor XR is not giving you the boost you need, then you need to be assertive and get the doctor to discuss alternative meds or a more suitable augmentation strategy. ADs are supposed to help us get back on our feet so that we can begin the real work of recovery (i.e., therapy, exercise, improved diet, socializing). This is your life that is being dealt with here, not the doctor's. Assert yourself as a patient (and ultimately as a consumer). Your doctor works for you! I mean, would you go back to a mechanic or re-hire a contractor who did not do the work to your satisfaction? I certainly wouldn't. In the meantime, if you haven't already done so, talk to someone on the alternatives board about natural supplementation that might possibily help address the adhedonia. I am only now starting to explore natural remedies, but I think there may be things that can help. Hang in there, be assertive and take control. Take good care Jerry.
Tamara
> On the topic of anhedonia - I just went to see Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow. It was a great movie - but I just felt plain throughout the whole movie. UGH!
>
> Am a too much of a whiner??
Posted by Jasmineneroli on September 24, 2004, at 17:08:45
In reply to Re: Thanks all - I'm done., posted by jujube on September 24, 2004, at 7:50:41
Jerry:
I totally agree with Tamara, she put that so well!
Get that Pdoc looking at alternatives for you. He might need to try something that is not one his "automatic/comfort-zone" choices. He needs to get creative and really listen to you! He might learn something he can use with others!
As to the shakey hands and Concerta, I've known people have that reaction quite commonly to dexedrine, and they've alleviated it by lowering the dose. You could suggest that to your Pdoc too.
I want to see that movie soon, too :). Looks like a good one!
Best wishes,
Jas
Posted by jerrympls on September 24, 2004, at 17:54:29
In reply to Re: Thanks all - I'm done. » jujube, posted by Jasmineneroli on September 24, 2004, at 17:08:45
I must have mislead you all about the shaky hands. I meant that while on Nortiptaline it made my hands shake - NOT the Concerta or Dexedrine.
Thanks for your replies!
Jerry
Posted by jerrympls on September 24, 2004, at 17:56:52
In reply to Re: Thanks all - I'm done. » jujube, posted by Jasmineneroli on September 24, 2004, at 17:08:45
Anyone else NOT a morning person? I tried to get up earlier this morning and even take my Concerta - but the anhedonia held strong and and went back to sleep on the couch and woke up at 4pm (central time). UGH. Everytime that happens I feel quilty - as if I ruined a whole day.
I really do need to contact my pdoc about changing meds or something...
*sigh*
Jerry :-)
Posted by jujube on September 24, 2004, at 19:09:31
In reply to Re: Thanks all - I'm done., posted by jerrympls on September 24, 2004, at 17:56:52
Jerry,
Just a question. Are you eating? I mean, if you are not at least getting some protein and healthy food into your system, it could be making the adhedonia even worse. If you don't feel like you can muster the energy to fix a sandwich or a meal, go to the drug store and pick up some high protein meal replacement shakes (Boost or Ensure) and some protein or energy bars. You can at least get a bit of protein and other nutients with these. I use them because I just tend to get caught up in thing and forget to eat. I have had one too many episodes of dizziness and almost fainting (caused by drops in blood sugar - which incidently can cause feelings of low mood) because of my bad eating habits. I know it must be hard. I have said this in my previous message, but I really find just flipping on the radio as soon as I wake up (almost the first thing I do), does make a bit of a difference in my day. When I was really down, I would be almost shocked to find myself singing along with a song and even dancing. Anyways, hang in there and do your best to get your pdoc to listen to you. Take good care.
Tamara
> Anyone else NOT a morning person? I tried to get up earlier this morning and even take my Concerta - but the anhedonia held strong and and went back to sleep on the couch and woke up at 4pm (central time). UGH. Everytime that happens I feel quilty - as if I ruined a whole day.
>
> I really do need to contact my pdoc about changing meds or something...
>
> *sigh*
>
> Jerry :-)
Posted by jerrympls on September 24, 2004, at 19:25:48
In reply to Re: Thanks all - I'm done. » jerrympls, posted by jujube on September 24, 2004, at 19:09:31
Thanks Tamara
My eating habits aren't the greatest. I just don't want to drive to the grocery store and have to figure out what to get. I hate cooking too. So I end up ordering in a lot...which isn't great for my waist line. Then I end up eating mostly at night - which again I know isn't healthy.
I'll take your advice and get some protein shakes, etc. and try to get my eating schedule back on track.
Thanks for the advice!!
