Posted by cockeyed on July 4, 2005, at 1:28:57
In reply to Re: Can I Add Something?, posted by Jakeman on July 2, 2005, at 0:38:18
I'm reading these post because I really flipped out this week end. The anniversary of my best friends death coincided with my decision to down a pint of canadian club plus numerous hits of cheap vodka. All the family crap, especially my wife-I'm a stepfather and a stepgrandfather-jumped up a bit me on the butt and I went nuts. Been downing tranxene and gabapentin. Seems to help but only for so long. Went to bed to mend my head with vinegar and brown paper, i.e. no meds. Well, I started getting angry. Family picnic, July 4, and I was practicing being surly. and I got worked up and came to this board.
I've found neurontin helps smooth the mood a bit for a short while--4hrs? Sposed to do 300mgs 3 times daily. But I'm also not sposed to drink. My wife kissed me and immediately recoiled...this in front of friends...and told me she wanted to talk. I'd taken several hits of listerine. Lots of alcohol. Scent wears off and you reek of, what else, booze. So I waited til nite told her I was gonna go out and get wrecked. She said something innocuous, and I just went off the tracks. I'm not nice when I'm enraged. But she earned this behavior-step-fathers can become the butt-boys of a family-I've had it. I mean I am seriously disturbed because they make lite of the fact that I'm disabled. "why don't you do something useful, like volunteer?" Wish they'd shut the hell up. When I take my heart meds, I fall asleep. Blah blah blah, la-di-da....so I'm a hypochondriac.
So I've decided to make an attempt to screw'em all. Just going to be as nasty as I can. Not available. I think my wife realized what she had done to me. I think she'll realize it even more at the picnic. I'll do my best to be a pain in the butt. Unless I can narcotize myuself into a state of numbness. But I am in a very bad place now. Think I'll load up on some spare meds and on 7/6 ask the PDoc for dome big boy crap. Anti-psychotic properties. I had to drop celexa, so now i'm on prozac which seems to work on the depression. But as for my family...I'm stuck. cockeyed.
poster:cockeyed
thread:522290
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/wdrawl/20050611/msgs/523202.html