Posted by joslynn on May 31, 2006, at 13:14:13
In reply to Feel SO Much Better!, posted by SandyWeb on May 6, 2006, at 17:24:18
Hi sandy,
Like you, I think I have made my peace with being on this drug. (I am on a Remeron/Lexapro combination, which works well for me.) However, from time to time I feel weird about being on two antideps, and reduce the Remeron. In fact, I went without it for a couple years (while still on the lex). I seemed to be ok for most of that time.
But suddenly, when I had a falling out with someone, I spun out into depression and anxiety that was out of all proportion to the event, with suicidal thoughts, the usual physical symptoms I get from anxiety/depression, etc. Another episode, a severe one!
I added back in the Remeron quick and talked a lot in therapy, and the episode, though severe, was short lived. Remeron (with lexapro) seems to work well for me. It does make me extra hungry, and I have gained a few pounds, but I am still in the normal weight range for my height, just on the high end.
Anyway, just a few days ago, I got back into thinking, maybe I don't need the Remeron, and with bathing suit season coming up, I decided to taper off. Also, for some reason I have this rationalization in my head that if I was only on one med instead of two, I would somehow think of myself as more strong and "normal," whatever that is.
After a very tiny taper of 3.75 from my 15 tablet (meaning I took 11.25) for about 4-5 days, I was worrying and just getting a bad feeling, wondering, why am I cutting out something that seems to help me? Just so I can be a size 8 petite nstead of a 10 petite? Just so I can say I am only one one med instead of two? I do not have any bad side effects, suicidal thoughts, anger, etc. that some people have from this drug, otherwise of I would stop taking it.
So I decided I'm just going back up to my usual 15 dose of Remeron at night for now. In a year or two, I may try some changes, but right now, I think it's a good idea.
I do appreciate your post telling us there is no shame if we do take it.
And of course, for people who are withdrawing, for whatever their reasons, I support that wholeheartedly too.
I wonder though if I was feeling worried and irritable because of just going down from 15 to 11.25 OR because I was worrying about said decision, and feeling resentful that I feel shame about this.
(And also, resentful of society that makes me feel like I have to be skinny to wear a bathing suit.)
I have a 1940s hourglass figure, not fat but curvy in the bust and hips, and there was a time pre-Twiggy when that was ok! But I digress...
Anyway, thanks for reminding us there is no shame in either decision; to stay on or go off.
poster:joslynn
thread:639904
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/wdrawl/20060505/msgs/651043.html