Jerry
Posted by jerrympls on September 25, 2004, at 22:23:28
In reply to Re: Thanks all - I'm done. » jerrympls, posted by jujube on September 24, 2004, at 19:09:31
I'm sinking fast....ugh....just don't want to go on. I hate this feeeling. Is anyone out there?
Posted by iris2 on September 25, 2004, at 22:47:59
In reply to Re: Thanks all - I'm done., posted by jerrympls on September 25, 2004, at 22:23:28
> I'm sinking fast....ugh....just don't want to go on. I hate this feeeling. Is anyone out there?
I’m here. It is the 25th 11:3o Eastern Time. I was pretty anxious and hurting myself so I took some Konopim, oxycontin and perphenazine to sleep. So I probably will not be up too much longer.
You are good at reaching out, which is more than I can say for myself a good part of the time and probably for others even most of the time. I am easy to talk to and talk easily. Most people I meet are to closed off to talk about something of any import at all. You really have that going for you. A lot can be accomplished if a person is open both to communicating and to listening to advise. My short experience with you on this board tells me that you are good at both.
I'll be up for a little while so I’ll check back in shortly.
I expect to converse with you soon.
irene
Posted by flipsactown on September 25, 2004, at 23:48:43
In reply to Re: Thanks all - I'm done., posted by jerrympls on September 25, 2004, at 22:23:28
FST is here. Do you want to talk? I am both on MSN and Yahoo messenger. Let me know.
FST
> I'm sinking fast....ugh....just don't want to go on. I hate this feeeling. Is anyone out there?
Posted by jujube on September 26, 2004, at 7:13:27
In reply to Re: Thanks all - I'm done., posted by jerrympls on September 25, 2004, at 22:23:28
You have to hang on Jerry. I know it probably sounds cliche and inane, but things will get better eventually. You have to keep telling yourself that. I know it's hard when you're feeling the way you do. Have you talked to your doctor yet about your medication?
> I'm sinking fast....ugh....just don't want to go on. I hate this feeeling. Is anyone out there?
Posted by jerrympls on September 26, 2004, at 7:18:01
In reply to Re: Thanks all - I'm done. » jerrympls, posted by jujube on September 26, 2004, at 7:13:27
> You have to hang on Jerry. I know it probably sounds cliche and inane, but things will get better eventually. You have to keep telling yourself that. I know it's hard when you're feeling the way you do. Have you talked to your doctor yet about your medication?
>
> > I'm sinking fast....ugh....just don't want to go on. I hate this feeeling. Is anyone out there?
>
>
no haven't talked to my doctor yet...it's the weekend and usually the doc on call is a resident who has no idea what to do.....
Posted by jujube on September 26, 2004, at 7:40:35
In reply to Re: Thanks all - I'm done. » jujube, posted by jerrympls on September 26, 2004, at 7:18:01
> > You have to hang on Jerry. I know it probably sounds cliche and inane, but things will get better eventually. You have to keep telling yourself that. I know it's hard when you're feeling the way you do. Have you talked to your doctor yet about your medication?
> >
> > > I'm sinking fast....ugh....just don't want to go on. I hate this feeeling. Is anyone out there?
> >
> >
>
>
> no haven't talked to my doctor yet...it's the weekend and usually the doc on call is a resident who has no idea what to do.....
>
>
Can you put in an emergency call to your own doctor? I only have to see the pdoc about medication. My depression and anxiety seems to have been brought on by severe iron deficiency which was undetected and untreated for months and months. As a result, my doc told me to call him if I was having problems with the medication. I only called his office once, and what I ended up doing was sending him an e-mail explaining how the medication I was on was affecting me and suggesting alternatives. He called me back and called in a new prescription. I would think (and hope) that your doctor would have some kind of service that would allow you to get an emergency message to him/her. Your doctor needs to start listening to you and working for you. If you can't get in touch with the doc on the weekend, then first thing tomorrow morning (Monday), call the office and insist that the doctor return your call. Try to hang in there, and keep reaching out. I am here if you need to talk.
Posted by jerrympls on September 26, 2004, at 7:58:06
In reply to Re: Thanks all - I'm done. » jerrympls, posted by jujube on September 26, 2004, at 7:40:35
> > > You have to hang on Jerry. I know it probably sounds cliche and inane, but things will get better eventually. You have to keep telling yourself that. I know it's hard when you're feeling the way you do. Have you talked to your doctor yet about your medication?
> > >
> > > > I'm sinking fast....ugh....just don't want to go on. I hate this feeeling. Is anyone out there?
> > >
> > >
> >
> >
> > no haven't talked to my doctor yet...it's the weekend and usually the doc on call is a resident who has no idea what to do.....
