Posted by holymama on June 30, 2005, at 17:31:51
In reply to Re: I stopped my meds... » holymama, posted by Shortelise on June 30, 2005, at 13:33:20
Hi anyone who has read this thread!
I just got back yesteray from the hospital. I was there a week. THe doc there (who I knew already, and appreciate) has me back on 4 meds as compared to 6 before I went off everything pre-hospital.
I don't know how I feel about all of this. It's all such a jumble that I am just now sorting out in my mind.
Shortelise, I understand your perspective, as I know many peopole couldn't live well without their meds. I expected this to be the case with me, but after 2 years on a variety of meds, I was not doing well. I have been very 'functional' -- back to grad school, working part-time, my 3 kids are doing well...but I have been on the biggest head trip. From mild depression to hypomania every 6 or so weeks, I have been following my moods where they lead me and unreliable to my husband and my friends because I just can't seem to be present with anyone. I am always in my head and have done some really crazy, extreme things. THe last straw was going to the native american church, and realizing there that I needed to just go off everything, cold turkey. I have been impulsive and driven by whatever journey I happen to be on at the time. I am driving my family crazy.
Now, while I recognize that I am impulsive and a little crazy (well, a lot); I am extremely motivated to be well -- I am going to Grad school to be a mental health counselor -- to help guide others like me. I want to be a healthy role model, but I feel like I am going crazy -- my moods have been so disruptive that I cannot focus and I have been drinking a lot and smoking a lot of pot to calm my mind, and this is only making thigs a lot worse.
So, things have not been going well for me on meds, in fact, probably worse than before meds. That is why I went off.
Now I am back, and am making a commitment to not drinking (our new rule is no alcohol at all in the house, not pot either. My husband gave it all away). I think this weill help. I'm hoping also that this med combo will not squash my creativity, which was my other reason for going off. I felt dulled and not myself.
~Autumn~
poster:holymama
thread:516187
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/wdrawl/20050611/msgs/521643.html