> >
> >
> Can you put in an emergency call to your own doctor? I only have to see the pdoc about medication. My depression and anxiety seems to have been brought on by severe iron deficiency which was undetected and untreated for months and months. As a result, my doc told me to call him if I was having problems with the medication. I only called his office once, and what I ended up doing was sending him an e-mail explaining how the medication I was on was affecting me and suggesting alternatives. He called me back and called in a new prescription. I would think (and hope) that your doctor would have some kind of service that would allow you to get an emergency message to him/her. Your doctor needs to start listening to you and working for you. If you can't get in touch with the doc on the weekend, then first thing tomorrow morning (Monday), call the office and insist that the doctor return your call. Try to hang in there, and keep reaching out. I am here if you need to talk.
>My doc is a moron - he has no wit, no personality and is 30 years old. Yeah - he's a 4th year RESIDENT and he's still going through that medical school "God Complex." I called him a couple times because I wasn't sleeping at all and he said "Ya know - I don't know what to tell you - take some Benedryl or something and deal with it." He's very passive-aggressive too - he keeps reminding me that even though I'm on Xanax for anxiety "We're using if off-lable - yo uknow what that means?" I just shrugged it off. OFF LABEL!? If he were to have studied my whole record - he would find I have panic attacks as well AND panic symptoms. How dare he insult my intelligence. Plus there's no law that says a doctor cannot use an FDA approved med for an off-label use. What an idiot.
I'm going to see him ASAP this week and if he keeps this up I'm walking out. I should have walked out 5 appointments ago. I REALLY don't like him.
It just seems that nothing ever goes my way...everything's my fault...etc.etc....I could go on and on but I'd end up crying all over my keyboard. I'm going to try to get some rest.
Thanks.....
Jerry
Posted by jerrympls on September 27, 2004, at 21:39:44
In reply to Re: Thanks all - I'm done. » jerrympls, posted by jujube on September 26, 2004, at 7:40:35
I called for my therapist to call me today because I'm sevrely depressed and need someone....anyone to talk to. He's in a conference until Wed. What do I do? Help....anyone
jerry
Posted by jerrympls on September 27, 2004, at 21:44:18
In reply to Re: Thanks all - I'm done. » jerrympls, posted by jujube on September 26, 2004, at 7:40:35
I just wanted to make a difference in the world...I wanted to make people laugh....I wanted people to hear my music...I wanted so many things...and now I'm trapped in this cage of depression....I want harmony...genuine harmony.
I wanted - needed - so much...and now I think it's too late. I wanted just at least once for someone to be able to say "If you want xxxx Then Jerry's the one who can do it." You know? Some validation...some recognition.... Now all I'll be known for is my depression.
Posted by iris2 on September 27, 2004, at 23:39:59
In reply to Re: Thanks all - I'm done., posted by jerrympls on September 27, 2004, at 21:44:18
That is only fo rtoday. No one knows waht tommorow will bring. No tjust a cliche.
Depression feels l;ike it is forever but it is not. Remind yourself of that. Even if you do not believe it you must believe that the rest of us are not all wrong and you are the only one that is right! It will get better. You will be known for more than your depression. I know you already are.
irene
Posted by Lex Luthor on September 27, 2004, at 23:45:23
In reply to Re: Thanks all - I'm done., posted by jerrympls on September 27, 2004, at 21:44:18
Dude, yours is an incredibly horrendous case of depression. I have been where you are. Mayby not quite as far, but I pretty much have an idea. Ever if my depressions are not so treatment - resistant, I get a good picture of the place you are now. I could tell you many things to cheer you up, but I know that they won't have any lasting effect on you, since when one has a depression as severe as yours, positive things are extremely difficult, or mayby impossible to view. You do have a number of issues going on in your life, and the lack of support from your family is not helping at all. Anyway, it sounds to me that you have a huge problem of chemical imbalance. You have to be aware that it is a physical ailment as serious as, say, diabetes and that it is not your fault. Your priority right now is to restore that balance, so you can confront your life issues with a cool head, and, believe me, you do have a bright, creative, lucid and vivid mind. You shure know how to write, plus, you are a musician. We depressives have very often artistic minds.;)
It sounds to me like your pdoc doesn't have a clue of the nature of the case he's facing, nor that he cares too much about you. ¿Forgetting the medications he's prescribing you? God! Been there, seen that. I tell you as one that you should change you doctor ASAP. Your combo is not working and he's not doing anything about it. Having a disabled pacient equals to failing miserably at his job. Changing doctors can really make the difference in your treatment. You're SO obviously taking medications that are not working. ¿Have you tried mood stabilizers like Tegretol or Trileptal, for instance? Talk to a real doctor and make him/her tell you about all the possibilities. Make him explain everything to you in detail. It's your health what is at stake and you have the right to know. Don't let them treat you like an ignorant.
I could write a lot more to you, but I'll stop for today. We have to take one step at the time. I'll only tell you that life has a lot of surprises around the corner, and that it's worth the pain and effort to stay and see what misterious presents are there waiting for you to find them. PLEASE stay and perform your entire movie. Believe me, it's worth the pain.
Lots of support.
Lex Luthor.
Posted by Jasmineneroli on September 28, 2004, at 0:10:07
In reply to Re: Thanks all - I'm done., posted by Lex Luthor on September 27, 2004, at 23:45:23
Hey there Jerry :),
Sorry to see that you're sinking under a bit, again. I was really impressed with the advice you've been giving to other posters over the past days. So, if it helps at all, you're definitely known here for something positive!!!
Like everyone is saying....get that Pdoc on the phone and fire him!! (After you find someone else, of course). You deserve better medical treatment.
If you can, try to keep your focus on your music and on helping others on this board. I think your self-esteem will be nurtured that way, until you can talk to your therapist. These are two things you can be proud of! Keep working at it, it's hard, real hard, but I know you can do it.
Luv
Jas
P.S. What kind of music do you play on your cello?
Posted by jerrympls on September 28, 2004, at 0:48:11
In reply to Re: Thanks all - I'm done., posted by Jasmineneroli on September 28, 2004, at 0:10:07
> Hey there Jerry :),
> Sorry to see that you're sinking under a bit, again. I was really impressed with the advice you've been giving to other posters over the past days. So, if it helps at all, you're definitely known here for something positive!!!
> Like everyone is saying....get that Pdoc on the phone and fire him!! (After you find someone else, of course). You deserve better medical treatment.
> If you can, try to keep your focus on your music and on helping others on this board. I think your self-esteem will be nurtured that way, until you can talk to your therapist. These are two things you can be proud of! Keep working at it, it's hard, real hard, but I know you can do it.
> Luv
> Jas
> P.S. What kind of music do you play on your cello?
>I used to play any kind of music. I'm classically trained, but I'm also somewhat proficient in jazz free improv, folk improv, solo improv. I've also composed. My dream was to become a film composer. I don't see that happening now....it's all too late. I have terrible anhedonia and haven't played my cello in over a year...I started playing when i was 4 years old....now I'm nothing.
Posted by jerrympls on September 28, 2004, at 0:56:27
In reply to Re: Thanks all - I'm done., posted by Jasmineneroli on September 28, 2004, at 0:10:07
This time off from work hasn't done me well. I'm just as sick as I was when I when on medical leave. I'm going to be forced to take another month off which will leave me penniless. There's nothing for me in my life now. I'm on the wrong path...I always envision what my life would have been had I not gotten depressed 13 years ago. I can imagine I'd be happy, successful and in charge of my life. That's a path I can never achieve now. All I can do is....nothing. I don't exist. My time is up.
Posted by jujube on September 28, 2004, at 7:31:56
In reply to Re: Thanks all - I'm done., posted by jerrympls on September 27, 2004, at 21:44:18
Jerry,
It's the depression talking, not the real Jerry. I don't know you, but I am sure, like all of us, in our darkest hours, we think that's all people will see, and continue to see. It is our own self-inflicted guilt and humiliation. It is not reality. When the darkness goes, you will see that people who truly care about you are happy to have the old Jerry back - music, harmony, sense of humor and all. Hang on to that. You can have that again. I know. When I went through my first depression (during the aerly days of my sobriety), I thought that nobody would treat me the same again and, indeed, that I would never be the same again. I was so wrong! It was only my depressed mind that was convincing myself that I would be treated differently. When the darkness lifted and the anxiety subsided, my life went on has it had been, with good friends and caring colleagues, but minus the people who brought me down and made me feel bad about myself.
> I just wanted to make a difference in the world...I wanted to make people laugh....I wanted people to hear my music...I wanted so many things...and now I'm trapped in this cage of depression....I want harmony...genuine harmony.
>
> I wanted - needed - so much...and now I think it's too late. I wanted just at least once for someone to be able to say "If you want xxxx Then Jerry's the one who can do it." You know? Some validation...some recognition.... Now all I'll be known for is my depression.
Posted by Nohope on September 28, 2004, at 7:38:02
In reply to Re: Thanks all - I'm done., posted by jerrympls on September 28, 2004, at 0:56:27
Hi Jerry.
> ...I always envision what my life would have been had I not gotten depressed 13 years ago. I can imagine I'd be happy, successful and in charge of my life. That's a path I can never achieve now.
I fully understand (depression/panic going on 14yrs now). I had all the portents of a 'golden child' - until I turned 21, when my hideous illness decended on me out of the blue. Life rapidly turned from a battle for success to a battle for existence; not fun, and a very confusing experience for a young kid.
I realize that what were supposed to be the best years of my life cannot be reclaimed - and this also seems to be true for you. It's natural to be bitter about such things, but try not to dwell on it.
Maybe contemplating your lost years leads you to dreaming of a future where you find a cure and can pick up where you left off before your illness? Now, I might receive some flak for saying this, but I think it may be unwise to keep dreaming of a future with a "cure". For poor souls like us, I suspect that our illnesses are too strong and pervasive that we will ever feel truly cured. There are scientific advances in the treatment of mental illness of course, but they appear to be incremental, and progress slowly (not really through lack of effort - the brain is just so darn complex).
Within our lifetimes, I suspect that we will always feel side effects from our medication, or residual symptoms not fully treated. Ours will be lesser lives compared to what we once imagined - but not necessarily not worth living.It's odd - once you let go of dreams of a perfectly well life, somehow things become easier in general: side effects become a bit easier to ignore, rejection shrugged off a little sooner, failure accepted with less bitterness.
Dreams can be very much two-edge swords. To be honest, I don't have many any more - and I am definitely happier for it.
>All I can do is....nothing. I don't exist. My time is up.
I guess the first task is to get you feeling well enough that you find *something* worth living for.
Was there a medication or combo that made life at least worth living? Your experience with Effexor sounds quite similar to mine and it seems to not be working in its role as your core antidepressant. I am sure you have tried Nardil? I haven't, but in general people here seem to think that it has a real kick to it and it has many fans on this board. Could you please describe your experience with it, especially dosage and time on it? If my experience with Parnate is any guide, you must give the MAOIs literally months to work properly.Your time is not yet up - we at this board will not let you go!
Nohope
Posted by jujube on September 28, 2004, at 7:43:17
In reply to Re: Thanks all - I'm done. » Jasmineneroli, posted by jerrympls on September 28, 2004, at 0:48:11
> > Hey there Jerry :),
> > Sorry to see that you're sinking under a bit, again. I was really impressed with the advice you've been giving to other posters over the past days. So, if it helps at all, you're definitely known here for something positive!!!
> > Like everyone is saying....get that Pdoc on the phone and fire him!! (After you find someone else, of course). You deserve better medical treatment.
> > If you can, try to keep your focus on your music and on helping others on this board. I think your self-esteem will be nurtured that way, until you can talk to your therapist. These are two things you can be proud of! Keep working at it, it's hard, real hard, but I know you can do it.
> > Luv
> > Jas
> > P.S. What kind of music do you play on your cello?
> >
>
> I used to play any kind of music. I'm classically trained, but I'm also somewhat proficient in jazz free improv, folk improv, solo improv. I've also composed. My dream was to become a film composer. I don't see that happening now....it's all too late. I have terrible anhedonia and haven't played my cello in over a year...I started playing when i was 4 years old....now I'm nothing.
>
Jerry,It sounds to me like you are a very talented guy. Music is a gift. It inspires people, brings them happiness and transcends all emotions. You have to keep telling yourself that you will play music again. Keep telling yourself that you will make music again. Keep reminding yourself that music is a gift that nobody can take away from you. The depression may have put your music in a bit of a hiatus, but it is still in you Jerry, just waiting to come back to life again. Nobody can take that away from you. Even your depression can not eradicate the God given talent you have.
Posted by Lex Luthor on September 28, 2004, at 9:28:54
In reply to Re: Thanks all - I'm done. » jerrympls, posted by jujube on September 28, 2004, at 7:43:17
Jerry, please remember that you are sick and it's not your fault. You have a serious desease and your priority, your URGENT priority now is to get well. That way you WILL (trust me) be able to put your life together and see things from the right perspective. It's not your fault that you have lost 13 years of your life. It's just a hard test life has made you endure. You will feel well, proud and confident after you overcome every obstacle in life. I KNOW it's not a piece of cake. I know that this post is probably not making you feel any better. I know hou the disease works. It's wicked, it's dark, it's twisted. It affects you perception of everything. It feels as if someone very sick has cast a very evil spell on you. Go to another doctor, change your medication and recover the full use of your faculties. You can't make a clear and positive evaluation about your life in that condition. Do it right now. Remember you're in the middle of an emergency.
Please keep us all informed.
All my support.
Lex Luthor.
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